Make The Sacrifices: Bring The Vision To Life

People think that because you are beautiful you don't have feelings, emotions, dreams and goals and a family that cares about you. 

Why is it that I go out of my way to care about other people and when shit really gets rocky in my life, those same people are not there for me? 

Whenever I have, I offer. 

Even if I don't have enough for just myself, I still offer. Whomever needs it the most is the one who receives it. 
But when I ask folks to come to my concerts, events or to just be considerate of my space, time, feelings, dreams, goals etc and they brush me off, push me to the side and sweep my wants and needs for "another time" that never arrives.....

I'm tired of being nice to people who don't appreciate me. I'm tired of going the extra mile and putting in the MOST effort only to have someone royal fuck up so bad that it really will take the MIGHTY and POWERFUL name of Jesus to save them!

I'm tired of being tired. 

I'm tired of being young and never being able to go out to have fun. I use to go out all the time with my girl-friends. I use randomly take a walk downtown, find a nice little venue and sit there all night with my little drink that I babysat until I didn't want it anymore. 

I'm tired of giving and getting very little, next to nothing back. I have been through more fucked up relationships than ones that were "great." 

Why would you argue with the ONE person who truly cares about your life? Why is it that I am always cleaning up someone else's mistakes and helping others organize their lives. 

My grandmother and I should be in a house by now. We should be living like the royalty we know that we are. That was my whole goal going to VA, I wanted to establish myself as a serious business woman. I wanted to make money, and then send it back to my grandmother, and my baby cousin.
I was so close too. All I needed was two more weeks, and then grandmother and I would have been chilling in our new home. She would have been safe under my watch, love and care 

I wish more people were considerate the way I am.
I wish more people took the time to think about what they said or did before they reacted?

I wish more people took the time to listen attentively.
I wish more people took the time to care about others peoples' belongings.

Why should I be the only one "thinking before I speak..." or the only one "thinking before I act and or react to something"

Why should I be the only one to apologize for my mistakes?
I'm not going to bite my tongue. Anymore. 
Its not fair to me, and I have waited too long, cried too many tears to just give up now. I'm not a quitter. I'm not a coward. I don't run when shit really hits the fan. I dig deep within my soul and find the courage to keep fighting the good fight and taking the high road. 
But I seem to be the only who cares about doing that....

Patterns Of Things Undone

When you know that your life is not your own, you tend to think in a variety of perspectives that society will not understand. I rarely speak in public because I know that most people have a basis opinion about most things in life to begin with. Why waste my breath on those that will not listen? I know what it is like to be on both ends. I simple just don't like wasting my time.


I see a pattern of "things undone" in the lives of other people. I partly, feel that people have things in their lives that are undone because they are waiting for me to help them get organized. Yep, *sigh* I help people get their lives in order. I notice detailed patterns (of bad habits) , (etc) and I call them out with the intention of making them aware (or reminding them if they were not already aware) that they can not have a peaceful and or better life with their life out of order and unorganized.

It seems like I never meet people when they are prosperous and doing well in life. I always meet them right after something life altering has happen to them. Why couldn't I have met them when they were doing well in life, had everything organized and up and running in order? Why couldn't I have met them when they were are their best, loving life and getting things done? Why do I have to be the protector, adviser, navigator and motivator? It is a lot of stress on one person, especially if that person doesn't have a habit of being involved in the lives of others on a daily basis.

Please, don't get me wrong I enjoy "speaking life into others" but dang! All I'm around are people who are sick, broke, unorganized, depressed (etc) and it makes me think, were these wonderful people always like that? And if they were not, then why did I have to meet them now? Why could I have not met them back then? When they were living life, having fun...when they felt that the world was in their hands?

People think I'm joking when I tell them, I feel as if I have a duty. A duty that I can not run from or shake or even take a vacation from. The longer I wait or put it off, the more people who will need my attention. What for? I have no clue, because I'm just a lady that loves God and has a passion to help others. And that is all. I can not make money come out of my ears, or heal a sick body with a hug. No. I am not Jesus. But, I do have the love of God in me. And maybe that is what others are attracted too...

I am a firm believer that God can organize a life. Yet, sometimes I feel that he does not always snap his fingers and set thing in order because he is testing us. How much can we take before we break? And what do we need or what words need to be said in order to bring us back to life again?