Despite knowing that I am loved. I still feel like a burden. Each face I
meet is very kind, understanding and helpful. I'm always grateful and
thankful for any kindness extended my way. Yet, stability of my own is something
that I crave. I'm tired of moving around from house to house and
family to family.
When am I going to fit in somewhere? When will I be enough?
That's partly why I'm reluctant to ask for help because when I do the
hourglass starts and each day you are running out of time, before your
"welcome" is worn out. Despite what people say, its something that can't
be avoided. I hate feeling like a bother and burden to other people.
So, I pray that God will place me in a position of financial,
emotional, mental and spiritual stability so that one day I can extend
it to someone else who is in need. But instead of pitying or feeling
sorry for me. Just pray and ask God to order my steps according to his
perfect will for my life. It is the best gift. And I thank you.
There comes a point in your life when you have to decide what you can tolerate and what you are forced to accept.
I'm in a reflective mood. I'm thinking about my future. I want to be a wife and mother (to two boys) one day. So, I reflect on the patterns from my past and present to see if their are any mistakes I can stomp out before they try to creep into my future.
It is cold in here. I don't like to be cold. Yet, I don't like to be hot either. I guess I like to be warm. I guess, that makes me an odd ball. Also, at this point I feel like God has given me all the pieces except one. There is one piece to the puzzle that will set everything in motion and make this entire situation flow in order. I have to figure out what it is because I know that once I do, it will not only help me but also really help those that I am connected to.
