For The Ladies: Saving Mentality (Part 2)

This is for my ladies. I haven't been able to write much because I have dealing with business "stuff." God is opening new doors. 

What I wanted to talk about is the saving mentality (part 2). 

Many people don't want to admit that this is what can happen when you are not steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the good work of the Lord. 

Ladies you can not use your body to save another man from his "demons." Human suffering is very real. But, when a man comes to you looking to be sexual intimate with you, no matter what the reason is, you have to give him the word of God. And nothing else. 

When you use your body to "save" or bring "comfort" to a man that is not your husband, you set yourself back and you block God from healing his wounds. You become an enabler. You stand in the way of the work that God needs to do in his life. 

I know, he just got out of a relationship that left his heart broken. 

But, you have to stand firm in your confidence and trust in God. Pray for him. Send him scriptures. But remember that sharing your body will not heal him. It will only strengthen the lust spirit that is on him. Some of you are very kind hearted and very sweet and any man who is just looking to have sex with take advantage. But you know who God created you to be. A gem. A jewel. Is princess. His priceless gift. And any man that can not respect that who you are is a daughter of God, has no place in your life. 

The love of God in you is a gift. If you use your body to try to "save" or "comfort" a man, you cheapen that gift in you. 
Summary: When men come to you looking for sex. You pray for them. Give them the word of God. Put them on the altar. And you keep it moving. It is not your job to "save" any man. That job belongs to Jesus only. 
I love you. Stay safe. 

The First And Second Day As An Assistant Teacher: Teach Me How To Love

I'm so close to a breakthrough that I can feel it.


I let my mind play tricks on me, because I felt like I wasn't where I am suppose to be. But, God would not keep me here if he did not mean for me to be here. I know that much. I have met some really amazing men and women of God. They are on fire for Gods love like me! When I get around them and my candle light seems low. They just know what to say or to do to set it back aflame again. The only thing is that I have to keep my might burning bright. I can not let the devil blow it out!

The first day of classes:

I was partly nervous, walking into the school knowing that I had 22 students in one class to learn all their names and then about 14 in the other class to learn names of as well. Phew! I just start calling them, "sweetheart and young lady and young man" instead lol But God is good and he got me through the first day without any major complications.

I don't know why children were placed on my heart. I never grew up wanting to babysit or even be around babies, but somehow when I get around children I transform into a completely different woman. I'm every bit like the virtuous woman that is described in proverbs 31. And most importantly I'm happy.

We did arts and crafts. I took them outside. I took them to lunch. I pretty much just helped out as much as I was needed. The first class is of kindergartners. They are a sassy bunch, but such a joy to be around.

The second class I go to is pre-k's. There are only a couple of them that get fresh from time to time, but most of them are still crying for their mommies and daddies. In that class they have nap time and that's when I come in to make sure that they are not kicking their neighbor in their sleep or talking.

I was pretty happy when the first day ended. Overall it was a good day.

The second day of classes:

I started out the day with a lot on my mind. I know that the "unexpected event" was not due to because I did not love enough, because before the unexpected event I loved them as best as I knew how. I'm not use to a man treating me kindly. I'm not use to men thinking much of me at all. So, when I met them my shield was up and there was a force field around my heart. But such is life, that when you trust a man, they end up breaking your heart for reasons that sometimes they don't even know themselves. "I care about you, but I also don't care enough to not break your heart..." And such is life from there....

That's why we have to be very careful about what we say to people and how we say it. When you say you love someone you better mean it or else you will be held accountable. But that goes for everything, even if you say hateful words or sow seeds of discord too. I don't tell people that I love or care about them unless I mean it and I also don't call everyone friend. Not everyone that smiles in my face has my best interest at heart. So I have to tap into the gift of discernment and wait for God to give me directions.

Not My Strength, but Gods Strength: Roles, Relationships, Hope

 This entire experience has been a roller-coaster ride. I did not think that God would use me in this way. This is my priestess through Christ walk. I have a high calling on my life. I have to be careful with my heart. I can't afford to have it broken. I was blessed enough to have someone who is strong in their walk with Christ to help me through my unexpected event. I thank God for them. 

See, I'm use to being the strong one. The one that people come to for help. The one that has all the answers and give the best advice. But, finally God has placed me in a position where I am solely dependent on him for direction and for strength. 

He had to take away my "comfort" in order to refocus my attention, because I was putting way too much time into the wrong things. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic, but the only man that I need to be "hopefully" romantic with or in is in Jesus Christ, the son of the living God. 

The truth is, I don't know why I am here. In this area. I know that God wants me here because I have had 4 different confirmations, but I'm not sure why. I pray that God will reveal my purpose here soon. 

My life is not meant to get attached to people nor things, nor memories or even ideas. I am a free spirit. I go where the holy spirit guides me and I do what God has asked me to do. At this time God has asked me to love his people no matter what they are going through or what they do to me. I still need to love them. 

I got through the struggle with my bestfriend. He and I had to figure out what role God needed each of us to play. And we found out, that God needed us to be bestfriends and just encourage one another in our walks with Christ. I am happy to say that our friendship is so much better and that God has strengthened the love of Christ in us enough to share it with one another. 

It is true that I want to be a wife and mother one day. I want to have two boys. But, in order for me to get to that place I need stability. Not only physical but also spiritually. I have always said that two halves only equal a whole lotta mess and it could not be more true. If each party is not strong and confident in their walk with Christ, how can they know what real love is, when they see it? And how will they be able to maintain it? You have to keep God first in everything and all things, because the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. The enemy wants to tear down the love of God in us, so that we can't share it with other people. And we have to rebuke the enemy is lies, tricks and deceit in the name of Jesus Christ. And then keep it moving.

I have to admit there were some times when I thought I was losing my mind. My heart was so broken and I just couldn't figure it out. I don't know why I'm here. My family is all back in NC. And now, I'm single. But, God always provides. So, even though I'm single. I know that I'm not alone. I know that God will always send love my way. And that's what I need the most. Love. The love of God. 

After, I took my focus off of wanting to maintain a relationship so bad, God opened doors for me to receive more ways to make money. 

Those of you who know of word of prayer, pray that I receive financial stability in the name of Jesus. So I get that, then I will be able to do more stuff. 

What I have to learn is the love of God in me, is greater than my fleshly desires and it needs to be shared to encourage my other brothers and sisters in Christ. 

Reflections: Future, Marriage, Motherhood

There comes a point in your life when you have to decide what you can tolerate and what you are forced to accept. 

I'm in a reflective mood. I'm thinking about my future. I want to be a wife and mother (to two boys) one day. So, I reflect on the patterns from my past and present to see if their are any mistakes I can stomp out before they try to creep into my future. 

 

Marriage In America: Someone Else's Prize

America is one of the leading countries with a high divorce rate according to this website right here: http://www.divorcerate.org/

Those results were calculated for 2011, but I'm sure not much has changed for the better since then. The divorce rate may have even gotten higher, due to all the other drama that the United States is facing at the current moment.

But I'm not here to write about politics. 

When I reflect on my past and remember the rules I set for myself about dating, one of those rules was never to date a guy who has been divorced, which is why oddly enough most of my guy friends are divorcees and they have thus stayed in the "friend zone."

Why did I make that rule?

Because I was running into the classic childish games that women play.

The ol' "let me check up on you and see how you are doing."

The ol' "He is the father of my baby (babys mama drama).

And a handful of other vindictive and childish games that women feel the need to play because they don't have anything better to do with their lives and or they still aren't over the "break up." 

I don't date men that have children because I know that there will always be babys mama's drama. I didn't date men who were divorced because I knew that deep down they would always compare me to their "first." And boy, if that doesn't ruin a romantic evening, I don't know what else can...

There you are sitting there, all googly eyed in your future husbands face and then all of a sudden he says something out of the way like "I wish you could cook like my ex wife" or "my ex wife use to do this" or "smile like that" or Blah blah blah 

I can talk about this now, because I am in a relationship and so reflecting on it doesn't hurt me the way it use to. 

But, it was like damn "when are you going to notice me?!" "when am I going to be good enough?"
So, what I realized is that any man who constantly talks about any ex, when there is notice that he likes you, is not ready to be in a relationship with anyone and your love and dedication and time won't change his heart from still wanting to be with a woman that he separated from. 

They call it "damaged goods..." and when I was going through my "man hating feminist" stage I saw it as that too. It was like "damn, even if I did want to be married to this guy I couldn't because any mention of marriage would make him run for the hills since he has already been down that road. Guess, I'll never get a chance to be a FIRST wife since the majority of men in America already had their first wives. And from their first wife, they were molded a certain way. Now, anytime you breathe, look at, say anything they will get paranoid and claim that you are "just like my ex wife." 

I did go through a few of those types, when I was in the dating world. But, I made a promise to myself that never again would I be compared to any other woman. Also, if I wasn't first, then I would be nothing at all. Many times, what would happen is that I would be the one to "rejuvenate" their spirit and help them find their self confidence, passions and love again. Then they would take the love I gave them and their new self confidence and go be with another woman that they barely knew or maybe they did know her, but she didn't love them the way I did. Yet, she was the one that got to be the wife. 

And I was the one left picking up the pieces. I think they call the type of woman that I was at the time a "fluffer." I guess, because that type of woman prepares the man for an awesome life, then he goes and shares his newfound awesomeness with someone else. 

I'm never amazed when ex boyfriend from my past come back and tell me that they married so and so. Why? Because as soon as a man's attention is off of you, there is ALWAYS another woman in the picture. As soon as a man starts to get distant, another woman mergers. People think that because I'm young I don't "Catch on" fast enough. But, they don't realize that I don't "Catch on" fast enough by their standards because I'm already built by God to be ten steps (if not more) ahead of theirs. So no I don't "catch on" because I'm already ahead. 

It use to frustrate me when my crushes would call me (because we were friends at that point) and tell me they were marrying so and so. And I would be so hurt, yet I would be forced to be happy for them even if I knew (through listening to the patterns in their conversations about their relationship) that their marriage would not work out. But, if you know that, do you tell your friend? Or do you keep quiet? 

As of right now, marriage has been heavily on my mind, among other things that are more in need. But, I can't help but wonder in the back of my mind if God has a husband for me too? 

Most of the women that my guy friends married I knew were no good for the moment they mentioned their names. I got so annoyed because even with my crushes I was like "dang! HEY! look at me! You talk to me every single day about your problems yet, you don't consider me as the "wifey." type?

I was always getting looked over. Forgotten. Placed to the back. But, that is pretty much the story of my life. I always get the raw cards and then people tell me to just "deal with it." Oh, sure! But I'm sure if you got the raw cards the crappy ones you wouldn't tell yourself to just "deal with it" right? 

So shut up! I was tired of being overlooked. But I feel the same way about motherhood too. Even those that an entirely different blog. But the snippet from that story is, its not fair that some women who don't even care about wanting to have children get to be mothers and those that actually want children either have to wait (biological clock ticking) or they don't get to experience motherhood at all....

Yet, the bottom line is I use to meet guys after the damage had been done. After the first wife stepped all over him, cheated, broke his heart, wasted his time etc And then, I "cleaned them up" only to have them walk away from me every time. And marry another woman. I was never good enough. There was always something that I wasn't doing right. I would have learned how to cook, wash, fold clothes. Anything that is expected of a traditional housewife, or from what is described in the bible I would have been. I would have done. But after the last time, when I had a chance to be a wife and a mother and he disappeared on me I went into "battle mode" and I didn't come out.... 

When am I going to be enough? I want to be the first wife And I want to be the first to have my husbands children. *sigh* But thank God for photography. I can never go wrong with that. 

Gods Love in You and Other People: Appreciation(perspective 2)

It was put in my spirit to re-write about this experience in the spirit and not the flesh. The first time I touched on this topic I was writing from a very emotional place. Not an objective one. But after sometime of reflecting and much needed changes I can finally share this part of my testimony....

I'm reflecting on this now, because over the weekend I observed a few things that broke my heart. 

1. Why would you mistreat a man that is taking care of you, who loves you, who respects you and who wants to see you do good in life?

It is hard enough as it is, to meet a half way decent man and then when most women finally get one, they rip his heart out and step all over the love of God in him. 

That's partly why a lot of the Christian young men don't want to be associated with christian women, in my opinion. Because that woman is not living a holy virtuous life. She is not speaking with kindness, she is not showing unconditional love, yet she claims to be a christian which is suppose to represent Christ. That means she is a hypocrite.

I know, because I found myself in that boat at one point in my life. I said I loved God, but my actions did not reflect it. But it wasn't until I saw my situation rise up in someone else's life that it made me reflect it back into my own.... 

The Sanctity of Marriage: Call to Followers, Gladiators and Warriors for Christ

There is not one person that knows everything about relationships. It could be that you were married but never had much dating experience. It would be that you were never married but have much dating experience. The point is that you are limited to the knowledge of the experiences that you have had. That is all you know... until God chooses for you to know more by opening the door for you to have more experiences.

That is why it does not pay to be a "know at all" because you limit yourself to being open to learning not only more about yourself but also about other people.

Onward....

It is sad to see so many people celebrate divorce. There seems to be no sanctity in marriage in anymore. People just do it just for fun, not being fully aware of the hard work that it takes to maintain a marriage, especially a God focused one.

It says in the bible that believers should not be with non believers. It clearly says that, yet many of my guy friends seem to have missed that lesson in their teachings because they ended up marrying women who were not equally yoked. The signs were all their, but they just chose not too acknowledge them.

It is sad to see young men get beaten down by life all because they won't accep their past and move and or they keep reliving their old happy memories. You can never grow if you can't staying in the same place, doing the same thing. What you had was great at the time, but God puts other people in your life so that you can make new memories in the phase of the life that you are at currently.

(This is the part where the excuses come in and they say "well I didn't know..." You did know that they were not the one for you. Red flags were everywhere! God put a bibl sign on your forehead that said "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" but you ignored it. So you only have yourself to blame for your own misery. That is one thing that I had to accept too in my failed relationships. I wanted to do what I wanted to and not follow in the Will of God, so God gave me what I wanted and they did what they wanted to do...)

This is what the word of God has to say:

　

"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?"

2 corinthians 6:14-15

I don't just think that this scripture means that believers should not be with non believers. I also think it means that whoever you are in a relationship with has to match your strenth in your mind, heart and spirit.

So how do you find someone that matches you on your same level in those 3 cateogries?

First, you have to pray, mediate and self reflect. You have to brutually honest with yourself about what you can and not handle. What you want and do not want? What you like and do like? Most people don't ever get this far. So, they just settle for the first pretty face and soft spoken voice until they find that their Mr. Mrs. "perfect" isn't so perfect after all.

Thats another reason why I tell people to show me their "ugly foot" because I want to see what I am getting into. It does no good to always be dressed up, ready to impress, always smiling all the time, singing love songs, because eventually someone is going to disappoint you. Eventually someone is going to lie to your face or hurt your feelings. For most of us we are not going to react in a peaceful manner (although we should). I'm being realistic here. We are going to get upset and want to give whoever hurt us a piece of our mind and most of us will. It is just natural.

I don't want anyone to present a perfect image to me, then when I invest so many of my years with them I find out that they really aren't who they pretended to be. That's another reason why I have asked God to increase the gift of discerning of spirits in me.

Spiritual warfare is very real. And those of you who are warriors or gladiators for Christ. You can not be with someone who does not readily understand about spiritual warfare and even stands active in it. Why? Because when unlikely situations come up, when your loved one steps out of character you have to be ready to battle, with the word of God and prayer the spirit that is attacking them.

In the past I dated guys who went to church, read their bible, knew all the scriptures front and back but when it came to spirtual warfare they knew of it but they did not know how to fight it. They thought that their intelligence was enough to battle the spirit. That is so far from true. Only the word of God and prayer can get a negative spirit off of you. So, with those guys I had to decline.

The enemy attacks our minds first. It might be that they plant a seed of doubt or fear or worry. Then that fear may cause you to not eat, lose weight and to not feeling good about yourself (heart). Then from there you could sink into a depression (spirit). That's why we Christians, warriros and gladiators have to be mindful of how we think and what we say. We also always need to keep a scripture on our tongue and pray for Gods protection.

I would like to be a wife and mother one day. It will probably be the two things that I actually end up being good at, besides singing in this life lol But I have found that waiting for God instead of trying to do things my way is always the best way to go. I know that when God sets something up that it will be ordered in his perfect will for my life. And he and I will fit like a hand to a glove.

I'm hoping there is a man out there who can match the strength in my heart, mind and spirit. But only God knows that.

Walk In Gods Complete Truth, Love and Peace

I'm not perfect. God is still working on me...

 

I always tell guys that, if they aren't going to live right and do right by me to leave me alone... because WOE! to the man who breaks this heart that does not belong to me, but belongs to God...

But they never listen...

It has always been that whenever a guy broke my heart that the following days something bad would happen to him. Whether it was going to happen anyway is the third variable that I have yet to figure out. But if it was going to happen some time in his life, once he broke my heart he invited the pain to enter into his life a lot faster than he expected.

I also tell guys that I'm very honest. I have asked God to help me work on being more subtle in honesty, but like everything else it is a process.

They never believe me, of course, then when I give them honesty they get defensive and feel offended. That's why people need to be very specific in what they ask God for.

I asked God that in his time to bless me with a gentle, respectfully honest husband, because I know that blunt raw honesty that is detached from human emotion is not really who I am at the core.

I guess you could say that in trying to heal from my past pain, that blunt/raw/detached honesty became somewhat like a shield from all the men who hurt me, spit on me, called me names and stepped all over the loving heart that God gave me.

The strange thing is that when men see me, they instantly want to possess me or somehow get angry at me for no reason. That's how I know that I'm dealing with a spirit on them. Those who know about spiritual warfare know exactly what I'm talking about...

How can you meet someone, and just hate them for no reason without even speaking to them or interacting with them at all? I always say that it is not that they hate me as person, but they hate that Gods love lives in me. Any man who hates the light and love of God in me is of the devil and those are the type of men that I aggressively spiritually "fight" against and physically ignore or stand up to. 

The truth is...

I enjoy being in a relationship, but not very men are strong enough to walk on this path of complete truth and love. See, because sometimes the truth is ugly, raw, gritty. Sometimes the truth does not always bend in my favor. But even when it does not I still embrace it and learn from it and then I move on with my life.

That's why I say that I have more respect for an honest "asshole" than a lying "nice" guy.

 

 

 

 

 

I would like to be a wife and mother, but I want to follow in the path that God has for me. I want to walk in Gods truth, love and complete peace.