"Glamorous" Miserable Ones

I thought when I joined club "Jesus" that it would give me access to benefits that the unbelievers didn't get. To some degree, it did. To the rest of that, it clearly did not. 

People do stupid stuff every day and get famous for doing it. 

They talk crap about other people and treat people like shit, and yet they still have everything they want and need. 

Then those of us who TRY... 

(I'm not going to say I'm perfect because I make mistakes all the time, but once again the difference is that I don't stay stuck on stupid. I MOVE move MOVE move MOVE move MOVE) 

and really give it our best get the crap end of the stick. We work the hardest. We fight the hardest. We make the most sacrifices and for some of us each year we find ourselves in the same boat, praying over the same things. Over and Over. 

When it all my hard work, busting my ass and breaking my neck finally going to pay off for me? Why do I get to sit back and watch other people propser off my dreams and goals? What about all those promises in the bible that are beaten into our heads from day one: God will never leave nor forsake you... 

I see good people go through the most horrible things and it breaks my heart. If God wanted to he could just swoop down from Heaven and save them. So why doesn't he? 

What is the point of living, if you're always stressed about money, bills, kids, etc This life is suppose to be a blessed life. Blessing coming and going, right? Then how come so many bad things are happening and where is GOD that he won't stop all this nonsense? 

What good is beauty, if you are always kept hidden? 

What good can knowledge do, if you never have a platform or an audience to share it with? 

What. Is. The. Point? 

And yet, no matter how I feel or where I am in life people still flock to me because they see "something" in me. It is a lot of responsibility to guide someone out of HOPELESSNESS. It takes a toll on your entire being. Not only do you have to listen to all their issues and problems, but you also have to find a way to help them out of their hole. 

Do You Really Want To Be In A Relationship (part 2)

I don't think a woman should have to lower or hide her intelligence and strength just to make a man feel like a man. He should already be confident in who God made him and he should already have his life in order or be working really hard to get it in order. 

In the past, I put up with a variety of interesting men characters! 

I don't do a lot of socializing in real life. I tend to save my breath for people who actually want to make a change in their life and or learn something new. But, the behavior of men folk nowadays is so predictable that I don't find it fun anymore to even "play the game" anymore.

Do You Really Want To Be In A Relationship? (part 1)

So, far in my experiences I'm learning that the majority of people don't like to "address the issues" and or "talk about it." I use to be a person that just swept reality under the rug and expected it to just disappear or get better on its' own.

But, oh! how naive!

The Forever. The Always. The Evolving. (Part 1)

I'm in a different place. The months are moving by so fast, that I barely have time to even blow my nose before the next big "wtf" hits me. If another big "wtf" is about to hit me, at least let it be glamorous and fun. 
The job I had took a lot of my time and attention for about four and a half months. I'm not a big fan of getting up early in the morning, but I did because I knew that the money would help me support my modeling career. 

I love fashion, modeling, style and beauty. When there are opportunities for it I certainly want to be seen. I'm frustrated because I feel like I should be further along in life than I am. I feel like I should be on TV, have a record deal, and or be on the cover of one of the top magainzes in the world. 

Something has to change. 

My love life is wonderful! He treats me like a princess. He is very attentive, thoughtful and patient. Yet, there is something missing from my life. I miss the thrill and the passion behind setting up a shoot, or preparing to walk the runway. I was born to be infront of the camera, yet I'm always so far from it. 

I hate to be bored. If, I feel like my life is getting "stale" I do something, change my hair, do a new makeup style, get a new design on my nails etc just so I can stay free from the monotony that could be my life, if I don't make a conscious effort to fight for diversity. 

I watch shows like HouseofDVF and I think to myself, I hope those girls realize how blessed they are to have the opportunity to be around one of the top designers in the world. 

I'm still waiting for my "glory" moment, when everything just falls into place for my life. When I have a car, a house, a fun, stable permanent job and my modeling career is evolving. 

At this time in my life, I'm not looking to settle down and be a stay at home wife or mother. To those who love being a stay at home, that is wonderful and more power to those women. But, as for me, I want to travel, adventure and passion. I want to do the unthinkable and be challenged by the greatest. To win or lose would be an adventure in itself. I just want to move forward because I know that there is more to life for me. 

Gentlemen: Build The Foundation

Gentlemen, you are the protectors of the women and young ladies in your family. They look up to you for guidance and counsel. They look up to you to be the leader. That is why it is very important that your life is in order with the word of God, as well as with the plan that God has for your life. 

The Epic Final VA Conclusion

Final Conclusion: 

Revenge is not something I recommend people get into or even think about. The more you think about that negative spirit. The more you feed it. The more you bring it to life. 

Encouragement & The Ten Commandments

Why comfort yourselves together, and edify 

one another, even as also you do.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Revelation about Beauty: Beauty From Pain

Some women get to be Mary Poppins, Others get to be GI Jane. 

Sometimes you get to pick. Other times life picks for you. 

You're So Aggressive! (Warrior Mentality)

I use to hear in the past: "Jalysa you are too aggressive" You scare men away. So, I always thought "what's wrong with me?" "Why do all the guys I like runaway from me?" These were my thoughts before I knew who I was through Christ. The enemy had me at a very interesting point. My head was filled with doubts, fears and worries. I tried to change myself into everyone else, except who God wanted me to be. 

I also tried to change jokers into kings or princes. If, I would have known how much time and money (yes, I use to buy my guys all kinds of stuff too) that I would waste I would have thought twice about being so "caring" "loving" "understanding" and "sweet." 

The "VOICE OF REASON"

I have been in Woodbridge Virginia for about 6 months and the only thing that has changed is: me. People seem to be envious of that. You would think that "Christians" those who go to church every Sunday, work in the church nursery, praise and worship God right beside me would be glad that I finally made the choice to let God take over my life. But no. They still hold grudges. They still have unpleasant things to say about me. The funny part is that they think that I don't know. But, I know as much as the Lord allows me to hear and to see. So, I do "know." 

Beauty: Like A Double-edged Sword

I'm not one to lie or to bite my tongue. If I feel some type of way you will know because I like truth, even if it hurts. The given ability to endure during painful realizations or truths in life, is what makes me strong. I'm still here. I aint dead yet... I still have some fight left in me. And as long as I can fight, then I'm going to praise God will my heart, mind, soul, spirit and body! Praise God like I lost my mind.

I admit that this walk with Christ, is not a "walk in the park." There are days when I want to go back to my old way life. Back to the days when I felt like I was "big ballin!" Going to house parties every weekend, going to the club, having men buy me drinks and other material possessions. Whatever I wanted I could have and all I had to do was be cute and sexy. And it was mine. I still have that power, but it I chose to transform that power when I re-dedicated my life to servering God.

Yes, those days were fun. I was high on life and doing whatever I wanted to do. But, even those they may have been fun. They were also the most sloppiest and tackiest of moments in my life. But, God can transform anyone. From a slave into a Queen or King and that is what he did with me. There are still some rough edges, that God is chipping away.

It is crazy once you find a source that can fill you with intense and immense joy just from making a promise. Nothing in the world can do that, because everything in the world is temporary. People make promises everyday in the world but then they break them. Why? Because they don't care. But who does care? God. In all the mess that I have ever been in God has always opened a door for me to escape. I mean I technically should be dead right now, with all the dumb stuff I put myself in.

Even in this situation I'm in currently. It is only the mercies and grace of the Lord and joy from the holy spirit that is holding my broken heart, and sanity together. Glory be to God. Why? Because I never thought that someone who claimed to love, trust and have confidence in God could be so cruel. How do you go from talking about God, reading me scriptures and taking me to church every Sunday to not speaking to me at all? Wow, that would make anyone trying to establish a strong walk with God get discouraged and possibly backslide. But, even though they weren't walk in Truth, I chose to rise above. To go to a higher level. Not only walk in the Gods' truth, but his peace and love too. All levels are hard, because I can feel things getting easier. I trust that my breakthrough is around the corner. In the name of Jesus.
　

 

 

God Wants To Bless His People: Maturity, Time To Rise

Maturity? It is not something that you can keep consciously avoiding. Especially if you are a Christian. We know right from wrong. We know that we are suppose to love our neighbors. We have a guide book, the Truth, the word of God that tells us what pleases God. Yet, even though we know what pleases God we still choose to do the opposite. We have to "rebellious" spirit to the curb in the name of Jesus. And get on one accord with what God says, so he can bless us. He wants to bless us.

Right now I'm in a place of peace. A place of complete connection and peace to God. I'm meeting new people through the start up of my business. I'm thinking like a winner. I'm learning to overcome. I'm chasing after my dreams. There are a lot of things that I want to accomplish between now and let's say 30. I do not want to be sitting around talking about the same ol' things that I am now when I reach that age.

I'm starting my own business. I'm working. I'm making new friends with professionals who are humble millionaires. Wow. They give. They support. They help. They speak life into people and that's really what many in the world need. A light in a dark place. A light of hope.

I'm learning that nothing is impossible with God on your side. Your situation may be unfavorable, but you have to look at what you do have, as oppose to what you don't have. You have to "work with whatcha got." Until God blesses you with something better.

I know that Greater is coming for me. I know that my dreams will come true. But more than my dreams coming true I know that one day (real soon, in the name of Jesus) I will be in a position to be a blessing to other people. I will be in a position to give someone a ride to church.

We need to sow seeds of kindness, during the "crushing" so that when we come out Victorious, we will have a good bountiful harvest to reap from for our celebration of our victory through Christ Jesus, who loved us before any man or women ever knew what love was. Glory be to God. Amen.

 

Child-like Heart Return

God is still cleaning me up, but the changes he has made in me since I have been here so far, are incredible. In order for those changes to be made, he had to strip me of everything that made me glorify my ego and not him (God).

The man I love
(I spent too much time wrapped up in his world and not enough time wrapped up into the word of God. I wanted so much to use my life to protect his life only but God was telling me that I was created to protect, inspire, encourage many lives. When things did not move along fast enough for me I became impatient and my flesh started to control my soul and spirit. Then I loss sight of the purpose. To comfort, love and protect the love of God in him. I failed my task and perhaps me being stuck here is part of that punishment for failing or maybe it is like the "waiting room" in a hospitial. Either way despite all that has happen I still pray for him to have full confidence and trust in God the way he did when I first met him. He doesn't know it and maybe he never will but his passion for God stirred in me a passion to seek God too. And other than him sharing the love of God in him with me, protecting the love of God in me, his passion for God was a gift that helped me find God so that my child-like heart could return)


My modeling opportunities

Opportunities for jobs in high places

He wants me to be humble, to go back to who I use to be. I guess, apparently being "too giving" "too loving" "too kind" was what pleased God, but when I started to see the selfish behind man I became bitter and that's when a spirit of rebellion came over me and I started to fight for all the wrong reasons.

I wasn't fighting to defend the love of God, I was fighting to tear men down. To step all over their hearts the way they did mine. I wanted to revenge. I was angry. But the truth is, that in being that way I ended up hurting myself a lot more. Because I knew better (many of them did too...) and I cared more about love than anything else. It wasn't in my character to be that way and it broke the heart of my child like spirit.

I told myself that I was protecting my heart, which I forced myself to believe. But my intelligence isn't strong enough to protect my child like heart only God can.

I know this entire journey is about God. The faster I figure out what God wants me to do here then the quicker I can go home. I don't like being stuck in a new place where I'm dependent on the kindness of strangers to get me to where I need to go or help me out. But, that's where God has me. The more I complain about it, the worse it gets. So. I stopped complaining.

I also noticed that God placed me around Christian women, many of them are in relationships. And boy! does it suck to be single when I'm around married and relationship folk! Like dang! wish things would have worked out for me! But, to God be the glory! I know that better is on the way. Who is has for me will match me like a glove to a hand and more than that I won't have to ask him to teach him about spiritual warfare or ask him to grow a backbone, or to stand up and be a man. He will be and do these things automatically because he knows who he is through Christ and who he belongs to: God.

 

 

Building The Ministry

God is everywhere. So pray anywhere. It is one of the most truest statments (if I have it correctly lol) that one could hear. Let, me say this now and get this out of the way though: I AM NOT A PERFECT PERSON. I AM CONSTANTLY LEARNING SOMETHING NEW ABOUT MYSELF AND OTHERS.

Tonight was my first information session for the business that I have been blessed enough to start. I'm learning a lot. The presence of God was certainly in the atmosphere.

I actually found myself nervous, uncomfortable and even a little bit scared! Why? Because all those people were so confident in who they were and in and in God. And for once in my life, I felt like I had reverted back to the first days of pre-k where you walk into a strange knew classroom and you are looking for the first happy and friendly face you see, so you can sit next to them. Thank God that I had people there that I already knew, because if I would have had to go alone I probably would not have went.

The other revelation that came to me is that as building the "business" is much like building the ministry. See, I keep getting distracted by all the things that essentially don't matter. It doesn't matter what hairstyle I wear today, it doesn't matter that I have to wear the same high heels because 1. my boots are in NC and 2. I haven't bought any new ones. It doesn't matter what she and he said about me because I posted something online that they did not agree with. GET OVER IT! We are not always going to agree. Also, if my page offends you that much, then delete me. God will send more friends in my life. A lot more. I'm not worried about that, anymore.

But, when I stepped back from all the things that I was so focused on I realized that none of it led back to God. I spent hours trying to figure things out that were beyond my understand.

The behavior of people: Is not meant to be understood. A lot of people try to give a physcial reason for why so and so acted that way. When the only explanation can only be explained in the spiritual. But, if you tell a scientist that (and yes, I do have a tendecy to revert back to that I think that is the part that God wants to cut off from me, because it makes me arrogant and a "know at all...lol" they will argue with you until the cows turn blue. haha

The whole point of me being here is so that I can learn how to build my ministry. Ever since I came here all I have been doing is "taking classes" to grow me closer to GOD and help me learn lessons in "humility" and "patience." How will people ever want to seek God, if they don't see any of the fruit of his spirit reflected in me? Feel me...

So, I have to go through the "crushing" because the way I was, was pushing people away from Christ. I was missing the whole point. The whole point is not for me to be seen or heard. It for the love, light and beauty of GOD to be seen through me and for him (GOD) to speak through me.

It "feels" like a lot of responsibility and it is, because when God sends me people that he wants me to minister to I have to obey or I'm going to be held accountable. Not only that, I feel loved and special that God would even pick me to share his love with his people. There are a lot of people that applied for the job or that are more qualified than I am, but out of many he chose a few and I am one of the few. It is an honor, and that's the way I have to start always looking at it. Even when I'm going through the fire

 

Fill My Cup with Love: Take The Bullet For You

I tried to love them the best way i knew how. I came here seeking fun. I came here thinking that I would "big ball." I thought we would be a "bonnie and clyde." Tag team duo fighting the world together. But I forget one key team player: GOD. The author and chief. The commander. The King of Kings and The Lord of Lords.

And there I was telling God, "I can love him... I'll stand in the gap and intercede on his behalf. I'll take the spiritual beatings. Please put his burdens on me..."

And God, was like "thats a nice gesture, but you arent strong enough..."

And when that realization hit me, at first I was sad, then I was upset then I was furious. Not strong enough, my flesh roar! what do you mean I'm not strong enough?

God wasnt referring to my physical strength, mental or emotional in particular. He was talking about my spirit.

How am I going to stand in the gap for someone with the love of God if I am not filled in spirit all the way, completely with his (God) love?

All I wanted to do was take their pain away. All I wanted to do was protect them from getting hurt. I could feel their pain seep into my spirit. The heaviness burdened my soul, because I could do nothing that would give them hope, or restore their joy because I did not know enough about the word of God.

"How am I going to be a healer in someone else's life when I'm not even filled with the right medicines (the word of God, his love and peace...) to heal myself?

What I learned is that two broken people can't fix one another. They will always be seeking for the other person to validate their life. If they are not confident in God, they will never be satisfied nor fulfulled in their life. They will constantly be looking for a "distraction" from their troubles when they should be focused on God to lead and guide them.

I can say this now, in good faith because I saw who I was before without God leading me, to where I am now with God at the front and center. I will admit that some of the things that the Lord has me doing or being apart of don't make sense, in the moment. But they always do later on, when someone else is life is changed or someone gets saved etc through the struggles, pain and hurt that I had to go through in order to have a powerful testimony to change many lives.

My life is not my own, I knew that ever since I lost my mother. If I am to be about the business of God, I have to take all emotion out of it. Everyone is in need of something, did God equip me with the right tools to help them? If so, then let me help. If not, then let me pray for them so that they can be sent the proper person with the right tools. Amen?

Glory be to God!

 



Mrs. So and So: The Bride, Marriage and the "Never I Do"

                          
He sent me this when he first was excited because he swore up and down that I was his wife. That God had sent me to him. That he prayed for me and God sent him me, to be his wife. He told me to "remember this for later" then not even two weeks later he was running away, pushing me away, acting out in a horrible teenage like manner, throwing tantrums and cursing. And that's the man that is suppose to be the "priest of the household" that I'm apart of? No, I don't think so.

I wish I could meet a man who was confident enough in God and his abilities and talents through Christ that he wouldn't feel the need to beat down the strength of God in me. That's the issue that I faced most when I use to date. Instead of them protecting the strength and love of God in me, they always tried to belittle it, tear it down, stomp on it and when they couldn't do that, then they would "feed me" to the lecherous beasts, vultures and devils in the world by abandoning me at critical times when I needed them most. That's why I depend on no man. Just God. Just he is the only one strong enough to play the "superman role" in my life.

Then I have to remember: I find it strange that a man who is in his mid 30's isn't already married. So, when they tell me oh I was married once before... my first question is, "why are yall not together now?" and my second question is, "What did he do?" Because more often than not, the man always did something to initiate the downfall of the marriage.

I have to admit that when I thought I was "engaged" I was really excited. The truth is, that he didn't want me to talk about us going to the court house to get our marriage license because he said he felt "pressured" and "rushed." (Keep in mind he was the one that was excited about the idea in the first place....But in my head I'm thinking, "wow, you don't want me to talk about it, because really you either are not sure if you want to marry me, 2. are really secretly married to someone else or in love with someone else 3. are ashamed for people to know about something that should be a joy to you..."

Any man who really loved me would be thrilled for me to carry their last name, but no...not him...even though he was the one that was SO excited by the idea at first...

I told him I understood but that it would not make sense for us to be Mr. and Mrs. so and so without rings. Then when I started posting pictures of the type of rings that were my "dream" rings that's when he really got all undone. All he had to do was tell me to stop posting about it, but instead (like a child who throws a tantrum when they don't get their way...) he grew distant and that's when I knew that he wasn't strong nor mature enough in his spirit to be in the type of relationship that I envisioned.
                                       

           

It was a sad moment of revelation, but the "realist" in me rose up and closed the deal on the whole thing. I tried to fix it with love and promises to do better, but because he never had any real "love" for me in the first place there was no glue (the love of God is it!) to hold us together. So, there I was trying. Pouring my heart and soul into trying to make things work once again and he became distant and nonchalant and didn't care.... and even when I tried to be friends after that's when I really saw his true colors even more. I tried to send him prayer text messages because I said that I would continue to pray for him, since he is going through some things and of course like every other guy I ever tried to have a "mature adult relationship" with, he gave me the silent treatment, disappeared, vanished, poof, gone.

When I look back through our text messages, I have to laugh because just a week ago he was saying how much he loved me and now he doesn't speak to me at all. Sound familiar? Well it is, because it is the exact same pattern that lead me here in the first place.

The only difference is that he and I never thought about, talked aobut getting married, nor having children together (yeah, I thought this man was Heaven sent enough to believe that I would be the one to have his first son).

But, the truth is I was in love with the idea of being a bride, a wife and mother but I wasn't sure if I wanted to be all that with him in my life. There was something unsettling about, the entire thing that made me question and instantly pray about it from the start. Things were moving way too fast and I could seem to control the flow of it. The 3rd day I had already met his parents. Of course in my head I thought, "this has to be love...he must really love me!" (yeah, sure! lol). You never know if someone truly loves you until you go through the fire with them a few times and see that they are still standing by your side.

That's how I know that every man who ever made me a promise or said "I love you" to me was a liar, because if they loved me they would still be in my life today. I may not know everything, but God has blessed me with some "years beyond my age" type of wisdom that let's me know that things are either right or wrong.

And saying that you love someone, then disappearing from their life because you don't like what they said, what they did etc is wrong. And it just proves that you're immature and not ready for a real mature adult relationship. Granted, if I point the finger, then I better be ready to have it pointed back at me, right? And since I know that I take full responsibility for not always walking in love. But in this situation I could have acted a lot worse. But by sticking by his side through his "tantrum" I showed him that I keep my word. That I don't "run when things get tough." All that talk about "honesty" and "communication" went straight out the window as soon as he got upset with me. Then I started to see some qualities that reflected when I was in an abusive relationships during college (real bad, real, real, real bad...) and after I prayed and reflected on it that's when I knew it was time to go.

Any man that curses at me or even looks like they want to hit me during an argument is not a man that I can respect nor see myself marrying nor being with. So, once again God looked out for me. Even though I wanted to be a bride, be married and hear him say, "I do." I didn't want to do it with a black eye and a bloody lip.

 

 



 

 

Love Like Christ: Missing You

Dear You,
                  
I can't explain all the changes that God is making in me, because even I don't really understand them. I have self reflected over this entire situation over and over and yet I still come to the same conclusion. That one, God is in control and two, I still and always will love you.

There is no excuse for how I acted and what I did. Although, I was honest in telling you that I'm a writer. When I write I feel free. It is the same way with my singing. You know how important me being able to sing is or at least I pray you do.

I came here thinking that we were going to be some kind of "bonnie and clyde" team. That things would move fast enough for us to finally get ourselves on our feet as individuals so we could help one another out. But, God had other plans...

When I saw that things were moving a little bit faster for me and not for you all I wanted to do is protect you. So, the money that I orignially had to go home I used to stay longer so that I could pray with you and stand by your side as you were starting to "go through the fire." I kept trying to intercede on your behalf, because I did not want to see you unhappy, miserable or sad in any way.

I thought if I asked God he would just put all your pain on me, open all new doors for you to walk through and then we could live happily ever. The end. But God had other plans...

I asked God to put your pain on me because I knew that I was strong enough to take it. But instead of doing that, he moved me away. So that only you can depend on him. It was a painful separation, since all I wanted was to help you and be there for you and stay by your side. But, the Will of God shall be done and obedience to his Will can not be denied, do you agree?

At the time I was still "fresh." In other words all the things that I know now I did not fully understand nor walk in then. Instead of giving everything over to God, I tried to take it on myself and in my flesh I hurt you and I failed at walking in the love of Christ. It hurt me just as equally to think about how I hurt you, as well as being seperated from you.

I miss you every day. I live about five minutes away from you, just in case you did not know. I always pray that you will stop by and visit me. I wonder if you have forgotten me or not.

I can not go back in the past and fix the things that I have said or done nor take them back. I had the chance to apologize to your face and even though I couldn't see your eyes I prayed silently that you understood. But, I could tell that you were still angry and that I was still hurt. I wanted so much to hug you and say "I'm sorry" I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I love you. I'm sorry. Over and over again, so that you would never forget how thankful I am to GOD for sending you to help me get closer to God.

If it had not been for you caring enough about me to help me, then I would not have been able to come to a place where I can get strong in my walk with Christ and learn more about the word of God and praise God as passionately as I do now.

I was stupid in love when I came here. I was set on taking care of you, because I'm happier when I get to take care of someone else. But when I stopped to think about it, I couldn't even take care of myself, so how could I help you? It killed me not to be able to help you as I wanted to. The more you pulled away, the more painful it was. I tried so hard to do my best to help you with what I had, but it did not seem to be enough for you. The more I loved you, the more violently you acted. Until one day you shut down on me all together. And when I needed you the most, you were nowhere to be found. When I needed you to pray with me you disappeared.

We went from praying with one another almost every night, talking about God, going to church together... to now we don't even speak. Like I said, I can't take back what I have done but I can learn from my mistakes and make sure that I do things differently next time. I'm always praying that God will send you back into my life, as I met you, fully trusting and confident in God, wise, humble, patient and kind... so that I can get a chance to love you the right way, clothed in my right mind, patient and fully walking in the love of Christ.

Agape Love is the only love that will out last all of this. The love of God is unconditional. Never changing. Constant and that is the only love that I ever want to share with you. And when I get that chance again I will hold in my arms and just thank God for who he is, for the second chance and for your life.  

 



New Heights: Rising of the Queen, Marriage & Reflections

The truth is that since I have been here, I have learned a lot more about friendships. Sometimes you meet people who truly care about your life and want to see you do well in life. In other cases you learn about people only to find that the only reason they are your friend is because they want to be "nosy" and have all the private details into your life. 

The sad thing is, that often times it is the people that you trust the most that end up stabbing you in the back or end up being more concerned about being "nosy" than about being a real friend. 

People change every single day, but how they change is what you have to look out for...

You Don't Give Up On People that You Claim To Care About: Promise to a woman of GOD

I can never understand how one day, someone tells you they love and care about you and the next day they want nothing to do with you. When they were going through the fire, I was stood by their side and prayed, encouraged, even gave them one of my contacts so that they could have a chance to have some real help because I knew that I could not help them in the best way.

But the point is I did not give up on them. After their unexpected event I could have left, and immediately dated someone else, but I'm not like that. I don't run when things get tough.

I take full responsibility for the things that I said and the things that I did that were not pleasant favorable in the eyes of GOD. But when I found that I did something wrong or hurt them I repented and then I apologized. I know that when you hurt someone, you essentially break a piece of Gods heart because a piece of God is in all his children. So that's why I had to repent, other than because I wanted to have my soul right with the Lord.

How can you promise to not leave my life, then turn around and poof, disappear? No goodbye. No explanation? and yet, you get upset when people treat you wrong. Like I said and I will say it again I'm NOT PERFECT, but I would never abandon someone when I know that they are going through the fire and need prayer.

How do you go from praying every single night with me, to teaching me scriptures, to a complete shut down? You prayed that God would turn me sweet, kind and humble. You prayed that God would help me get out of my bad situation and so you are mad that he used you to help me? And now that I am sweet, more kind and more humble you reject me? That's backwards! And its painful.

Ever since I stepped foot in Virginia all I have been doing is praying for God to open doors for you. All I have been doing is interceding on your behalf, no I wasn't perfect. The entire situation was new to me. I have never been in a situation like that before and yet while I was praying you were judging me the entire time when you should have been praying.

I was hurt that you broke up with me in the middle of my transition but I was more hurt that you did not keep your promise. You said that you would be my friend and support me, that you would not leave my side. And yet, as soon as things got rough, you bailed on me... When your car wouldn't start and your job was acting crazy, giving you the run around I sat there and encouraged you through the whole thing. I prayed with you. I prayed for you. I gave you a contact in the area that I thought could help you. I put you before myself and yet, all you could do was reject Gods love in me, give me the cold shoulder and roll your eyes every time I had something to say.

I don't wish you ill will still to this day, but you will reap what you sow. You don't treat people that way. You always don't play around with God. When things were going great and you were big ballin' you loved GOD, you were confident and trusted God. You told me that I needed to stop drinking and stop cursing. But as soon as you could no longer "big ball" and you no longer had the money all of your confidence and trust in GOD went out the window?

When you are going through the fire, that is when you should be the most confident and trusting in GOD! When you are going through the fire that is when you should be on your knees every single night praying and praising GOD! What happen to the man of God that met who promised my god sister that he would take care of me? What happen to that man? That's the man that I want to be friends. You don't make promises to a prophet and then turn around and not keep them. God will not honor that.


Yet, even though your behavior is unfavorable. Even though you broke up with me in the middle of one of the most critical transitions I have ever made. Even though you helped me with a frown on your face. You though you called me annoying, and gave me the cold shoulder and attacked the love of GOD in me. I'm still praying for you. Still praying that God will help you get on one accord with the plan that he has for your life, so that you can walk into your destiny and know your true purpose.

 

Man of GOD(Eyes of Love) Do You Trust Me?

When it was time for me to go back to NC, I was late getting to the bus station. I was scared that I wouldn't make it in time. It was my first time taking a bus to go back home. I was impatient, I was worried. But the entire time Daniel was calm. He was peaceful. Before I got to the bus station, he looked me straight in the eyes and asked me: "Do you trust me?" The worry and angst quickly subsided the moment he asked the question. And gently I heard myself say, "yes." And after that I was peaceful from then on...

The worry left me. The confusion left me.
The only thing I could think about was the next time I would get to be in his arms again. He helped me carry my heavy bags all the way through the station, to where the buses were without stopping. He was tired from driving, sad because he didn't want me to go, probably hungry, a bit frustrated because it was hot. But never once did he stop and never once did he yell at me, call me names get upset.

He was calm.

This is one of my favorite memories of a strong man of God. I'm happy to share it, because it reminds others that no matter what situation they go through, when God is first things will work out as they should for your benefit.

So, when I say I love this man. I truly do. No, matter what life changes he or I go through I still will love him. I still will love Gods love in him. I still will protect Gods love in him. Encourage him in his walk with Christ too, the way he did for me when I was going through the fire.