Chapter 3: Call To Greatness (Rise of the Queen) (Part 1)

Chapter 3: 

She had to step down from her position as the Queen because she knew that she was not setting the most "conventional" example of what a woman of God is suppose to represent. 

I'm So Glad To be the Third Wheel and Fifth Wheel

Life has a sense or humor. When I was stuck in Virginia I found myself surrounded by families, young married couples and children. I'm single and I don't have children, so why would I want to spend my time around families, young married couples and children all day? 

Please don't get me wrong I love children. When I'm around kids I change into a completely different person. I'm more sweet. I'm more gentle. I'm way more patient. But, I still have to remember that I'm single and I don't have children. So at the end of the day. It is still just me, myself and I. 

The "VOICE OF REASON"

I have been in Woodbridge Virginia for about 6 months and the only thing that has changed is: me. People seem to be envious of that. You would think that "Christians" those who go to church every Sunday, work in the church nursery, praise and worship God right beside me would be glad that I finally made the choice to let God take over my life. But no. They still hold grudges. They still have unpleasant things to say about me. The funny part is that they think that I don't know. But, I know as much as the Lord allows me to hear and to see. So, I do "know." 

Bible Study Reflection: (The Woman In the Mirrror) "Honesty isn't always Pretty"

Bible Study Reflection: Honesty is always pretty

I wanted so much for God to use me to teach his people how to love, that I became self righteous when he took me to the next level.

Bible study Monday night was intense. Thank God for bible study. For a chance to get it right before the day of judgement.

The Love, Beauty and Power of GOD: A life of Adventure

I feel like a queen without her castle/kingdom. I feel like I took a journey away from my kingdom to go do business in another kingdom. I know that God has called me to do something great. I know that he is molding me for greater. Preparing me to be equipped and handle the absolute best that he has just for me. I'm ready to go to he next level and nothing and no one is going to stand in my way from getting what God has for me. I tried to include other people in my blessings, but then they got jealous and weak in their spirit and let the devil control them. I don't need any weaklings on my team. 

That's why I asked God to send me his strongest warriors. Not just the strongest, but the strongest of the strong. Each day is a spiritual battle and those who don't believe that are foolish. The enemy is constantly trying to put doubt in your mind or turn you away fro GOD. So you have to fight for your sanity! 

Single and Ready to Mingle: Wait! Missionary Work?

When I think about who God is cleaning me up to be I found see myself in this form:

 
 Except I'm brown skin lol 

But as a queen with a lot of responsibility, power and authority backed under my belt. That title and position is what God called me to a few months ago, but I was not ready to accept it. 

I was so consumed in taking care of my bestfriend at the time and making sure that they were protected from the negative spirits that I knew were trying to attack them. Unfortunately they did not listen to me and lo an behold they found themselves in a hole and so did I for trying to help them and I missed out on the new car that God was going to bless me with... *sigh*

There are small parts of me that want to throw in the towel and say forget this. I really want to move on with my life. I want the things that God has for me. I know that somehow I'm suppose to start a ministry. It has been mentioned to me several times since being here, yet I have to be careful. When you do ministry work you are responsible for the souls of people. 

For some reason I feel compelled to help people. To comfort them. To hold them in my arms. To sing to them. To pray with them. Teach them about the love of God and how wonderful and awesome God is. I feel like if I don't get a chance to share this passion for God my head is going to pop clean off my body!

I'm normally a "lone wolf." I normally stay to myself. If you don't bother me then I won't bother you, type of person. But, recently here I have been feeling like I need to be more active in church and in the community. 

There is a message that the people need to hear and I know that God has birthed one in me to share, yet there are so many messages...

I have to pray, then I have to ask God to set up the right setting for the message to be heard in. 

A small part of me feels like God is cleaning me up so fast, that even I can't keep up. I still want to go out dancing, live life being a young folk but I found that God has placed me in the environment that a wife/mother should be in and not in a "college party" environment that my flesh would like to be apart of. 

Yeah, the environment I'm in is really not made for a single lady like myself. I'm suppose to be around other young folks who are single and ready to mingle like me... but I find that always surrounded, by families, couples, single mothers and children. All the time. 

"Hey GOD, did you forget that I'm single and I want to mingle?" lol

No, I'm sure he has not... 

Somewhere I Belong: The Light At The End of The Tunnel

 

I haven't been able to get good sleep for the last three days. My back hurts. I feel like my rib cage got kicked in. My body aches all over, but there is still a smile on my face. God is too awesome not to praise.

 They finally place me where they thought I would be the best fit out of all the schools and daycares. I will be working with the pre-k class, possibly the K's and the first graders too. There is a lot to do, so I won't ever get bored. 

I haven't been able to eat like I should, because I have been so worried about finding a place to stay. Before, it was finding a job. Now that I have a job and even more opportunities for jobs are pouring in, I just need a place to put my stuff and rest my head at night. 

I'm really trying to hard to get things off the ground, the right way. There are many things that I could do, to get myself out of this situation but I know that they would be displeasing to God and they would probably bring a lot of unneeded drama in my life. Yes, I need money, but selling my soul to the devil or being disobedient to God is not worth it to me. I have come so far, from where I use to be spiritually. 

My boyfriend, his family and their church family have all been a really big help. I could not have gotten this far without their encouragement, patience and most of all love. 

See, my boyfriend was given Gods favor. He is wise, patient, kind, understanding, humble and meek, His gift of discernment is off the map and overall he is just a really awesome strong man of God. I don't normally put too much attention on men, because in the past I have been done so wrong by them that in my pain I was too broken to see their good qualities. But, I am whole in God. I am loved by Jesus Christ. I am whole by the Father, the son and the holy spirit. 

There have been so many tears on this journey. I pretty much cried every single day. When one thing was going good another thing was falling apart, but GOD! OH! BUT GOD! He turned it around for his glory! He sent his angels to wipe my tears, to comfort me to protect me. 

I don't know why God put my boyfriend and I together, but I do know that I feel safe and I feel more love than I could ever imagine. Not only from him, but from his loving parents, his bestfriend and his church family. He shared his world with me and his support team. Each time I have asked for his help he has always been there and in my prayers I asked God each time to give him back tenfold in blessings for what he has not only given to me, but also for what he has given to others.

I never expected to be here in the first place. I didn't think my walk with Christ would lead me here. But since, I have been here I have been able to make some awesome new friends, minister to new faces and pray over and with people. 

I can honestly say that I'am truly a warrior for Gods love and or a gladiator for Christ. Before, I would always talk about it, but now I am actually living the life of one. There are days when I am tired and all I want to do is just go hide in a cave, but whenever I feel that way my boyfriend shows up or sends me a text to put a smile on my face to help me get through. I am truly blessed to know this young man. I never thought it was possible for any man to care about me so much or even love me at all. 

So, I'm not exactly where I want to be yet. But I know that God is opening doors as I type this for me to get to where he needs me to be. I still want to model and sing! Those are two of my biggest passions. But more than that I'm praying for stability in general in my life. I'm so tired of moving around, getting dropped off here, needing someone to pick me up and take me there. I just can't wait to get my own car and have my own place. So I can finally start doing my own thing again. But, God is working. God is moving. And everything will happen on his time. Not mine. 

God needs me to be here, for what exact reason I don't know. But, I'm sure he will let me know in due time.            

Willfulness & Self Control: The Greatest Gift Given to Us

Is Gods love

Each person, has Gods love in them. Whether they access that love is a part of free will.

When you tap into that Love, you also have access to others who love the way you do.

The gift is powerful.

The love is great.

The connection is wrapped in Gods peace.

That no man, situation, lust of flesh can break. 

This body is not our own. We are only borrowing it while we are earth. The biggest problem I faced in the past is that I wanted to act in my own will and not Gods. During the times when I did, God showed me is wrath and also his grace. Yet, even when I went through because of disobedience God still showed that he loved me, by maintain a peace through the situation. 

God is everywhere, so pray everywhere. 

The one thing that I discovered is that self control is a huge issue, and it comes right before lust. How do you step into the burning lava of lust? By having lack of self control. Well what if there was a way that you could avoid that all together, by being so wrapped in Gods plans for your life and wrapped in Gods love that you do not even have the desire to lust, to steal? etc

The things that God puts in front of us do not necessarily belong to us, sometimes they are gifts that God gives to us, but tells us that we can only look at but not touch. Why can't we touch them? Because God knows that, there are times when our flesh gets weak and he does not want to taint the gift with our fleshly fingerprints. 

The one thing that I wanted them to understand is not to love me, Jalysa. But love, the love of God in me. Not possess it. Not try to control it. Not try to beat it down. Just simply care, appreciate and love. 

I feel hurt when people don't recognize Gods love in me, because that means that they don't keep God on their mind often. I have watched the changed. I have seen us grow. And the truth is: Prayer works. Yes! Yes! Yes! Praying in the right spirit gets your prayers answered. 

I do believe that God is molding me to be a wife someday, but I do not know who I will have to submit to. That is one of the biggest things that I face because I would like and hope that God makes it so that I submit to a man that is Strong in faith. 

On another note: 

People think that comfort is something that is owed to them. But even comfort is a gift from God. When we act spoiled, entitled we diminish the gifts that God give to us and what makes it even worse is that when God does give us those gifts we also do not treat them very well. For example, why would your parents give you a brand new car, if they knew that you did not take of the last one very well? 

Live Inside of Your Dreams: The Biological Family (Dream)

The truth is, that it doesn't matter where I go in life I will be alone and that is something that I'm learning to accept...

There is never a day that I don't thank God for the families that he has placed me in, but now I feel as if my task and purpose for the so called: "biological" family has been fulfilled.

God places me in different families for different reasons. He needed me around the "biological" family so that I could remind them of my mothers heart. But now that they have their own lives and they are too distracted and or have no want to care about me, they also reject the heart that belongs to her that lives in me....

I admit that I have to remember that I can never stay too long with anyone family, because then I won't want to leave when God calls me to move.

I have tried to have friends. I have also tried to be apart of a family but I'm a "lone" wolf what can I say... I have always been that way. Then even if I wanted to be and or feel apart I would still feel separate because no matter where I go or which family I'm placed in I'm always the "different" one. The one that doesn't quite fit anywhere... so I do the best I can and then I move on.

But here is the reason I'm writing about this...

First let me say that I rarely have dreams, but when I do I remember them very vividly. Every detail. Every feeling within that detail. It is almost as if I physically lived in the scene that I dreamt.....hmmm.

Anyway...

I had a dream that I walked out of my grandmothers senior home, ready and eager to meet my "biological" family (My eldest aunt, her children, my second eldest aunt, her daughter and son, my sister and step dad...).

We were meeting at an Italian restaurant across the street of the senior facility. I don't remember what for, but I know that I was sort of rushing because I wanted to be on time.

When I finally arrived, they were all sitting outside in a sort of circle. They all stared at me as I looked around for a seat. Then they started to all talk at once to one another, as if they had not noticed that I was looking for a place to sit.

I finally found a place next to my cousin (the one that is married) and she and I made small talk, but the conversation disgusted me so much because I could see right through the fakeness. The fake care. She didn't really want to be talking to me.

She started talking to her husband.

So I turned my head to the other side and was greeted by the face of my eldest cousin. He has always been a very quiet, observant individual (I believe that he has spirit gifts that the rest of the family doesn't understand because they are too consume with 1. maintaining their "good" image in the community and 2. keeping up with what the world is doing).

He greeted me with the biggest and warmest of smiles with a "HEY!" As if he had not seen me in years. He also discerned that it was physically making me sick to be around such "fakeness" and mediocrity. So I smiled back and him. Then got up to leave. My eldest aunt (in her haughty princess like manner) asked "where are you going?" (the underline tone was: Oh, she thinks she is too good to hang out with us....)

I replied with a respectful and gentle, "nowhere..."
Then I continued to walk back to the senior home. No one else made any objections about me leaving.

I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to double check to see if anyway cared that I was leaving, but they were all immersed in their (collective) world, with the new baby, my cousin and her husbands life/lifestyle etc all family stuff...

It was at the moment in the dream where I felt my heart break in the real world. I knew that, that was the truth and also the death of a world that I once wanted to be apart of and felt safe in.

The truth  is that the biological family that I was given with the exception of my grandmother, maybe my sister and step dad... really don't care that much about me. And the day my grandmother passes away they really won't have anything to do with me then.

As it stands now, they never invite me to family functions and when they do they always put restrictions on how they except me to show up. For example, my cousin that is married had a graduation reception she told me not to come all dressed up and showy (you know how I like to dress up for God and look like the Queen that God molded me to be, right?) or else she wouldn't know me...

She could have been joking, but I know that from a lot of self reflection that anything that I say as a "joke" has a bit of truth it in. That's how she really felt and if she didn't really feel that way she would not have been moved to express it so boldly.

But it doesn't matter because I couldn't attend anyway. I didn't have any gas money to get there....

Long Status Reflections (1)

I decided to put the long status reflections into one place, that I can add to on a regular basis. It will make things a lot easier and give me room to share videos and pictures that I find or have that I feel may positively influence, guide, teach or inform someone else's life.


Queen through Christ Reflection:

Other people pine for the attention that I receive. But to be real, I barely notice it. That ability to have influence and gain attention is not my own. It comes from God.
When people see me, they get nervous and or they get shy. Its like they are in disbelief that they have someone in their life that could be so stunningly beautiful. But it is not me. God cleaned me up to be this way..... and He can clean you up too, when you are ready to be purged of the sickness in your heart.

Haters: See you in your dreams

I never thought that people would pay attention to me. In growing up I was never that popular anyway. I just stayed in my own little world with my books, my writings and with my music. I didn't bother anyone. Now, that I reflect I do remember always having the most trouble in the choirs. There was always so much jealousy and envy and negative energy. If the choir director felt like too many students were unhappy with me getting a lead part on a song they would give my part to another student or just cut the part all together. 

That's how I know that my voice is a gift from God. 

But...

I attended a concert. I don't go out that much like I use to, but when I hear a band that I really enjoy listening to then I make the time and effort to go support them and watch them perform. 

Then I went dancing. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to dance. Yet, the more I go out the more hate and jealousy I notice in the world. Then everywhere I go people want to control me. Men and women. 

The other thing is that I'm not a big fan of people saying "oh you look like someone that I know!" She said it as if all people of color look alike. I don't look like anyone but me, because I'm brown skin doesn't mean that I look like your brown skin friend from college. We aren't all the same, just like all the people that have white or orange or purple skin aren't the same. 

Anyway, she asked if she could take a picture with me and I told her no. Then I watched as her true colors started to show.  She isn't the first person that I refused to take a picture with. I'm not a trophy prize. I'm not a barbie that you can just sit on the shelf. I don't care if you don't like me. I don't care if you don't get your way. People are so immature. They think that just because they have money or because they have ten billion friends when they only hang out with five of them that they can run the world. 

No. You can run the world in your head but you aren't going to run any world that I'm apart of. 

Go throw your tantrums with someone else. 


I told the girl that I'm sorry that I don't want to take a picture and then I told her that Jesus loved her and she stormed off like a raging bull showing her drunk guy friend the middle finger. That's what happens when people get plastered. They lose that filter that they were taught through socialization into having and they start showing their true colors. I watched her huff and puff until she disappeared out the door, laughing the whole time. Then I continued to dance.

Then the guy that she was with, was drunk out his mind and he kept looking at me like he wanted to eat my face off. He tried to ask me why she was upset and I just shrugged my shoulders and kept dancing. It is true the more confident I get in my walk with Jesus Christ, the more haters I find that I have. 

And they come in all shapes and sizes. 

Sometimes I get those really "cutesy" chicks who smile in your face and say how pretty you are, but the second you turn your back they make some rude and off hand comment. I give them a look and they smile back because they know that I know or either they are too drunk to realize that I know and think they are getting away with being hateful.