"I'm Just Being Realistic: Sad Generation of "Men"

I had to take a very small break from focusing on the modeling and singing so that I could reflect on a pattern that I have noticed the decline of...

Maturity: Love That Heals

I Forgive myself for allowing you to make me upset. 

I forgive myself from any and all poor choices made.

I forgive myself for being too giving to a person(s) who didn't care about my life.

I forgive myself for wasting my time.

There is a place where healing begins.
I never thought that Healing was very important.
I also never thought that it would be presented to me in an unconventional way.

Some people pay someone else to listen to their "problems, issues, troubles..."
Some people write, sing, dance: Create.
Then you have some people who just keep their pain to themselves.

R-E-A-W-A-K-E-N-I-N-G: Rise Of The Queen

I'm in a new place now.

Stronger

Wiser

Faster

Resilient

Comfortable In My Own Skin

I would say about, 8 months ago, all I wanted to do was die.  I couldn't think I could not function, my entire life revolved around "why me?" I felt defeated, raped and robbed of my joyful spirit. But, I knew that it was my own fault. I had to take responsibility for being so easily deceived. The devil tricked. Yeah, asshole got me. I didn't even see it coming. But, I realized that everything happens for a reason and that everything that is negative was turned around for my good.

I don't have any regrets about what I did, said, did not do or say while I was in VA, but every sleepless night, every tear, every moment of confusion led me to where I am today: peaceful. But cautious.

You see, I will never put another man on a pedestal again, nor will I ever allow a man to use his "resources" to allure me away from the flock. I was so happy to meet a man that I thought was about that "christian life." I thought him being about that life, would ignite a new passion in me to be about that life too. But it wasn't his desire to be about it that ignited my passion for God again, it was his (their) betrayal, the injustice, the murder of my child like spirit.

Every setback. Every stab in the back. Every sleepless night. It is all used for my good.

I had no choice but to delete many of the "family" that I met in VA from my Facebook because I was in a dark place. A very dark place. Such a dark place, that satan himself could have asked me to marry him and I would have said yes... yep, that dark. 

I had to cut them off, so I could focus and so that I could protect them from the anger and the hate that I felt toward and about that situation. I recently added a couple of the faces that I most admired back into my life. I only added the ones that were mature enough to understand what the "fight" is all about. Spiritual warriors for Gods' Love. 

The ones who don't run to mommy and daddy every time they get a scrape on their knee. You're a grown ass man/woman stop sucking on your mothers nipple and pick up a weapon and learn how to defend yourself. 

Stop blaming your screwed up life on other people. You made the choice to marry that person, or open your legs to that man and to have a baby with him. So now you deal with the consequences. 

Just like I made the choice to believe that they could be trusted.

We all make choices. But I don't run from my consequences. I face them head on, with complaints, without complaints. But I never give up and I never stop fighting. 

Yeah...I guess, I figure that if I had to learn how to fight out in a new place, on my own then others should learn how to too, because sooner or later their parents will leave this earth and they will be faced to meet the claws of injustice that rapes the world as we speak. 

Boring: If This is Hell (Cry Of The Warrior)

The only thing that is keeping me sane are my blogs and my journals. If this is hell then Jesus get me out of here because I'm bored. The only other time I was bored to death was when I was stuck in Virginia. 

I wish I could call God and ask him why he keeps putting me in these country ass situations, where I'm around families and kids all the time. Please, don't get me wrong kids are great, but as a single woman with no kids and trying to live my life I feel different about things. 

Young mothers' and fathers' care about the things that their children say and do, naturally they are the parent. But I don't. This is my time to be a little bit selfish in life. I spent enough of my time trying to build that "family life" that God approves of and now I don't' want to anything to do with it. 

When I first mentioned that if God didn't send my husband then all I wanted was money and motorcycle. I got a lot of flake for saying that from "small community Christians." 

I look at things differently. You have some that are in the military who strictly sit behind a desk all day and process papers. They are still considered soldiers. Then you have others who are out in the field who actually fight on the battlefield. Their perspective on life is a little bit different than the solider sitting behind the desk. 

That is how I feel about meeting Christians who have mommy to breast-feed them at 30 and daddy to kiss their boos and scrapes late into their 20's. Time to get off the nipple. I was so annoyed in Virginia because that's all I was around cookie cutter Christians. I only met like two who were actually warriors for Gods' love and understood about the "fight." Everyone else was clueless. How is your dad a pastor and a mom a teacher and you're clueless to what spiritual warfare is all about or you run from it? 

Please get me some soldiers who already know how to fight, in Jesus NAME. I can't have rookies watching my back. In translation: I was out in the field with rookies watching my back and that's when I got attacked big time. I'm still in recovery so to speak. A bit traumatized but its nothing that God himself, can't fix. Don't need a shrink to try and empathize with me. Just need some serious praise and worship time around people who are Warriors like myself. 

There was a point when I thought that a few of the rookies really understood what I was saying, but then I realized they were capable of understanding about spiritual warfare but they didn't know how to conduct themselves on the battlefield. Its like talking about a war that you only watched from a distance, but never actively took part in. You see all the moves and methods but you are not the one making them. 

So, I fought alone with the strength of God backing me. 

Established Rules: Single and Never Been Married

As the Queen Through Christ I am a aware of a few things:
1. Is that my life is not my own.
2. That I have a lot of work to do for the kingdom of God. 

God Had Other Plans: Damsel in Distress (No More)

I'm so tired of trying to figure out the "why" to the "situation" that I swear I'm about to lose my mind. Why would any man be that cruel to use God as a means to get close to me? Why would he purposely make a promise to help, drag me out of my comfort zone and then abandon me like that? How does that show love? 

(Reflection) Adventure in VA: Purpose to Sing

(Reflection)Adventure in VA: the majority of the lady and men folk I met can sing all day. I found a "family" in the community of passionate singers (that was my gift) like myself.

Yet, sometimes when us singers get together it feels more like a competition and some days in my time there that's what it felt like. Competition, Favoritism, and Jealousy. When I'm in a choir I'm there to learn. Even if I'm not that passionate about the song. I enjoy learning it anyway, because there is always something NEW you can take from something unfavorable.

A part of me didn't feel that I had any room to spread my "singing wings." I wanted to much to do more. My spirit was always calling to serve, but as soon as I would get up enough courage to say something about that, then someone else had already taken the "position" or the position was already given to someone else out of favoritism. 

Please, don't get me wrong I love to sing, any music that can be used to edify God, encourage or inspire another life to do better in their own I'm all for. But, favoritism. I'm not for that. How do you know that someone else isn't more qualified for the position? You never even gave them a chance. 

But on another note:

I met a young lady and man who both have excellent classical voices. When I discovered that they could sing like that, I almost choked on my own happiness. lol Wow! people that like classical music like me! Cool! haha

It was a "learning" experience. But, more than that I learned that in order to lead you have to be able to follow and take instruction. You can't be a leader and think you know it all, because God will end up showing you a thing or two that just might blow your mind

Revelation about Beauty: Beauty From Pain

Some women get to be Mary Poppins, Others get to be GI Jane. 

Sometimes you get to pick. Other times life picks for you. 

You're So Aggressive! (Warrior Mentality)

I use to hear in the past: "Jalysa you are too aggressive" You scare men away. So, I always thought "what's wrong with me?" "Why do all the guys I like runaway from me?" These were my thoughts before I knew who I was through Christ. The enemy had me at a very interesting point. My head was filled with doubts, fears and worries. I tried to change myself into everyone else, except who God wanted me to be. 

I also tried to change jokers into kings or princes. If, I would have known how much time and money (yes, I use to buy my guys all kinds of stuff too) that I would waste I would have thought twice about being so "caring" "loving" "understanding" and "sweet." 

The "VOICE OF REASON"

I have been in Woodbridge Virginia for about 6 months and the only thing that has changed is: me. People seem to be envious of that. You would think that "Christians" those who go to church every Sunday, work in the church nursery, praise and worship God right beside me would be glad that I finally made the choice to let God take over my life. But no. They still hold grudges. They still have unpleasant things to say about me. The funny part is that they think that I don't know. But, I know as much as the Lord allows me to hear and to see. So, I do "know." 

More Mature Perspective: Crown of a king, Responsibility of a joker

Marriage sounds like a fun adventure, 

but submitting to a man does not lol

Let me give a small summary: 
Most of the men that I have met (whether during this spiritual journey or not) have always been very weak in their spirit. The littlest thing would set them off or one disagreement would make them break up with me. I don't want to be married to any man who is weak like that. That doesn't make for a sturdy foundation at all. 

The reason why I'm thinking about this so much is because many of the young women in the community I'm currently apart of are engaged or married. I'm at point where I have dated enough "Mr. Almost Rights" to realize that I'm not ready to submit to any man. 
Once I submit to the man that is suppose to be my husband then that means he is in control over me, and he has access to my gifts. And from there is has access to the power behind those gifts as well. 

Its bad enough where I have to go to a job with power hungry men sloths. Always bossing me around telling me what to do, when I leave when I do this or that or what I should be doing. When I already know. Blah blah blah and then after I would have to come home to hear my husband say something like, "you didn't cook." 
Men are naturally selfish and I don't have time for it. 

All they think about is themselves anyway, why would I want to submit to that? But lo and behold if you go around saying things in this community like, " I don't want to be married I just want shoes, clothes, money a big house and a sports car" they will stone you! OH! how dare you not want to give up your power to a man? How rude! How ungoldly for you not to want to get bossed around by your husband. 

I just feel like marriage is nice if God sends you a man that is already on fire for God and walking right, but not all the time God will do that. Sometimes you will meet your husband in the most unlikely situation because together you and him have a powerful testimony that maybe other married couples need to hear, so if they go through it, it will give them hope and guidance on how to better handle the situation, you know? 

But mostly I feel like marriage is a trap for women. Why does he get to call all the shots just because he is a man? How sexist is that? What if I'm spiritually stronger than my husband and I'm doing all the right things, going to church, tithing, fasting and praying and he isn't going to church or he isn't on one accord with me? Do I still have to submit to him? From what I understand of the parts of the bible I read on marriage that answer is YES! 

And its like WHOA! That's why I'm not in a rush to get attached to NO MAN, because so far just dating, men are headache enough. One day this want you. The next day they don't. And its like man dude, get it together already. A lot of men want to play the role of the king but have the responsibility of the joker... 

Missing My Grandma: Welcome To The Party You Never Showed Up For

I feel very alone. I miss my grandmother very much, but each time I try to go back home something always happens to where I never can make it there. 

This is my situation: 

1. The person who brought me here abandon me. 

2. I'm stuck in a place where I don't really know anyone. 

3. I don't have any of my family nor friends here. 

4. I don't have a car to get to the places that I need to go. 

5. This is my first time being out on my own like this. 

6. I need a lot of support and encouragement

7. The person who brought me here stopped supporting and encouraging me. 

If you look at those 7 things, the first thing you might think is, "dang that's messed up!" Trust me every person that I share this part of my testimony with, says the same thing. There is no way around it. There is no way to put a pretty bow on it and make it look nice. 

But, what is worse is that the people who swear up and down that they love God, well they knew about them doing me dirty and did nothing about it. They sat back and watched them treat me bad. 

They laughed. They made jokes at my expense. The entire time while they were doing this, I was steadily praying for them, so that their situation could be made right. And lo' and behold not much longer after they were re-united with the love of their life, while I was losing mine. 

I tried to tell people in my new "Christian family" about what was going on and they would just sweep it under the rug and laugh it off like it was no big deal. They would have felt really bad if a suicidal spirit jumped on me and took me under and I ended up killing myself. But to God be the glory for giving me the strength to overcome. To God be the glory for sending "spiritual parents" to guide me to scriptures that were able to feed my spirit to keep me from being overtaken by negative spirits. 

When I tell you that the spiritual battlefield is real. 
I mean exactly what I say. 

Glory Be To God: Give Love To Get Love

I thank God for keeping me safe and for providing for me. Glory be to God for his mercies and grace over my life. I thank God for sending his only son to die on the cross for my sins. Without the obedience of his son and the sacrifice of God, I would not be able to have a connection with Abba Father.
                             
SO, here we are going to recap some of the most handsome and beautiful faces. God sent them to love me and to keep a smile on my face while on this journey. And I thank God for each and every one of them! And so, I dedicate this blog to their memory and to always loving them!

Hope you enjoy! I love you!
 

Beauty: Like A Double-edged Sword

I'm not one to lie or to bite my tongue. If I feel some type of way you will know because I like truth, even if it hurts. The given ability to endure during painful realizations or truths in life, is what makes me strong. I'm still here. I aint dead yet... I still have some fight left in me. And as long as I can fight, then I'm going to praise God will my heart, mind, soul, spirit and body! Praise God like I lost my mind.

I admit that this walk with Christ, is not a "walk in the park." There are days when I want to go back to my old way life. Back to the days when I felt like I was "big ballin!" Going to house parties every weekend, going to the club, having men buy me drinks and other material possessions. Whatever I wanted I could have and all I had to do was be cute and sexy. And it was mine. I still have that power, but it I chose to transform that power when I re-dedicated my life to servering God.

Yes, those days were fun. I was high on life and doing whatever I wanted to do. But, even those they may have been fun. They were also the most sloppiest and tackiest of moments in my life. But, God can transform anyone. From a slave into a Queen or King and that is what he did with me. There are still some rough edges, that God is chipping away.

It is crazy once you find a source that can fill you with intense and immense joy just from making a promise. Nothing in the world can do that, because everything in the world is temporary. People make promises everyday in the world but then they break them. Why? Because they don't care. But who does care? God. In all the mess that I have ever been in God has always opened a door for me to escape. I mean I technically should be dead right now, with all the dumb stuff I put myself in.

Even in this situation I'm in currently. It is only the mercies and grace of the Lord and joy from the holy spirit that is holding my broken heart, and sanity together. Glory be to God. Why? Because I never thought that someone who claimed to love, trust and have confidence in God could be so cruel. How do you go from talking about God, reading me scriptures and taking me to church every Sunday to not speaking to me at all? Wow, that would make anyone trying to establish a strong walk with God get discouraged and possibly backslide. But, even though they weren't walk in Truth, I chose to rise above. To go to a higher level. Not only walk in the Gods' truth, but his peace and love too. All levels are hard, because I can feel things getting easier. I trust that my breakthrough is around the corner. In the name of Jesus.
　

 

 

The Empty Seat: Love, Faith, Truth

 

 

When you miss someone, you just miss them. There isn't anything you can do about this missing that person if they are ready to receive the love that God has placed inside of you to share, nor the changes that he has made in you.

The more you try to contact them. The more you push them away.

The more you try to understand why they aren't on one accord with the rest of the "team" the more hurt and confused you become.

So. I stopped trying to figure out the "why?" And I started putting my trust in God. Only. There is nothing on this earth that would bring me more joy, than 1. to have Jesus Christ return and 2. To have them back in my life, ready to walk in the truth of God and praise God, better than we did before.

But each walk with Christ is different. I feel as though God has advanced me to "level 5" and now, being here in this "spiritual bootcamp" I have to go back to level one and build the foundation with the word of God.

When I attend the G. Craig Lewis service Friday Decemeber 20th, 2013, I sat next to my "VA spiritual family" but to the left of me was an empty seat. Then there was an older black couple on the other side of that seat. In front of me were two of my favorite people. A couple. Both with smiles that can light up any room and hearts bigger than to sun full of the love of God. Then to the right of me was another couple. If ever I were to be adopted, I think they would adopt me because they are real like myself but they laugh and know how to have a good time as well. All the couples were so filled with joy from the holy spirit.
                                    
I prayed that God would show me that my prayers were being answered, but I was not prepared for the feeling of loneliness that came over me during that event.

I kept looking at that empty seat beside me thinking: "If only they were here. I know they would have a good time. I'm surrounded by all this love, the presence of the holy spirit is here, we have access to truth that we wouldnt' get anywhere else. Where are they? Why are they not apart of all the love and truth that God has given me the opportunity to be apart of. They have the same opportunity too..."

I never found any answers to all the questions I had that night, except for one about leading a ministry. What I found is that technically I can't or it is unwise to lead a ministry without a strong man of God in my life, be it my husband or dad to "protect me." After I found that out I was a little bit bummed out. So I have no choice but to need a man in my life, if I really want to be the leader in something. *sigh* Guess, I better ask God to clean me up so he can send my husband, soon. There are lives to be saved. And people out in the world who need to hear about the goodness and mercies of God, and the teachings of Jesus Christ to restore hope to their lives.

"Get my house in order" that's what Papa Teel says. But, I can't do much without my other half, whoever that is suppose to be.

The Strength Of God Has Brought You This Far...

I'm slightly overwhelmed with emotion at the reflection and revelations I have received as of late. I always knew that God gave me the strength to overcome, but I did not know how much strength he gave me.

I'm not here to paint a fairytale picture, nor lie about events that took place in this journey. I'm here to tell you the truth, about what happen. What I did, what I said, what they did what they said and how we did not focus on God and what our focus should have been, could have been and what our focus looks like now.

God is the ultimate navigator. Every time I tried to do things my way, it may have worked for a day or even a week but as soon as something hit me. I went down and everyone around me was affected. I had to keep in mind that what I do, and also what I say affects those around me. My life is not my own. It never was. God created me to be a blessing to his people. But when I'm stuck in my flesh, selfish and unfocused how can I be a blessing? The answer is: I can't. At that point I become a hinderance and a bother. A "distraction."

I will never forget when they told me that I was a "distraction." It broke my heart because I thought I was helping. But, the truth its not "helping" when you do things that take their attention away from God. Everything should be about God. Everything we say, think and do should be representative of how Jesus Christ lived.

But, I have been here for almost 4 months or maybe a little longer. I spent Thanksgiving here, now I'm spending my birthday and I'll probably be here for Christmas too. Working. Saving money. Trying to get on my feet. God had to cut, my "happy" from me and my idea of "stability" so that I could only see, know and depend on him. He didn't just move me away so that I could focus on him, but he moved me away so that they could focus on God too.

Everything isn't always about us. Each day we interact with people we have the potential to share the love of God in us. It doesn't have to be through speech or ministering. It can be through our actions too. Giving a hug. Being a listening ear. Praying with someone going through a struggle. Be a blessing to someone else's life, not by giving them money (unless the holy ghost leads you too) but by being positive, patient, loving, kind etc and those are the things that will be remembered long after God has moved you from that place.

 

Revelation: (Mirror Conversations) THE WOMAN GOD NEEDS FOR HIS PEOPLE TO SEE

I do not write for form nor fashion, nor so that people will like me. I write because I want to show the process of what a walk with Christ can look like. There will be no walk with Christ exactly the same, because we each go through different lessons in life. We each grow differently. But the end is the same, for us to be used for the glory of God.

One of the things that I had to overcome is forgiveness. I thought that if I apologized to them that everything would just be perfect like it was before. But the real test wasn't in apologizing to them, it was in forgiving myself.

I was so hurt by the situation and even more angry at myself for not knowing how to help them. I felt it was my duty to comfort, protect and love them through any and all changes that they went through but instead of doing that I fell prey to my flesh and became selfish and arrogant. They needed a friend, and I covered the love of God in me with pride, selfishness and anger, so that they could not reach his (God) love in me.

I was upset with myself because I couldn't "save" them I didn't know the right words to help them out of their situation. I didn't have enough money to make "it all better." I felt useless. All I could do was sit back and watch them fall into more confusion. I tried to pray, but I wasn't in the right spirit all the time. I was too busy worrying about myself instead of trusting in God to take care of me and attending to what their needs were with the word of GOD.

We have to remember that it is not about us. It is about other people. Every blessing, every gift that God has given us is used to be a blessing to someone elses' life and for the glory of God.

God, blessed me with a heart of empathy, a heart of compassion. A heart to love his people. To comfort and protect and instead of using that gift for good I allowed my flesh to take over and shut it down.

So God had to move me away, not only so he could have their full attention, but also so I could learn how to love his people again.

The process is never easy. There will be tears. There will be times where you may be uncomfortable but trust in God. I can write that now because I'm walking in it. And little by little God reveals to me the things about myself that are holding me back from walking in the fullness of his Greatness.

I can not go back and redo what has been done, but I can move forward with the new revelations that God has given me and apply them to my life currently.

I pray for them daily. I love them with all my heart. I ask God to protect them and heal them. I asked that God go in and fix the mess that I made. Each time we don't act in love, we leave a negative imprint on someone's heart. I pray that God removes that negative imprint that I made on their heart and he restores them to full joy in him and to full confidence and trust in him (God) as well.

I never want to see any of my brothers nor sisters hurt because of something that I allowed my flesh to say or do. That is not how Christ was and if I claim to love God I also must commit to learning how Jesus Christ walked in the love of God, in the peace of God and in the truth of God.

I pray and ask God to fill me with more of his loving spirit. To cut off all things that are unholy, unrighteous, and or unclean in me. I do this because I want to love his people better. So that I never enter into another situation where someone needs my help and I am not able to help them because I'm too weak to fight against my flesh. Before I didn't know much scripture, let me tell you the word of GOD is a must when you are on the spiritual battlefield. That is one of your most powerful weapons. Without it you are "crippled"! Must read it and meditate on it daily.

It is food for your spirit.

 

 

Spiritual Maturity (Part 1)

When you allow God to take over your heart, mind, body, soul and spirit he can mature you as fast or as slow as he wants to. Sometimes he will keep putting you in the same situation just with different people, to see if you have learned the "theme" of the lesson. Other times he will separate you from everyone and anyone that you use to be "friends" with, to show you that you can only depend and rely on him (God).

God is maturing me at an incredibly fast rate. Since I stepped foot in VA, it was been the Journey of "firsts." I'm reading and mediating on scripture more, attending church regularly and actually give God all my praise now, attending bible study, singing at concert with an awesome community group choir, fasting and praying none stop 24/7.... I'm changed. I'm still changing. Like I said before, this is certainly spiritual bootcamp and I am defintely being prepared for something great.

I wish I knew what it was, but I suppose that if I knew then I would try to help God teach me. Hahaha. God doesn't need my help to do anything. I need his, daily.

Even the people that I thought I was suppose to "look up" too now seem immature to me. I'm gravely disappointed that the people I thought were my friends here, are really not. The hurtful thing is that they smile in my face each time they see me, but I really see their true colors now. Matter of fact I know that they were ones to aid in the entire downfall of my "happiness." All because they were jealous. But, to God be the glory. I don't hold a grudge against them. I still love them. Because even when Jesus knew that Judas was going to betrayed him he still treated him with love.

But, it just makes me more aware now. I'm not like them. I will never be like them and I don't care to be. I like fashion. I like makeup. I like going on adventures and starting projects. And most of all I like to protect all the sheep, not just one or a few. I watch out for everyone. Whoever is most in need, is who I offer to help first. If they accept it. Then wonderful. If not, that is there choice too.

I'm at a point in my life, where I don't have time for the games. The fake friends. If you knew how they were why didn't you pull me to the side and let me know something, instead of keeping me in the dark? But like I said, it doesn't matter. Because I have surpassed all of them in a very unique way and all I'm concerned about is going to the next level in my walk with Christ.

Glory be to God.

 

The Million Dollar Question: Why Are You So Aggressive??

People ask me that question, all the time and to be honest after much reflection I really don't know exactly but I have a couple of reasons.

1. I grew up in a household of strong women. There was mostly abuse in the all the relationships that the women in my family were apart of. So, an example of what a good Christian marriage looks like was never in my memory bank.
                    
2. Most of the men that I found a pattern of me dating were always the "nice guys" and I found that the nice guys never had much of a backbone. When other dudes would come up to me and try to get "boughty boughty" because they wanted my attention, the dude I was dating would just stand there and watch him grab on me or he would "run to the car." Haha, yep...

So, from those experiences I started to just stand up for myself.

I don't have any choice but to be aggressive because the men who come into my life are not strong enough to play the masculine "aggressive" role. They get a little splinter in their finger and turn into drama kings! *ugh*

Especially Christian Men: How is he going to be the head of the household, protect his wife and children when he is throwing a tantrum, being selfish and acting like a jerk? Nor can he be the king with the attitude and behavior of a joker. Always laughing because everything is so funny. Better to make a joke about it and sweep it under the rug than actually deal with the problem. And God wants me to submit to that? *UGH*


Then when the "nice guys" would start showing their true colors. I started to get pissed. Not only could not stand up for me, but they were always treating me like crap because they were too weak to stand up to the man who made them cower with their tail between their legs. Wow!

Thanks. So much for showing that you love me (insert sarcasm).

Most of the men I meet just don't have a backbone strong enough for me. They always claim that they can "handle me." But as soon as something goes wrong then they start throwing a tantrum... "I just want my space back..." DUDE! your a grown man and you are whining because you have to share your space. WOW. get real.

I'm sorry, but I'm just telling it like it is. Too weak, too immature. If I wanted to raise a boy into a man, I would just ask God to bless my womb with a son. But, since I'm not in a position to properly take care of children. I shouldn't be training and grown adult male how to be a man.

I mean dang my dead great great great great great, ancient bones grandpa has more backbone in his pinky then most of these guys out here! Its pathetic.

Every time they get into a bind, they always run to mommy and daddy to put a band-aid on it. Dude! Its life. Suck it up! Got a scrape on their knee and now they need a flinstones band-aid and a lollipop to make them feel better. Instead of them facing the issues head on they either:

1. Bury themselves into video games, work, food or hanging out with the boys.

2. Throw tantrums

3. Distance themselves entirely from the situation

What makes it even worse are meeting men who claim to be CHRISTIAN and flaunting around their bold faith, confidence and trust in God and then when one horrible thing happens all of that goes straight out the way. How are you going to be a KING, but you acting like a joker? DUDE get real!

That's why men don't like me because I tell me what the real is and I don't bite my tongue for anyone. Yes, I can be sweet but when it comes to how a real man should act (especially a Christian man) please don't get me started or we will be at that converstation all day and I will start PREACHING!

And of course other women always think its "no big deal" until it happens to them. What if you came home one day and your husband had his bags packed and was ready to walk out the door? Or he started hanging out with his home boys all the time?

None of the relationships that I have had, except one were that deep but the examples are still the same. The distance. The rejection. The confusion all lead to hurt. And if he was any of kind of man and really loved you, he would just talk to you about it. Or if there were any apologizing that needed to be done. He would just admit that he was a selfish jerk, apologize and move on. Not through a text message, but to your face. Like a real man should.

Too many boys trying to fill their daddies shoes way before their time. You don't even have chest hair yet and you trying to "run the show" BOY! Please get your life in check!

But... on the other side. I do have that hope. That God hears my prayers about what type of husband I want. Because the one thing that is an absolute requirement is for my husband to have a strong backbone. To be able to stand up for himself and for his loved ones.

I won't submit to a man who is a punk. If he is a punk then he will raise my sons to be punks too. And what good will that do on the spiritual battlefield? NONE 



 

 

Riding with the Craigslislt Truck Driver

People have to understand that when you go through a break up, for some it takes less than a day to "get over it" and for others it takes longer. I really love him and although, I didn't always say the right things or respond in the best way. I NEVER left his side when things were falling a part in his life.

So, for him to do me "dirty" like this and for no one to say anything makes me question what kind of Christian folk I'm dealing with? "Put it in Gods hands", says the choir....yeah but God gave us brains to do the RIGHT THING. I had common sense enough to do the right thing: repent to God, then apologize not only in a text but also to his face. Yes, I asked God for the courage to make it right on my end.

IF your boyfriend or husband or any man that you trusted promised they would stay by your side through your transition and then because you weren't finding paid work fast enough, and because you weren't saying the right things and acting in a way that pleased his ego... and he drop kicked you to the curb in the middle of a new town where you don't know anyone, far away from your family, you would be pissed too. The least he can do is take me home since he brought me here. wow...

Anyway, I did post an ad on craigslist so that I could get out of Woodbridge, VA. I'm tired of being in the same town of as him, going to same church and bible study and him not evening saying hi. How rude? He brought me here, then he just abandons me in the middle of my transition. Wow. Thanks a lot. And a lot of the young folks around here have always had mommy and daddy to rely on, so when they try to give me advice it makes me roll my eyes. PLEASE! Don't try to give me advice on a situation that you don't understand.

I wanted to get in that truck with that truckdriver that I met off cragislist. He said that I didn't have to pay and he also said that he would help me a bus ticket to get closer to my destination. But then my grandmother called me and said that she tried to pray and that she had a "bad feeling." That her "visions" were not right. This of course happened right after I spoke to God and asked him to send me confirmation on what he wanted me to do.

I want to go home, but the guy who brought me here won't take me home. I want to be with my family, but I can't get to them. I'm only 3 hours away and I can't even get to my family. I already spent thanksgiving here, which was nice but inside I was crying the whole time. I wanted to spend the holidays with my family. Everyone else got a chance too, so why can't I?

I will never trust another man again. Every time a man comes into my life he always messes things up. Makes promises and then breaks them. If he was in the situation he would want justice to be done too. He wouldn't want someone to make promises to them and then break them at the last minute, during the most critical time when you need them the most! Are you kidding? Then walk around like nothing ever happen. Dude GET REAL!

There isn't anything left to do except to wait for either one of two things to happen for God to: 1. send me a car or 2. for God to send someone to come and pick me up and take me home.