Birds of a Feather Flock Together: Responsibility and Accountability

If you hang around potheads, alcoholics, crack heads, thieves, liars what does that say about your character? 

Birds of a feather flock together, right? 

Now, people with those afflictions are not necessarily "bad" they are though associated with destructive behaviors and or paths that could get them or someone else into trouble or even killed. Whether we are aware of it or not we affect the lives of other daily, with how we think, act and conduct ourselves as human beings. That's why it is important to "be the change you wish to see." 

Also, if you don't have a strong independent spirit and or lack self confidence you can and will be easily manipulated, tricked and used. You never want to be "at the mercy of the tiger." You want to be in a position where you have the option to walk away from a situation that is not helping you to be better and do better for yourself. The worst thing you can do is  tie yourself into an agreement with someone who is irresponsible, because if they don't pay their portion of the bills then you will be held accountable for theirs and yours. 

And that's not fair to you. Unless you grow a backbone and hold them accountable for their portion of the bills, they will always expect you to take care of everything for them. That's why I'd rather not do a roommate situation, but if I absolutely had to I would get everything in writing. One day you and your roommate are friends and the next day they are getting mad and throwing a tantrum over something stupid and screaming they will leave and "break the lease." Go ahead and break the lease, it will affect your credit not mine. I'll just find another roommate. Any roommate who gets so mad that they would put their own stability in jeopardy can not be trusted to help you maintain yours, if you ever found yourself an unlikely financial situation.  

I often learn the whole lesson, then I pick and choose which parts of the lesson go best with where I am at in life. 

Here are two lessons: responsibility and accountability. From here on out I only want to associate with people who are responsible, understanding, mature and professional. 

Being responsible means "I really want those pair of shoes, but I know that I need the money to pay my bills on time. So, I'll wait until I save up the extra money..." But people aren't like that nowadays. They think they can cheat the game and get away with it. But as long we keep play the, "I need money" game we will never be truly free. 

"That's Not Who You Really Are..." (How Would You Know?)

When you are strong, people assume that that is how you always are and always will be. 

But that is far from the truth. Those who are considered to be strong in spirit get tired too. They go through bad days and confused emotions just liked everyone else, but they don't necessarily show them as often as others.

So...

People often disappoint themselves when they assume, instead of "know." Whatever happen to "getting to know" someone? I feel as though that very important step has been taken out of the "relationship" process. 

When people assume that someone is a certain way, they set themselves up for disappointment. What if you think someone is a perfect angel and then they do something that you don't agree with? Well (in my experiences) that automatically makes you not want to further get to know them. Then the judgments come in. 

Then you start to assume the worst about someone, based off of that one moment in time. 

People assume that because I like makeup, dressing up and wearing high heels that it automatically makes me "superficial..." *how sad*

Why can't I enjoy looking good for myself? 

Why can't I like enhancing the beauty that God gave me with a little eyeliner or lip gloss? 

Why can't I enjoy wearing whatever makes me feel the most beautiful? 

Kings Don't Share Castles

When you are in college it makes sense to share an apartment with someone because you two are on the same page and trying to get your life in order. I can even understand being in master's school and sharing an apartment too. 

But, after you get out in the real world any real man who claims to be "grown" should pay all his own bills and be the king of his own castle. If they don't they are not a real man. They are not a king.

I Have the Power To Make Myself Happy What About You?

Often, times when people are insecure they reveal themselves to you in the most unpleasant of ways. People who have self esteem issues tend to say things like:

"You made me feel this way..."
"You did this to me..."

I can pin point people like that because I use to say those very same things when someone would do something that I did not like and or did something that "hurt" my feelings. 

Stop Apologizing For Being Beautiful

I have not written in awhile. I have been busy with interviews and auditions. I refuse to sit back and waste my life talking about my dreams instead of making my dreams come true.

I spent too much waiting for other people to give me permission to tap into my own strength and abilities. I believed that they knew better than myself about myself. I believed they were wise and maybe for that season they were wise but I once again out grew them...

I'm always out growing people. When others are on level one I'm already on level five, for example.

Maturity is difficult to walk in because sometimes it requires you to "think before you speak" and wisely react to unexpected situations, among other things all at the same time. But, it also requires that you walk in confidence too. Something that I never thought I could do.

For example, I'm aware that people think that I am beautiful. But, I use to apologize for being beautiful because I heard things like... "Oh, she thinks she is all that?" "Oh, she is stuck up!" "oh, she is a snob!" Why do you consider me a snob? You have yet to speak to me and you know nothing about me, yet you assume that because I like to dress up and look nice for myself that I'm a snob? Well... guess what that sounds like a personal problem.

I'm no longer going to apologize for being beautiful. 

I'm no longer going to stop dressing up, wearing makeup, singing bold and loud, wearing high heels and standing up for myself because other people are not confident in their own skin to hang out with me and or be around me. I'm no longer going to sit quietly in the corner watching other people live their lives to the fullest while I'm driving myself crazy trying to figure out how I can make other people like me or "feel comfortable" around me. If you don't feel comfortable that sounds like a personal problem. I am who I am. Big Personality and All. 

If my beauty intimidates you then you are the one with the insecurity and you should seek God so He can help you find peace with the beauty you were given.  The End. With Love. 

You Are The Life of The (((PARTY)))

I have not been able to write in this blog in awhile.

Here are some things that are going on in my life, that I hope that someone out in the "real world" can understand...

Everyone wants to laugh (hee hee haa haa) when things are going great. It is always a fun time when the party is in motion. But, what happens when the party is over and it is time to clean up? 

How many people stick around to help you clean up the stinky beer rings on your table, floor and chairs? 

How many people stick around to help you clean up the throw up from too much drinking, the blood from the fights and organize your home back to the way it was? 

I refuse to let people come into MY LIFE and trash it with their insecurities, their failures, broken promises and lies. 

"Oh, I don't lie..." Really? Anyone who says they don't lie. Is a liar. Everyone tells a lie a some point in their life. But you should 

NEVER

EVER

EVER

EVER

EVER
LIE 

TO THE PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT

YOU

THE MOST

"I'm Just Being Realistic: Sad Generation of "Men"

I had to take a very small break from focusing on the modeling and singing so that I could reflect on a pattern that I have noticed the decline of...

From Suicide To Champion: God is Joy, Peace and Hope

There comes a time in your life when you have to stand up for something or you will fall for anything. That statement could never be more true. 

1. I don't go out of my way to bother other people. 

2. I try my best to make sure that before I am take care of, that others have what they need first. 

2. Sometimes people expect too much out of me. They expect me to always be sweet, nice, kind, patient and all the things that they see in fairy-tales. But: I AM HUMAN. 

I get mad. 

I make mistakes. 

How To Drive A Manual... (Learn Quick, Stay Alert)

I officially found the courage to actually practice trying to drive a manual and let me say that the experience was: 

Powerful. Powerful. Powerful.

Nah, I'm Done Listening....(YOU LISTEN TO ME NOW)

I'm done "listening..." to talk when you don't make any sense. I gave you the proper tools. I sent the warnings. I did my part, but of course no one ever listens to me until its too late and if you DID listen, then why didn't you apply what I told you? #NOEXCUSE

Every time I listen to someone else's advice for my life, it always ends up holding me back, distracting me, pushing me further back, from reaching Gods best for my life. 

I'm also done listening to pastors, preachers, teachers etc of the "word of God" who don't walk the walk and talk the talk.

I have a realistic walk with God. 
I don't try to be righteous and holier than thou for shits and giggles.
I don't lie to myself about where I am in my journey.
I don't make excuses for not being better than yesterday.

I refuse to give up on my dreams of singing, modeling and writing all over the world. I would love to have my voice heard one day. But, my "old fashion" ideals are not popular. 

But, If I were a lying, materialistic, spoiled chick I would have the world eating out of the palm of my hand. But... I'm not like that. 

The LoneWolf Leader: My Choice (Part 2)

It took every ounce of positive energy that I had left in my little fragile body about a year or so ago, not to do the unthinkable...

Yet, when I tried to explain how I felt or what I was going through the people I thought would care the most pretty much told me that it was my "choice" to go to Virginia (so that I could try to start a new life for myself, make money, save money and send it back to my grandmother...). It was my "choice" to believe that another christian would love and care about me, while I was the most vulnerable...

Yes, Yes, I know.

It was my choice.

Just like removing myself from their life was also: MY CHOICE.

Life In The Fast Lane: Motorcycles! Sports Cars! (Zoom! Zoom!)

I want to live in the fast lane.
I want to go to exclusive parties.
I want to travel all over the world.
I want to shop at all my favorite stores.
I want to be treated as royalty.
I want to own a motorcycle.
I want to own a fast car.
I want to feel the wind through my fingers
And feel the AC on my toes
I want to wave to all the runners as I speed by in my
black and pink BMW convertible with tinted windows
I want to live on the edge. The edge wants to live near me.
Free to Love. Free to Express. Free to Fly. Free to Ride.

Prepare For Your Prince (Princess) Charming!

I admit I was not prepare for love, when Love found me. I just wanted to have fun. I just thought it would be a date, but it turned out to be the greatest love adventure that I have ever known. 

It is so nice to not have to worry about a dude cheating, or playing games or just not being committed. I spent so much time wishing for other guys to want me, when I already had a man waiting to meet lil' ol' me!

Are you saying that you are in love? You care about love? Says the crowd in disbelief!

Yes, the great feminist has taken off her hat and it now sits in a closet collecting dust. I put the hat away and took my heart out to play. It took a lot of courage for me to get to this point. I was terrified when I realized or found out that he was really interested in learning more about me!

ME??????????? No! no! No! I'm mean. I'm angry. I hate boys. I hate men. I hate the world. I hate everything....!!!!

But even with all my brokenness and strange quirks he never gave up pursing me. I even think that my oddities made him more attracted to me. 

I took my time developing this relationship, because I was so afraid to make the same mistakes from my previous one. I am not going to rehash what happen in my previous relationship. You already know the story. 

The one thing I can say is that I learned a lot during my: VA spiritual boot camp journey. 

I mainly learned about what I wanted:
I wanted a man that would see past the glitz and glamour.
I wanted a man that would love me (unconditionally) no matter what my mood was like that day. 
I wanted a man strong enough to stand with me on this battlefield called: Life. A man who would not back now from challenges. A man with the courage and fortitude to walk victoriously.
I wanted a man who cared about other people.
I wanted a man who would give his last dollar to make me happy.
I wanted a man who would love me for me, all of me, everyday...
I say all that because there was a time when all of those things were the opposite in my life. It wasn't because I was a bad person, but naive, very, very, very much so. 

Life with my prince is a different experience, because for once all that I give is reciprocated. I don't have to beg, the love of my life to do anything for me, I don't have to play mind games to see where his heart is at, I don't have to pretend to be anyone else...
He loves me. The good, bad and awkward. 

He inspires my poetry, songs, and writings. He pushes me to be boldly creative, to never give up even when things seem so unobtainable. 

If, love can find me, love can find you too. But, I will say this prepare yourself for the day your prince arrives and you will be much mores stable later on. Take the advice or leave it. It is there to only help, never hurt you.
Love you.