"That's Not Who You Really Are..." (How Would You Know?)

When you are strong, people assume that that is how you always are and always will be. 

But that is far from the truth. Those who are considered to be strong in spirit get tired too. They go through bad days and confused emotions just liked everyone else, but they don't necessarily show them as often as others.

So...

People often disappoint themselves when they assume, instead of "know." Whatever happen to "getting to know" someone? I feel as though that very important step has been taken out of the "relationship" process. 

When people assume that someone is a certain way, they set themselves up for disappointment. What if you think someone is a perfect angel and then they do something that you don't agree with? Well (in my experiences) that automatically makes you not want to further get to know them. Then the judgments come in. 

Then you start to assume the worst about someone, based off of that one moment in time. 

People assume that because I like makeup, dressing up and wearing high heels that it automatically makes me "superficial..." *how sad*

Why can't I enjoy looking good for myself? 

Why can't I like enhancing the beauty that God gave me with a little eyeliner or lip gloss? 

Why can't I enjoy wearing whatever makes me feel the most beautiful? 

Stop Apologizing For Being Beautiful

I have not written in awhile. I have been busy with interviews and auditions. I refuse to sit back and waste my life talking about my dreams instead of making my dreams come true.

I spent too much waiting for other people to give me permission to tap into my own strength and abilities. I believed that they knew better than myself about myself. I believed they were wise and maybe for that season they were wise but I once again out grew them...

I'm always out growing people. When others are on level one I'm already on level five, for example.

Maturity is difficult to walk in because sometimes it requires you to "think before you speak" and wisely react to unexpected situations, among other things all at the same time. But, it also requires that you walk in confidence too. Something that I never thought I could do.

For example, I'm aware that people think that I am beautiful. But, I use to apologize for being beautiful because I heard things like... "Oh, she thinks she is all that?" "Oh, she is stuck up!" "oh, she is a snob!" Why do you consider me a snob? You have yet to speak to me and you know nothing about me, yet you assume that because I like to dress up and look nice for myself that I'm a snob? Well... guess what that sounds like a personal problem.

I'm no longer going to apologize for being beautiful. 

I'm no longer going to stop dressing up, wearing makeup, singing bold and loud, wearing high heels and standing up for myself because other people are not confident in their own skin to hang out with me and or be around me. I'm no longer going to sit quietly in the corner watching other people live their lives to the fullest while I'm driving myself crazy trying to figure out how I can make other people like me or "feel comfortable" around me. If you don't feel comfortable that sounds like a personal problem. I am who I am. Big Personality and All. 

If my beauty intimidates you then you are the one with the insecurity and you should seek God so He can help you find peace with the beauty you were given.  The End. With Love. 

Prepare For Your Prince (Princess) Charming!

I admit I was not prepare for love, when Love found me. I just wanted to have fun. I just thought it would be a date, but it turned out to be the greatest love adventure that I have ever known. 

It is so nice to not have to worry about a dude cheating, or playing games or just not being committed. I spent so much time wishing for other guys to want me, when I already had a man waiting to meet lil' ol' me!

Are you saying that you are in love? You care about love? Says the crowd in disbelief!

Yes, the great feminist has taken off her hat and it now sits in a closet collecting dust. I put the hat away and took my heart out to play. It took a lot of courage for me to get to this point. I was terrified when I realized or found out that he was really interested in learning more about me!

ME??????????? No! no! No! I'm mean. I'm angry. I hate boys. I hate men. I hate the world. I hate everything....!!!!

But even with all my brokenness and strange quirks he never gave up pursing me. I even think that my oddities made him more attracted to me. 

I took my time developing this relationship, because I was so afraid to make the same mistakes from my previous one. I am not going to rehash what happen in my previous relationship. You already know the story. 

The one thing I can say is that I learned a lot during my: VA spiritual boot camp journey. 

I mainly learned about what I wanted:
I wanted a man that would see past the glitz and glamour.
I wanted a man that would love me (unconditionally) no matter what my mood was like that day. 
I wanted a man strong enough to stand with me on this battlefield called: Life. A man who would not back now from challenges. A man with the courage and fortitude to walk victoriously.
I wanted a man who cared about other people.
I wanted a man who would give his last dollar to make me happy.
I wanted a man who would love me for me, all of me, everyday...
I say all that because there was a time when all of those things were the opposite in my life. It wasn't because I was a bad person, but naive, very, very, very much so. 

Life with my prince is a different experience, because for once all that I give is reciprocated. I don't have to beg, the love of my life to do anything for me, I don't have to play mind games to see where his heart is at, I don't have to pretend to be anyone else...
He loves me. The good, bad and awkward. 

He inspires my poetry, songs, and writings. He pushes me to be boldly creative, to never give up even when things seem so unobtainable. 

If, love can find me, love can find you too. But, I will say this prepare yourself for the day your prince arrives and you will be much mores stable later on. Take the advice or leave it. It is there to only help, never hurt you.
Love you. 

Who Were You Back Then?

I admit that I thought by now, I would be living a glamorous, rich and famous life. Traveling all over the world modeling, acting and singing. Meeting celebrities and getting invited to all the latest, hottest most exclusive events!