Birds of a Feather Flock Together: Responsibility and Accountability

If you hang around potheads, alcoholics, crack heads, thieves, liars what does that say about your character? 

Birds of a feather flock together, right? 

Now, people with those afflictions are not necessarily "bad" they are though associated with destructive behaviors and or paths that could get them or someone else into trouble or even killed. Whether we are aware of it or not we affect the lives of other daily, with how we think, act and conduct ourselves as human beings. That's why it is important to "be the change you wish to see." 

Also, if you don't have a strong independent spirit and or lack self confidence you can and will be easily manipulated, tricked and used. You never want to be "at the mercy of the tiger." You want to be in a position where you have the option to walk away from a situation that is not helping you to be better and do better for yourself. The worst thing you can do is  tie yourself into an agreement with someone who is irresponsible, because if they don't pay their portion of the bills then you will be held accountable for theirs and yours. 

And that's not fair to you. Unless you grow a backbone and hold them accountable for their portion of the bills, they will always expect you to take care of everything for them. That's why I'd rather not do a roommate situation, but if I absolutely had to I would get everything in writing. One day you and your roommate are friends and the next day they are getting mad and throwing a tantrum over something stupid and screaming they will leave and "break the lease." Go ahead and break the lease, it will affect your credit not mine. I'll just find another roommate. Any roommate who gets so mad that they would put their own stability in jeopardy can not be trusted to help you maintain yours, if you ever found yourself an unlikely financial situation.  

I often learn the whole lesson, then I pick and choose which parts of the lesson go best with where I am at in life. 

Here are two lessons: responsibility and accountability. From here on out I only want to associate with people who are responsible, understanding, mature and professional. 

Being responsible means "I really want those pair of shoes, but I know that I need the money to pay my bills on time. So, I'll wait until I save up the extra money..." But people aren't like that nowadays. They think they can cheat the game and get away with it. But as long we keep play the, "I need money" game we will never be truly free. 

"I'm Just Being Realistic: Sad Generation of "Men"

I had to take a very small break from focusing on the modeling and singing so that I could reflect on a pattern that I have noticed the decline of...

From Suicide To Champion: God is Joy, Peace and Hope

There comes a time in your life when you have to stand up for something or you will fall for anything. That statement could never be more true. 

1. I don't go out of my way to bother other people. 

2. I try my best to make sure that before I am take care of, that others have what they need first. 

2. Sometimes people expect too much out of me. They expect me to always be sweet, nice, kind, patient and all the things that they see in fairy-tales. But: I AM HUMAN. 

I get mad. 

I make mistakes. 

Life In The Fast Lane: Motorcycles! Sports Cars! (Zoom! Zoom!)

I want to live in the fast lane.
I want to go to exclusive parties.
I want to travel all over the world.
I want to shop at all my favorite stores.
I want to be treated as royalty.
I want to own a motorcycle.
I want to own a fast car.
I want to feel the wind through my fingers
And feel the AC on my toes
I want to wave to all the runners as I speed by in my
black and pink BMW convertible with tinted windows
I want to live on the edge. The edge wants to live near me.
Free to Love. Free to Express. Free to Fly. Free to Ride.

The Broken Heart of a Mad Scientist

Dear God, I pray this message is received in and with unconditional love. 

I have three families now. So, there are times when I feel like I am pulled in three different directions. 

What I need for my families to understand is..........

1. I am only one person. I can not be everything and anything to everyone at once. 

2. I have no parental support. (Not financially, emotionally, mentally, physically). None. Nothing. Zero. 
So, that means I have to bust my ass three times as hard and that is what I am currently doing. 

working

saving

loving

That is all I have time for currently. 

3. I don't like it when I get thrown into plans that I had no part in creating. 

Yet,  I feel like I am expected to follow with the plans anyway less, I be "shunned (oh no!) and or have "stones" thrown at me (oh golly gee!). 

If I'm not apart of creating the plans I'm not doing it. 

4. Everyone keeps tell me that I should "Do me..." 

Okay... well, I am. 

Yet, that seems to be a problem. If spending all my time with the love of my life is apart of "doing me" and I'm happy that is what I'm going to do. 

Instead of it being an issue, why don't you just be happy that I'm finally HAPPY that I met a man who loves me. What about instead of talking about me you silently pray for me to prosper and do accomplish my goals in life? 

5. Sometimes I feel like you expect me to drop everything I'm doing to cater to you. And well, I can't do that anymore...

Why because I am: BUSY! BUSY! BUSY! busting my ass to build a stable life, not just for myself but also one that will eventually benefit all the people I love. 

6. The best way to help me is for you to pray for me to get a car, move into a new apartment or house and offer encouraging words when we get to talk. 

7. If, I can make it out in VA in the middle of nowhere with people that I don't really know and with all the odds in the universe again me you should know, believe, and trust that God will take care of me now and even beyond the now in the situation I currently am in. 

8. I don't want to live in anyone's shadow. 

If I wait for someone else to finally be ready to help me make my dreams come true it will never get done in the time I need it to. 

And once again I'll be looked over, forgotten, sitting on the bench etc. I'm tired of waiting for permission to make my dreams come true. 

I should have been on the map along time ago. 
But everyone else came before me. Even though I was the most faithful and loyal during that time. 
So, now I'm taking charge of my own destiny. 

9. Any time I have enough to give, 

I ALWAYS OFFER and ALWAYS GIVE. GIVE. GIVE. GIVE. 

I am a GIVER, so the ONE time in my entire life when I want to be selfish and everyone seems to have a problem with it. 
This is my time to be "selfish" To do "me." 
If I can't help myself, then how can I help anyone else? 

Disclaimer: Talking about my adventure and or tragedy in VA still brings tears to my eyes. I put EVERYTHING I had into trying to start over in VA. I thought I would go to VA and work, save money, get a car and really start living a glamorous, wonderful, happy life with a man that I thought cared about me, but he used my love for God to get close to me and then abandon me....

One of the worst things in life is to put trust in someone (after telling them all the crap you have been through in life with just dating and relationships in general) only to find out that they are a coward, liar and a fraud.  

I missed so much in those eight months I was gone, moments and time with my families that I will never get back. And the worse part is that anyone of those SO called CHRISTIANS could have offered to take me home but no one cared enough about me to offer that, because they didn't know me and didn't take out time to figure out how I got there to begin with... 

A lot of those so called Christians I have deleted from my life permanently. 

Why does the thought bring tears to my eyes still? 

1. I never thought I would see with my own eyeballs the devil manipulate someone into hurting me. 

2. Out of all the mistakes I made throughout my life I know I didn't do anything so horrible to deserve to be treated so cruelly
And the worst part about being treated that way is that I was in the midst of so called "Christians" who witnessed how I was being treated and yet, they did nothing to stop it or fix it. In there eyes I was just some poor little black girl new to the area with no family. 

My entire life was about God. I went to church. I played by the rules. I did not seek revenge like I strongly desired to do. I prayed every night. I read my bible. I fasted. I prayed with and for others. I DID MY PART and yet still when I would attend the bible studies the other young adults would talk about me behind my back, then smile in my face, exclude me from activities etc 

I saw through all that fake BULLCRAP the first second I laid eyes on half of the group and yet, when I tried to call it out I was the one that was "crazy." 

They better be thanking GOD that I was not who I am today or that whole GROUP, CLIQUE would have been internally damaged. I was hurting something terrible and everyone kept telling me to "pray about it" "get over it" and then had the nerve to laugh at me or about me behind my back. 

SO excuse me for not giving a fuck. And doing me!

Also, when I was stuck in VA hurting, dying, heart bleeding all over the universe, confused, lost, scared, and wanting to do unspeakable things to end the pain. 
NONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO I KNEW WITH CARS came to GET ME! Why? Because at the time they said I needed to learn from my "poor choices." 

They said it was my fault for being in that situation in the first place. And yes, that is true. I did make the choice to move to VA, but the events that took place after I moved there were jacked up and SOMEONE could have driven in their CAR to come get me... 

It wasn't until 6 months later that my aunt, the one woman who breaks her neck and back everyday to help everyone and take care of everything had time to come and get me. We may not always see eye to eye, but I can say one thing about my aunt and that is: WHENEVER I REALLY NEED HER, she is ALWAYS THERE. 

Where were my families oh and my so called friends when I was out in VA struggling, needing money and food to eat?
GONE! 
Disappeared!
Sorry I'm busy!
I can't!
I don't have any gas!
(You have gas to do everything else, but when I need help doing something out of nowhere there is no gas, really? Come one get real! You didn't want to drive to come get me because you didn't WANT TO. NOT because you couldn't) 

Additionally, I admit that I was naive. I thought if a man claimed to be a "Christian" that it automatically meant that he loved God and people the way I did... wrong! wrong ! SOOOOOOOOOO wrong!

But, back to the present...

I am HAPPY!

HAPPY!

HAPPY!

HAPPY!

I am in love!

Even if my boyfriend annoyed me everyday I would still be happy because at least I know that 1. I can count on me when I really need him to be there and 2. that he loves me unconditionally everyday. No matter what changes I go through. 

 And no I'm not exactly where I want to be yet, but I know that if I keep praying and working hard that eventually I will get there. 

My families taught me how to pray through the storm and now I need them to believe that I will put what they have taught me to good use. 
I am not the same woman I was last year. 
I'm stronger. I'm more Loving. And I'm Unstoppable as long as God is on my side. 

No matter what I go through I NEVER stop thanking God for all the wonderful people who love me in life and for all the loving experiences have been blessed enough to experience. 

Prepare For Your Prince (Princess) Charming!

I admit I was not prepare for love, when Love found me. I just wanted to have fun. I just thought it would be a date, but it turned out to be the greatest love adventure that I have ever known. 

It is so nice to not have to worry about a dude cheating, or playing games or just not being committed. I spent so much time wishing for other guys to want me, when I already had a man waiting to meet lil' ol' me!

Are you saying that you are in love? You care about love? Says the crowd in disbelief!

Yes, the great feminist has taken off her hat and it now sits in a closet collecting dust. I put the hat away and took my heart out to play. It took a lot of courage for me to get to this point. I was terrified when I realized or found out that he was really interested in learning more about me!

ME??????????? No! no! No! I'm mean. I'm angry. I hate boys. I hate men. I hate the world. I hate everything....!!!!

But even with all my brokenness and strange quirks he never gave up pursing me. I even think that my oddities made him more attracted to me. 

I took my time developing this relationship, because I was so afraid to make the same mistakes from my previous one. I am not going to rehash what happen in my previous relationship. You already know the story. 

The one thing I can say is that I learned a lot during my: VA spiritual boot camp journey. 

I mainly learned about what I wanted:
I wanted a man that would see past the glitz and glamour.
I wanted a man that would love me (unconditionally) no matter what my mood was like that day. 
I wanted a man strong enough to stand with me on this battlefield called: Life. A man who would not back now from challenges. A man with the courage and fortitude to walk victoriously.
I wanted a man who cared about other people.
I wanted a man who would give his last dollar to make me happy.
I wanted a man who would love me for me, all of me, everyday...
I say all that because there was a time when all of those things were the opposite in my life. It wasn't because I was a bad person, but naive, very, very, very much so. 

Life with my prince is a different experience, because for once all that I give is reciprocated. I don't have to beg, the love of my life to do anything for me, I don't have to play mind games to see where his heart is at, I don't have to pretend to be anyone else...
He loves me. The good, bad and awkward. 

He inspires my poetry, songs, and writings. He pushes me to be boldly creative, to never give up even when things seem so unobtainable. 

If, love can find me, love can find you too. But, I will say this prepare yourself for the day your prince arrives and you will be much mores stable later on. Take the advice or leave it. It is there to only help, never hurt you.
Love you. 

Patterns Of Things Undone

When you know that your life is not your own, you tend to think in a variety of perspectives that society will not understand. I rarely speak in public because I know that most people have a basis opinion about most things in life to begin with. Why waste my breath on those that will not listen? I know what it is like to be on both ends. I simple just don't like wasting my time.


I see a pattern of "things undone" in the lives of other people. I partly, feel that people have things in their lives that are undone because they are waiting for me to help them get organized. Yep, *sigh* I help people get their lives in order. I notice detailed patterns (of bad habits) , (etc) and I call them out with the intention of making them aware (or reminding them if they were not already aware) that they can not have a peaceful and or better life with their life out of order and unorganized.

It seems like I never meet people when they are prosperous and doing well in life. I always meet them right after something life altering has happen to them. Why couldn't I have met them when they were doing well in life, had everything organized and up and running in order? Why couldn't I have met them when they were are their best, loving life and getting things done? Why do I have to be the protector, adviser, navigator and motivator? It is a lot of stress on one person, especially if that person doesn't have a habit of being involved in the lives of others on a daily basis.

Please, don't get me wrong I enjoy "speaking life into others" but dang! All I'm around are people who are sick, broke, unorganized, depressed (etc) and it makes me think, were these wonderful people always like that? And if they were not, then why did I have to meet them now? Why could I have not met them back then? When they were living life, having fun...when they felt that the world was in their hands?

People think I'm joking when I tell them, I feel as if I have a duty. A duty that I can not run from or shake or even take a vacation from. The longer I wait or put it off, the more people who will need my attention. What for? I have no clue, because I'm just a lady that loves God and has a passion to help others. And that is all. I can not make money come out of my ears, or heal a sick body with a hug. No. I am not Jesus. But, I do have the love of God in me. And maybe that is what others are attracted too...

I am a firm believer that God can organize a life. Yet, sometimes I feel that he does not always snap his fingers and set thing in order because he is testing us. How much can we take before we break? And what do we need or what words need to be said in order to bring us back to life again?

Christmas Eve & Day: 2014 Reflection

Christmas Eve & Christmas Day Reflection: 

I guess people don't think that I have a life outside of them. It is not on their time and about what they want to do, then you better be beware of the "guilt you into doing something" monster. 

I have a confession to make: I need to be way more bluntly honest than I have been. Sometimes being "in love" or being in a relationship takes the "bite" out of the stink so to speak and softens you down so much, that you can no longer taste the "kick" in your holiday punch. 

But, that won't be me anymore...

I'm tired of people telling me things at the last minute and then expecting me to snap my magical fingers and BOOM! VA BOOM! I'm ready! At your service, with my slave chains on ready to serve you. 

Even, if I am told about an event in advance that does not guarantee that I will be able to go... why? Because I have a life outside of other people. And in particular I go where I am most appreciated and where I am most peaceful. If, I think there will be drama of any kind, I will not attend. Why? Because, I'd rather watch drama on TV than have it going on in my own life. 

It is hard to think clearly, (properly analyze) when you have a handful of people that complain about everything you do no matter how you do it, or how hard you try. It doesn't matter. IF they don't see you producing immediate results to their liking, then you get to be in the: HOT SEAT. I'm not available for interviews at this time, but when I am... I will let the world know. 

On the other hand, I had a very Soap Opera Christmas eve and a very peaceful Christmas Day. I never had a Christmas where I laughed so much, but I had a wonderful time. Not because I received tons of gifts, but because I got to spend time with people who I don't feel judge me on every little thing and mostly I got to just relax in who God created me to be. Loud, beautiful, dynamic and stunningly charming. 

I believe that 2015 will be a year of: 

#NoExcuses #FinishIt #BuildTheFoundation. 

2014: 

I learned that most times people don't really know what they can handle until they are in a situation that challenges them to look beyond their comfort zone. 

I also learned that no everyone who claims they are a "Christian" is really (trying) to follow Christ. Some people just use Jesus Christ as a ploy to get other people to "follow them" or "like" their facebook statuses. 

Welcome to a perfect world: Where you can be facebook famous for posting stuff that you really don't believe in or where you can take ten million selfies and feel like a celebrity for a day. Please! let us not forget the famous YOUTUBE special where you can get your 15 minutes of fame by doing tacky, obnoxious, even reckless videos and everyone praises you for being an idiot. 

Thank God 2015 is here. I'm ready to see what is next. 

Reflection: Virginia (Life, Love and Christianity) (Part 2)

When you go from one extreme to the other, from not thinking that much about God to thinking and passionately sharing everything you know and learn about God with everyone who is willing to listen. 

You tend to look at yourself and everyone around you differently...

As I said in the first blog, this time last year I was praying to go home. The strange thing, that all my prayers did nothing because when God was ready for me to go home everything lined up perfectly... 

I tried to go home about fifteen different times, prior to actually leaving. 

So that is safe to say, you can pray all you want, but if what you ask for does not line up with the will of GOD, it will not happen. 

So, I learned to live realistically. No more hopeless romantic. No more giving people the benefit of the doubt. Everyone has an agenda. "Everyone lies."  

I use to think that if I loved enough, treated people with kindness and respect that good karma would always follow me. I made it my best effort to "live to be a blessing" only to have my love and efforts stepped on. 

So, if you ask me if I believe that a man and woman can love one another unconditionally. The answer is NO. Anytime you want someone to "be with you" you will always compromise some part of yourself to "keep" them. It is inevitable. 

When I became realistic about my walk with God, I started to feel more powerful. You see, in VA I had a lot of fun praising God. But I praised him from a fractured place. A place where, if I didn't focus my attention and time only on God I would have lost my mind. 

I use to be preachy the way most of the people I know are becoming. I use to tell people that God is so good. Well, since He is why don't you go find out just how GOOD GOD is? 

During that time, I tried to start a business that failed miserably. I started the business while I was in VA because I thought it would be a quick way to make enough money to pay my rent at the time. But, as soon as I started to get things going tragedy hit and the young man that introduced me to the business died of a blood clot to his heart. 

I never met the young man in real life, but we were pen pals since college. Always encouraging one another to be and do better in life. I never had a friend pass away. The fact that he was my friend opened my eyes to see just how cruel this world is. He left behind his little girl and a whole town of people who loved and respected him dearly. Bless his soul. He always tried to help when he could. 

He was an excellent listener.

The Final Conclusion: Death Of Innocence

I am at a point in my life where I am "doing me." I spent enough time trying to help other people reach their highest potential and now it is time for me to help myself. 
I have been A LOT of reflecting since being back from VA and if I knew then what I know now, things would have been a lot different back then. 
But that is just it... I did not know. 
The story is "played out" some would say, while others would ask, "why do you keep reliving your old pain?" See, they react that way to my writing about the situation because it did not happen to them. 
The entire VA situation was a test and punishment all in one. 

For, one it taught me to never move before Gods' time. 
2. To always go somewhere, where you have at least one family member in the area. 
3. Trust no man. 
4. Try to be prepared for any and all situations 
5. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve 
6. Establish trust, hope, faith and full confidence in GOD only. 
7. Just because it looks "holy and righteous" doesn't mean that it is. 8. Everyone has skeletons in their closet. Those skeletons are called testimonies. 
9. Don't date a divorced man that is still hung up on an ex wife he had to put a restraining order against (Of course, I didn't know all of that until I was actually in the situation). 
10. Don't date a man who plays around with his walk with Christ and or uses God as a scapegoat for no longer walking to be in a relationship. 
11. No one can tell you how to have a personal relationship with GOD

I made the mistake of going to my peers thinking that they would help me. But now of them had ever been in a situation like the one I was in, so they didn't know what to do either. What I should have done was go to the elders of the church. But, I didn't and instead of getting support from my most of my peers back then I got whispering behind my back and laughs and indifference to my pain and struggle. 

There were only a handful of true followers of Christ who helped. Imagine trusting someone to help you and then after promising that they would, they dumb you in the middle of nowhere and leave you to fend for yourself in a strange new land that you have no idea how to even begin to navigate. Each time I share this testimony everyone from old men to young teenagers, say that it was "messed up" how he did me dirty like. Wasn't even man enough to put me on a bus and send my ass home (knowing that I didn't have any money because I spent most of it trying to help him out...). 

It was the first time in my life that I truly felt fear. And no matter what I did I could not get home. The entire time I was there after he dump me in the middle of nowhere like I was trash, was praying that he would come back and get me. Would come back and at least be my friend to help me through my tough time... 

But, I sat on that porch for days after the last time I saw him expecting to see his blue honda pull up on the corner and each day he never came back. He left me out there to die. To go crazy. To suffer. To struggle. To walk to the bus stop with holes in my shoes because I didn't have any money after paying my rent to get any new ones. I only had my summer clothes, because I was only suppose to stay for the summer. Work. Then go back home, but I ended up staying through the fall and winter too. It was the loneliest time of my entire life. 

And all, I wanted do was die... 

But, GOD loved me enough to preserve me for his glory. Do I deserve to be saved? No, because I sin and make mistakes like everyone else. But, in doing so God showed me that his love can extend past all my sins and all my mistakes. And that no matter where I am, when I call him he will come to my rescue. 

The sad part is, that the guy I was dating at the time didn't care that I had a family that was worried about me, didn't care that I didn't have any money to feed myself, didn't care that I spent holidays alone. Didn't care about me... And his parents tried to cover it up and or pretend like it didn't happen and or blame me. Naturally they would protect their son. Why would I think, that they would do the RIGHT thing and address the issue face to face? No, I admire them because I thought they were strong Christians, I thought they would give me good advice about how to grow in my walk with Christ. But, what I found is that they ware surface Christians. They don't want to tackle the real issues, they sweep them under the rug and hope they go away... and that doesn't work because overtime the issues will start to pile up and then they start to overflow. 

You can't run from your demons, you have to face them head on. Tackle them with prayer, faith and love until you no longer have them. Not put them in the back of the closet and expect them to disappear. 

Boring: If This is Hell (Cry Of The Warrior)

The only thing that is keeping me sane are my blogs and my journals. If this is hell then Jesus get me out of here because I'm bored. The only other time I was bored to death was when I was stuck in Virginia. 

I wish I could call God and ask him why he keeps putting me in these country ass situations, where I'm around families and kids all the time. Please, don't get me wrong kids are great, but as a single woman with no kids and trying to live my life I feel different about things. 

Young mothers' and fathers' care about the things that their children say and do, naturally they are the parent. But I don't. This is my time to be a little bit selfish in life. I spent enough of my time trying to build that "family life" that God approves of and now I don't' want to anything to do with it. 

When I first mentioned that if God didn't send my husband then all I wanted was money and motorcycle. I got a lot of flake for saying that from "small community Christians." 

I look at things differently. You have some that are in the military who strictly sit behind a desk all day and process papers. They are still considered soldiers. Then you have others who are out in the field who actually fight on the battlefield. Their perspective on life is a little bit different than the solider sitting behind the desk. 

That is how I feel about meeting Christians who have mommy to breast-feed them at 30 and daddy to kiss their boos and scrapes late into their 20's. Time to get off the nipple. I was so annoyed in Virginia because that's all I was around cookie cutter Christians. I only met like two who were actually warriors for Gods' love and understood about the "fight." Everyone else was clueless. How is your dad a pastor and a mom a teacher and you're clueless to what spiritual warfare is all about or you run from it? 

Please get me some soldiers who already know how to fight, in Jesus NAME. I can't have rookies watching my back. In translation: I was out in the field with rookies watching my back and that's when I got attacked big time. I'm still in recovery so to speak. A bit traumatized but its nothing that God himself, can't fix. Don't need a shrink to try and empathize with me. Just need some serious praise and worship time around people who are Warriors like myself. 

There was a point when I thought that a few of the rookies really understood what I was saying, but then I realized they were capable of understanding about spiritual warfare but they didn't know how to conduct themselves on the battlefield. Its like talking about a war that you only watched from a distance, but never actively took part in. You see all the moves and methods but you are not the one making them. 

So, I fought alone with the strength of God backing me. 

Love Doesn't Pay the Bills

Dating is suppose to be fun, but most times for me it ends up being another headache that I don't have enough pills to take to get through. Men nowadays are so arrogant, spoiled, and entitled. They pretend to do the whole "chivalry" route for a whole of 5 minutes then they turn into a complete asshole. 

If you play hard to get then they lose interest and flirt with other girls while you go to the restroom. If you give in too easy then they lose interest in that too. 

Its all about the chase. Fuck the chase. Give it to me straight. What do you want from me? 

When I bluntly ask men that question they get caught off guard because I already know what they want before they think it. Its not like you went on a date with me because you were fascinated by my brains. And its not like you want to see me again because you actually were interested in talking about the theories of human evolution. 

I like it when men try to combat my intelligence. "Oh, I got a point because I stimulated her mind for a second!" No, I gave you that point because I was ten seconds from shutting your entire manhood down. But, its fun when I get to play with my food, every now and then. 

I'm So Glad To be the Third Wheel and Fifth Wheel

Life has a sense or humor. When I was stuck in Virginia I found myself surrounded by families, young married couples and children. I'm single and I don't have children, so why would I want to spend my time around families, young married couples and children all day? 

Please don't get me wrong I love children. When I'm around kids I change into a completely different person. I'm more sweet. I'm more gentle. I'm way more patient. But, I still have to remember that I'm single and I don't have children. So at the end of the day. It is still just me, myself and I. 

The Epic Final VA Conclusion

Final Conclusion: 

Revenge is not something I recommend people get into or even think about. The more you think about that negative spirit. The more you feed it. The more you bring it to life. 

For The Ladies: Saving Mentality (Part 2)

This is for my ladies. I haven't been able to write much because I have dealing with business "stuff." God is opening new doors. 

What I wanted to talk about is the saving mentality (part 2). 

Many people don't want to admit that this is what can happen when you are not steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the good work of the Lord. 

Ladies you can not use your body to save another man from his "demons." Human suffering is very real. But, when a man comes to you looking to be sexual intimate with you, no matter what the reason is, you have to give him the word of God. And nothing else. 

When you use your body to "save" or bring "comfort" to a man that is not your husband, you set yourself back and you block God from healing his wounds. You become an enabler. You stand in the way of the work that God needs to do in his life. 

I know, he just got out of a relationship that left his heart broken. 

But, you have to stand firm in your confidence and trust in God. Pray for him. Send him scriptures. But remember that sharing your body will not heal him. It will only strengthen the lust spirit that is on him. Some of you are very kind hearted and very sweet and any man who is just looking to have sex with take advantage. But you know who God created you to be. A gem. A jewel. Is princess. His priceless gift. And any man that can not respect that who you are is a daughter of God, has no place in your life. 

The love of God in you is a gift. If you use your body to try to "save" or "comfort" a man, you cheapen that gift in you. 
Summary: When men come to you looking for sex. You pray for them. Give them the word of God. Put them on the altar. And you keep it moving. It is not your job to "save" any man. That job belongs to Jesus only. 
I love you. Stay safe. 

Encouragement & The Ten Commandments

Why comfort yourselves together, and edify 

one another, even as also you do.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

SO! You Want To Be A Leader???

I'm learning a lot about myself in this journey of "firsts." The only person that I can self reflect on is me. If, I want those around me change or have a more positive energy in their lives, then I have to be a source of positive energy, does that make sense? 

I know how to lead, but I don't know how to lead a team. Normally, when I put myself out there people just follow me or copy after what I want, but when I realize that they are following me then I take myself out of the spotlight and hide. 

I don't like people to copy off of me. I want everyone to be themselves and be original. But, since I'm called to reflect Christ, there is NO ME. It is only the fruit of the spirit of GOD that other people need to see me walking, talking and living in. 

Here are the fruits of the spirit: 

I think right now, I'm learning how to walk in love, peace and joy. See, I know how to lead when it comes to business, like getting a team college project done or doing a company team portfolio project! Hands down! I gotta it! Now I just have to transfer that same passionate spirit, to learning how to be about the Lords' business. 

Sometimes I let what is troubling me show on my face. In other words I don't really have a good poker face. haha When something isn't right in my spirit it will certainly show on my face! 

When people do me "dirty" and I KNOW that they did me dirty but they walk around like nothing ever happen, it will certainly show on my face. I don't like liars. I don't like cowards. 

With that said... I have to learn that everyone is at a different level in their spiritual walks. Some are on level one and others are on level 8. I also have to remember that there are also levels of maturity. As long as I stay grounded in the level of maturity that God has me at, then I know that others will eventually (after much prayer lol) rise to my level of commitment and dedication. I have learned to leave my "baggage outside the front door" before I go into choir rehearsal. I try not to bring any worries from the day into my praise and worship and or choir rehearsals. If, I do then I don't feel like my entire attention is on God. 

The 21 Day Fast Is Over: Come on God, lets go! Been here too long.

I'm ready to move on with my life. I have been here for 6 months and although, I have met some awesome people. I don't feel like I'm going to get much done here, for what I need to take care of. 
I want to go to a place where I can finally use my gifts to their maximum. I like opera and I like classical music. Those two combinations would probably bore most of the community here. 

I miss my grandmother. I miss being around the people that I can vibe with. With the people that I know love and care about me. Many here have been very kind, yes and I'm thankful for their kindness. But, its nothing like having your own family and friends to be around. A lot of these young men and women have known each other from high school or from when the church first got started. So, its awkward to still be in the group when he is not there. I feel like, an abandon pup, that lost its pack and had to tag along with another pack just to be taught how to survive etc...

I honestly, can't believe that I'm still here. I thought I would have either been home by now or moved to Alexandria or even out of the state. But, nope. I'm still here. 

I designated this journey as the: Journey of firsts, because much of what I have been exposed to and or done has been a first time experience. For example I just got done doing a 21 day D****** fast (*ugh* out of all the fasts in the bible it had to be that one, right? <insert sarcasm-why don't you pour some salt on my wounds while your at it. No better yet, just take the knife and stab me in the back in the same place where the wound is, yeah, that's more like it! It really hits the spot! More torture). 

But, that fast is over, so I'm going to make a video blog about all the things that happen to me during the fast and all the changes that I went through during it. 

Anyway: I'm in a poetic mood. I decided to put all of the poems I wrote this morning into this space, so they would all be in one location:

The "VOICE OF REASON"

I have been in Woodbridge Virginia for about 6 months and the only thing that has changed is: me. People seem to be envious of that. You would think that "Christians" those who go to church every Sunday, work in the church nursery, praise and worship God right beside me would be glad that I finally made the choice to let God take over my life. But no. They still hold grudges. They still have unpleasant things to say about me. The funny part is that they think that I don't know. But, I know as much as the Lord allows me to hear and to see. So, I do "know." 

Forgiving "Judas" & Can Someone Else Get A Turn?

Changes. They are inevitable. You can be ready to make and be that change, all day, but if they (your family, friends, neighbors, brothers and sisters in Christ) are not ready to receive those changes in you, then the value of those changes have to be put on hold. 

Let me say this again. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes all the time, but the difference is that I self reflect, repent and then try to make the situation right. But, how can you make a situation right, if the other party is not willing to "hear" you out? 

You can't. So, that's when you put it and leave it in the hands of God. Something that I'm still learning how to do. I come from a background where I'm use to doing things for myself. I tend to be more of "lone" wolf. So to come to a community filled with so much love (for most of them the love is genuine) it really baffled me.