To All The: Freaks, Misfits, Outcasts, MisUnderstoods,

I have changed. 

Love found me in the dark. 

And now I have changed. 

Affection desired to know my name. 

And now I have changed. 

It was inevitable. 

Like a promise that is untimely broken.

Instrument of War: (Wrath and Righteous Anger)

It is only by the use of the Word of God and

Through Christ Jesus that any human can have any real power that can rise against evil forces. 

These are recordings of a day in the life of a Queen through Christ. 

Her every day struggles of what a realistic walk with Christ can be like. No one is perfect. We all fall short of the glory of God. Yet, some criticize, stand back and wait for you to fall and die. While others stand and gaze on with a tinge of admiration that quickly turns into jealousy. 

But, not to be discouraged. 

Established Rules: Single and Never Been Married

As the Queen Through Christ I am a aware of a few things:
1. Is that my life is not my own.
2. That I have a lot of work to do for the kingdom of God. 

Epic Journey: Walking In Your Identity

I tried to be "bad" I tried to be "loud." But bad leads to unneeded soul-ties. It felt like a weight on my soul keeping me from going to the next level. I tried to remain "average" "normal" "regular" so that men would like me. So that the guy I was crushing on, dated, liked or however you want to describe it would stay in my life. 

I tried to be "normal" and "indifferent" and "complacent" so that he wouldn't SEE ME because once he realized who I was, I knew that he would leave. Once he realized that I am a Queen through Christ and that I recognize my self worth, they always leave. 

I ask them to rise to my level. To stand with me in greatness through Christ Jesus. I ask them to battle against mediocrity with me. I ask me to fight against injustice. I ask them if they would take the sunglasses from their face and walk in truth, love and peace with me but all I hear is silence and then I see their back turned toward me. 

When a man comes into my life and "gives up" on me, essentially he says that he is 1. not ready to live a life of greatness and 2. that is he not ready to be a king through Christ and 3. that he is not confident enough in God.

I can not change a joker into a king. They must accept and understand their self worth. They must know that just as Jesus Christ died on the cross for me, he also died for them too. 
It hurts me to see a king, be degraded by this world and fall into a mental trap of the world. See, I know who I am through Christ Jesus. I know that I am the daughter of the most High King, but chose to take a "break" or go on vacation from my position of being a leader. I didn't walk away from God. I never could. I never can. I just needed time for me, to rest, recuperate, relax, before moving on in the journey.

I had some side projects that I started, in which I wanted to be dedicated too. I know that my life is not my own. I know that I am a reflect of the love of God. I know that I am mad to be an extension of the love of God, the peace of God, the strength of God. The problem is just because I am aware of that, does not mean that I know how to WALK in that awareness.

The Epic Final VA Conclusion

Final Conclusion: 

Revenge is not something I recommend people get into or even think about. The more you think about that negative spirit. The more you feed it. The more you bring it to life. 

Encouragement & The Ten Commandments

Why comfort yourselves together, and edify 

one another, even as also you do.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Beauty From Pain: Big Blue Exotic Creature (Justice)

Being in Woodbridge Virginia, is a lot to reflect on because the entire experience was a "first time" one. I met some very talented young men and women who are on their way to becoming pastors, preachers, evangelists, teachers of the word etc It was almost like I was in that movie Avatar with those big blue exotic alien looking creatures.

The Truth About My VA Trip: I Hope You're Still Laughing When The Devil Comes Knocking

The reason why I was so upset about the whole "situation" in Woodbridge, VA was not because I felt like he tricked me. Now I know that, that whole setup was by the devil. 

I understood that he needed to get his life in order. No one's life is perfect. We all fall short of the glory of God. But, nothing that I ever did in life rendered me to deserve what he did to me...
But first, why would you invite someone into your life when your life is not in order in the first place? 

And then second (to point the finger back at me and take responsibility) why did I accept being in his life when I had somewhat of a clue that his life was not in order? I was happy. I was "in love" with who he portrayed himself to be. He played the role of a dedicated, committed Christian man of God, well. The worst part about it was that only one other person besides his parents knew about his true nature. But no one bothered to give me a "heads up." I guess they thought my being in his life would influence him to do right. But no, only God has that kind of power. On top of that if he doesn't choose to be a better man for himself, he will never be. He has to make the choice.... 

SO! You Want To Be A Leader???

I'm learning a lot about myself in this journey of "firsts." The only person that I can self reflect on is me. If, I want those around me change or have a more positive energy in their lives, then I have to be a source of positive energy, does that make sense? 

I know how to lead, but I don't know how to lead a team. Normally, when I put myself out there people just follow me or copy after what I want, but when I realize that they are following me then I take myself out of the spotlight and hide. 

I don't like people to copy off of me. I want everyone to be themselves and be original. But, since I'm called to reflect Christ, there is NO ME. It is only the fruit of the spirit of GOD that other people need to see me walking, talking and living in. 

Here are the fruits of the spirit: 

I think right now, I'm learning how to walk in love, peace and joy. See, I know how to lead when it comes to business, like getting a team college project done or doing a company team portfolio project! Hands down! I gotta it! Now I just have to transfer that same passionate spirit, to learning how to be about the Lords' business. 

Sometimes I let what is troubling me show on my face. In other words I don't really have a good poker face. haha When something isn't right in my spirit it will certainly show on my face! 

When people do me "dirty" and I KNOW that they did me dirty but they walk around like nothing ever happen, it will certainly show on my face. I don't like liars. I don't like cowards. 

With that said... I have to learn that everyone is at a different level in their spiritual walks. Some are on level one and others are on level 8. I also have to remember that there are also levels of maturity. As long as I stay grounded in the level of maturity that God has me at, then I know that others will eventually (after much prayer lol) rise to my level of commitment and dedication. I have learned to leave my "baggage outside the front door" before I go into choir rehearsal. I try not to bring any worries from the day into my praise and worship and or choir rehearsals. If, I do then I don't feel like my entire attention is on God. 

The "VOICE OF REASON"

I have been in Woodbridge Virginia for about 6 months and the only thing that has changed is: me. People seem to be envious of that. You would think that "Christians" those who go to church every Sunday, work in the church nursery, praise and worship God right beside me would be glad that I finally made the choice to let God take over my life. But no. They still hold grudges. They still have unpleasant things to say about me. The funny part is that they think that I don't know. But, I know as much as the Lord allows me to hear and to see. So, I do "know." 

Forgiving "Judas" & Can Someone Else Get A Turn?

Changes. They are inevitable. You can be ready to make and be that change, all day, but if they (your family, friends, neighbors, brothers and sisters in Christ) are not ready to receive those changes in you, then the value of those changes have to be put on hold. 

Let me say this again. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes all the time, but the difference is that I self reflect, repent and then try to make the situation right. But, how can you make a situation right, if the other party is not willing to "hear" you out? 

You can't. So, that's when you put it and leave it in the hands of God. Something that I'm still learning how to do. I come from a background where I'm use to doing things for myself. I tend to be more of "lone" wolf. So to come to a community filled with so much love (for most of them the love is genuine) it really baffled me. 

The "Protecting" Spirit: Take A Bullet For You

 

The thing about me is that whenever someone is hurt or sad I instantly go into this "guardian angel" type of mode. Where I feel responsible for bringing them out of whatever dark place they are in. When God moves me away from them, so that I can't help them by praying for them or giving them a hug or making silly faces. It breaks my heart.

I know what its like to suffer. To actually wish and hear myself say that I would rather here a "pretty lie, than the the ugly truth." But, that's only because when you are hurt, sad, depressed and you feel far from God, all you want is something to make you feel better.

Well, I realized that for my loved ones that were hurting (while I was in a good place) all I could do was pray for them. Whenever I see people hurt I want so much to hold them in my arms and absorb all their pain. Just like when I see a child cry, that's the first thing I think of to do, pick them and hold them so they feel loved, comforted and protected.
                             
It is not different with grown men and women, because all those who accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior are my brothers and sisters.

But, like I said God has to move me sometimes, so that they can go through the crushing. The job of carry their cross is reserved for Jesus Christ alone. And when God feels that I'm "protecting" my loved ones too much from their life lessons, spiritual spankings or the "crushing." He will move me away and there won't be anything that I can do about it...

I would have gladly taken all their pain, on myself because I knew that I was strong enough to handle it. I will gladly take a bullet for them, if ever it came down to not just for them but for all my loved ones. That's just the type of person I am, at the end of the day. After all the makeup is off, and I'm finally out those 6 inch heels and in some flats. My hair is tied up and I'm ready for bed. I turn into a big "mama hen." And when people need love. I have enough of it to share. More than enough actually.

When I don't get to share that love, I feel my spirit die a little bit more each time. So, that's why I ask God to send people who not only need love but also those who are ready to receive. Because in the right spirit, I tap into the love of God in me and his love is powerful enough to heal. The love of God melts the bitterness and crust right off. I know it, because when someone else shared the love of God in them with me, that's exactly what it did for me.

And I thank God for that, every day.

Christmas Eve & Christmas Day: Joy From The Holy Spirit (2)

I admit that I cried on Christmas Eve because the person who I had hope to hear from on that day, well they brought me here but they stopped caring about my life.

So, no text or call to say Merry Christmas. I sent them one but they didn't respond. And you know what, there comes a point where you just have to let people get "tired of being tired." But, when we mistreat Gods children please don't think we are going to get away with it. Moses, got mad at Gods people and hit the rock and all that time that he spent trying to get into the Promise land, all he got to do was see it. But he didn't get to go in all because he mistreated Gods people and was disobedient at the very end. But to God be the glory.
                                

Christmas Eve December 24, 2013
God blessed my life with a friend to hang out on that day. We ate fast good and watched a movie. We made jokes and talked about God. Its nice to hang out with other people who are just as passionate about God as you are.

Sometimes God will send you the people that you least expect to be the most comforting, encouraging or supportive to you. Its our choice whether we receive them as a blessing or not.


Christmas Day: December 25, 2013
I had hope that maybe they would text me and say "Merry Christmas" at the very least, since they didn't saying anything on my birthday. But they didn't do that either. They texted everyone else but not me. And you know what? "What goes around comes around" When other people start treating them the way they treat me, I hope my name and face pops into their skull. So they will realize just why they aren't in the place where they should be or why doors aren't opening fast enough for them.

You can't go around treating people, especially someone that loves you and cares about your soul salvation like crap and except God to just overflow your life with blessings. Even if you get one or two doors open, you are still going to reap the consequences of the negative seeds that you sowed. I know it, because I was on the starting and the receiving end of both situations.

Anyway, my Christmas actually turned out really awesome. Glory be to God. I got to hang out with a very loving woman of God. Who has a heart of passion and would give you the shirt off of her back if she had to. I was really depressed when she called me, but God always know just who to send. If he would have sent anyone else I would not have left my room, my depression was that deep. But, God is awesome. He knows us better than we do.

I got to meet all of her family and they are all very loving and super welcoming and kind. I felt a little bit out of place. I had never experienced so much love in my life. What I learned is that I know how to love others, but I don't know how to receive it. I also learned that the only time I give love is when someone is hurting.

At that point I felt my life take a turn. The family environment is something that I had always wanted in my own life. I never got a chance to fully experience that because God decided to take my mothers' life early and then my "dad" left my life too.

Yeah, the only part during the entire evening that got me was when all the couples were hugging and kissing and taking pictures with one another. That ol' feeling of loneliness started to creep back in. Life is cruel that way, the one thing that I want... to have someone to love, God places me right in the middle of other people being apart of a world that I have yet to plug into.

When I was in that world, I was so happy. But, I didn't seem to have much support. No one seemed to be really happy for me because at the time they were all single. Now that I'm single and they are "boo'd" up, no one cares about my pain.

I'm praying God moves me anyway or at least sends me back home though. I do thank God for sending his loving daughter into my life. He certainly equipped her to keep me "in line." *sigh* I'm just waiting for God to move me somewhere else. The people here have been very nice, but my pain is too great and living here is a constant reminder of the death of my child-like heart. Like I said before the only way I'm still breathing is because of joy from the holy spirit. Glory be to God.



 

But, I Might Miss "The Swirl" (Reflection: Dating White Men)

In reflection: most of the men I have dated were white. And now that I think about it maybe I should stop dating white men all together. It is something that I have to pray about.

What I'm finding is that they are too weak to handle me. They always come to me puffing out their chests like "Tarzan" and then as soon as I say ONE THING THAT IS HONEST and it doesn't boost their ego. Then there goes a tantrum!!!!!!
                                  
OH! You hurt my feelings!

Oh! I don't feel like a man, because you told me that my tie was crooked or that my shoes didn't match!

Oh! my life is over because you don't think I'm perfect!

White men just don't seem to have enough backbone for me. How come every time something doesn't go your way, you throw a tantrum? How come every time we need to talk about something you sink back into yourself like a coward?
 

"well I don't know how to handle stress well..."
You are a man for crying out loud!
"I don't like confrontation...."

 

No one does, sugarfoot but its apart of life! Better get your boxing gloves on and learn how to fight back! You won't always be able to run to mommy and daddy for everything. Better start practicing how to stand on your own feet NOW!

I thought, it was just me being "too aggressive" "too honest" but there isn't anything wrong with me in that department. I always here them say "its too much pressure" and "too much responsibility" and then I think to myself oh, if I were a little submissive, "yes, sir. No, sir" white girl you wouldn't have any trouble taking on the pressure and responsibility.

I wish they would just admit they are too weak and not waste my time. But that's the problem, a lot of white men like the thought of being with a brown a beauty but they aren't strong enough to handle the reality of being with one. And sure, I hear a lot of white guys say, "oh! I date out of my race all the time..." OH YEAH??? and then I take a look at a picture of one of their exs and they look about as WHITE as piece of paper, but she is "mixed." Mixed with what? WHITE and WHITER! Get real! Homie dude! Don't try to play me!

I'm not dating right now though, let me make that perfectly clear because I don't want to be bothered with men in general. They are a waste of precious oxygen and they cause problems because they can't be honest with God nor with themselves so what on earth makes me think any of them can ever be honest with me?? *ugh*

But when I do start dating again, I think I'll leave the white guys alone and get with a little a bit of flavor in my ice cream ;)

Childlike Heart of Love: What does your heart Desire?

One of the young ladies on my fb page, after she and I getting into a debate or rather an exchange of ideas, said that she would pray that I would have the desires of my heart...

And then I started to think, what does my heart currently desire and it hit me...

I tried to run from this situation. I thought that I was going to Baton Rouge. I thought I could start all over and never have to think about him again.

Then I tried to date someone else, thinking that would solve the issue. But it was only a temporary distraction and it caused more trouble than it was worth getting into.

So, what i want the most is for us to go back to being friends. I want a chance to give him a real hug and just go back to laughing and joking around. I want the tension and silence between us to end.

Everyone else gives me hugs and says "hi" but there is still silence between us and my heart breaks. I am not the same as I use to be. I'm still a writer, but I have learned to write in a different mindset.

I have learned to point the finger back at myself and recognize my mistakes. What I said and what I did and how I could have done things differently. I can not pretend that I don't still love him, because I do. But, it is not a romantic love. It is a miss you very much and just want us to go back to hanging out, kinda love.

He made me laugh all the time. He kept me in good spirits. Even when I wasn't at my best or didn't feel well, he thought to ask me if I was okay. But, now that I need his love and support the most he is nowhere to be found. I live 4 minutes away (driving). Please tell me why we have not seen one another outside of church, tag or bible study?

I don't want to live in a place where there is this distance between us.  But, every time I ask God to move me something else comes up making it impossible for me to leave. It is hurtful. It is a situation that I wouldn't want anyone to go through. And its not about, he did this and she did that, its about that I don't want to waste anymore time not loving him...

We can get called to Heaven tomorrow and the last thing that will be on his heart, is him acting distant and holding a grudge toward me and me missing him.

We don't have time to be divided.
We don't have time to be selfish. We are in the end of the end times. Jesus Christ can come back at any moment and the last thing I want is to be missing him. I know, I take full responsibility for these thoughts too. He shouldn't even be on my mind. I should be sleeping right now, but I couldn't sleep because I was lying to myself about being hurt.

 

 

I am hurt, because I miss him. I miss the hugs. I miss the laughs. I miss us going to church together. I miss watching Suits together. I miss the skype messages and pictures. I miss it all. But, what I didn't realize is that after awhile we started to forget about God. When God was the one that put us together in the first place. I didn't thank God for sending him to help me. I took the situation for granted, because I thought he would always be there.

Then I tried to intercede on his behalf and take the spiritual beatings and God did not want that either. I thought if I helped, if I "shielded" him from the pain with the heart that God gave me that is filled with compassion and bigger than the Sun at the core, that I could save him and that everything would be okay... I told God, "I don't mind. I'm strong enough to handle his pain. I have dealt with a lot worse...." But God said no. And I could do nothing but sit back and watch. And I was mad and I was frustrated and I was tried because I couldn't do anything to help not him nor myself....

I was mad at God for not letting me take the spiritual beatings... haha, how silly right. But, when as time went on I realized why God had told me "no." It was because there were other people that needed to see the strength of God in me, more than he did. He was going to be fine, God was going to take care of him. Send him family and friends to keep him motivated and moving in life. But, there were others who were on the edge and they needed to see the strength God placed in me to give them hope to move into tomorrow, toward a better day....

If, I'm called to be a minister one day then I'm going to have to make sacrifices obediently and without complaint. Sure, it cut me. CUT ME DEEP, not to be able to call him up and be like "hey whatcha up to?" Cut me deep not to be able to text him a silly face picture or whatever. It still cuts me deep now not to be able to share all the best parts of my life with him. My grandmother asks about him and so does my god family...

To be fair, I wouldn't want to be around someone who talks junk about me either when I act out in my flesh, during my "bad days" (even though that has happen to me before... how did I like it? It didn't feel very good. But turned the situation around and found it amusing so it didn't bother me...).

But, we can't go back and undo what is already done. But we can move onward and pray that God fills us with his agape love so that when we see one another we respond to one another with the love of Christ. I have learned quite a few things since being separated from him and 1: is to never take any moment with anyone you love for granted. Because one day you might wake up and they won't be there anymore...

2. Show love, speak life into your loved one, spread positive energy

3. My life is not my own and it is used to be a blessing to someone else's life.

4. Do things in love and give with a cheerful heart

So, yeah, it may not mean much to anyone else but seeing him peaceful, smiling and walking in the love of God is a prayer that I pray for him. Because despite the way things are God still used him to bring me here, where I learned how to speaking, sing and pray in tongues and where I learned how to walk in the love of GOD. If, it wasn't for him finding me the journey would have not been quite like this...

I just pray that we get a chance to go back to being comfortable around one another, laughing and talking, the way I am with everyone else in tag before my time here is over. I don't want to leave here with a cloud of unforgiveness over our heads. He says that he isn't mad at me, but when he speaks to me I still here it in his tone and even more than that I feel it in his energy. When I come into the room his energy changes. I'm not the only one that notices it or feels it either. So, that's how i know that I'm not "crazy" or "paranoid" about it...

 



 

 

Since When do Alpha Males Throw Tantrums? Get real!

Right now I'm in my flesh. I'm writing from my flesh and not from my spirit.
I'm so tired of meeting men who claim to be the "alpha male" then when things don't go their way they throw a tantrum. They revert to children. The whole time I'm sitting back like "wow and I thought you were the alpha male." Since when do alpha males give up when things get tough and throw tantrums. Men claim they want honesty and communication then they meet me and I'm honest, brutally honest and they can't handle it. So that makes you too weak. He was right, he is too weak for me. Had the look for an alpha male but the spirit of a coward. How does that work?

Instead of just being honest and opening their mouth and saying "When you say that or this it makes me feel uncomfortable please don't talk about that..." They storm off and attend a private pity party. So, you are suppose to be the father of my children? So, you are suppose to be the man that I share my body with and have children with and you can't even look me in the eyes and talk to me? So much for your communication.

And yet, you expect for God to bless you with a wife and children (your own child) when you act like that. Why would God give you one of his most precious jewels to protect when you can't even control your temper? It doesn't matter what was said or did, the point is are you strong enough to look past it and move on with life? Are you going to hold a grudge forever and waste time on being mad, instead of loving and caring about me like you so genuinely stated when everything was going great and flowing the way you wanted it to?

How are you the alpha male when you just give up on people like that? No wonder you are stuck at the same job doing the same thing, because you aren't ready to be a leader. No wonder, you work so hard and bust your ass for nothing because you are not ready to be a leader. It is about attitude. It is about being committed to fighting for the good of the whole and not just yourself. If, you can easily walk away when we are one little fight, I just image how much worse it would be after we had children. I guess, its a good thing that I didn't marry you, because you would have left my ass pregnant with two kids and not knowing what to do because your a coward. No wonder your loved one was taken away because you were not and are not in a position to take care of them anyway. So much for alpha male. Protector my ass.

I was woman enough to admit that I did not speak in love, but even after you yelled at me and said all those hateful things I still didn't give up on you. I still sat there and wanted to talk about it. The messed up thing is that you lied. Now I know that you are a liar and that's one of things I don't put up with a liar and a COWARD.

So, yeah, if you die an old man guess you will know why.

I stayed true to what I said about caring, but I guess that was not enough. That's why I don't give men the time of day, because they all lie, stab you in the back, abandon you, step all over your kindness, throw tantrums then runaway. I HATE MEN! I hate their stupid selfish attitudes. Walking around thinking they own everything. I HATE MEN! Every time a man looks my direction I get UPSET. What are you looking at? Don't even think about talking to me because I don't want to hear it. No good for nothing bum ass loser. Every guy I ever meet is a loser. I keep trying to go for the nice guys because maybe there is "LOVE" there, but NOPE still selfish. How are you 36 years old and you have the maturity of a 15 year old. GET REAL? We had an argument big deal, but you are still butt hurt over it? OH MY GOSH! I'm so done! OLD, YOUNG, BLACK or WHITE it doesn't matter. They are all the same.
.

Bible Study Reflection: (The Woman In the Mirrror) "Honesty isn't always Pretty"

Bible Study Reflection: Honesty is always pretty

I wanted so much for God to use me to teach his people how to love, that I became self righteous when he took me to the next level.

Bible study Monday night was intense. Thank God for bible study. For a chance to get it right before the day of judgement.

Social Scientist Disclosure: Consistent Patterns Don't Lie

I noticed over the years that when men meet me, they are always so fascinated by how beautiful I am. The beauty is logged into their memory and that is all they can think about capturing. My heart is the last thing they have a desire to protect from the lecherous beasts and vultures in the world. Often times they become the very beasts that I have to fight against. They get so caught up in the beauty that they forget about the love of God in me... it makes me sad, but it is a reality that I can not deny.

God has given me the ability to notice patterns in great detail. My mind never shuts off. Even if I will it, it does not listen. My mind has a "mind" of its' own. I guess you could say.

So, men always start out very excited to talk to me. They want to tell me their whole life story. They want me to understand that they are different than all the rest of the guys and that their promises they will actually keep... but as time goes on, not even days later I start to see patterns of the past. 

1. They start out excited, They send texts saying "good morning", how is your day? Real romantic stuff. 

2. They make an effort 

3. All in love, google eyed

Then they start to recognize who God has called me to be. And they either do one of two things: 

1. They run because they are too weak to handle the strength of God in me.

2. They distance themselves emotionally. Less care and concern for my life. No more cute text messages, no more romantic stuff.

How Much Do You Want More of God? (Call To Ministry Part 2, New Direction...)

I attended a different church this morning. I was lead to attend a small church on the other side of town. The intimacy of it reminds me of reaping the harvest. I was welcomed, but I didn't really feel the presence of the holy spirit there until we started to pray.

I'm use to attending a church where I walk in and the anointing is so high that it immediately cleans up your spirit and the second you step into the door. 

I don't know if I'm biased or if I'm just use to being around strong, highly anointed followers of Christ. Those who are met were kind but they were more of church for outreach, more than a church that teaches about the bible. Also, they are just kind of starting. I'm going to pray about it, of course and if God says so, then I will help out and start their praise and worship team. 

I feel that God is calling me to do more than just praise him. I feel like I'm suppose to go out and talk about how awesome God is and how faithful and merciful God is. But, I'm not sure what direction he wants me to go in with this ministry. 

So I'm praying on that too... 

I'm also praying that God sets things in motions so that I can be married soon. I'm excited about becoming the wife to a wonderful strong man of faith. I wish my family in NC could share in this joy with me. I miss them very much, but I'm sure that he and I will get around to visiting NC soon. 

I'm finally happy for the first time in awhile and I'm not letting anyone steal my joy. He respects the fact that I'm a writer. But most importantly he doesn't try to beat down my intelligence or belittle my passion for God. I was so tired of having to play the hush, hush game. Don't sing too loud. Don't praise God too loud or too much because you might offend or scare someone away... 

IF my passion for GOD is that strong to scare someone away from going to church, then that means they were not truly sold out for Jesus in the first place. There should be no man nor woman that takes you away from your passion, praise and yearning for Gods' truth. 

If I were out in the world, like in the old days all this struggle would not exist. I would have everything that I want and I would be spoiled. Men would flock to my feet and give me whatever I wanted. But, I don't CHOOSE to live my life that way. I want to leave a legacy of Greatness that reflects Gods' love, light and truth. I want something more than just superficial, temporary highs. I know that there is more. And God is the key to that something more... 

New Heights: Rising of the Queen, Marriage & Reflections

The truth is that since I have been here, I have learned a lot more about friendships. Sometimes you meet people who truly care about your life and want to see you do well in life. In other cases you learn about people only to find that the only reason they are your friend is because they want to be "nosy" and have all the private details into your life. 

The sad thing is, that often times it is the people that you trust the most that end up stabbing you in the back or end up being more concerned about being "nosy" than about being a real friend. 

People change every single day, but how they change is what you have to look out for...