Birds of a Feather Flock Together: Responsibility and Accountability

If you hang around potheads, alcoholics, crack heads, thieves, liars what does that say about your character? 

Birds of a feather flock together, right? 

Now, people with those afflictions are not necessarily "bad" they are though associated with destructive behaviors and or paths that could get them or someone else into trouble or even killed. Whether we are aware of it or not we affect the lives of other daily, with how we think, act and conduct ourselves as human beings. That's why it is important to "be the change you wish to see." 

Also, if you don't have a strong independent spirit and or lack self confidence you can and will be easily manipulated, tricked and used. You never want to be "at the mercy of the tiger." You want to be in a position where you have the option to walk away from a situation that is not helping you to be better and do better for yourself. The worst thing you can do is  tie yourself into an agreement with someone who is irresponsible, because if they don't pay their portion of the bills then you will be held accountable for theirs and yours. 

And that's not fair to you. Unless you grow a backbone and hold them accountable for their portion of the bills, they will always expect you to take care of everything for them. That's why I'd rather not do a roommate situation, but if I absolutely had to I would get everything in writing. One day you and your roommate are friends and the next day they are getting mad and throwing a tantrum over something stupid and screaming they will leave and "break the lease." Go ahead and break the lease, it will affect your credit not mine. I'll just find another roommate. Any roommate who gets so mad that they would put their own stability in jeopardy can not be trusted to help you maintain yours, if you ever found yourself an unlikely financial situation.  

I often learn the whole lesson, then I pick and choose which parts of the lesson go best with where I am at in life. 

Here are two lessons: responsibility and accountability. From here on out I only want to associate with people who are responsible, understanding, mature and professional. 

Being responsible means "I really want those pair of shoes, but I know that I need the money to pay my bills on time. So, I'll wait until I save up the extra money..." But people aren't like that nowadays. They think they can cheat the game and get away with it. But as long we keep play the, "I need money" game we will never be truly free. 

I Have the Power To Make Myself Happy What About You?

Often, times when people are insecure they reveal themselves to you in the most unpleasant of ways. People who have self esteem issues tend to say things like:

"You made me feel this way..."
"You did this to me..."

I can pin point people like that because I use to say those very same things when someone would do something that I did not like and or did something that "hurt" my feelings. 

You Are The Life of The (((PARTY)))

I have not been able to write in this blog in awhile.

Here are some things that are going on in my life, that I hope that someone out in the "real world" can understand...

Everyone wants to laugh (hee hee haa haa) when things are going great. It is always a fun time when the party is in motion. But, what happens when the party is over and it is time to clean up? 

How many people stick around to help you clean up the stinky beer rings on your table, floor and chairs? 

How many people stick around to help you clean up the throw up from too much drinking, the blood from the fights and organize your home back to the way it was? 

I refuse to let people come into MY LIFE and trash it with their insecurities, their failures, broken promises and lies. 

"Oh, I don't lie..." Really? Anyone who says they don't lie. Is a liar. Everyone tells a lie a some point in their life. But you should 

NEVER

EVER

EVER

EVER

EVER
LIE 

TO THE PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT

YOU

THE MOST

The LoneWolf Leader: My Choice (Part 2)

It took every ounce of positive energy that I had left in my little fragile body about a year or so ago, not to do the unthinkable...

Yet, when I tried to explain how I felt or what I was going through the people I thought would care the most pretty much told me that it was my "choice" to go to Virginia (so that I could try to start a new life for myself, make money, save money and send it back to my grandmother...). It was my "choice" to believe that another christian would love and care about me, while I was the most vulnerable...

Yes, Yes, I know.

It was my choice.

Just like removing myself from their life was also: MY CHOICE.

The Broken Heart of a Mad Scientist

Dear God, I pray this message is received in and with unconditional love. 

I have three families now. So, there are times when I feel like I am pulled in three different directions. 

What I need for my families to understand is..........

1. I am only one person. I can not be everything and anything to everyone at once. 

2. I have no parental support. (Not financially, emotionally, mentally, physically). None. Nothing. Zero. 
So, that means I have to bust my ass three times as hard and that is what I am currently doing. 

working

saving

loving

That is all I have time for currently. 

3. I don't like it when I get thrown into plans that I had no part in creating. 

Yet,  I feel like I am expected to follow with the plans anyway less, I be "shunned (oh no!) and or have "stones" thrown at me (oh golly gee!). 

If I'm not apart of creating the plans I'm not doing it. 

4. Everyone keeps tell me that I should "Do me..." 

Okay... well, I am. 

Yet, that seems to be a problem. If spending all my time with the love of my life is apart of "doing me" and I'm happy that is what I'm going to do. 

Instead of it being an issue, why don't you just be happy that I'm finally HAPPY that I met a man who loves me. What about instead of talking about me you silently pray for me to prosper and do accomplish my goals in life? 

5. Sometimes I feel like you expect me to drop everything I'm doing to cater to you. And well, I can't do that anymore...

Why because I am: BUSY! BUSY! BUSY! busting my ass to build a stable life, not just for myself but also one that will eventually benefit all the people I love. 

6. The best way to help me is for you to pray for me to get a car, move into a new apartment or house and offer encouraging words when we get to talk. 

7. If, I can make it out in VA in the middle of nowhere with people that I don't really know and with all the odds in the universe again me you should know, believe, and trust that God will take care of me now and even beyond the now in the situation I currently am in. 

8. I don't want to live in anyone's shadow. 

If I wait for someone else to finally be ready to help me make my dreams come true it will never get done in the time I need it to. 

And once again I'll be looked over, forgotten, sitting on the bench etc. I'm tired of waiting for permission to make my dreams come true. 

I should have been on the map along time ago. 
But everyone else came before me. Even though I was the most faithful and loyal during that time. 
So, now I'm taking charge of my own destiny. 

9. Any time I have enough to give, 

I ALWAYS OFFER and ALWAYS GIVE. GIVE. GIVE. GIVE. 

I am a GIVER, so the ONE time in my entire life when I want to be selfish and everyone seems to have a problem with it. 
This is my time to be "selfish" To do "me." 
If I can't help myself, then how can I help anyone else? 

Disclaimer: Talking about my adventure and or tragedy in VA still brings tears to my eyes. I put EVERYTHING I had into trying to start over in VA. I thought I would go to VA and work, save money, get a car and really start living a glamorous, wonderful, happy life with a man that I thought cared about me, but he used my love for God to get close to me and then abandon me....

One of the worst things in life is to put trust in someone (after telling them all the crap you have been through in life with just dating and relationships in general) only to find out that they are a coward, liar and a fraud.  

I missed so much in those eight months I was gone, moments and time with my families that I will never get back. And the worse part is that anyone of those SO called CHRISTIANS could have offered to take me home but no one cared enough about me to offer that, because they didn't know me and didn't take out time to figure out how I got there to begin with... 

A lot of those so called Christians I have deleted from my life permanently. 

Why does the thought bring tears to my eyes still? 

1. I never thought I would see with my own eyeballs the devil manipulate someone into hurting me. 

2. Out of all the mistakes I made throughout my life I know I didn't do anything so horrible to deserve to be treated so cruelly
And the worst part about being treated that way is that I was in the midst of so called "Christians" who witnessed how I was being treated and yet, they did nothing to stop it or fix it. In there eyes I was just some poor little black girl new to the area with no family. 

My entire life was about God. I went to church. I played by the rules. I did not seek revenge like I strongly desired to do. I prayed every night. I read my bible. I fasted. I prayed with and for others. I DID MY PART and yet still when I would attend the bible studies the other young adults would talk about me behind my back, then smile in my face, exclude me from activities etc 

I saw through all that fake BULLCRAP the first second I laid eyes on half of the group and yet, when I tried to call it out I was the one that was "crazy." 

They better be thanking GOD that I was not who I am today or that whole GROUP, CLIQUE would have been internally damaged. I was hurting something terrible and everyone kept telling me to "pray about it" "get over it" and then had the nerve to laugh at me or about me behind my back. 

SO excuse me for not giving a fuck. And doing me!

Also, when I was stuck in VA hurting, dying, heart bleeding all over the universe, confused, lost, scared, and wanting to do unspeakable things to end the pain. 
NONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO I KNEW WITH CARS came to GET ME! Why? Because at the time they said I needed to learn from my "poor choices." 

They said it was my fault for being in that situation in the first place. And yes, that is true. I did make the choice to move to VA, but the events that took place after I moved there were jacked up and SOMEONE could have driven in their CAR to come get me... 

It wasn't until 6 months later that my aunt, the one woman who breaks her neck and back everyday to help everyone and take care of everything had time to come and get me. We may not always see eye to eye, but I can say one thing about my aunt and that is: WHENEVER I REALLY NEED HER, she is ALWAYS THERE. 

Where were my families oh and my so called friends when I was out in VA struggling, needing money and food to eat?
GONE! 
Disappeared!
Sorry I'm busy!
I can't!
I don't have any gas!
(You have gas to do everything else, but when I need help doing something out of nowhere there is no gas, really? Come one get real! You didn't want to drive to come get me because you didn't WANT TO. NOT because you couldn't) 

Additionally, I admit that I was naive. I thought if a man claimed to be a "Christian" that it automatically meant that he loved God and people the way I did... wrong! wrong ! SOOOOOOOOOO wrong!

But, back to the present...

I am HAPPY!

HAPPY!

HAPPY!

HAPPY!

I am in love!

Even if my boyfriend annoyed me everyday I would still be happy because at least I know that 1. I can count on me when I really need him to be there and 2. that he loves me unconditionally everyday. No matter what changes I go through. 

 And no I'm not exactly where I want to be yet, but I know that if I keep praying and working hard that eventually I will get there. 

My families taught me how to pray through the storm and now I need them to believe that I will put what they have taught me to good use. 
I am not the same woman I was last year. 
I'm stronger. I'm more Loving. And I'm Unstoppable as long as God is on my side. 

No matter what I go through I NEVER stop thanking God for all the wonderful people who love me in life and for all the loving experiences have been blessed enough to experience. 

Welcome Home Love: Favorite Hobbies (1)

I am a writer. The majority of the time, I prefer writing instead of verbal communication. Why? Because most times when I speak people don't listen, so why waste my breath? If I write them a letter at least, I can get all my thoughts out of my head and from there the rest is up to them. If they read it, then cool. If not then, that's perfectly OKAY too. 

As long as it is out of my head, then I will sleep at night just fine. 

Death Of Innocence: Rise of the Queen

These last months are the most reflective. This time last year I was in Virginia, trying to make sense of the chain of events that took place. I wanted to die. But, my need to live outweighed it all. I asked for help, but most of the Christians thought I was just another "troubled" black girl, with no family and no one to love her. That is when I realized that it may not even be atheists or muslims etc that separate a nation, but weak spirited "sweep" crap under the run and pretend that it doesn't exist so called: Christians. 

Just because you go to church, praise God in-front of other people and are old enough to give words of wisdom doesn't mean that you are a true follower of Christ. I admit that I'm not living right, so yeah I have no room to judge but at least I'm honest about where I am in my "spiritual Journey" and not sneak around pretending to live this Oh, so holy moly life. *Cough* *Cough* But, I digress.

Love Life

People like to be in love for the wrong reasons. "I'm lonely." "I'm bored." "I want kids..." etc After much reflection I have decided that attachements are unnecessary. They only hold you back from reaching your full potential. Why? Because you are constantly worried about them or it leaving you or ending. 

I use to be a hopeless romantic, always wanting for a Prince Charming to come and swisk me away on a white horse! I use to be that girl, that would write poetry, love songs, love letters etc to the young man that I was OH SO smitten with, only to have him rip it in my face, then drive away laughing. As if, it was the most funniest comedic skit they had ever witnessed. 
I use to be that girl, that would stay up waiting for him to call me all night and even the next morning and day, only to find that he had already MOVED ON!

So, after coming back from Virginia, I vowed that I would be about business. I would make enough to take care of myself and my family (god family included, because they have been there through a lot of my changes.... I owe them so much more than I can give them right now. But I will be able to pay them back as they rightfully deserve, one day soon).

In VA I tried to fit in, I tried to be "natural" and dress down. I tried not to wear makeup. I tried not to BE ME! I wanted to be accepted. I needed validation. I needed to know that I was needed, since my boyfriend at the time dump me on the side of the curb like I was trash. I would call or text and ask him to help and he would say shit like, "that' s not my problem." 
Sometimes I wish that I would have died out there, that way my blood would always be on his hands, but I didn't die in the flesh. I died in the spirit and because I put all my trust and hope and entire ESSENCE into GOD, I was preserved for the glory of GOD and I'm stronger for it. 

I don't have time to be in love. I'm about meeting people who are ready to build and secure an empire. 

Family Life

I use to be respect and admire, my ex boyfriends' parents because I thought they were serious and honest "Christian folks." But, once again the joke was on me. 

They are fake. How can you tell someone else to live their life, or give advice when your own son doesn't take your advice. REALLY? So, let me get this straight, you teach and preach the word but your household isn't even in order. You can't even control your own son but you want to tell other people or give advice to other people on how to live their lives? Get real... please... I'll pass. 

He talks back to you and have little to no respect for you and yet, I was the problem, not him. Yeah... I wish I was who I am now, back then they all would have seen a different side that they could have thrown stones at... 

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE

I learned not to be so trusting. Never give your entire heart to a man and never assume that just because someone is Christian that their intentions are pure. 

I did the best I could with what I what I knew and with what I had left to work with. And that's all there is to say.... the end. 

No Room For Failture (Launch Me Into GREATNESS)

The one thing I learned is that you can't wait for other people to be ready to help you make your dreams come true. You have to get up and do it yourself.

If I would have waited for someone to keep their word about helping me "get to the top" I would have never taken the first step. Also people go through things, I understand.

I'm tired of being on the backburner. I watch everyone else climb to the top of the mountain. I'm the best hand of cards they have, but they never use me. So, from here on out I only want to associate with a team of people who want to help me bring out my highest potential and Launch me into Greatness.

I'm ready to put my work in. Now that I have a few things in order I’m taking matters into my own hands, the business woman, the model and the talent.

No Room For Failure

People describe success in a variety of ways. Your idea of success could be that you graduated college, bought a new house, or had your first child.

My success is finally having the money to make things happen in my life. A prime example is the modeling (creative art) thing.

People constantly tell me, "you should model" or ask me "do you model?" But, let us stop and think about this for a minute: To model, you need money, so you can invest in yourself (you are the product), pay for gas to travel to all the auditions and casting calls and pay for pictures etc. If you don't have a job, then you don't have the money to do all of that (unless you have a sugar daddy or you’re born into money...). The end goal is make money from this modeling thing. I have in the past yet, 20 dollars here and 40 bucks here for little snippets of exposure but I have been ready to go beyond.

 

 

I'm finally in a place where I have

1. The confidence

2. The money

3. Transportation and

4. The opportunity.

I may not be Tyra Banks, but I will get to be on the cover of a magazine and in a few top, high quality fashion shows. Remember, I don't want my name associated with anything that isn't top quality. That's just how I am. And if that means I have to wait for the right opportunity then I will.

Some people might be turned off by the new photos because they are a bite more "mature" and "sexy." But, I'm a grown lady. Also, with being a working, grown lady I finally have a say in what I choose to do with my modeling career.

So many people in the past, made promises to help me, get me exposure, but what good is exposure if it is not a national level where millions of people can see you. The whole point is for "exposure" is to be SEEN, what good will it do you if your just seen in little ol' Raleigh. NO, I want national exposure because there is SOME designer out there who I have yet to meet, who will fall in love with my look. I believe it, that I will sign with a top modeling and talent agency and it will all work out for my good, for glory of God.

This is the new me and I love it! No Mary Poppins and No Plain Jane live here.

To All The: Freaks, Misfits, Outcasts, MisUnderstoods,

I have changed. 

Love found me in the dark. 

And now I have changed. 

Affection desired to know my name. 

And now I have changed. 

It was inevitable. 

Like a promise that is untimely broken.

Instrument of Warfare: Maturity

I spent a lot of time taking breaks. Being upset at things that I had done, not wanting to accept that in those consequences there were things that I needed to "see." 
I am anger. I am pain. But, I am also Love. 
I believe that scars can be used as fuel to skyrocket us to the next level of Greatness. That sometimes this next level is subtle. It does not need an introduction. It does not need a immaculate parade. 

With wavy stick figure balloon men and princesses that invitingly waving at the children to coax them in a fantasy world of "its all right, because I'm pretty." When reality deems it otherwise. 
I am not afraid of death. Yet, the memories of my death can only haunt me if I choose to stay in them. Happy memories were my death. But, I escaped in the shadows. In the blackness of my heart. 

Accountability means that you are held responsible for whatever instrument of power that you are given or whatever choices that you have made in relation to that power. I begged God to take my heart out. So, I could feel nothing. Become an instrument of war and nothing else. And in me becoming and instrument of "war" God reminded me that, there doesn't need to be a fight.  That not all men were out to destroy me. 

Brutalize and torment my existence with their half ass promises of safety and dedication. When men look at me, I give them a wicked smile. And in that smile it tells them that they don't "want it." Because I'm a mission to "fight" Tango with the Lion of Judah, is what I was trying to warn the members of that community. A male in particular being so adamant that he could "handle me." But, it was I that saw his tears, his failure and his mistakes. It was I, that watched him drown in his own failure. And that was half of the other memory that not only reminded me that I am part human but also of why death was imperative. 

But in the darkness, I was re-introduce to an old friend that I did not want the responsibility of caring for: Maturity. 

The Problem You Run From

The Lord opens your eyes to "see" facets of humanity that we don't want to believe. 

So, I asked God to make me apart of the problem so that I wouldn't have the responsibility of knowing the weight of the truth. Yet, even in begin part of the problem I can still see the truth. The sickness. The pain. The suffering. The more I "see" the more sorrow I know. Not only for my own life, but for the lives of those who walk aimlessly around like "zombies" desperately trying to find their next thrill to escape their reality of an unsatisfied life. 

We are unsatisfied because we do not choose to let God satisfy us. We think that we are mini gods, but as a god that means you can satisfy yourself, so why are people so desperate to be entertained? They want to escape. Many to run from the call of God. But no matter where we run God, the Almighty can and will meet us wherever we are at. 
To God be the glory. All praise and honor belong to God. 

I'm So Glad To be the Third Wheel and Fifth Wheel

Life has a sense or humor. When I was stuck in Virginia I found myself surrounded by families, young married couples and children. I'm single and I don't have children, so why would I want to spend my time around families, young married couples and children all day? 

Please don't get me wrong I love children. When I'm around kids I change into a completely different person. I'm more sweet. I'm more gentle. I'm way more patient. But, I still have to remember that I'm single and I don't have children. So at the end of the day. It is still just me, myself and I. 

Epic Journey: Walking In Your Identity

I tried to be "bad" I tried to be "loud." But bad leads to unneeded soul-ties. It felt like a weight on my soul keeping me from going to the next level. I tried to remain "average" "normal" "regular" so that men would like me. So that the guy I was crushing on, dated, liked or however you want to describe it would stay in my life. 

I tried to be "normal" and "indifferent" and "complacent" so that he wouldn't SEE ME because once he realized who I was, I knew that he would leave. Once he realized that I am a Queen through Christ and that I recognize my self worth, they always leave. 

I ask them to rise to my level. To stand with me in greatness through Christ Jesus. I ask them to battle against mediocrity with me. I ask me to fight against injustice. I ask them if they would take the sunglasses from their face and walk in truth, love and peace with me but all I hear is silence and then I see their back turned toward me. 

When a man comes into my life and "gives up" on me, essentially he says that he is 1. not ready to live a life of greatness and 2. that is he not ready to be a king through Christ and 3. that he is not confident enough in God.

I can not change a joker into a king. They must accept and understand their self worth. They must know that just as Jesus Christ died on the cross for me, he also died for them too. 
It hurts me to see a king, be degraded by this world and fall into a mental trap of the world. See, I know who I am through Christ Jesus. I know that I am the daughter of the most High King, but chose to take a "break" or go on vacation from my position of being a leader. I didn't walk away from God. I never could. I never can. I just needed time for me, to rest, recuperate, relax, before moving on in the journey.

I had some side projects that I started, in which I wanted to be dedicated too. I know that my life is not my own. I know that I am a reflect of the love of God. I know that I am mad to be an extension of the love of God, the peace of God, the strength of God. The problem is just because I am aware of that, does not mean that I know how to WALK in that awareness.

Gentlemen: Build The Foundation

Gentlemen, you are the protectors of the women and young ladies in your family. They look up to you for guidance and counsel. They look up to you to be the leader. That is why it is very important that your life is in order with the word of God, as well as with the plan that God has for your life. 

The Queen On Vacation: Respect The Journey (Murder Trial)

This is the scripture that was brought to my spiritual attention during work today: 

My intense bitterness obstructed my peace but You have loved my life back from the pit of corruption and nothingness: for You have cast all my sins behind your back (Isaiah 38:17).

Yes, I'm still pissed at the injustice done during my VA "murder trial" I didn't have anyone to defend me... you know the story. I had to cut some of the people who were about of my "murder" out of my life. Simply because they were advocates for injustice. They stood by and as Christian watched me be persecuted and did nothing to help me. Just stood there. Laughing. Because death is funny, right? 

Grieving doesn't just end overnight. People grieve differently. But, the thing is not to let grief consume you. I can talk about it because I'm half way out of this grieving over VA. I can feel myself rise to the woman that God needs me to be. Its incredible. The power. But, I have to maintain humility. 

I haven't been blogging as much as I normally do, because I needed more time to reflect. I felt myself getting too "self righteous" and "holier than thou." I could feel my mind beginning to think that I was better than other people, because of the new revelations that God was frequently revealing to me. 

The calling God has on my life I'm not ready to walk in, yet. 

My step back from the "battlefield" has not only given me time to reflect but also time to put myself in the shoes of the people that I was "beating down with scripture." 

Yes, I did talk about God 24/7. I was so happy to finally have a connection and relationship with the Lord, that I became over zealous in my joy. 

In my time in VA, I noticed that so called Christian friends were jealous of the relationship that I discovered with God. They were not on my level, so instead of learning more about God for themselves they decided to try and beat me down, ostracize me or ridicule me about the current situation. 

But, please don't get me wrong I still love very much and please don't ever think that just because I love, that I'm a door mat and you can talk to me any ol' kind of way either. God is still working on me... so there is no telling what I"m capable if provoked. 

The Epic Final VA Conclusion

Final Conclusion: 

Revenge is not something I recommend people get into or even think about. The more you think about that negative spirit. The more you feed it. The more you bring it to life. 

For The Ladies: Saving Mentality (Part 2)

This is for my ladies. I haven't been able to write much because I have dealing with business "stuff." God is opening new doors. 

What I wanted to talk about is the saving mentality (part 2). 

Many people don't want to admit that this is what can happen when you are not steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the good work of the Lord. 

Ladies you can not use your body to save another man from his "demons." Human suffering is very real. But, when a man comes to you looking to be sexual intimate with you, no matter what the reason is, you have to give him the word of God. And nothing else. 

When you use your body to "save" or bring "comfort" to a man that is not your husband, you set yourself back and you block God from healing his wounds. You become an enabler. You stand in the way of the work that God needs to do in his life. 

I know, he just got out of a relationship that left his heart broken. 

But, you have to stand firm in your confidence and trust in God. Pray for him. Send him scriptures. But remember that sharing your body will not heal him. It will only strengthen the lust spirit that is on him. Some of you are very kind hearted and very sweet and any man who is just looking to have sex with take advantage. But you know who God created you to be. A gem. A jewel. Is princess. His priceless gift. And any man that can not respect that who you are is a daughter of God, has no place in your life. 

The love of God in you is a gift. If you use your body to try to "save" or "comfort" a man, you cheapen that gift in you. 
Summary: When men come to you looking for sex. You pray for them. Give them the word of God. Put them on the altar. And you keep it moving. It is not your job to "save" any man. That job belongs to Jesus only. 
I love you. Stay safe. 

God Had Other Plans: Damsel in Distress (No More)

I'm so tired of trying to figure out the "why" to the "situation" that I swear I'm about to lose my mind. Why would any man be that cruel to use God as a means to get close to me? Why would he purposely make a promise to help, drag me out of my comfort zone and then abandon me like that? How does that show love? 

(Reflection) Adventure in VA: Purpose to Sing

(Reflection)Adventure in VA: the majority of the lady and men folk I met can sing all day. I found a "family" in the community of passionate singers (that was my gift) like myself.

Yet, sometimes when us singers get together it feels more like a competition and some days in my time there that's what it felt like. Competition, Favoritism, and Jealousy. When I'm in a choir I'm there to learn. Even if I'm not that passionate about the song. I enjoy learning it anyway, because there is always something NEW you can take from something unfavorable.

A part of me didn't feel that I had any room to spread my "singing wings." I wanted to much to do more. My spirit was always calling to serve, but as soon as I would get up enough courage to say something about that, then someone else had already taken the "position" or the position was already given to someone else out of favoritism. 

Please, don't get me wrong I love to sing, any music that can be used to edify God, encourage or inspire another life to do better in their own I'm all for. But, favoritism. I'm not for that. How do you know that someone else isn't more qualified for the position? You never even gave them a chance. 

But on another note:

I met a young lady and man who both have excellent classical voices. When I discovered that they could sing like that, I almost choked on my own happiness. lol Wow! people that like classical music like me! Cool! haha

It was a "learning" experience. But, more than that I learned that in order to lead you have to be able to follow and take instruction. You can't be a leader and think you know it all, because God will end up showing you a thing or two that just might blow your mind

Beauty From Pain: Big Blue Exotic Creature (Justice)

Being in Woodbridge Virginia, is a lot to reflect on because the entire experience was a "first time" one. I met some very talented young men and women who are on their way to becoming pastors, preachers, evangelists, teachers of the word etc It was almost like I was in that movie Avatar with those big blue exotic alien looking creatures.