Marriage Is A Ministry: Not A Fashion Trend

Marriage is a Ministry. Not a Fashion trend. 

I have friends, male and female who got married too early in life and not much long after ended up divorced in their middle twenties or  by their early thirties. Why did this happen? Well, there are multiple reasons but mainly I hear:

"We grew a part..."

"We didn't know one another very well..."

"She got pregnant..."

Do You Really Want To Be In A Relationship (part 2)

I don't think a woman should have to lower or hide her intelligence and strength just to make a man feel like a man. He should already be confident in who God made him and he should already have his life in order or be working really hard to get it in order. 

In the past, I put up with a variety of interesting men characters! 

I don't do a lot of socializing in real life. I tend to save my breath for people who actually want to make a change in their life and or learn something new. But, the behavior of men folk nowadays is so predictable that I don't find it fun anymore to even "play the game" anymore.

The Final Conclusion: Death Of Innocence

I am at a point in my life where I am "doing me." I spent enough time trying to help other people reach their highest potential and now it is time for me to help myself. 
I have been A LOT of reflecting since being back from VA and if I knew then what I know now, things would have been a lot different back then. 
But that is just it... I did not know. 
The story is "played out" some would say, while others would ask, "why do you keep reliving your old pain?" See, they react that way to my writing about the situation because it did not happen to them. 
The entire VA situation was a test and punishment all in one. 

For, one it taught me to never move before Gods' time. 
2. To always go somewhere, where you have at least one family member in the area. 
3. Trust no man. 
4. Try to be prepared for any and all situations 
5. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve 
6. Establish trust, hope, faith and full confidence in GOD only. 
7. Just because it looks "holy and righteous" doesn't mean that it is. 8. Everyone has skeletons in their closet. Those skeletons are called testimonies. 
9. Don't date a divorced man that is still hung up on an ex wife he had to put a restraining order against (Of course, I didn't know all of that until I was actually in the situation). 
10. Don't date a man who plays around with his walk with Christ and or uses God as a scapegoat for no longer walking to be in a relationship. 
11. No one can tell you how to have a personal relationship with GOD

I made the mistake of going to my peers thinking that they would help me. But now of them had ever been in a situation like the one I was in, so they didn't know what to do either. What I should have done was go to the elders of the church. But, I didn't and instead of getting support from my most of my peers back then I got whispering behind my back and laughs and indifference to my pain and struggle. 

There were only a handful of true followers of Christ who helped. Imagine trusting someone to help you and then after promising that they would, they dumb you in the middle of nowhere and leave you to fend for yourself in a strange new land that you have no idea how to even begin to navigate. Each time I share this testimony everyone from old men to young teenagers, say that it was "messed up" how he did me dirty like. Wasn't even man enough to put me on a bus and send my ass home (knowing that I didn't have any money because I spent most of it trying to help him out...). 

It was the first time in my life that I truly felt fear. And no matter what I did I could not get home. The entire time I was there after he dump me in the middle of nowhere like I was trash, was praying that he would come back and get me. Would come back and at least be my friend to help me through my tough time... 

But, I sat on that porch for days after the last time I saw him expecting to see his blue honda pull up on the corner and each day he never came back. He left me out there to die. To go crazy. To suffer. To struggle. To walk to the bus stop with holes in my shoes because I didn't have any money after paying my rent to get any new ones. I only had my summer clothes, because I was only suppose to stay for the summer. Work. Then go back home, but I ended up staying through the fall and winter too. It was the loneliest time of my entire life. 

And all, I wanted do was die... 

But, GOD loved me enough to preserve me for his glory. Do I deserve to be saved? No, because I sin and make mistakes like everyone else. But, in doing so God showed me that his love can extend past all my sins and all my mistakes. And that no matter where I am, when I call him he will come to my rescue. 

The sad part is, that the guy I was dating at the time didn't care that I had a family that was worried about me, didn't care that I didn't have any money to feed myself, didn't care that I spent holidays alone. Didn't care about me... And his parents tried to cover it up and or pretend like it didn't happen and or blame me. Naturally they would protect their son. Why would I think, that they would do the RIGHT thing and address the issue face to face? No, I admire them because I thought they were strong Christians, I thought they would give me good advice about how to grow in my walk with Christ. But, what I found is that they ware surface Christians. They don't want to tackle the real issues, they sweep them under the rug and hope they go away... and that doesn't work because overtime the issues will start to pile up and then they start to overflow. 

You can't run from your demons, you have to face them head on. Tackle them with prayer, faith and love until you no longer have them. Not put them in the back of the closet and expect them to disappear. 

R-E-A-W-A-K-E-N-I-N-G: Rise Of The Queen

I'm in a new place now.

Stronger

Wiser

Faster

Resilient

Comfortable In My Own Skin

I would say about, 8 months ago, all I wanted to do was die.  I couldn't think I could not function, my entire life revolved around "why me?" I felt defeated, raped and robbed of my joyful spirit. But, I knew that it was my own fault. I had to take responsibility for being so easily deceived. The devil tricked. Yeah, asshole got me. I didn't even see it coming. But, I realized that everything happens for a reason and that everything that is negative was turned around for my good.

I don't have any regrets about what I did, said, did not do or say while I was in VA, but every sleepless night, every tear, every moment of confusion led me to where I am today: peaceful. But cautious.

You see, I will never put another man on a pedestal again, nor will I ever allow a man to use his "resources" to allure me away from the flock. I was so happy to meet a man that I thought was about that "christian life." I thought him being about that life, would ignite a new passion in me to be about that life too. But it wasn't his desire to be about it that ignited my passion for God again, it was his (their) betrayal, the injustice, the murder of my child like spirit.

Every setback. Every stab in the back. Every sleepless night. It is all used for my good.

I had no choice but to delete many of the "family" that I met in VA from my Facebook because I was in a dark place. A very dark place. Such a dark place, that satan himself could have asked me to marry him and I would have said yes... yep, that dark. 

I had to cut them off, so I could focus and so that I could protect them from the anger and the hate that I felt toward and about that situation. I recently added a couple of the faces that I most admired back into my life. I only added the ones that were mature enough to understand what the "fight" is all about. Spiritual warriors for Gods' Love. 

The ones who don't run to mommy and daddy every time they get a scrape on their knee. You're a grown ass man/woman stop sucking on your mothers nipple and pick up a weapon and learn how to defend yourself. 

Stop blaming your screwed up life on other people. You made the choice to marry that person, or open your legs to that man and to have a baby with him. So now you deal with the consequences. 

Just like I made the choice to believe that they could be trusted.

We all make choices. But I don't run from my consequences. I face them head on, with complaints, without complaints. But I never give up and I never stop fighting. 

Yeah...I guess, I figure that if I had to learn how to fight out in a new place, on my own then others should learn how to too, because sooner or later their parents will leave this earth and they will be faced to meet the claws of injustice that rapes the world as we speak. 

Established Rules: Single and Never Been Married

As the Queen Through Christ I am a aware of a few things:
1. Is that my life is not my own.
2. That I have a lot of work to do for the kingdom of God. 

God Had Other Plans: Damsel in Distress (No More)

I'm so tired of trying to figure out the "why" to the "situation" that I swear I'm about to lose my mind. Why would any man be that cruel to use God as a means to get close to me? Why would he purposely make a promise to help, drag me out of my comfort zone and then abandon me like that? How does that show love? 

A Blessing To Know: RIP Mark Bunch

As a "Queen through Christ" I often come into contact with a lot of tragedy. I find out on Friday Feb 28th 2014, that my friend Mark Bunch passed away. His death hit a little too close to home for me. 

I remember him being very kind spirited. He had the most positive outlook on life for a man that was apart of the military. He was also very encouraging. He would call to check on me every now and then just to make sure I was okay. He always spoke well of others, was very honest but in a kind way. 

I can't believe that he is gone, because I was just asking him for advice the other day. When I was "stuck" in VA he encouraged me to keep staying positive. He told me that I would be okay. He was right. That's why his passing away hurts me, he was "there" for me when everyone else seemed too busy. I don't have too many man friends who can I say have actually kept their word to me. Mark is a good example of an honest man. That's rare to find these days. 
I thank God I had the chance to be apart of his life and to know him.

RIP Mark, thank you so much for reminding me to stay positive and for being a reminder of a source of strength for me when I lost mine. Love you bunches! 

Beauty From Pain: Big Blue Exotic Creature (Justice)

Being in Woodbridge Virginia, is a lot to reflect on because the entire experience was a "first time" one. I met some very talented young men and women who are on their way to becoming pastors, preachers, evangelists, teachers of the word etc It was almost like I was in that movie Avatar with those big blue exotic alien looking creatures.

The 21 Day Fast Is Over: Come on God, lets go! Been here too long.

I'm ready to move on with my life. I have been here for 6 months and although, I have met some awesome people. I don't feel like I'm going to get much done here, for what I need to take care of. 
I want to go to a place where I can finally use my gifts to their maximum. I like opera and I like classical music. Those two combinations would probably bore most of the community here. 

I miss my grandmother. I miss being around the people that I can vibe with. With the people that I know love and care about me. Many here have been very kind, yes and I'm thankful for their kindness. But, its nothing like having your own family and friends to be around. A lot of these young men and women have known each other from high school or from when the church first got started. So, its awkward to still be in the group when he is not there. I feel like, an abandon pup, that lost its pack and had to tag along with another pack just to be taught how to survive etc...

I honestly, can't believe that I'm still here. I thought I would have either been home by now or moved to Alexandria or even out of the state. But, nope. I'm still here. 

I designated this journey as the: Journey of firsts, because much of what I have been exposed to and or done has been a first time experience. For example I just got done doing a 21 day D****** fast (*ugh* out of all the fasts in the bible it had to be that one, right? <insert sarcasm-why don't you pour some salt on my wounds while your at it. No better yet, just take the knife and stab me in the back in the same place where the wound is, yeah, that's more like it! It really hits the spot! More torture). 

But, that fast is over, so I'm going to make a video blog about all the things that happen to me during the fast and all the changes that I went through during it. 

Anyway: I'm in a poetic mood. I decided to put all of the poems I wrote this morning into this space, so they would all be in one location:

Revelations. Reflections. Words of Wisdom. Advice (part 1)

I seem to have the most to say between 11pm and about 6am in the morning. I don't know why those are the times that I want to talk the most. I'm different in that way. When everyone else is sleeping, I'm wide awake watching the world spin without seeing anything actually move, so to speak. 

If I couldn't write or type, I would probably die. Why do I say that? Because I don't connect much with what society thinks is cool nowadays. I don't even connect with what much of the "Christian community" is doing either. I'm in a category of my own. To understand me, you would have to suffer greatly and most of the young adults here, seem to still be children to me. They have mommies and daddies who kiss their boo boos and put band-aids on their scraped knees. 

We are adults now. Time for many of them to suck it up and walk bold for Christ. Leave the "nest" of security and go into ministry.

Forgiving "Judas" & Can Someone Else Get A Turn?

Changes. They are inevitable. You can be ready to make and be that change, all day, but if they (your family, friends, neighbors, brothers and sisters in Christ) are not ready to receive those changes in you, then the value of those changes have to be put on hold. 

Let me say this again. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes all the time, but the difference is that I self reflect, repent and then try to make the situation right. But, how can you make a situation right, if the other party is not willing to "hear" you out? 

You can't. So, that's when you put it and leave it in the hands of God. Something that I'm still learning how to do. I come from a background where I'm use to doing things for myself. I tend to be more of "lone" wolf. So to come to a community filled with so much love (for most of them the love is genuine) it really baffled me. 

Spiritual Maturity (Part 1)

When you allow God to take over your heart, mind, body, soul and spirit he can mature you as fast or as slow as he wants to. Sometimes he will keep putting you in the same situation just with different people, to see if you have learned the "theme" of the lesson. Other times he will separate you from everyone and anyone that you use to be "friends" with, to show you that you can only depend and rely on him (God).

God is maturing me at an incredibly fast rate. Since I stepped foot in VA, it was been the Journey of "firsts." I'm reading and mediating on scripture more, attending church regularly and actually give God all my praise now, attending bible study, singing at concert with an awesome community group choir, fasting and praying none stop 24/7.... I'm changed. I'm still changing. Like I said before, this is certainly spiritual bootcamp and I am defintely being prepared for something great.

I wish I knew what it was, but I suppose that if I knew then I would try to help God teach me. Hahaha. God doesn't need my help to do anything. I need his, daily.

Even the people that I thought I was suppose to "look up" too now seem immature to me. I'm gravely disappointed that the people I thought were my friends here, are really not. The hurtful thing is that they smile in my face each time they see me, but I really see their true colors now. Matter of fact I know that they were ones to aid in the entire downfall of my "happiness." All because they were jealous. But, to God be the glory. I don't hold a grudge against them. I still love them. Because even when Jesus knew that Judas was going to betrayed him he still treated him with love.

But, it just makes me more aware now. I'm not like them. I will never be like them and I don't care to be. I like fashion. I like makeup. I like going on adventures and starting projects. And most of all I like to protect all the sheep, not just one or a few. I watch out for everyone. Whoever is most in need, is who I offer to help first. If they accept it. Then wonderful. If not, that is there choice too.

I'm at a point in my life, where I don't have time for the games. The fake friends. If you knew how they were why didn't you pull me to the side and let me know something, instead of keeping me in the dark? But like I said, it doesn't matter. Because I have surpassed all of them in a very unique way and all I'm concerned about is going to the next level in my walk with Christ.

Glory be to God.

 

Fill My Cup with Love: Take The Bullet For You

I tried to love them the best way i knew how. I came here seeking fun. I came here thinking that I would "big ball." I thought we would be a "bonnie and clyde." Tag team duo fighting the world together. But I forget one key team player: GOD. The author and chief. The commander. The King of Kings and The Lord of Lords.

And there I was telling God, "I can love him... I'll stand in the gap and intercede on his behalf. I'll take the spiritual beatings. Please put his burdens on me..."

And God, was like "thats a nice gesture, but you arent strong enough..."

And when that realization hit me, at first I was sad, then I was upset then I was furious. Not strong enough, my flesh roar! what do you mean I'm not strong enough?

God wasnt referring to my physical strength, mental or emotional in particular. He was talking about my spirit.

How am I going to stand in the gap for someone with the love of God if I am not filled in spirit all the way, completely with his (God) love?

All I wanted to do was take their pain away. All I wanted to do was protect them from getting hurt. I could feel their pain seep into my spirit. The heaviness burdened my soul, because I could do nothing that would give them hope, or restore their joy because I did not know enough about the word of God.

"How am I going to be a healer in someone else's life when I'm not even filled with the right medicines (the word of God, his love and peace...) to heal myself?

What I learned is that two broken people can't fix one another. They will always be seeking for the other person to validate their life. If they are not confident in God, they will never be satisfied nor fulfulled in their life. They will constantly be looking for a "distraction" from their troubles when they should be focused on God to lead and guide them.

I can say this now, in good faith because I saw who I was before without God leading me, to where I am now with God at the front and center. I will admit that some of the things that the Lord has me doing or being apart of don't make sense, in the moment. But they always do later on, when someone else is life is changed or someone gets saved etc through the struggles, pain and hurt that I had to go through in order to have a powerful testimony to change many lives.

My life is not my own, I knew that ever since I lost my mother. If I am to be about the business of God, I have to take all emotion out of it. Everyone is in need of something, did God equip me with the right tools to help them? If so, then let me help. If not, then let me pray for them so that they can be sent the proper person with the right tools. Amen?

Glory be to God!

 



Bible Study Reflection: (The Woman In the Mirrror) "Honesty isn't always Pretty"

Bible Study Reflection: Honesty is always pretty

I wanted so much for God to use me to teach his people how to love, that I became self righteous when he took me to the next level.

Bible study Monday night was intense. Thank God for bible study. For a chance to get it right before the day of judgement.

How Much Do You Want More of God? (Call To Ministry Part 2, New Direction...)

I attended a different church this morning. I was lead to attend a small church on the other side of town. The intimacy of it reminds me of reaping the harvest. I was welcomed, but I didn't really feel the presence of the holy spirit there until we started to pray.

I'm use to attending a church where I walk in and the anointing is so high that it immediately cleans up your spirit and the second you step into the door. 

I don't know if I'm biased or if I'm just use to being around strong, highly anointed followers of Christ. Those who are met were kind but they were more of church for outreach, more than a church that teaches about the bible. Also, they are just kind of starting. I'm going to pray about it, of course and if God says so, then I will help out and start their praise and worship team. 

I feel that God is calling me to do more than just praise him. I feel like I'm suppose to go out and talk about how awesome God is and how faithful and merciful God is. But, I'm not sure what direction he wants me to go in with this ministry. 

So I'm praying on that too... 

I'm also praying that God sets things in motions so that I can be married soon. I'm excited about becoming the wife to a wonderful strong man of faith. I wish my family in NC could share in this joy with me. I miss them very much, but I'm sure that he and I will get around to visiting NC soon. 

I'm finally happy for the first time in awhile and I'm not letting anyone steal my joy. He respects the fact that I'm a writer. But most importantly he doesn't try to beat down my intelligence or belittle my passion for God. I was so tired of having to play the hush, hush game. Don't sing too loud. Don't praise God too loud or too much because you might offend or scare someone away... 

IF my passion for GOD is that strong to scare someone away from going to church, then that means they were not truly sold out for Jesus in the first place. There should be no man nor woman that takes you away from your passion, praise and yearning for Gods' truth. 

If I were out in the world, like in the old days all this struggle would not exist. I would have everything that I want and I would be spoiled. Men would flock to my feet and give me whatever I wanted. But, I don't CHOOSE to live my life that way. I want to leave a legacy of Greatness that reflects Gods' love, light and truth. I want something more than just superficial, temporary highs. I know that there is more. And God is the key to that something more... 

The Love, Beauty and Power of GOD: A life of Adventure

I feel like a queen without her castle/kingdom. I feel like I took a journey away from my kingdom to go do business in another kingdom. I know that God has called me to do something great. I know that he is molding me for greater. Preparing me to be equipped and handle the absolute best that he has just for me. I'm ready to go to he next level and nothing and no one is going to stand in my way from getting what God has for me. I tried to include other people in my blessings, but then they got jealous and weak in their spirit and let the devil control them. I don't need any weaklings on my team. 

That's why I asked God to send me his strongest warriors. Not just the strongest, but the strongest of the strong. Each day is a spiritual battle and those who don't believe that are foolish. The enemy is constantly trying to put doubt in your mind or turn you away fro GOD. So you have to fight for your sanity! 

When God Sends My Husband: King meet Queen

I'm happy to have my own spot, where I can think and read the word of God. But it is lonely here. The only person that I trusted and thought had my back, doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I don't have very many friends here. I still need to get a car to drive, so I'm praying that God will bless me with one asap.

He said he wanted to be friends, but friends talk to each other, share their stories about their day and their dreams and plans etc. When I tried to make conversation he would go back to having a bad attitude. So eventually I stopped trying all together...

In generally I'm a pretty upbeat person. The only time when I'm stressed is when someone rejects the love that I give or when someone is not being honest with me or when someone lies and then tries to turn it around like it was my fault for accepting their help in the first place. I gave him plenty of chances to "run away" (that's what I know that most men who say they can handle me do best...) but he still stayed. He stuck it out and for once I thought, that maybe I had met my match. But when the storm came and the boat rocked violently that's when I saw his true colors and he saw my passion for God come forth...

Queen Through Christ: Ministry? Love? Runway?

Here is what I'm learning:

Treat people the way you want to be treated.

(Very easy, but some people have the hardest time with it. I know that I did for awhile. Until I started to put myself in the shoes of others and God began to deal with my heart and humble my spirit...)

You never know what situation God will put you in, so right now you might be in a position where someone needs your help and if you turn them away or help them with a bad attitude you will push back your blessings. 

I always tell people to watch how they treat me, but they don't listen then when bad things happen they can't figure out why or they can't figure out why the door hasn't been opened for them to move on in life. 

Just DON'T mistreat me. I'm asking people to cater to my ego or kiss my feet. I'm just asking for one heart to another to just show love. 

But, if you mistreat people you never know who later in life you will need. God can fix turn anyway situation. So, right now I'm dependent on someone to help me get to work. But you never know, this week God can turn that all around where they may be the one needing me. And you are probably rolling your eyes, but don't underestimate my God. He is awesome, almighty king of kings and lord of lords. Author and finisher.

Duality: Freedom & Power (Losing the Training Wheels)

When I made the choice to start this walk with Christ. I did it with the expectation that it would be just me, myself and I and Jesus. I did not want to be perfect. I just wanted to be honest. So far. So good. Live an honest life. And get by...

But now more is being required of me. There is something else...

The problem I face currently is that people don't think I know anything because I don't speak often. There are times when I am very outspoken. Then there are other times when I'm quiet. That is just how I operate. But just because I'm silent doesn't mean that I'm not paying attention.... do you feel me? 

I'm getting tired of having my family bail me out of situations that I put myself in. The strange thing is, it is not that I ask for their help but it is that God knows what I need and sends them. But, I'm ready to run at the front of the pack now. With where the leaders are. It is oddly degrading to know and feel the power stirring inside of me that I know I am fully capable of delivering, only to have it be looked over or dismissed because of the "scrapes on my knee..." I'm not the type of woman that needs to be spoon fed. I find that humiliating and degrading. 

I also believe that God can use anyone for his glory, at any point or phase they are in life. But the real eye opener and question that I constantly ask myself is: 

"How are non believers going to get curious about God and want to be guided to Gods love, if they do not see anything different about you and or if they do not see Gods love in you?" 

The purpose is to win souls for Christ, ultimately. But if I'm doing the exact same things that the world is doing. They aren't going to listen to me, nor care about what I'm saying. They will just think that I'm another "churchy person" or "bible thumper."

I want people to know that I walk in Gods love, truth and peace. 
That's where I'm at right now. Trying to walk in Gods love. I will admit that it is not easy especially in the situation that I'm in, because just about everything annoys me. But prayer can make it easier. 

That's when I had to stop and reflect more...


I'm very different. More expressive. Possibly to those who know me a bit more "liberal." Yet not to its full extent. I believe that people should love their neighbors through Christ. But I also believe that we must be obedient to Gods Will for our lives. And then when we are not we can not progress forward. 

My life right now feels like I have training wheels on it. You can only go but so far with those things on. I feel like I'm being babysat. Don't do this and don't do that! Bed time is at 9pm. Then I thought to myself, "Wait a second. I'm a grown lady." People can offer advice all day long, but it is up to me whether or not I choose to accept it. 

I love people very much and want to see the best for them. The idea of going out and partying and drinking so much until I blackout isn't my idea of fun, honestly... 

The strange thing is that if one bad thing happens, then that erases all the 10 good progressive moves that I made. So essentially I have to start all over. It is very annoying. I don't like being "babysat." 

The dueling concepts of power and freedom are very interesting. At this point in my life I feel them both at the same time. The ability to balance them both or even between them both is another concept all together. 

But regardless of what people say I'm still going to maintain my walk with Christ, because I want to know what is on the other side of the hallway that I'm walking through. When I get to the end of the hallway I know there will be an escape, an out, another door that will lead to my future being Great. 

One of the other things is that sometimes people give up on their "fun" too early. That is why I was so concerned when I first started my walk with Christ because I did not think that I was ready. I did not think that I had all the "fun" out of my system yet. 

But the idea of smoking, drinking and partying excessively. Is really just a shield to keep out, drown, hide from the pain of reality. Those are forms of mediocrity. They limit you from reaching your highest potential through Christ. 

God not only wants us to follow his commandments  tell about the gospels but he also wants us to live bold, holy righteous lives. In order to do that you have to make some serious sacrifices  Nothing in this life comes for free. Even God had to pay a price, give up his son that was dear to him. And Jesus had to give up his life. 

When I think about it, lately I have been acting very selfish. I already know that I can not do what I want to do. That I can not go where I want to go all the time. 

This is a glamorous life. If I wanted fame, fortune. A glamours life I would just go back to my old life and start running into people who could make things happen quickly with as little effort as possible. But that fast life, fast money is a trick of the devil. 

I constantly tell people all the time that I'm not perfect. I don't care to be. Because if being perfect comes a lot of responsibility. And although, I feel that God is moving me into a position where I will have a lot of responsibility. I want to make sure that I stroll my way there. Take my time and think about everyone and everything connections and what my purpose in relation to their connection is. 

I'm very grateful and thankful for all the kindness and love that God has placed in my life. He did not have to. But even in all my imperfections and flaws, God still loves me anyway. He loves you too. Yet, when we sin we essentially diminish Gods love in us. Gods loves us, but he hates sin. That's why we have to ask God to cleanse our hearts and minds daily. 

"For the LORD loves judgment, and forsakes not his saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off. The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever.The mouth of the righteous speaks wisdom, and his tongue talks of judgment." (psalm 37: 28-30)

So in order for a person to access the power through Christ that God has placed inside of them. In order for a person to be able to be a judge over the world. In order a person to have access to the kingdom of God... they must first live a righteous life. That is where the power comes from through righteous living. And from there the freedom to walk in that power comes after. 

But how bad do you or I want it? That means all the things that make us comfortable in life, all our ideas about what power is or about how to go about getting power are really illusions. A trick of the devil. To make humans think that they are more powerful than they really are. All the while, while they are sinning, they are drowning in their illusion of power that they could have had, but never receive because they would not give up their old way and live to be fully dedicated and on fire for God. 

I came to these conclusions after the conversation I had with my boyfriend, and my god sister. They were always in my reflections but I could not piece them together because I could not identify with them at the time. I rarely get people who give me feedback. So sometimes when I think is right, is really wrong. That's why its important for constant self reflection, meditation and prayer with other saints, preferably others who are stronger than you. So you can check yourself and make sure that you are on the right track...

Willfulness & Self Control: The Greatest Gift Given to Us

Is Gods love

Each person, has Gods love in them. Whether they access that love is a part of free will.

When you tap into that Love, you also have access to others who love the way you do.

The gift is powerful.

The love is great.

The connection is wrapped in Gods peace.

That no man, situation, lust of flesh can break. 

This body is not our own. We are only borrowing it while we are earth. The biggest problem I faced in the past is that I wanted to act in my own will and not Gods. During the times when I did, God showed me is wrath and also his grace. Yet, even when I went through because of disobedience God still showed that he loved me, by maintain a peace through the situation. 

God is everywhere, so pray everywhere. 

The one thing that I discovered is that self control is a huge issue, and it comes right before lust. How do you step into the burning lava of lust? By having lack of self control. Well what if there was a way that you could avoid that all together, by being so wrapped in Gods plans for your life and wrapped in Gods love that you do not even have the desire to lust, to steal? etc

The things that God puts in front of us do not necessarily belong to us, sometimes they are gifts that God gives to us, but tells us that we can only look at but not touch. Why can't we touch them? Because God knows that, there are times when our flesh gets weak and he does not want to taint the gift with our fleshly fingerprints. 

The one thing that I wanted them to understand is not to love me, Jalysa. But love, the love of God in me. Not possess it. Not try to control it. Not try to beat it down. Just simply care, appreciate and love. 

I feel hurt when people don't recognize Gods love in me, because that means that they don't keep God on their mind often. I have watched the changed. I have seen us grow. And the truth is: Prayer works. Yes! Yes! Yes! Praying in the right spirit gets your prayers answered. 

I do believe that God is molding me to be a wife someday, but I do not know who I will have to submit to. That is one of the biggest things that I face because I would like and hope that God makes it so that I submit to a man that is Strong in faith. 

On another note: 

People think that comfort is something that is owed to them. But even comfort is a gift from God. When we act spoiled, entitled we diminish the gifts that God give to us and what makes it even worse is that when God does give us those gifts we also do not treat them very well. For example, why would your parents give you a brand new car, if they knew that you did not take of the last one very well?