You're So Aggressive! (Warrior Mentality)

I use to hear in the past: "Jalysa you are too aggressive" You scare men away. So, I always thought "what's wrong with me?" "Why do all the guys I like runaway from me?" These were my thoughts before I knew who I was through Christ. The enemy had me at a very interesting point. My head was filled with doubts, fears and worries. I tried to change myself into everyone else, except who God wanted me to be. 

I also tried to change jokers into kings or princes. If, I would have known how much time and money (yes, I use to buy my guys all kinds of stuff too) that I would waste I would have thought twice about being so "caring" "loving" "understanding" and "sweet." 

Glory Be To God: Give Love To Get Love

I thank God for keeping me safe and for providing for me. Glory be to God for his mercies and grace over my life. I thank God for sending his only son to die on the cross for my sins. Without the obedience of his son and the sacrifice of God, I would not be able to have a connection with Abba Father.
                             
SO, here we are going to recap some of the most handsome and beautiful faces. God sent them to love me and to keep a smile on my face while on this journey. And I thank God for each and every one of them! And so, I dedicate this blog to their memory and to always loving them!

Hope you enjoy! I love you!
 

Beauty: Like A Double-edged Sword

I'm not one to lie or to bite my tongue. If I feel some type of way you will know because I like truth, even if it hurts. The given ability to endure during painful realizations or truths in life, is what makes me strong. I'm still here. I aint dead yet... I still have some fight left in me. And as long as I can fight, then I'm going to praise God will my heart, mind, soul, spirit and body! Praise God like I lost my mind.

I admit that this walk with Christ, is not a "walk in the park." There are days when I want to go back to my old way life. Back to the days when I felt like I was "big ballin!" Going to house parties every weekend, going to the club, having men buy me drinks and other material possessions. Whatever I wanted I could have and all I had to do was be cute and sexy. And it was mine. I still have that power, but it I chose to transform that power when I re-dedicated my life to servering God.

Yes, those days were fun. I was high on life and doing whatever I wanted to do. But, even those they may have been fun. They were also the most sloppiest and tackiest of moments in my life. But, God can transform anyone. From a slave into a Queen or King and that is what he did with me. There are still some rough edges, that God is chipping away.

It is crazy once you find a source that can fill you with intense and immense joy just from making a promise. Nothing in the world can do that, because everything in the world is temporary. People make promises everyday in the world but then they break them. Why? Because they don't care. But who does care? God. In all the mess that I have ever been in God has always opened a door for me to escape. I mean I technically should be dead right now, with all the dumb stuff I put myself in.

Even in this situation I'm in currently. It is only the mercies and grace of the Lord and joy from the holy spirit that is holding my broken heart, and sanity together. Glory be to God. Why? Because I never thought that someone who claimed to love, trust and have confidence in God could be so cruel. How do you go from talking about God, reading me scriptures and taking me to church every Sunday to not speaking to me at all? Wow, that would make anyone trying to establish a strong walk with God get discouraged and possibly backslide. But, even though they weren't walk in Truth, I chose to rise above. To go to a higher level. Not only walk in the Gods' truth, but his peace and love too. All levels are hard, because I can feel things getting easier. I trust that my breakthrough is around the corner. In the name of Jesus.
　

 

 

GOD Have all of me: "Nothing without you"

God is cleaning me up so fast. It is overwhelming. Two months ago I had one foot in the door and one foot out and now I have both of my feet planted and rooted in the word of God. I get stronger every day.

I'm asking God to renew in me a clean heart and the right spirit daily. I'm asking him to help me adjust to this entire situation. 

I have never been faced with anything like this before and so, for me to have to deal with this away from home where all my original and strongest support is, is difficult. 

I didn't come to VA prepared for any of this. I thought, that I was going to get a job, work for a couple of months, save up money and then go back home, with him still in my life and still loving me.... 

Its not fair. 

Its wrong. 

Its cruel. 

Its hateful. 

Its horrible, that anyone would put someone that they love and care about through this. He didn't have to cut me off and disappear out of my life without even a goodbye or a see you later. Nothing. He just vanished... 

I don't talk about it with anyone because people won't understand they will just say "get over it..." the way they say about my mother being deceased.

I want to hate him, but I can't... because as soon as I start to get angry at him the holy spirit comes and convicts me and reminds of the love of GOD in me. But no matter how many times I ask GOD why did that have to happen right at that time... or why did he do that? I never get an answer....

But, what I can't understand is why did he break up with me when he knew that I needed him the most? Why did he choose to break up with me during one of the most critical points in my life? 

Who does that? Who stares you in the eyes and promises to stand by your side and then because they don't understand a situation or they see that God is cleaning you up, just get jealous or mad out of nowhere and abandon you? 

You don't treat people like that... 

I would never do that to him. I could have left several times while he was going through the fire but I decided to stick by his side because I know that is what I would have wanted him to do for me. But so much for caring and loving someone. So much for trying to be a "good friend." I did my part, but he stabbed me in the back.

Then turned around and took pictures smiling and laughing like it was all good and gravy. Do you not care that I need your friendship? Do you not care that you PROMISED to be my friend and support me? 

Even in my pain I still don't wish ill will on his life, but I do pray that God reflects this entire situation back into his face, spirit, and heart so he can see what he feels like to be/feel abandoned...

He knew that I didn't know anyone. He knew that I didn't have my foot good in the door yet, but because he saw God moving more quickly in my life than in his he got jealous. DUDE! I looked up to you! You inspired me to seek God even more than before. When I had one foot in the door and one foot in the church you wanted to be with me. But now that I am all on fire for GOD you don't even want to be my friend? 

Wow. What happen to the man that told me that I had to go to church every Sunday? What happen to the man that told me that "I am the head and not the tail." That prayed with me with almost every single night. That helped me stop drinking and cursing so much and "fed" me scriptures. Where is that man at? That man who put and kept GOD first?

I don't want to be friends with a fake, wannabe gangsta, thug, rapper whatever! That's not you. You are wise, humble, funny, kind, intelligent and strong. You treat people with respect and you care about other people. You want to help everyone and you get mad at yourself when you can't... God has called you to be so much more. 
But, you run from your calling because you don't want the "responsibility" and you don't feel like dealing with the "pressure!" DUDE! You are a man! God built you to endure it! Your souls' salvation is on the line and the more you sit on your praise for God and turn your back against him and act indifferent like you don't care...all of those things you will be held accountable for on the day of judgement. 

If your shoe was on my foot, I would be held accountable too! We all ARE going to be regardless! That's why I'm making such a big deal about us finally forgiving one another and moving on. We don't have time for this silent treatment game. Jesus Christ can come back at any time. WE need to make sure we have our souls' right with the, Lord before that time arrives.  

I know that you can go back to being the man who stared me in the eyes and asked me "DO YOU TRUST ME?" That's the friend I want in my life... The friend who kept God first and never let me forget it.  

If I didn't care I wouldn't be making such a fuss. I don't just drop kick people to the curb when I tell them I love them. That's cruel. You prayed that God would make me sweet, kind and meek and now that he has finally cleaned me up you don't want anything to do with me? how much sense does that make? 

You prayed that GOD would remove me from "your space" and then GOD opened the door for me to live in a nice big house and you got jealous and mad at me? DUDE! How much sense does that make? NONE! NONE! NONE!

Are you trying to tell me that all of that was a front to get me? Does your silence and absence in my life say that you lied about loving GOD? That you were faking the whole time????????????

Even if we weren't suppose together or are not suppose to be together right now or whatever, still keep in touch as my friend. You can be friends and talk to everyone else but you can't seem to find two minutes out of your day to text me or call me just to say hi?

How do you go from, I love you almost every single day to nothing at all. To no text. No calls. Nothing. 

But even though you did me dirty, I still pray for you. I still pray that God opens all the doors that he wants you to walk through. I pray that you are safe. Not being able to protect you, kills me, but I know that God can protect you far better than I ever could...

I don't hate you, I never could... I just wish I could apologize to your face and let you know how much I love you. Not with eyes of the flesh and not in a romantic way, but with the love of Jesus Christ that has grown so much in me since I first got here. 

I pray every day that you come back into my life and that we can forgive one another and be friends again. Friends that encourage one another in their walks with Christ. Come back, man of God. You are missed.

All Consuming Holy Ghost Power

Who God is molding me into, even I can not understand. I need more of the word of God so that I can balance this passion and anointing.
                  
There are some days when the anointing is so strong that it chokes me in the physical. I feel like I'm going crazy, seeing things that I'm not suppose to see to the "normal" world. Details. God has opened my eyes to notice details about people that no one else would ever notice and it scares me. Once I tap into that gift I can not get out of it and once I start seeing the details of how people really are it annoys me, because I can also see how they act to the world. It is almost like looking through the window into someone's heart.

I thank God that souls4real started their fall bible study because I need more of the word of God to balance me out. Recently I have been too much into to the "spirit" and not enough into the word and its causing me to be more aggressive than even I can handle. Yes, I was built for the strong but the power of the holy spirit is extremely powerful and if you are not ready to receive it, it could drive you crazy.

When I started this walk with Christ, I started on level 10 being most powerful. I was never aware of spirits before. I knew about angels and demons but I never really believed. Until I met prophetess who told me things about myself that no one else could ever know. Stuff that I don't write about. After I met her I continued to meet apostles, prophets, ministers, evangelists etc and my world was never the same.

I went from hanging out with pot heads and drinkers and party animals to hanging out with some of Gods most elite and skillful warriors. Aggressively Powerful. So naturally I was the weak link. I was always quiet. I never spoke up. I never said much fo anything.

But, the second I stepped into Virginia I knew that my world was going to change. I always knew that I was spiritually sensitive, but being here took that spiritual sensitivity like 5 notches up and if i don't learn how to control the energy flow it will drive me insane.  

 



When God Sends My Husband: King meet Queen

I'm happy to have my own spot, where I can think and read the word of God. But it is lonely here. The only person that I trusted and thought had my back, doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I don't have very many friends here. I still need to get a car to drive, so I'm praying that God will bless me with one asap.

He said he wanted to be friends, but friends talk to each other, share their stories about their day and their dreams and plans etc. When I tried to make conversation he would go back to having a bad attitude. So eventually I stopped trying all together...

In generally I'm a pretty upbeat person. The only time when I'm stressed is when someone rejects the love that I give or when someone is not being honest with me or when someone lies and then tries to turn it around like it was my fault for accepting their help in the first place. I gave him plenty of chances to "run away" (that's what I know that most men who say they can handle me do best...) but he still stayed. He stuck it out and for once I thought, that maybe I had met my match. But when the storm came and the boat rocked violently that's when I saw his true colors and he saw my passion for God come forth...

Yahweh Shalom Move me: Men Who Are After The Heart That Belongs to GOD

My grandmother (bless her heart. I love her so much) tells me that I should be sweet, so I can get a "boyfriend."

Guess they still call them that these days. I have been living in a cave for the last 6 months so I wouldn't really know....

But, I don't agree. Because that would be lying. I have seen it happen so many times. The guy falls for the "nice SWEET" girl and then after they get together or get married she turns "aggressive." No, I would rather show my UGLY FOOT first, so they can know what they are getting into. Because I am a handful. I am independent. I don't like men to tell me what to do. I'm bluntly honest. I'm always sweet. I'm not always nice. I don't always care. BUT when I DO CARE, WHEN I AM SWEET and NICE its peaceful and wonderful. The birds tap dance and the clouds sing! Unfortunately, that NICE side does not get appreciated by said men folk. So I have to turn it off.

Haters: See you in your dreams

I never thought that people would pay attention to me. In growing up I was never that popular anyway. I just stayed in my own little world with my books, my writings and with my music. I didn't bother anyone. Now, that I reflect I do remember always having the most trouble in the choirs. There was always so much jealousy and envy and negative energy. If the choir director felt like too many students were unhappy with me getting a lead part on a song they would give my part to another student or just cut the part all together. 

That's how I know that my voice is a gift from God. 

But...

I attended a concert. I don't go out that much like I use to, but when I hear a band that I really enjoy listening to then I make the time and effort to go support them and watch them perform. 

Then I went dancing. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to dance. Yet, the more I go out the more hate and jealousy I notice in the world. Then everywhere I go people want to control me. Men and women. 

The other thing is that I'm not a big fan of people saying "oh you look like someone that I know!" She said it as if all people of color look alike. I don't look like anyone but me, because I'm brown skin doesn't mean that I look like your brown skin friend from college. We aren't all the same, just like all the people that have white or orange or purple skin aren't the same. 

Anyway, she asked if she could take a picture with me and I told her no. Then I watched as her true colors started to show.  She isn't the first person that I refused to take a picture with. I'm not a trophy prize. I'm not a barbie that you can just sit on the shelf. I don't care if you don't like me. I don't care if you don't get your way. People are so immature. They think that just because they have money or because they have ten billion friends when they only hang out with five of them that they can run the world. 

No. You can run the world in your head but you aren't going to run any world that I'm apart of. 

Go throw your tantrums with someone else. 


I told the girl that I'm sorry that I don't want to take a picture and then I told her that Jesus loved her and she stormed off like a raging bull showing her drunk guy friend the middle finger. That's what happens when people get plastered. They lose that filter that they were taught through socialization into having and they start showing their true colors. I watched her huff and puff until she disappeared out the door, laughing the whole time. Then I continued to dance.

Then the guy that she was with, was drunk out his mind and he kept looking at me like he wanted to eat my face off. He tried to ask me why she was upset and I just shrugged my shoulders and kept dancing. It is true the more confident I get in my walk with Jesus Christ, the more haters I find that I have. 

And they come in all shapes and sizes. 

Sometimes I get those really "cutesy" chicks who smile in your face and say how pretty you are, but the second you turn your back they make some rude and off hand comment. I give them a look and they smile back because they know that I know or either they are too drunk to realize that I know and think they are getting away with being hateful.