The Glamorous Life: On The Backs of Broken Dreamers

How wonderful would it be if you were first, instead of last. If when you walked into any restaurant, boutique, car lot etc you were waited on "hand and foot." A world where you never heard NO unless it was in reference to unfavorable situation or person that could harm your life. How amazing would it be, to never have to worry about where your next meal would come from or how you would pay your bills. How awesome would it be if you saw instant results lifestyle changing results after a day? How would you feel if everywhere you went people knew your name? VIP everywhere you go, everything is on the house because you are a celebrity.

How awesome would it be if you could shut down a whole street, city, nation in your honor? Where people saw the sight of you and they celebrated not only because of you but also because of all the accomplishments you made? Where someone actually cared about what you said, did or even thought about. How awesome would it be if you were rich, famous and live a glamour, luxurious life. Where you had everything you needed and wanted at your finger tips? How wonderful would it be if you were first, instead of last. If when you walked into any restaurant, boutique, car lot etc you were waited on "hand and foot."

You're So Aggressive! (Warrior Mentality)

I use to hear in the past: "Jalysa you are too aggressive" You scare men away. So, I always thought "what's wrong with me?" "Why do all the guys I like runaway from me?" These were my thoughts before I knew who I was through Christ. The enemy had me at a very interesting point. My head was filled with doubts, fears and worries. I tried to change myself into everyone else, except who God wanted me to be. 

I also tried to change jokers into kings or princes. If, I would have known how much time and money (yes, I use to buy my guys all kinds of stuff too) that I would waste I would have thought twice about being so "caring" "loving" "understanding" and "sweet." 

Spiritual Journey Two: Home Away From Home

I'm a writer. When something is on my heart, it is on my heart heavy and I have to write in order to relieve my heart of that heaviness. I don't sugarcoat the truth for anyone and I don't expect people do that for me either. 

Somewhere I Belong: Something To live For (Week 3 day 2)

Sometimes when the tears are on the brink of falling, yet they do not, the only thing you can do is write. There are moments when I'm tempted to do something etremely out of my character and random just to get out of this "hole" that I'm in. But I know that if I open that door. There is a chance that God could take his hands off of me and I will no longer be under his protection. Right now, I'm not where I want to be. I need a job that pays all my bills and some, I need a new car and I need a house. Yet, even though I don't want those things right now I feel safe with all the new faces that I met. They don't know me very well, but they still extend their kindness. 

Priestess Path: Spiritual Journey (Reflection 1)

When I started my trip to "DC" I had it in my mind that I was going to get a job and work, but God had other plans for me. I'm moving into an interesting transition. One from being a Queen to a Priestess. Some people might think that you have to have all these degrees and qualifications and documents saying that you can be one thing or another. But who Created me and you? God did. And so if God sees fit that I am too walk the life of a priestess then so be it...

I don't have all the technicalities down. But I do know one thing that to walk in Gods truth and in his perfect Love is the greatest honor and gift that any people could ever know. It frees you from all forms of mediocrity and it offers strength where you are weakest.

I left NC with the mind of a little girl. I was afraid to see. I was afraid to try. I was afraid to think beyond the box that I found myself limited too. But I came back with strength in my heart and the ability to walk in Gods truth, love and perfect peace. And I don't have to be labeled as "perfect" to do any of those things...

I was trying so hard to be perfect in my walk with Christ. To never sin. To never doubt. To never get upset. I found myself stressed out more by NOT allowing my human emotions to emerge than by letting them. I was limiting myself from "living" because I was trying so hard to be the perfect Christian. The perfect model. The perfect singer. But in the eyes of God I am already perfect.

I thought my job on this earth was to tell people the truth. But it is more than just that; not only do I tell them the truth but I also need to encourage them to walk in Gods truth, in Gods love and in Gods peace. When you are clothed in Gods peace you have power.

When things come your way that you do not understand. You ask God to deal with it according to his perfect Will for your life and watch how he reveals to you the answers that you seek.

I found out that I do not have to be perfect in order to be a warrior for Gods love. In being perfect I can not relate to the people. Jesus was sent to teach. He was perfect. That is why he is remembered and his teachings are reverenced and remember. I am a solider in Gods army. I was created to identify with the hopeless, the broken, the miserable and to show them that there is another life, through Christ Jesus that can free them from their sorrow. Their pains. Their worries and doubts.

It is not a life that I recommend for everyone, because it is costly and you feel a lot. But, I know that I know that I know. That God gave me a big heart for a reason and he gave me a beastly intelligence so that I could do what I do best love his people. Those who are extremely witty and cunning. Love them. Those who are a little slow. Love them. And those who have no clue what is going on. Love them. Show them that there is a better way to live life.

I will say that just because I came to this conclusion and reflection does not mean that I am perfect. I make mistakes too. But when I do I immediately genuinely repent and then I do not dwell on it. The enemy wants you to dwell on your sin. But why do that, when God has already forgiven you for it after you have repented?

You don't have to dwell on pain, because doing so holds you back from the Greatness that God has for your life.

It is not about being right or wrong. It is not about being the greatness. For, I am not great on my own. But it is about Sharing love. And guiding Gods people back to his love. That is all that matters. Yes, I need my own place to live and yes I need a newer car. Yes I need a job that pays all my bills. But those things are temporary highs and when I die I can not take them with me...

So what is left?

What really matters?

Gods peace, truth and love.

Bold Holy Righteous Living: Realistic Walk With Christ (part 1)

"Heavy is the head that wears the crown..."

Those lyrics were taken from a Katy Perry song.

I want to be perfect, just like Christ Jesus (Yeshua). I want to walk in love and in Gods truth every single day. I want to be obedient to the law and commands of God. I want God to use me all the time...

But I have to be realistic in my walk with Christ...

I'm not perfect. I will say things that hurt the feelings of others.

There will be times when I will forget who I am and where God has brought me from.

I will forget to pray at times.

I will oversleep and miss church service on Sunday.

I spent so much time trying to be perfect. I have to lead by example, right? But then when those who told me that I had to lead by example were the very ones that were throwing tantrums when I didn't do something they wanted or when I rejected their advances...

I had to stop and think... but they aren't perfect either?

The problem is that those who have a bold and holy righteous walk with Christ have a lot of responsibility on their shoulders. To walk Righteously? That is what the saints need to do in order to most affective. But doing so is a lot of sacrifice. Right now, I'm just trying to live an honest life. I'm not trying to be perfect, because I know that I still have some things that God has to help me get in order.

My first deal is to find a job and or establish a career.

I really like it hear in the DMV area. I know that if I knew more people and I live here for awhile I could get a lot done. But with the limited knowledge that I know of the place I can only do so much.

I may stay for longer than a week, as I feel that this is a spiritual journey one that is needed for me to walk into becoming a full fledged anointed, loving healing priestess carrying the love of God inside of me.

I also realized that I have to speak kind and encouraging words because somehow my presence has a strong impact on others. Some people get shy. Some people get nervous. Some people even get upset at the power behind my anointing... they see it, but I'm not always aware of it.

Sometimes I forget just how much power I have....
But there is already so much hate and greed in the world. I do not want to use the power that gave me to add more sickness into the world.

I haven't been that close to those who love me, because I have to get my heart, mind and spirit in the right place. I have been asking God to purge me of the darkness and pollution in my heart. It has been a dueling battle.

A part of me wants to go back to "having fun!" PARTY! PARTY!

The other side is ready to walk in Gods peace and be clothed in his wisdom and step into my position as a leader.

I know that I am capable of doing so much more than what I am doing right now. But I have to wait on God so that I can be sure that the steps I take are ordered in his perfect WILL, because whatever God has for me is great and wonderful and no man can take it away.

DC Trip (Day 4): Good Food & Third Wheel Conversations

The thing about living with someone who has the car, is that you have to operate on their time. I will say that I miss having that freedom to come and go as I please in my own vehicle.

But it is not a big deal...

Monday June 24 2013:

I really enjoy being here because I feel very peaceful.
I get to be all parts of myself. I'm not expected to do anything in particular. If I wanted to I could just sit around all day. But I'm not here for that.

I want to work. I know there is work to be found here and I will find it, in the name of Jesus Christ.

The lady I stay with is such an inspiration. She has her own personal walk with Christ, that is made just for her. She keeps God first no matter what. She is successful, beautiful and intelligent. She pays her own bills and does her own thing. She could have a man help her out, but she does not need him.

She depends on God for everything and that's how I want to be too...
I'm still not sure what lesson I'm suppose to be learning here though, maybe God just needs me here so that I can gain more patience.

I have been going through this awkward push and pull with my spirit. One part of me wants to give in to the "fun" and be wild and free. The other side knows that in being that way it could bring a lot of trouble and also cause a lot of people to turn away from Gods love.

We already have enough hate and greed and selfish people out in the world, If I give in to the "fun" I will change into one of them...

By the water:

 

 

In the evening, after she got of work, we ended up going back to national harbor and eating outside by the water. At this place called: http://www.mccormickandschmicks.com/

 

 

Since, I have been here all I have been doing is eating. I never get a chance to eat out when I'm home. So it is nice to be able to go out and indulge once in awhile. But the thing is... that she and her friends live like that because they can afford to. It must be nice to have money to live comfortable and not have to worry so much about basic necessities.

 

There were three of us, so of course I'm always that odd ball person. The "third wheel." I tried to get in with the conversation but I just wasn't interested in much of what they were saying. My mind was elsewhere.

 

I really want to get a job, drink, go dancing and meet hot guys (lol). I know that sounds shallow and petty, but it is true. I'm young! I should be living it up. Having fun! Enjoying my life. Who knows when it will end?

 

 

DC Trip (Day 3) Sunday Reflection: Sushi & Core Main Values

I'm not really sure why God allowed me to come here, but I am thankful for the time away from NC. I feel like the days go by too fast here.

Sunday: June 23, 2013

 

I was not able to get to church because she said that her church canceled for the day. She attends a church much like mine.

 

So, instead we went out to eat at this really nice Chinese/Japanese mixed restaurant. The food was good. There I tried dragon sushi rolls. I did not know that I liked sushi, but I guess I do now.

 

 

 

Later in the evening she and I went to the grocery store so we could pick up a few things for me to snack on while she is at work.

 

 

When we were about to leave we ran into two Bulgarian life guards who were just the sexiest ever. They surely don't make sexy men like that. As I was putting the cart away I introduced myself and that's when I found out one of their names and where he was from.

 

 

You know the kind of guys that I always talk about dating but never get a chance to meet? Well they were those types. Tall, muscular, accents, gorgeous eyes... straight out of a erotica novel haha

 

 

 

 

The boundary:

 

I have to admit that even before I became a queen through Christ I was limited to what I could do. I was never really good at dating, but I always made an awesome girlfriend. It is always the initial start that takes so long to get, but once we get started then things are great. Once he learns my how I am and what I won't tolerate (liars and cowards) then everything runs smoothly from there...

 

But the beginning is always the hardest part...

 

 

This walk with Christ has not been easy, but it has been worth it. I can say that wholeheartedly. I went from doing what I wanted to now being patient and waiting for God to tell me what he wants me to do.

 

Patience? HaHa Good ol' patience. One of the most difficult lessons I have ever had to learn even more than getting over a heart break.

 

 

The truth is, no matter how handsome, intelligent, rich etc a man is I just can't be with any man. He has to be a man on fire for Gods love. He has to love God more than I do. He has to eat, breathe, think, feel, etc in Gods love and truth.

 

Because if he does not it won't work...

 

I have reflected on this for awhile and I realized that most of my past relationships did not last because we did not match at the core.

 

So sure, we had many things in common, but at the core of who I am a compassionate heart, honest and in love with God, they disagreed with.

 

 

So now I tell myself that any man I get involved with as to match me on a deeper level:

 

He has to match my strength in spirit

And my compassionate heart

And my love for God

And my honesty

 

 

Those are the four things as far as the main core values are concerned that are a deal breaker. The only problem is, now I have to stick to those things.  

 



DC Trip: National Harbor (Day 2)

Saturday June 23 2013 (Day 2):

I am not really sure why God gave me this opportunity. Maybe he just wanted me to get out of NC for awhile, so that I could regroup and think. Maybe there is a lesson that I need to learn here.

I'm not sure what it is, to be honest....

Today I went out to National Harbor. The best way to describe it is like a strip of outlets next to a body of a water. They had a live classical orchestra playing outside. It was warm. People were dressed in all kinds of sandals and shorts.

Then there was me, dressed in my gothic attire. One guy, who was very cute, look in my direction. Then quickly looked away. He was either shy or I scared the boots off him lol

It was extremely peaceful outside. This area isn't really known for clubs, just their bars. So many different bars. One of them even has a mechanical bull.

This area is like downtown Raleigh except, next to a body of water and a lot more upscale. It is like people actually give a damn about how things look around here.

We ended up at a pizzeria spot. We sat at the bar. We flirted with the bartenders. One was really cute. He had the most handsome light greenish eyes. I have never seen eyes that gorgeous (natural!) on a black man before. We even got a round of free drinks and a desert (see what a little smile can get you sometimes haha).

I had a lot of fun.

I was pretty tired when we got in too. I like going out and then coming back and being exhausted that way I don't have to think so much before I try to go to sleep. It is the worst feeling in the world to stay up until like 6am trying to force your mind to hush up long enough for you to go to sleep. That's another reason why I write. It quiets my mind somewhat....