"Heavy is the head that wears the crown..."
Those lyrics were taken from a Katy Perry song.
I want to be perfect, just like Christ Jesus (Yeshua). I want to walk in love and in Gods truth every single day. I want to be obedient to the law and commands of God. I want God to use me all the time...
But I have to be realistic in my walk with Christ...
I'm not perfect. I will say things that hurt the feelings of others.
There will be times when I will forget who I am and where God has brought me from.
I will forget to pray at times.
I will oversleep and miss church service on Sunday.
I spent so much time trying to be perfect. I have to lead by example, right? But then when those who told me that I had to lead by example were the very ones that were throwing tantrums when I didn't do something they wanted or when I rejected their advances...
I had to stop and think... but they aren't perfect either?
The problem is that those who have a bold and holy righteous walk with Christ have a lot of responsibility on their shoulders. To walk Righteously? That is what the saints need to do in order to most affective. But doing so is a lot of sacrifice. Right now, I'm just trying to live an honest life. I'm not trying to be perfect, because I know that I still have some things that God has to help me get in order.
My first deal is to find a job and or establish a career.
I really like it hear in the DMV area. I know that if I knew more people and I live here for awhile I could get a lot done. But with the limited knowledge that I know of the place I can only do so much.
I may stay for longer than a week, as I feel that this is a spiritual journey one that is needed for me to walk into becoming a full fledged anointed, loving healing priestess carrying the love of God inside of me.
I also realized that I have to speak kind and encouraging words because somehow my presence has a strong impact on others. Some people get shy. Some people get nervous. Some people even get upset at the power behind my anointing... they see it, but I'm not always aware of it.
Sometimes I forget just how much power I have....
But there is already so much hate and greed in the world. I do not want to use the power that gave me to add more sickness into the world.
I haven't been that close to those who love me, because I have to get my heart, mind and spirit in the right place. I have been asking God to purge me of the darkness and pollution in my heart. It has been a dueling battle.
A part of me wants to go back to "having fun!" PARTY! PARTY!
The other side is ready to walk in Gods peace and be clothed in his wisdom and step into my position as a leader.
I know that I am capable of doing so much more than what I am doing right now. But I have to wait on God so that I can be sure that the steps I take are ordered in his perfect WILL, because whatever God has for me is great and wonderful and no man can take it away.
Friday June 21 (the first day of Summer) I left at 10:25 from the downtown Raleigh train station. My destination Washington, DC.
I stepped on the train and I knew that it was going to be a spiritual journey...
The train ride there was long, but I made sure to make friends with a chemist and a young rapper. They were both really cool. They both seemed shy to speak, at first. But once we got talking then things just kind of flowed from there. The first thing the young rapper asked me, is if I sing. I was surprised because most people that I have interacted with don't pick up that about me when they first meet me. I never had trouble meeting new people. I always had trouble keeping friends because I go through so many transitions.
The majority of people that I know don't know what its like to grow up without parents...
And trying to explain is just impossible...
I have been blessed enough to have very kind people in my life. That is how I have been able to get through all the transitions that not having parents can bring.
The train ride was peaceful. I was able to meditate. I tapped into an assortment of emotions, nervousness, joy, sorrow, anger, frustration etc. I knew that those emotions were not mine because I was clear minded and extremely PEACEFUL.
I will say this that I don't like taking trips by myself. It is more fun when you have someone else with you. The way the train works is that, you sit by twos. So I did kind of wish that I had someone that I knew with me. But when I started feeling that way, I forced myself to make friends with the person next to me. So that I wouldn't add any negative vibes of longing or yearning for something that I did not have or could not have on my trip.
There was about a thirty minuet delay in my arrival time to DC. That is because we had to wait for other trains to pass. If there was a lesson to learn during the train it certainly was patience. We couldn't move until the other train passed. So the passengers had no choice but to wait. I like train rides because although they take a lot longer. They are more peaceful, in my opinion.
To those people who are always on the "GO! GO! GO!" who never have a moment to just sit and relax. We walk fast. Who talk fast. Who always want things done right away. Aka: Impatient people (often times like how I am) they won't like being thirty minutes late and having the train stop about three different times. It might frustrate them.
When I finally got to DC. I was overwhelmed by all the people walking around. By the three huge police officers standing right by the exist. They were very helpful of course. Then when I got into the train station building I found out that it was like a mini mall, at the train station. I was so lost! There were so many people walking around. People in DC walk like they have somewhere to be! The other thing is that they don't really seem to have a respect for the space of others. It was like they were oblivious to the fact that I was walking too. But I'm pretty sure that's how most of the world is. If you don't establish your exists and make yourself be KNOWN then people will just step right on you as they keep walking. The other thing that I need to invest in is a rollerbag luggage case. I'm so use to just throwing things in the car and going. But things here are different. You have to walk a ways to get to where you want to be. So you better make sure that you carry a bookbag or carry luggage that has wheels on it. I was so pissed and frustrated when I had to walk on the other side of the building.
I did ended up finding my friends car, after almost being knocked down by a herd of people lol
I like DC, it is lively. But I can tell that people here are intelligent and they don't play when it comes to make money. Its a different mentality here. People here aren't lazy and just sit around wishing that they can do stuff. They actually go out and get things done. And that's why I'm here. Because I want to get things done too.
