Do You Really Want To Be In A Relationship (part 2)

I don't think a woman should have to lower or hide her intelligence and strength just to make a man feel like a man. He should already be confident in who God made him and he should already have his life in order or be working really hard to get it in order. 

In the past, I put up with a variety of interesting men characters! 

I don't do a lot of socializing in real life. I tend to save my breath for people who actually want to make a change in their life and or learn something new. But, the behavior of men folk nowadays is so predictable that I don't find it fun anymore to even "play the game" anymore.

Welcome to Royalty: A Virtuous Woman

I took a break from dating, so that I could work on myself. What man of good quality wants to be with a woman that does not have her life in order?

In the past I thought that I had to be loud, in order to be noticed. I also thought that I had to act out of my character just to get a guy to stay in my life and "want" me. But what I discovered is that even though I did attract the men that I found to be "cute" or "sexy" at the time, by acting loud and out of my character; I also found those "cute" and "sexy" guys to be a whole lot of trouble.

Men are trouble, to any woman who is trying to live virtuously.



Why? because most men are driven by carnal desires and they lack self control. They also lack the mind of Christ. Any man that has the mind and walks in the mind of Christ would not thirst and hunger after a woman's body. That thirst and hunger after the body of a woman is called: Lusting.

And men and women do it.

But since I'm a woman and I date men, I can only talk about how men act toward me.

*A Virtuous Woman Is*

 

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considers a field, and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She girds her loins with strength, and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good: her candle goes not out by night. She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretches out her hand to the poor; yes, she reaches forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes fine linen, and sells it; and delivers girdles to the merchant. Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looks well to the ways of her household, and eats not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all. Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

 

 

As a queen through Christ living a virtuous life, I can no longer do the things that I use to do. You won't catch me out in the club every weekend(unless it is for modeling purposes to make money...) You won't catch me drinking until I black out.

 

I still have a lot of life lessons to learn in my life. But now I'm learning different lessons because I'm on a different track level, so to speak. Before my lessons were about living right and doing right. But now they are about hearing God and being obedient to his commands and following the path that he has for my life.

 

I'm not going to lie and say that it is easy to stay above mediocrity. Sometimes I get tired of being in my "castle of excellence" all by myself. I want to invite some of my old "party" friends up, so we can throw a party! party! party! But, the truth is I can't because if I do I might invite some unwanted attention aka: negative spirits.  

 

 

When you start living a virtuous life, God changes you in all areas of your life. You slowly stop curing, sense of entitlement diminishes, you walk with confidence, you speak with intelligence. You carry yourself as royalty, not by your own standards but by Gods. 

 

People think that I'm "snobby" because I don't act like a tacky loose woman. Men think that I'm "high maintenance" because I actually have something called: self respect.

 

When they try to spit their game or coax me into doing something that I know is wrong... I tell them NO and I give them a look that would rip the skin off a ghost. A man of God can recognize a woman of God. Light will recognize light. But also just because a man is a man of God does not necessarily mean that he walks with the mind of Christ.

 

That's the part that people forget. Just because people say that you are woman/man of God does not mean that you walk and are active in walking in the mind of Christ.

 

So you can praise God all you want, but if you have a rotten heart it won't do you any good.

 

 

But anyway...

 

I never expected to be a queen through Christ trying to live virtuously. I just thought I would learn about God and go back to church and call it a day... but God had something else in mind for me. He wants me to lead and in order for me to do that I have to live a life that is like Christ, so that I won't misrepresent him when I teach other young woman how they should live too. But only if they want to get closer to Gods unconditional love and truth.

 



Long Status Reflections (1)

I decided to put the long status reflections into one place, that I can add to on a regular basis. It will make things a lot easier and give me room to share videos and pictures that I find or have that I feel may positively influence, guide, teach or inform someone else's life.


Queen through Christ Reflection:

Other people pine for the attention that I receive. But to be real, I barely notice it. That ability to have influence and gain attention is not my own. It comes from God.
When people see me, they get nervous and or they get shy. Its like they are in disbelief that they have someone in their life that could be so stunningly beautiful. But it is not me. God cleaned me up to be this way..... and He can clean you up too, when you are ready to be purged of the sickness in your heart.

Scientist vs. Model

I think modeling is fun. A person can learn a lot from the experiences that you get through meeting people in the modeling industry. But, a lot of young women are so hungry for fame, money and power that they miss the life lessons entirely. Then you have people who seem to be created for the sole purpose of selling you a dream in a hand basket. They don't care if you really make it or not as long they look good trying to get you to the top or as long they get some kind of reward out of the deal.

 

 





The people on your "team" those who manager your career or have anything to do with making you money are suppose to have your best interest at heart. But a lot of times they get sidetracked and want to mold you into the image that they conjured up in their mind of how you should be, what you should look like, and essentially who you should be.

I'm blessed enough to not have to deal with any of that, but when I first started modeling I certainly felt that pull. I certainly fell that I was betraying who I was. I wasn't comfortable in my skin when I first started. They wanted me to just take a pill and "magically" wake up feeling sexy and confident and free from inhibitions. But, that was the "Paris Hilton" mentality that all the girls seemed to fall in at the time.

God had other plans for me.

And after I decided that modeling wasn't where my heart was, I chose to sing. I took voice lessons and that's where I started building my confidence to sing in front of people.

I now look at everything I do as a confidence builder.

Even though I think modeling is fun, I think I would much rather be a scientist. IF there was a way that I could combine being a model and a scientist then I would because that way I could have the best of both worlds.

 

 



In being a scientist I'm free to use the gift of intelligence that God gave me. No one can mask it, nor mold me to fit their thoughts, unlike in modeling where if you don't wear the designers clothes or you can't fit in them then either you don't get to be in the show or you don't get to wear their outfit and you miss being in the scene. There is too much demand in modeling. To look a certain way and or to act a certain way.

And honestly I just want to say FUCK IT! I act and do what I want. If you don't like it kiss my ass. But in the modeling world you can't do that. Because as a model you need people to like you, so they will want to work with you. That's another reason why being a scientist is more appealing. I don't need anyone to like me nor think I'm cool nor beautiful. Heck! they don't even have to think that I'm smart. As long as I have facts to back up what I state and or consistent patterns of truth. My theory is valid and it say the potential to stick in the hearts of the minds of all who read my material or redo my study.

IF YOU are a man or THINK YOU ARE a man: Read this...

Dear Men Folk:
 
Be honest with yourself. You are never satisfied.

You can have everything your heart needs ("right in front of you") but you still want to know if the "grass is greener on the other side" Even if the other woman has a boyfriend/husband/lover/pimp/sugar daddy...

You have a perfectly good woman in your life, who will DO JUST about ANYTHING FOR YOU. But it is not enough because there is something in you that's lacking if you feel the need to "PISS" on/flirt with/chase after/thirst after etc every woman you see.

God blessed you with a beautiful woman in your life and all you can do is talk shit to her and belittle her efforts?!

Until you treat her with respect and love nothing good will be consistent in your life. Every time something good happens it will also be met with a terrible sorrow and or disappointment.

But before you can love any woman properly you must first know and walk in the Love of God.

Diversity:Love Sees No Color

I never looked at race while growing up and being in "puppy love." I just liked him, for whatever reason; I would tell my friends about how cute he was and how I liked his smile. Whenever they would bring their skateboard to the house or go hiking with my male cousins I was always outside with them. 

But then someone opened my eyes to the fact that all the guys that I had main crushes on were white. Then for some reason my being "in love" became a problem. I started to hear "why don't you like black men?" "You're a sell out" "You're betraying your own people." And on and on.

I remember words very similar to this: "White men can't handle dating a black woman, because they don't have a strong enough spirit. They are too weak in their manhood, whereas the black man was built strong dating back to the slavery days. White men don't know what hard work is, so they won't work hard to keep a Queen like you...." 

When I hear similar comments like this, they mostly come from old timers. Those old black men who have been around for centuries, in their shops fixing up their cars or sitting on their porches to their beautiful homes smoking a cigar. They grew up in a different generation, when segregation was the primary issue, back when people really stood by civil rights. 

I can never understand their dislike for seeing me with a non white man, but I don't judge them. I just listen to their stories and learn as much as I can about the facts. 

I'm writing all this because recently I was walking back to the apartment, when this man asked me if I knew one of his friends. I told him no. Then he told me that I was beautiful for a black woman. I asked him who his friend was and he said "yeah, my friend is like my brother from another mother, yeah he is black...." and after he said that I fell silent. He went into conversation with himself (because I stopped responding) about how he has lots of black friends and on and on... *sigh* 

I don't know why white guys feel the need to tell me that they have black friends, as if that is some kind of main key that will determine if I give him any of my attention or not. A lot of white guys that I have met do that or they pretend to have a diverse group of friends when really all of their friends are white, with the exception of that one black guy, that they call over to their house parties just so people won't think that they are racist. 

It is not my concern if he likes black people are not, because I am not people. I am a person. If he was attracted to me (not because I have brown skin either) then he was attracted to me.

But, I have met some white guys who can touch, suck, kiss and have sex with a black woman but they can't be in a serious relationship with her because they are afraid of what their family and friends will think. I tend to meet white guys who are "curious" about the "sisters", but are too shy or too intimidated by the strength of a "sister" to ask her out. 

I like diversity. I know that love sees no color. 

But I also know that a black woman is strong, and that it will take a strong man. period. whether black, white, green or blue to be with her. 

I meet a lot of guys who are kinda smart, very kind and sometimes clever but they lack strength. They lack a backbone to stand up for themselves and for what they believe in. I can't be with any man black or white who has a jello backbone. I want my man to be able to stand by my side when things get tough. I want the man that chooses me to be confident in himself and in his abilities. It really is about confidence. You don't meet a lot of confident young men these days. They talk a big game about this and that, but when things don't go their way or things get out of control they are the first to run and hide.

And that is one promise that I made to myself: I refuse to associate myself with cowards nor selfish hearts. 

Pretty Girls Get Free Stuff? Enter Mr. Buy you Drinks

I decided to create a new blog. I need a place where my beautiful intelligence can vent. I claim my intelligence as my own, but really God blessed me with it. I get upset because most men that introduce themselves to me don't seem to have an appreciation for Gods beautiful masterpiece. It is not just me though. I noticed it for other women too.

I don't know if this coming from a mature attitude or if it is coming from the recent unfortunate events that have occurred. Maybe it is just coming from me getting tired of playing that "bobble-headed" ditzy role. When I was in high school I use to think it was "cute." I even felt a little liberated by playing that naive role... like "What ever do you mean? I'm just a cute silly girl. I don't know any better..."

Well, excuse my language but fuck that. I get tired of men thinking that I don't know "A" from the letter "Z" and that the only thing I know how to do is be pretty. The older I get the worse it gets. When I was younger men thought I was "mature" when really I was a doodle brain starving for attention, because I thought I needed the approval and love from a man of the world.

Then I was re-introduced to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and my eyes opened. I felt a live! My spirit was rejuvenated. I no longer had to laugh at some psycho jocks' lame jokes or pretend to enjoy being around certain people when I really wanted to rip my skin off and run for the hills.

I no longer had to put up with dating guys that spit in my face, stepped all over my heart and took advantage of my kindness. I no longer had to put up with men putting their hands around my neck and telling me that I'm worthless and stupid; throwing things at me because I forgot to get an item from the store or beating me up because I spoke my mind. Sometimes just the sight of my smile would cause a man to be physically abusive to me. I should have known that any man who constantly lives in the past, talking about their ex wife, baby's mama, gf whatever is a psycho lunatic and needs to seek God to restore them to their right mind.

But that is not even the whole of it...

There was a time I met a guy who was on the "down low..." He swore up and down that he loved women, especially "black women..." "Black women are so much better than white women!" "I will never be with a white woman!" "I love the black woman..." "No other kind of women compares..." And blah blah blah blah.

Then guess what?

He was into MEN. YES! You read it correctly! All that talk about loving black women, blah blah and he really loved the penis. He tried so hard to convince himself that he was in love with women but the more he tried the worse his attitude was and the more he was physically abusive to me.

I don't know what it is, but men seem to think that they can just put their hands on me and get away with it. Then when I started to feel those aggressive behaviors stir inside of me I knew that it was time for a change. When you are always on the defensive. Always watching your back. Always expecting for the next prick to grab you around the waste and force himself on you. It makes you a little bitter and ready for battle every time a man (whether kind or not) even looks at you the wrong way.

I don't know if you ever had a man force himself on you, but its not a good feeling. Its a TERRIBLE! VIOLATING experience and it makes you feel worthless and helpless. To scream at the top of your lungs for someone to help you, to get that pig away from you and no one comes because you fell into the trap of accepting too many drinks from a man with the wrong intentions, the wrong spirit, and a dirty heart.

To hear your SCREAMS, YELLS, SHOUTS, CRIES sink all the way down into your stomach and still no one can hear you because everyone else is PARTYING having a great ol' jolly time! All your "friends" ditched you to go club hopping and your phone is nowhere to be found, so  you can't call your family for help. And that's if you have any. I know young women who truly have NO ONE in their lives. NO mom. No dad. No sister. No aunts, uncles, cousins, nor extended family.

So when I think of those women I quickly am reminded that even though I don't have parents at least I do have a few people in my life that do care about what happens to me.

Men buy (us) pretty ladies free drinks, so they can get us drunk and take advantage of us. That's it. He doesn't care about your dog dying or that you lost your job. He doesn't care that your phone is cut off and you don't have money to put food on the table. 

He. DOES NOT. CARE. 

When any man spends money on you, HE WANTS SOMETHING. And its not for your brains. Its for your treasure. It is the ONE thing that NO man should have and that should always remain clean for your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It might sound old fashion to you, but I never heard of Jesus Christ giving anyone an STD/ HIV or AIDS. So it is safe to say Jesus Christ is the ONLY WAY TO GO, if you want to live a long healthy life!

But to GOD be the glory! I thank God everyday for keeping me in my right mind