Gentlemen: Build The Foundation

Gentlemen, you are the protectors of the women and young ladies in your family. They look up to you for guidance and counsel. They look up to you to be the leader. That is why it is very important that your life is in order with the word of God, as well as with the plan that God has for your life. 

For The Ladies: Saving Mentality (Part 2)

This is for my ladies. I haven't been able to write much because I have dealing with business "stuff." God is opening new doors. 

What I wanted to talk about is the saving mentality (part 2). 

Many people don't want to admit that this is what can happen when you are not steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the good work of the Lord. 

Ladies you can not use your body to save another man from his "demons." Human suffering is very real. But, when a man comes to you looking to be sexual intimate with you, no matter what the reason is, you have to give him the word of God. And nothing else. 

When you use your body to "save" or bring "comfort" to a man that is not your husband, you set yourself back and you block God from healing his wounds. You become an enabler. You stand in the way of the work that God needs to do in his life. 

I know, he just got out of a relationship that left his heart broken. 

But, you have to stand firm in your confidence and trust in God. Pray for him. Send him scriptures. But remember that sharing your body will not heal him. It will only strengthen the lust spirit that is on him. Some of you are very kind hearted and very sweet and any man who is just looking to have sex with take advantage. But you know who God created you to be. A gem. A jewel. Is princess. His priceless gift. And any man that can not respect that who you are is a daughter of God, has no place in your life. 

The love of God in you is a gift. If you use your body to try to "save" or "comfort" a man, you cheapen that gift in you. 
Summary: When men come to you looking for sex. You pray for them. Give them the word of God. Put them on the altar. And you keep it moving. It is not your job to "save" any man. That job belongs to Jesus only. 
I love you. Stay safe. 

Child-like Heart Return

God is still cleaning me up, but the changes he has made in me since I have been here so far, are incredible. In order for those changes to be made, he had to strip me of everything that made me glorify my ego and not him (God).

The man I love
(I spent too much time wrapped up in his world and not enough time wrapped up into the word of God. I wanted so much to use my life to protect his life only but God was telling me that I was created to protect, inspire, encourage many lives. When things did not move along fast enough for me I became impatient and my flesh started to control my soul and spirit. Then I loss sight of the purpose. To comfort, love and protect the love of God in him. I failed my task and perhaps me being stuck here is part of that punishment for failing or maybe it is like the "waiting room" in a hospitial. Either way despite all that has happen I still pray for him to have full confidence and trust in God the way he did when I first met him. He doesn't know it and maybe he never will but his passion for God stirred in me a passion to seek God too. And other than him sharing the love of God in him with me, protecting the love of God in me, his passion for God was a gift that helped me find God so that my child-like heart could return)


My modeling opportunities

Opportunities for jobs in high places

He wants me to be humble, to go back to who I use to be. I guess, apparently being "too giving" "too loving" "too kind" was what pleased God, but when I started to see the selfish behind man I became bitter and that's when a spirit of rebellion came over me and I started to fight for all the wrong reasons.

I wasn't fighting to defend the love of God, I was fighting to tear men down. To step all over their hearts the way they did mine. I wanted to revenge. I was angry. But the truth is, that in being that way I ended up hurting myself a lot more. Because I knew better (many of them did too...) and I cared more about love than anything else. It wasn't in my character to be that way and it broke the heart of my child like spirit.

I told myself that I was protecting my heart, which I forced myself to believe. But my intelligence isn't strong enough to protect my child like heart only God can.

I know this entire journey is about God. The faster I figure out what God wants me to do here then the quicker I can go home. I don't like being stuck in a new place where I'm dependent on the kindness of strangers to get me to where I need to go or help me out. But, that's where God has me. The more I complain about it, the worse it gets. So. I stopped complaining.

I also noticed that God placed me around Christian women, many of them are in relationships. And boy! does it suck to be single when I'm around married and relationship folk! Like dang! wish things would have worked out for me! But, to God be the glory! I know that better is on the way. Who is has for me will match me like a glove to a hand and more than that I won't have to ask him to teach him about spiritual warfare or ask him to grow a backbone, or to stand up and be a man. He will be and do these things automatically because he knows who he is through Christ and who he belongs to: God.

 

 

Gotta Have Muscles To Be "Superman"

When I am "sweet" "kind" and "loving" men abuse my heart.

When I am the "diva" "arrogant" and "indifferent" to the existence of men, they chase me, they fiend for my touch.

How interesting... the very thing they say they want, they can not handle and the very thing that is no good for them they want so much of.

I'm done with dating. I'm starting this new blog entry to remind myself of that. I'm so tired of going through the oops, "almost wifey" material phase, but then because instead of lying and boosting his ego, I give him truth... now all of asudden they don't want to be in my life anymore?

I only find men fascinating when I get to study them, that's why I became "the feminist" in the first place. To study men, only. Never to date them. For, like I said when I'm nice to men they treat me like crap, but when I'm mean to them they treat me nice.

Winning my affection is a part of the game, then once they have me wrapped around their finger they can possess and control and manipulate the "beauty" that is God-given. Men like having me on their arm because I boost their ego. When I play the damsel in distress role it makes them feel "MANLY"

OOOOH! "Look at me! I'm a big strong man!" I don't need you to save me wegro. I need for you to be focused, realistic so we can get some things done in life.

That's the problem with men today, they are always trying to play the superman role. Baby, you are strong enough to be superman.

How are you going to be any womans' superman but then you don't win an arguement and you throw a tantrum at almost 30 or 40 years old? How are you going to be superman and you are still being breastfed by your "mommy?" Dude! Get real!

The more I interact with men, the less I want to get married and the less I want to even date. Every time I meet a guy he always has that opened minded demeanor, charm and caring side about him (that's how they trap you). They are the first ones to be like "I love you" and the first ones to bounce when its time to STICK TO the "I love you."

A lot of women say, "oh, you are just hurt! and bitter and you need Jesus!" Damn straight I'm hurt! I don't want to be bothered with NO MAN! Not even the really sexy ones. They are nice to look at, but I guarantee that the majority of them have some messed up emotionally abusive relationship story to tell me about that I really don't want to hear. That's another thing, I'm tired of meeting men with emotional abuse stories. How are you going to talk to your potential new gf about old memories of your ex wife, ex babys mama? I don't have any baggage like that. No ex husband. No children drama. But apparently these dudes around here have a whole lot of it.

I don't date men with children, because I don't want the ex wife babys mama drama. Okay, so what if the ex wife isn't even in the picture? I still don't want to date any man with a child or children because I want my husband and I to have our first child experience together and at the same time. If a man already has a child or children then the moment that he and I share our first memory of our child together won't be as special because he would have already experienced that with his first wife, babys mama whatever.

So, no thank you. No, men with children, whether they are in your life or not. Too much hassel.

Also, I normally don't date men who have been previously married either, because like I said its DRAMA. No, matter how you look at it, it is drama. The unfortunately I had to be more realistic about that one, because "how did they know they were going to meet me later in life?" So, I give some leeway on that one, but only if things are cut and final. She has moved on to another man and no longer wants anything to do with him and he has moved on and his happy with me and wants absolutely nothing to do with her.

But, it is what it is. Since I have been in woodbrige Virginia those seem to be the only type of men available, emotional screwed up and dead beat dads. Wow, thanks God. Great pickings. Oh, please just put more fish like that in my pond...

So over it! 



 

The Love, Beauty and Power of GOD: A life of Adventure

I feel like a queen without her castle/kingdom. I feel like I took a journey away from my kingdom to go do business in another kingdom. I know that God has called me to do something great. I know that he is molding me for greater. Preparing me to be equipped and handle the absolute best that he has just for me. I'm ready to go to he next level and nothing and no one is going to stand in my way from getting what God has for me. I tried to include other people in my blessings, but then they got jealous and weak in their spirit and let the devil control them. I don't need any weaklings on my team. 

That's why I asked God to send me his strongest warriors. Not just the strongest, but the strongest of the strong. Each day is a spiritual battle and those who don't believe that are foolish. The enemy is constantly trying to put doubt in your mind or turn you away fro GOD. So you have to fight for your sanity! 

Power of Air, Passion behind Fire: Wonderfully made Man of God

I did not think that I was worthy of having any man care about nor love me. I thought it was my duty to only give love but never to receive it, because in the past I gave love, they took it, ran with it and gave it to someone else. So I thought that was apart of the nature of this existence.

Boxing Ring of Intelligence: The Truth About Man

The thought of even wanting a boyfriend or any male affection is a form a form of mediocrity in my book. But because I'm not perfect and God is still healing me. I feel the need to talk about it.

If I were to have a boyfriend I would have to lower my intellect.

I don't think that most men are worth the time and hassle to even step into the ring of intelligence with me. I will rip their head off and eat their eyes for a snack.

The intelligence and wisdom that God gave me is powerful.

I have yet to meet a man who can stand in the ring of intelligence with me for longer than maybe 4 or 5 rounds. After about the 5th round they give up and declare they are tired or they get annoyed because they can't get me to agree with them.

If they are wrong. Why would I agree, just so they can feel good about themselves?

Also men lie too much for me.

They lie about simple things too. For example: If you don't want to hang out, why don't you just say I don't want to hang out. See how easy that is.

That way I can not waste my time on you and go find someone else to hang out with.

But the problem with men today that they are so afraid of looking like the "bad" guy. I would rather you just be honest than worry about looking like the "bad" guy.

Its saves me time. I don't want to waste any more time on losers.

Men think that they can appeal to my empathy, little do they know that I'm a "sweet ice queen" and I don't care about feelings when it comes to truth. I'm bluntly honest and I'm not biting my tongue for any man.

The other thing is that "nice guys" are only nice until they don't get their way. Then when they get their way they turn into the asshole. So really no man is a nice guy. They are all just assholes some just wear a full mask while others only wear a half of a mask.

 

 



 

In the past I thought that if I dated the "nice guys" that they would treat me better. But, even the nice guys decided that they wanted to mistreat me.

I find it so strange that when I see my exes now in my new life, they are treating their new gf or their wife like gold. They open her door and treat her like a lady. They are attentive and sensitive to her needs. They pull down the moon and the starts for her. Yet, when they were with me all they did was say one hateful thing after another. The interesting thing is that their new woman doesn't even seem to care if they are alive or dead. If they are with them or not. Its always the sluts that get treated like Queens and the Queens that get treated like sluts.

I made up my mind that I can't be with any man who doesn't have the mind of Christ. And seeks Gods truth and walking in Gods love. I also realized that just because a person is a man of God does not mean that he has the mind of Christ. A man that has the mind of Christ acts completely different. Is on a whole other level.

Most of my guy friends will get gfs at some point and when they do they will forget all about me. When those women cheat on them or break their heart they will find me and want to "hang out" again. But I have decided that I won't be available. Because I'm tired of being OLD FAITHFUL, sitting there waiting until he is done messing around for him to realize that I was the diamond that he dropped to pick up a pebble.

Thirsty Intellectuals: "Bible Thumper"

The worst thing for a guy is to be too eager when he meets me. It makes me want to run for the hills. I like for a man to have cool confidence, but I also need for him to be HONEST. That whole "put your best foot forward" is bullcrap and I no longer accept it. I use to "play the game." I use to let him blow my head up and compliment me to death, but I already know I'm beautiful so what's NEW in life?

I don't go out to the bars and clubs nearly as much as I use to, because I found that when you have a walk with Christ you can't go everywhere and do everything. Why? Because you are held to a higher standard. I am a QUEEN through Christ. I don't need to be associated with the peasants of the land. That may not sound "nice" but it is true. And those who I am calling "peasants" are not so because they are ugly or don't wear the "coolest" clothes. They are peasants because they allow mediocrity to hold them back from Greatness.

They live for the world and not for God. They praise other people and not GOD. They put their hope and trust into banks, stocks, cars, clothes, TV, movies, etc and not in GOD. Who do they think made the banks and stocks? God gave man the knowledge to create such systems. But man did not thank God for the knowledge because man got too use to receiving the praise from other people. Their pride started to grow and their egos started to swell... the fall of man will be due to pride among other things.

IF YOU are a man or THINK YOU ARE a man: Read this...

Dear Men Folk:
 
Be honest with yourself. You are never satisfied.

You can have everything your heart needs ("right in front of you") but you still want to know if the "grass is greener on the other side" Even if the other woman has a boyfriend/husband/lover/pimp/sugar daddy...

You have a perfectly good woman in your life, who will DO JUST about ANYTHING FOR YOU. But it is not enough because there is something in you that's lacking if you feel the need to "PISS" on/flirt with/chase after/thirst after etc every woman you see.

God blessed you with a beautiful woman in your life and all you can do is talk shit to her and belittle her efforts?!

Until you treat her with respect and love nothing good will be consistent in your life. Every time something good happens it will also be met with a terrible sorrow and or disappointment.

But before you can love any woman properly you must first know and walk in the Love of God.

Diversity:Love Sees No Color

I never looked at race while growing up and being in "puppy love." I just liked him, for whatever reason; I would tell my friends about how cute he was and how I liked his smile. Whenever they would bring their skateboard to the house or go hiking with my male cousins I was always outside with them. 

But then someone opened my eyes to the fact that all the guys that I had main crushes on were white. Then for some reason my being "in love" became a problem. I started to hear "why don't you like black men?" "You're a sell out" "You're betraying your own people." And on and on.

I remember words very similar to this: "White men can't handle dating a black woman, because they don't have a strong enough spirit. They are too weak in their manhood, whereas the black man was built strong dating back to the slavery days. White men don't know what hard work is, so they won't work hard to keep a Queen like you...." 

When I hear similar comments like this, they mostly come from old timers. Those old black men who have been around for centuries, in their shops fixing up their cars or sitting on their porches to their beautiful homes smoking a cigar. They grew up in a different generation, when segregation was the primary issue, back when people really stood by civil rights. 

I can never understand their dislike for seeing me with a non white man, but I don't judge them. I just listen to their stories and learn as much as I can about the facts. 

I'm writing all this because recently I was walking back to the apartment, when this man asked me if I knew one of his friends. I told him no. Then he told me that I was beautiful for a black woman. I asked him who his friend was and he said "yeah, my friend is like my brother from another mother, yeah he is black...." and after he said that I fell silent. He went into conversation with himself (because I stopped responding) about how he has lots of black friends and on and on... *sigh* 

I don't know why white guys feel the need to tell me that they have black friends, as if that is some kind of main key that will determine if I give him any of my attention or not. A lot of white guys that I have met do that or they pretend to have a diverse group of friends when really all of their friends are white, with the exception of that one black guy, that they call over to their house parties just so people won't think that they are racist. 

It is not my concern if he likes black people are not, because I am not people. I am a person. If he was attracted to me (not because I have brown skin either) then he was attracted to me.

But, I have met some white guys who can touch, suck, kiss and have sex with a black woman but they can't be in a serious relationship with her because they are afraid of what their family and friends will think. I tend to meet white guys who are "curious" about the "sisters", but are too shy or too intimidated by the strength of a "sister" to ask her out. 

I like diversity. I know that love sees no color. 

But I also know that a black woman is strong, and that it will take a strong man. period. whether black, white, green or blue to be with her. 

I meet a lot of guys who are kinda smart, very kind and sometimes clever but they lack strength. They lack a backbone to stand up for themselves and for what they believe in. I can't be with any man black or white who has a jello backbone. I want my man to be able to stand by my side when things get tough. I want the man that chooses me to be confident in himself and in his abilities. It really is about confidence. You don't meet a lot of confident young men these days. They talk a big game about this and that, but when things don't go their way or things get out of control they are the first to run and hide.

And that is one promise that I made to myself: I refuse to associate myself with cowards nor selfish hearts. 

Pretty Girls Get Free Stuff? Enter Mr. Buy you Drinks

I decided to create a new blog. I need a place where my beautiful intelligence can vent. I claim my intelligence as my own, but really God blessed me with it. I get upset because most men that introduce themselves to me don't seem to have an appreciation for Gods beautiful masterpiece. It is not just me though. I noticed it for other women too.

I don't know if this coming from a mature attitude or if it is coming from the recent unfortunate events that have occurred. Maybe it is just coming from me getting tired of playing that "bobble-headed" ditzy role. When I was in high school I use to think it was "cute." I even felt a little liberated by playing that naive role... like "What ever do you mean? I'm just a cute silly girl. I don't know any better..."

Well, excuse my language but fuck that. I get tired of men thinking that I don't know "A" from the letter "Z" and that the only thing I know how to do is be pretty. The older I get the worse it gets. When I was younger men thought I was "mature" when really I was a doodle brain starving for attention, because I thought I needed the approval and love from a man of the world.

Then I was re-introduced to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and my eyes opened. I felt a live! My spirit was rejuvenated. I no longer had to laugh at some psycho jocks' lame jokes or pretend to enjoy being around certain people when I really wanted to rip my skin off and run for the hills.

I no longer had to put up with dating guys that spit in my face, stepped all over my heart and took advantage of my kindness. I no longer had to put up with men putting their hands around my neck and telling me that I'm worthless and stupid; throwing things at me because I forgot to get an item from the store or beating me up because I spoke my mind. Sometimes just the sight of my smile would cause a man to be physically abusive to me. I should have known that any man who constantly lives in the past, talking about their ex wife, baby's mama, gf whatever is a psycho lunatic and needs to seek God to restore them to their right mind.

But that is not even the whole of it...

There was a time I met a guy who was on the "down low..." He swore up and down that he loved women, especially "black women..." "Black women are so much better than white women!" "I will never be with a white woman!" "I love the black woman..." "No other kind of women compares..." And blah blah blah blah.

Then guess what?

He was into MEN. YES! You read it correctly! All that talk about loving black women, blah blah and he really loved the penis. He tried so hard to convince himself that he was in love with women but the more he tried the worse his attitude was and the more he was physically abusive to me.

I don't know what it is, but men seem to think that they can just put their hands on me and get away with it. Then when I started to feel those aggressive behaviors stir inside of me I knew that it was time for a change. When you are always on the defensive. Always watching your back. Always expecting for the next prick to grab you around the waste and force himself on you. It makes you a little bitter and ready for battle every time a man (whether kind or not) even looks at you the wrong way.

I don't know if you ever had a man force himself on you, but its not a good feeling. Its a TERRIBLE! VIOLATING experience and it makes you feel worthless and helpless. To scream at the top of your lungs for someone to help you, to get that pig away from you and no one comes because you fell into the trap of accepting too many drinks from a man with the wrong intentions, the wrong spirit, and a dirty heart.

To hear your SCREAMS, YELLS, SHOUTS, CRIES sink all the way down into your stomach and still no one can hear you because everyone else is PARTYING having a great ol' jolly time! All your "friends" ditched you to go club hopping and your phone is nowhere to be found, so  you can't call your family for help. And that's if you have any. I know young women who truly have NO ONE in their lives. NO mom. No dad. No sister. No aunts, uncles, cousins, nor extended family.

So when I think of those women I quickly am reminded that even though I don't have parents at least I do have a few people in my life that do care about what happens to me.

Men buy (us) pretty ladies free drinks, so they can get us drunk and take advantage of us. That's it. He doesn't care about your dog dying or that you lost your job. He doesn't care that your phone is cut off and you don't have money to put food on the table. 

He. DOES NOT. CARE. 

When any man spends money on you, HE WANTS SOMETHING. And its not for your brains. Its for your treasure. It is the ONE thing that NO man should have and that should always remain clean for your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It might sound old fashion to you, but I never heard of Jesus Christ giving anyone an STD/ HIV or AIDS. So it is safe to say Jesus Christ is the ONLY WAY TO GO, if you want to live a long healthy life!

But to GOD be the glory! I thank God everyday for keeping me in my right mind