Not My Strength, but Gods Strength: Roles, Relationships, Hope

 This entire experience has been a roller-coaster ride. I did not think that God would use me in this way. This is my priestess through Christ walk. I have a high calling on my life. I have to be careful with my heart. I can't afford to have it broken. I was blessed enough to have someone who is strong in their walk with Christ to help me through my unexpected event. I thank God for them. 

See, I'm use to being the strong one. The one that people come to for help. The one that has all the answers and give the best advice. But, finally God has placed me in a position where I am solely dependent on him for direction and for strength. 

He had to take away my "comfort" in order to refocus my attention, because I was putting way too much time into the wrong things. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic, but the only man that I need to be "hopefully" romantic with or in is in Jesus Christ, the son of the living God. 

The truth is, I don't know why I am here. In this area. I know that God wants me here because I have had 4 different confirmations, but I'm not sure why. I pray that God will reveal my purpose here soon. 

My life is not meant to get attached to people nor things, nor memories or even ideas. I am a free spirit. I go where the holy spirit guides me and I do what God has asked me to do. At this time God has asked me to love his people no matter what they are going through or what they do to me. I still need to love them. 

I got through the struggle with my bestfriend. He and I had to figure out what role God needed each of us to play. And we found out, that God needed us to be bestfriends and just encourage one another in our walks with Christ. I am happy to say that our friendship is so much better and that God has strengthened the love of Christ in us enough to share it with one another. 

It is true that I want to be a wife and mother one day. I want to have two boys. But, in order for me to get to that place I need stability. Not only physical but also spiritually. I have always said that two halves only equal a whole lotta mess and it could not be more true. If each party is not strong and confident in their walk with Christ, how can they know what real love is, when they see it? And how will they be able to maintain it? You have to keep God first in everything and all things, because the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. The enemy wants to tear down the love of God in us, so that we can't share it with other people. And we have to rebuke the enemy is lies, tricks and deceit in the name of Jesus Christ. And then keep it moving.

I have to admit there were some times when I thought I was losing my mind. My heart was so broken and I just couldn't figure it out. I don't know why I'm here. My family is all back in NC. And now, I'm single. But, God always provides. So, even though I'm single. I know that I'm not alone. I know that God will always send love my way. And that's what I need the most. Love. The love of God. 

After, I took my focus off of wanting to maintain a relationship so bad, God opened doors for me to receive more ways to make money. 

Those of you who know of word of prayer, pray that I receive financial stability in the name of Jesus. So I get that, then I will be able to do more stuff. 

What I have to learn is the love of God in me, is greater than my fleshly desires and it needs to be shared to encourage my other brothers and sisters in Christ. 

Somewhere I Belong: The Light At The End of The Tunnel

 

I haven't been able to get good sleep for the last three days. My back hurts. I feel like my rib cage got kicked in. My body aches all over, but there is still a smile on my face. God is too awesome not to praise.

 They finally place me where they thought I would be the best fit out of all the schools and daycares. I will be working with the pre-k class, possibly the K's and the first graders too. There is a lot to do, so I won't ever get bored. 

I haven't been able to eat like I should, because I have been so worried about finding a place to stay. Before, it was finding a job. Now that I have a job and even more opportunities for jobs are pouring in, I just need a place to put my stuff and rest my head at night. 

I'm really trying to hard to get things off the ground, the right way. There are many things that I could do, to get myself out of this situation but I know that they would be displeasing to God and they would probably bring a lot of unneeded drama in my life. Yes, I need money, but selling my soul to the devil or being disobedient to God is not worth it to me. I have come so far, from where I use to be spiritually. 

My boyfriend, his family and their church family have all been a really big help. I could not have gotten this far without their encouragement, patience and most of all love. 

See, my boyfriend was given Gods favor. He is wise, patient, kind, understanding, humble and meek, His gift of discernment is off the map and overall he is just a really awesome strong man of God. I don't normally put too much attention on men, because in the past I have been done so wrong by them that in my pain I was too broken to see their good qualities. But, I am whole in God. I am loved by Jesus Christ. I am whole by the Father, the son and the holy spirit. 

There have been so many tears on this journey. I pretty much cried every single day. When one thing was going good another thing was falling apart, but GOD! OH! BUT GOD! He turned it around for his glory! He sent his angels to wipe my tears, to comfort me to protect me. 

I don't know why God put my boyfriend and I together, but I do know that I feel safe and I feel more love than I could ever imagine. Not only from him, but from his loving parents, his bestfriend and his church family. He shared his world with me and his support team. Each time I have asked for his help he has always been there and in my prayers I asked God each time to give him back tenfold in blessings for what he has not only given to me, but also for what he has given to others.

I never expected to be here in the first place. I didn't think my walk with Christ would lead me here. But since, I have been here I have been able to make some awesome new friends, minister to new faces and pray over and with people. 

I can honestly say that I'am truly a warrior for Gods love and or a gladiator for Christ. Before, I would always talk about it, but now I am actually living the life of one. There are days when I am tired and all I want to do is just go hide in a cave, but whenever I feel that way my boyfriend shows up or sends me a text to put a smile on my face to help me get through. I am truly blessed to know this young man. I never thought it was possible for any man to care about me so much or even love me at all. 

So, I'm not exactly where I want to be yet. But I know that God is opening doors as I type this for me to get to where he needs me to be. I still want to model and sing! Those are two of my biggest passions. But more than that I'm praying for stability in general in my life. I'm so tired of moving around, getting dropped off here, needing someone to pick me up and take me there. I just can't wait to get my own car and have my own place. So I can finally start doing my own thing again. But, God is working. God is moving. And everything will happen on his time. Not mine. 

God needs me to be here, for what exact reason I don't know. But, I'm sure he will let me know in due time.