Rebuild me in your Humility, Father God: Youth Explosion! (Souls4Real)

I did not think that I was strong enough to start over on my own. Oh, but God is too awesome! I felt alone. I felt scared. I felt tired, but God wants me here. My task is not complete yet. There are still lessons that he needs me to learn. I am being rebuilt in humility. 

 I did not come expecting to be apart of one of the most powerful choirs I have ever experienced on my time on this earth. Nor did I expect to receive as much love as I have and am still receiving. 

I had to learn to be obedient to the will of God. I had to learn to submit my entire heart, mind, soul and body to God so that he could clean me up and use for his glory. 

Last night I went to a youth Christian conference. The anointing was so high. I walked into the church feeling heavy and tired and I left feeling free, peaceful, filled with love and the word of God. 

I had never been apart of a church choir where every member was on fire for Gods love! The other thing is that, there are young adults like myself who are passionate about following Christ, the way I am too!

The experience was one of healing and restoration and most of all peace. God wants me to walk in his love and in his peace. He needs me to learn how to do this quickly, because he is preparing me for something greater than myself. I can feel it. There is a shift in the atmosphere. 

I was so focused on what everyone else needed that I forgot to "take care" of myself. Not just the physical necesseities but more importantly with the spiritual. 

God opened the door for me to be here for a reason and right now I don't know exactly why, but I have to trust in God wholeheartedly. I can not waver in my faith.

Last night was the most fun since I have been here. I sang to my Father. I gave him all the glory and praise! I cried. I gave hugs. I sang my heart out. I danced! Then after it was all over. I ate pizza and chips with other followers of Christ. 

I want so much to share this fire with those that I love, but I know that I can not make someone else love and be passionate about the love of God in me, the way I am. They have to want to get closer to Gods love too, all on their own, not only so they can recognize it in others but also so they can be a blessing to many lives. 

I found what makes me happy. When I get to sing, and give all praise to God that's when I am most happy. When I get to talk about how awesome God is, that's when I smile the most. When I get to share the love of God in me with his children that's when joy overflows in my spirit. 

I'm happy with the church I attend, with the job at the school, with all the awesome and wonderful powerful followers of Christ I'm meeting. But most of all with all the love I'm receiving. Yes, it is true that I'm a handful at times. But God still sends people to love me through all of that. 

No, I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I have my moments when my ego takes over. But, Oh! How awesome and mighty the love of God is.

I seal myself in the peace of God in the name of Jesus Christ. 
I walk in Gods peace in the name of Jesus Christ. 
I am consumed in Gods peace in the name of Jesus Christ. 
I am Love and Love is me, because Gods love lives in me. 

         

Gladiator For Christ: Preparation for Greater

I feel like this whole situation is preparing me for something greater, yet I don't know what it could be. The truth is I wanted to feel safe. I wanted to be held. I wanted to feel as if my heart was protected. I was so tired of dating men who did me wrong, played my heart, stepped all over the love of God in me. That finally in mind I thought "Wow! A Christian man loves God so he will recognize the love of God in me and want to protect Gods love in me and keep me safe!" But.....that's the romantic in me talking. 

Naturally, I'm always the strong one, but this time God is showing me where my weaknesses are. I'm too trusting. I love too deeply too soon. Yes, it hurts. To know that the love you give is not returned in the same way. But God is greater than that hurt. And he can take that hurt and anything else, fix it, change it and turn it around for his glory!

 I have spent hours crying, talking, fussing, thinking about the "hows" and the "whys" and the "maybes" or "what ifs" and what I really need to do is just walk in the grace of God and trust in his reasoning and in his plan. I can feel the dagger, the knife, the sharp pain slice into my heart slowly. Twisting and turning as it plunges deeper into me. It is excruciating! Screaming! TORMENT! But it has to be done...

I can not avoid it. I have to learn how to endure it. So that the next time there is pain like this or even greater I will not die from it. The devil wants to take me out. Kill me. Destroy me. And I can not let that happen. I have to fight it and I have to fight with the word of God and prayer. I can not get lazy and I can not depend on others to help me fight. I must do this on my own...