I decided to create a new blog. I need a place where my beautiful intelligence can vent. I claim my intelligence as my own, but really God blessed me with it. I get upset because most men that introduce themselves to me don't seem to have an appreciation for Gods beautiful masterpiece. It is not just me though. I noticed it for other women too.
I don't know if this coming from a mature attitude or if it is coming from the recent unfortunate events that have occurred. Maybe it is just coming from me getting tired of playing that "bobble-headed" ditzy role. When I was in high school I use to think it was "cute." I even felt a little liberated by playing that naive role... like "What ever do you mean? I'm just a cute silly girl. I don't know any better..."
Well, excuse my language but fuck that. I get tired of men thinking that I don't know "A" from the letter "Z" and that the only thing I know how to do is be pretty. The older I get the worse it gets. When I was younger men thought I was "mature" when really I was a doodle brain starving for attention, because I thought I needed the approval and love from a man of the world.
Then I was re-introduced to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and my eyes opened. I felt a live! My spirit was rejuvenated. I no longer had to laugh at some psycho jocks' lame jokes or pretend to enjoy being around certain people when I really wanted to rip my skin off and run for the hills.
I no longer had to put up with dating guys that spit in my face, stepped all over my heart and took advantage of my kindness. I no longer had to put up with men putting their hands around my neck and telling me that I'm worthless and stupid; throwing things at me because I forgot to get an item from the store or beating me up because I spoke my mind. Sometimes just the sight of my smile would cause a man to be physically abusive to me. I should have known that any man who constantly lives in the past, talking about their ex wife, baby's mama, gf whatever is a psycho lunatic and needs to seek God to restore them to their right mind.
But that is not even the whole of it...
There was a time I met a guy who was on the "down low..." He swore up and down that he loved women, especially "black women..." "Black women are so much better than white women!" "I will never be with a white woman!" "I love the black woman..." "No other kind of women compares..." And blah blah blah blah.
Then guess what?
He was into MEN. YES! You read it correctly! All that talk about loving black women, blah blah and he really loved the penis. He tried so hard to convince himself that he was in love with women but the more he tried the worse his attitude was and the more he was physically abusive to me.
I don't know what it is, but men seem to think that they can just put their hands on me and get away with it. Then when I started to feel those aggressive behaviors stir inside of me I knew that it was time for a change. When you are always on the defensive. Always watching your back. Always expecting for the next prick to grab you around the waste and force himself on you. It makes you a little bitter and ready for battle every time a man (whether kind or not) even looks at you the wrong way.
I don't know if you ever had a man force himself on you, but its not a good feeling. Its a TERRIBLE! VIOLATING experience and it makes you feel worthless and helpless. To scream at the top of your lungs for someone to help you, to get that pig away from you and no one comes because you fell into the trap of accepting too many drinks from a man with the wrong intentions, the wrong spirit, and a dirty heart.
To hear your SCREAMS, YELLS, SHOUTS, CRIES sink all the way down into your stomach and still no one can hear you because everyone else is PARTYING having a great ol' jolly time! All your "friends" ditched you to go club hopping and your phone is nowhere to be found, so you can't call your family for help. And that's if you have any. I know young women who truly have NO ONE in their lives. NO mom. No dad. No sister. No aunts, uncles, cousins, nor extended family.
So when I think of those women I quickly am reminded that even though I don't have parents at least I do have a few people in my life that do care about what happens to me.
Men buy (us) pretty ladies free drinks, so they can get us drunk and take advantage of us. That's it. He doesn't care about your dog dying or that you lost your job. He doesn't care that your phone is cut off and you don't have money to put food on the table.
He. DOES NOT. CARE.
When any man spends money on you, HE WANTS SOMETHING. And its not for your brains. Its for your treasure. It is the ONE thing that NO man should have and that should always remain clean for your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It might sound old fashion to you, but I never heard of Jesus Christ giving anyone an STD/ HIV or AIDS. So it is safe to say Jesus Christ is the ONLY WAY TO GO, if you want to live a long healthy life!
But to GOD be the glory! I thank God everyday for keeping me in my right mind