I never looked at race while growing up and being in "puppy love." I just liked him, for whatever reason; I would tell my friends about how cute he was and how I liked his smile. Whenever they would bring their skateboard to the house or go hiking with my male cousins I was always outside with them.
But then someone opened my eyes to the fact that all the guys that I had main crushes on were white. Then for some reason my being "in love" became a problem. I started to hear "why don't you like black men?" "You're a sell out" "You're betraying your own people." And on and on.
I remember words very similar to this: "White men can't handle dating a black woman, because they don't have a strong enough spirit. They are too weak in their manhood, whereas the black man was built strong dating back to the slavery days. White men don't know what hard work is, so they won't work hard to keep a Queen like you...."
When I hear similar comments like this, they mostly come from old timers. Those old black men who have been around for centuries, in their shops fixing up their cars or sitting on their porches to their beautiful homes smoking a cigar. They grew up in a different generation, when segregation was the primary issue, back when people really stood by civil rights.
I can never understand their dislike for seeing me with a non white man, but I don't judge them. I just listen to their stories and learn as much as I can about the facts.
I'm writing all this because recently I was walking back to the apartment, when this man asked me if I knew one of his friends. I told him no. Then he told me that I was beautiful for a black woman. I asked him who his friend was and he said "yeah, my friend is like my brother from another mother, yeah he is black...." and after he said that I fell silent. He went into conversation with himself (because I stopped responding) about how he has lots of black friends and on and on... *sigh*
I don't know why white guys feel the need to tell me that they have black friends, as if that is some kind of main key that will determine if I give him any of my attention or not. A lot of white guys that I have met do that or they pretend to have a diverse group of friends when really all of their friends are white, with the exception of that one black guy, that they call over to their house parties just so people won't think that they are racist.
It is not my concern if he likes black people are not, because I am not people. I am a person. If he was attracted to me (not because I have brown skin either) then he was attracted to me.
But, I have met some white guys who can touch, suck, kiss and have sex with a black woman but they can't be in a serious relationship with her because they are afraid of what their family and friends will think. I tend to meet white guys who are "curious" about the "sisters", but are too shy or too intimidated by the strength of a "sister" to ask her out.
I like diversity. I know that love sees no color.
But I also know that a black woman is strong, and that it will take a strong man. period. whether black, white, green or blue to be with her.
I meet a lot of guys who are kinda smart, very kind and sometimes clever but they lack strength. They lack a backbone to stand up for themselves and for what they believe in. I can't be with any man black or white who has a jello backbone. I want my man to be able to stand by my side when things get tough. I want the man that chooses me to be confident in himself and in his abilities. It really is about confidence. You don't meet a lot of confident young men these days. They talk a big game about this and that, but when things don't go their way or things get out of control they are the first to run and hide.
And that is one promise that I made to myself: I refuse to associate myself with cowards nor selfish hearts.