Sunday, June 15, 2014

Boring: If This is Hell (Cry Of The Warrior)

The only thing that is keeping me sane are my blogs and my journals. If this is hell then Jesus get me out of here because I'm bored. The only other time I was bored to death was when I was stuck in Virginia. 

I wish I could call God and ask him why he keeps putting me in these country ass situations, where I'm around families and kids all the time. Please, don't get me wrong kids are great, but as a single woman with no kids and trying to live my life I feel different about things. 

Young mothers' and fathers' care about the things that their children say and do, naturally they are the parent. But I don't. This is my time to be a little bit selfish in life. I spent enough of my time trying to build that "family life" that God approves of and now I don't' want to anything to do with it. 

When I first mentioned that if God didn't send my husband then all I wanted was money and motorcycle. I got a lot of flake for saying that from "small community Christians." 

I look at things differently. You have some that are in the military who strictly sit behind a desk all day and process papers. They are still considered soldiers. Then you have others who are out in the field who actually fight on the battlefield. Their perspective on life is a little bit different than the solider sitting behind the desk. 

That is how I feel about meeting Christians who have mommy to breast-feed them at 30 and daddy to kiss their boos and scrapes late into their 20's. Time to get off the nipple. I was so annoyed in Virginia because that's all I was around cookie cutter Christians. I only met like two who were actually warriors for Gods' love and understood about the "fight." Everyone else was clueless. How is your dad a pastor and a mom a teacher and you're clueless to what spiritual warfare is all about or you run from it? 

Please get me some soldiers who already know how to fight, in Jesus NAME. I can't have rookies watching my back. In translation: I was out in the field with rookies watching my back and that's when I got attacked big time. I'm still in recovery so to speak. A bit traumatized but its nothing that God himself, can't fix. Don't need a shrink to try and empathize with me. Just need some serious praise and worship time around people who are Warriors like myself. 

There was a point when I thought that a few of the rookies really understood what I was saying, but then I realized they were capable of understanding about spiritual warfare but they didn't know how to conduct themselves on the battlefield. Its like talking about a war that you only watched from a distance, but never actively took part in. You see all the moves and methods but you are not the one making them. 
So, I fought alone with the strength of God backing me.