Saturday, July 6, 2013

Dating & Spiritual Warfare: Tricks of the devil

People don't believe that spiritual warfare is real. I know that I have said that before. But it is a true statement for most, if not the majority. 

I sometimes think that men are less likely to believe in spiritual warfare than women, although I have no scientific facts ("hard evidence") to back that statement up with. 

There is a lot going on in the world that people just look right over. 

I'm writing this entry because recently I have noticed that some old male guys interests that I use to like and or be or enamored with have resurfaced. I know that is just the trick of the devil. I also know that the older gentleman who use to stalk me (yep, long story but it is true) is just a test of my patience and faith. 

How he got me to be his friend was through music and offering money and although, he extended help, he did it for all the wrong reasons. 

I think everyone around me pretty much caught on after awhile. Although, it bothered me that it took them a lot longer to see the truth than I did. He claimed that he was attending church because he wanted to get closer to God. But whenever he was there he just sat there staring at me like a psycho. 

I'm sure that people change. I know that God can clean up anyone's heart. But at the time he had a very strong possessive spirit on him. That's another reason why I'm selective about dating, because like I have said before some men seem to think that just because I hang out with them and or give them any bit of attention (even just a hello or smile) that, that somehow means that I want to be their girlfriend and or I like them more than a friend. 

It is very annoying and it makes situations awkward. I'm the type of lady that just enjoys good company and awesome conversation. I'm not trying to rush into anything too serious and I'm not trying to be possessed or controlled any man. That is just how it is. When a man starts saying "YOU CAN'T...." then I start saying "I CAN" and I walk away. 

I'm at a point in my life where I'm going to do the things that I enjoy with or without an adventure partner. The strange thing is that people are not as generous as I would like to believe. Some people can genuinely give without expecting anything in return. That is very evident with the acceptance and love of my god family. 

But I don't find too many men, nowadays who are like that. I did meet one who isn't cheap, disrespectful, possessive with minimized ability to hold an intelligent conversation. He doesn't make lame jokes to make up for that sometimes "awkward" silence that happens between a man and a woman. He doesn't say ridiculous phrases like "that's what she said..." in order to compensate for his lack of confidence in conducting himself as a grown, adult man. 

I have a lot of issues with men because they demand respect from women but they don't do anything that deserves respect. Just because they breathe and have extended body parts somehow makes them entitled. OH? but wait! We are entitled because we DO NOT PUT UP with your BS? Is that how that works? So if we played your games and allowed you to win so you can feel like a man then you would want to treat us right? 


No one has time to baby sit a grown ass man. Be honest with how you feel, enjoy life and treat people the way you want to be treated. Very simple life, right? Yeah, as long as they don't skip the first step 


Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The Sanctity of Marriage: Call to Followers, Gladiators and Warriors for Christ

There is not one person that knows everything about relationships. It could be that you were married but never had much dating experience. It would be that you were never married but have much dating experience. The point is that you are limited to the knowledge of the experiences that you have had. That is all you know... until God chooses for you to know more by opening the door for you to have more experiences.

That is why it does not pay to be a "know at all" because you limit yourself to being open to learning not only more about yourself but also about other people.


It is sad to see so many people celebrate divorce. There seems to be no sanctity in marriage in anymore. People just do it just for fun, not being fully aware of the hard work that it takes to maintain a marriage, especially a God focused one.

It says in the bible that believers should not be with non believers. It clearly says that, yet many of my guy friends seem to have missed that lesson in their teachings because they ended up marrying women who were not equally yoked. The signs were all their, but they just chose not too acknowledge them.

It is sad to see young men get beaten down by life all because they won't accep their past and move and or they keep reliving their old happy memories. You can never grow if you can't staying in the same place, doing the same thing. What you had was great at the time, but God puts other people in your life so that you can make new memories in the phase of the life that you are at currently.

(This is the part where the excuses come in and they say "well I didn't know..." You did know that they were not the one for you. Red flags were everywhere! God put a bibl sign on your forehead that said "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" but you ignored it. So you only have yourself to blame for your own misery. That is one thing that I had to accept too in my failed relationships. I wanted to do what I wanted to and not follow in the Will of God, so God gave me what I wanted and they did what they wanted to do...)

This is what the word of God has to say:

"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?"

2 corinthians 6:14-15

I don't just think that this scripture means that believers should not be with non believers. I also think it means that whoever you are in a relationship with has to match your strenth in your mind, heart and spirit.

So how do you find someone that matches you on your same level in those 3 cateogries?

First, you have to pray, mediate and self reflect. You have to brutually honest with yourself about what you can and not handle. What you want and do not want? What you like and do like? Most people don't ever get this far. So, they just settle for the first pretty face and soft spoken voice until they find that their Mr. Mrs. "perfect" isn't so perfect after all.

Thats another reason why I tell people to show me their "ugly foot" because I want to see what I am getting into. It does no good to always be dressed up, ready to impress, always smiling all the time, singing love songs, because eventually someone is going to disappoint you. Eventually someone is going to lie to your face or hurt your feelings. For most of us we are not going to react in a peaceful manner (although we should). I'm being realistic here. We are going to get upset and want to give whoever hurt us a piece of our mind and most of us will. It is just natural.

I don't want anyone to present a perfect image to me, then when I invest so many of my years with them I find out that they really aren't who they pretended to be. That's another reason why I have asked God to increase the gift of discerning of spirits in me.

Spiritual warfare is very real. And those of you who are warriors or gladiators for Christ. You can not be with someone who does not readily understand about spiritual warfare and even stands active in it. Why? Because when unlikely situations come up, when your loved one steps out of character you have to be ready to battle, with the word of God and prayer the spirit that is attacking them.

In the past I dated guys who went to church, read their bible, knew all the scriptures front and back but when it came to spirtual warfare they knew of it but they did not know how to fight it. They thought that their intelligence was enough to battle the spirit. That is so far from true. Only the word of God and prayer can get a negative spirit off of you. So, with those guys I had to decline.

The enemy attacks our minds first. It might be that they plant a seed of doubt or fear or worry. Then that fear may cause you to not eat, lose weight and to not feeling good about yourself (heart). Then from there you could sink into a depression (spirit). That's why we Christians, warriros and gladiators have to be mindful of how we think and what we say. We also always need to keep a scripture on our tongue and pray for Gods protection.

I would like to be a wife and mother one day. It will probably be the two things that I actually end up being good at, besides singing in this life lol But I have found that waiting for God instead of trying to do things my way is always the best way to go. I know that when God sets something up that it will be ordered in his perfect will for my life. And he and I will fit like a hand to a glove.

I'm hoping there is a man out there who can match the strength in my heart, mind and spirit. But only God knows that.

(Reflection 2): The Journey: The People

The People

I already mentioned about the Mother and daughter team, who for some reason loves me very much. I am so thankful to have met them. I met them at a time when I was still going through a transition. When I was still dealing with the guy who just could not appreciate the love and light in me. No matter what I said or did. I was never good enough.

That is what being around the mother and daughter team taught me. That I am good enough. That I am loved. That I do deserve to be appreciated.

It use to be that men would always tell me that I was "entitled" and "spoiled" "princess mentality" And back then there were times that I was, I will admit that. But when I noticed that when I shared my heart that is when the "you are entitled" seemed to come up the most. When I was kind, they would think of the most hateful and heart breaking things to say. They would reject all my kindness and love.

I use to give hugs. I stopped giving them.

I lost my heart.

I was so angry. "Why did you give me a big heart God?"

"Why do I have to love and care about people as much as I do?"

But I never got an answer...

Then I left NC. And God answered me.


This body is not my own. It belongs to GOD. God gave me a big heart so that other people could benefit from it. There are some people who met on my trip who just needed me to be a good listener. And so I used the two ears to listen.

There were some that needed a hug. So I used the two arms to embrace them.

There were some that needed encouragement. So I use the mouth to speak words of encouragement into their life. I do not know if any of what I did was helpful, but I do know that it was not hurtful.

Before I left for DC I was really battling because my heart was in conflict. I thought that in order to feel "alive" that I had to be bad. That I had to flirt with the darkness. I was tired of feeling like everyone expected me to be "goody goody" all the time. I felt as if people were starting to believe that I could never make a mistake. It was starting to bother me. The truth is that in order to give truth sometimes you have to be ugly. And that's the side of me that people seem to never want to see. Even though that side is filled with just as much honesty as the others.

2. The young rapper and chemist.

I learned that I have to know enough about life and be aware of different experiences in order to get on different levels to make the best and greatest connection, so that I can open the door to minister to them about the love of God. I don't know much about rap, hip hop music but I do know about music in general. So that is how the young rapper and I were able to relate. I don't know much about chemistry, but I do know about science. So I had to scale the topic to something big, so that they can describe it to me in their terms on a smaller scale.

3. The No filter Brutally honest lady

When I met her I could tell that she had many experiences that I never had. I may never get to have them because she to be an ex cop. For most of the trip, while I was walking around DC. No one really spoke to me. Most people seemed to have sticks up their ass. They were running around trying to "keep up with the jones" and look all modest and sophisticated when in reality they were just common people in costumes. Yet, when I met her I found her to be beautiful and I told her so.

Then I discovered why she was beautiful because she had a big heart like me and she was honest. Her honesty was so over the top that it even made me uncomfortable and blush at times. I have never had that happen before. Normally I'm the one making things awkward and uncomfortable. But instead of dwelling on the negative. I decided to run with it and play back what she was dishing out. And now she and I are good friends.

I think God wanted me to meet her, to remind that I need to live my life. To remind me not to get stuck in my head on the computer all day posting about things that most people really don't care about. I need to actually go out into the world and be active in his (Gods) love, truth and peace. And SHOW people rather than just telling them what Gods love really looks like.

4. On my way back from DC I met an interracial couple who loves God the way I do. The wife is a praying warrior and the husband has a street team ministry. I don't know anything about the streets, but I do know that if I were called to do that type of work that God would prepare me for it.
The husband asked me if I was an evangelist. I told him that I did not know. Then he example to me that every time I smile at someone, give someone a hug or speak kind words into someone's life that is considered being an evangelist too. Because I am sharing Gods love with someone else in some form or fashion. I never thought of it that way. But I liked the idea. He also told me that there was someone in my life that I needed to share Gods word with... who that person is exactly I don't know... it could be a couple of people.

When I had to switch buses, because I didn't take the train back. They were with me there too. They were very kind to me. The husband asked me if I wanted anything to eat, but I modestly declined. I remember that he was very soften spoken. Yet, playful with his wife. He told me the story about how they met. And when I say that God will send your husband or wife he most certainly will but maybe not in the way that you might expect. Just wait on God!

5. I met a young man who was so patient and kind that by him being that way it cleaned up the hate and anger in my heart. The one thing I learned that I need to work on is being more patient. haha the one thing I was trying to run away from and then BOOM! SMACK! Same lesson, over and over until I get it right!

I never knew what a real man looked like, acted like, was because in my experiences most of all I have ever known were abusive relationships. Then I realized it is because I' wasn't dating confident men. I didn't have to pay for anything when I was with him. He told care of everything. He opened my door. He took me dancing even though he was tired from working all night. But he just wanted me to be happy. When I would get into one of my moods (because I get frustrated easy) he sat quietly and waited for me to get over whatever it was the I was fussing about. I did not realize that I was so demanding, bossy and some times down right mean at times. But I also did not realize that I do not handle stress very well. I like for things to flow in order. I like for things to just work. That is one thing that I have never been able to do, until now... "go with the flow." So many people told me that I should just "chill" and "go with the flow..." but I never understood that until now.

Going with the flow does not mean that you analyze every step inside of the flow. It means that you "LET GO AND LET GOD."

Being around him taught me that I need more patience. It also taught me that I don't need to parade my intelligence or strength around, because when I do that I invite vultures and lecherous beasts to come and test that intelligence and strength. The other thing is that he knows about spiritual warfare. I did not even have to explain anything to him about the spiritual stuff he just knew. And it was so nice to feel appreciated and accepted and to NOT have the love of GOD in me be rejected.

6. The man who helped me carry my bags

When I got back to NC I could not get in touch with anyone to come and help me carry my stuff. I did not know that my aunt was waiting for me to call her. Since, I did not have anyone to help me I had to carry my bags all the way back to my grandmothers by myself. The suitcase was the heaviest one. I prayed that God would give me the strength to carry the bags and he did, but then God sent someone to help me. This random man named Tony noticed that I was struggling and he walked up to me and grabbed the back and we started walking. During our walk back to the apartment I noticed he kept asking me if he could take me out to dinner. But that he also kept mentioning that he was a man of God. He extended the offer to not only take me out to dinner, but to also give me a job working at his company and also from there help me find a place to stay.

I was so happy. I thought that finally a door had opened up. But the next day when I sought the address that he had given me, since he told me that is where his company was I realized that the number he gave me was fake and that his place of establishment was not his own.

The strange thing about it is that this man went out of his way to look me in the eyes and lie to me. That's why I say that I must be careful about the lecherous beasts and the vultures. The more that God cleans me up the brighter my anointing his and just like angels can see the light. So can demons and other creatures that I do know of and or am not fully aware of.

I met a lot more people in between but these were the main people that had the most impact on my life during the trip. I will have to say that God was looking out for me the entire time. I also have to say that I left with a worried heart and came back wrapped in Gods peace.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Priestess Path: Spiritual Journey (Reflection 1)

When I started my trip to "DC" I had it in my mind that I was going to get a job and work, but God had other plans for me. I'm moving into an interesting transition. One from being a Queen to a Priestess. Some people might think that you have to have all these degrees and qualifications and documents saying that you can be one thing or another. But who Created me and you? God did. And so if God sees fit that I am too walk the life of a priestess then so be it...

I don't have all the technicalities down. But I do know one thing that to walk in Gods truth and in his perfect Love is the greatest honor and gift that any people could ever know. It frees you from all forms of mediocrity and it offers strength where you are weakest.

I left NC with the mind of a little girl. I was afraid to see. I was afraid to try. I was afraid to think beyond the box that I found myself limited too. But I came back with strength in my heart and the ability to walk in Gods truth, love and perfect peace. And I don't have to be labeled as "perfect" to do any of those things...

I was trying so hard to be perfect in my walk with Christ. To never sin. To never doubt. To never get upset. I found myself stressed out more by NOT allowing my human emotions to emerge than by letting them. I was limiting myself from "living" because I was trying so hard to be the perfect Christian. The perfect model. The perfect singer. But in the eyes of God I am already perfect.

I thought my job on this earth was to tell people the truth. But it is more than just that; not only do I tell them the truth but I also need to encourage them to walk in Gods truth, in Gods love and in Gods peace. When you are clothed in Gods peace you have power.

When things come your way that you do not understand. You ask God to deal with it according to his perfect Will for your life and watch how he reveals to you the answers that you seek.

I found out that I do not have to be perfect in order to be a warrior for Gods love. In being perfect I can not relate to the people. Jesus was sent to teach. He was perfect. That is why he is remembered and his teachings are reverenced and remember. I am a solider in Gods army. I was created to identify with the hopeless, the broken, the miserable and to show them that there is another life, through Christ Jesus that can free them from their sorrow. Their pains. Their worries and doubts.

It is not a life that I recommend for everyone, because it is costly and you feel a lot. But, I know that I know that I know. That God gave me a big heart for a reason and he gave me a beastly intelligence so that I could do what I do best love his people. Those who are extremely witty and cunning. Love them. Those who are a little slow. Love them. And those who have no clue what is going on. Love them. Show them that there is a better way to live life.

I will say that just because I came to this conclusion and reflection does not mean that I am perfect. I make mistakes too. But when I do I immediately genuinely repent and then I do not dwell on it. The enemy wants you to dwell on your sin. But why do that, when God has already forgiven you for it after you have repented?

You don't have to dwell on pain, because doing so holds you back from the Greatness that God has for your life.

It is not about being right or wrong. It is not about being the greatness. For, I am not great on my own. But it is about Sharing love. And guiding Gods people back to his love. That is all that matters. Yes, I need my own place to live and yes I need a newer car. Yes I need a job that pays all my bills. But those things are temporary highs and when I die I can not take them with me...

So what is left?

What really matters?

Gods peace, truth and love.