Tuesday, July 2, 2013

(Reflection 2): The Journey: The People

The People

I already mentioned about the Mother and daughter team, who for some reason loves me very much. I am so thankful to have met them. I met them at a time when I was still going through a transition. When I was still dealing with the guy who just could not appreciate the love and light in me. No matter what I said or did. I was never good enough.

That is what being around the mother and daughter team taught me. That I am good enough. That I am loved. That I do deserve to be appreciated.

It use to be that men would always tell me that I was "entitled" and "spoiled" "princess mentality" And back then there were times that I was, I will admit that. But when I noticed that when I shared my heart that is when the "you are entitled" seemed to come up the most. When I was kind, they would think of the most hateful and heart breaking things to say. They would reject all my kindness and love.

I use to give hugs. I stopped giving them.

I lost my heart.

I was so angry. "Why did you give me a big heart God?"

"Why do I have to love and care about people as much as I do?"

But I never got an answer...

Then I left NC. And God answered me.


This body is not my own. It belongs to GOD. God gave me a big heart so that other people could benefit from it. There are some people who met on my trip who just needed me to be a good listener. And so I used the two ears to listen.

There were some that needed a hug. So I used the two arms to embrace them.

There were some that needed encouragement. So I use the mouth to speak words of encouragement into their life. I do not know if any of what I did was helpful, but I do know that it was not hurtful.

Before I left for DC I was really battling because my heart was in conflict. I thought that in order to feel "alive" that I had to be bad. That I had to flirt with the darkness. I was tired of feeling like everyone expected me to be "goody goody" all the time. I felt as if people were starting to believe that I could never make a mistake. It was starting to bother me. The truth is that in order to give truth sometimes you have to be ugly. And that's the side of me that people seem to never want to see. Even though that side is filled with just as much honesty as the others.

2. The young rapper and chemist.

I learned that I have to know enough about life and be aware of different experiences in order to get on different levels to make the best and greatest connection, so that I can open the door to minister to them about the love of God. I don't know much about rap, hip hop music but I do know about music in general. So that is how the young rapper and I were able to relate. I don't know much about chemistry, but I do know about science. So I had to scale the topic to something big, so that they can describe it to me in their terms on a smaller scale.

3. The No filter Brutally honest lady

When I met her I could tell that she had many experiences that I never had. I may never get to have them because she to be an ex cop. For most of the trip, while I was walking around DC. No one really spoke to me. Most people seemed to have sticks up their ass. They were running around trying to "keep up with the jones" and look all modest and sophisticated when in reality they were just common people in costumes. Yet, when I met her I found her to be beautiful and I told her so.

Then I discovered why she was beautiful because she had a big heart like me and she was honest. Her honesty was so over the top that it even made me uncomfortable and blush at times. I have never had that happen before. Normally I'm the one making things awkward and uncomfortable. But instead of dwelling on the negative. I decided to run with it and play back what she was dishing out. And now she and I are good friends.

I think God wanted me to meet her, to remind that I need to live my life. To remind me not to get stuck in my head on the computer all day posting about things that most people really don't care about. I need to actually go out into the world and be active in his (Gods) love, truth and peace. And SHOW people rather than just telling them what Gods love really looks like.

4. On my way back from DC I met an interracial couple who loves God the way I do. The wife is a praying warrior and the husband has a street team ministry. I don't know anything about the streets, but I do know that if I were called to do that type of work that God would prepare me for it.
The husband asked me if I was an evangelist. I told him that I did not know. Then he example to me that every time I smile at someone, give someone a hug or speak kind words into someone's life that is considered being an evangelist too. Because I am sharing Gods love with someone else in some form or fashion. I never thought of it that way. But I liked the idea. He also told me that there was someone in my life that I needed to share Gods word with... who that person is exactly I don't know... it could be a couple of people.

When I had to switch buses, because I didn't take the train back. They were with me there too. They were very kind to me. The husband asked me if I wanted anything to eat, but I modestly declined. I remember that he was very soften spoken. Yet, playful with his wife. He told me the story about how they met. And when I say that God will send your husband or wife he most certainly will but maybe not in the way that you might expect. Just wait on God!

5. I met a young man who was so patient and kind that by him being that way it cleaned up the hate and anger in my heart. The one thing I learned that I need to work on is being more patient. haha the one thing I was trying to run away from and then BOOM! SMACK! Same lesson, over and over until I get it right!

I never knew what a real man looked like, acted like, was because in my experiences most of all I have ever known were abusive relationships. Then I realized it is because I' wasn't dating confident men. I didn't have to pay for anything when I was with him. He told care of everything. He opened my door. He took me dancing even though he was tired from working all night. But he just wanted me to be happy. When I would get into one of my moods (because I get frustrated easy) he sat quietly and waited for me to get over whatever it was the I was fussing about. I did not realize that I was so demanding, bossy and some times down right mean at times. But I also did not realize that I do not handle stress very well. I like for things to flow in order. I like for things to just work. That is one thing that I have never been able to do, until now... "go with the flow." So many people told me that I should just "chill" and "go with the flow..." but I never understood that until now.

Going with the flow does not mean that you analyze every step inside of the flow. It means that you "LET GO AND LET GOD."

Being around him taught me that I need more patience. It also taught me that I don't need to parade my intelligence or strength around, because when I do that I invite vultures and lecherous beasts to come and test that intelligence and strength. The other thing is that he knows about spiritual warfare. I did not even have to explain anything to him about the spiritual stuff he just knew. And it was so nice to feel appreciated and accepted and to NOT have the love of GOD in me be rejected.

6. The man who helped me carry my bags

When I got back to NC I could not get in touch with anyone to come and help me carry my stuff. I did not know that my aunt was waiting for me to call her. Since, I did not have anyone to help me I had to carry my bags all the way back to my grandmothers by myself. The suitcase was the heaviest one. I prayed that God would give me the strength to carry the bags and he did, but then God sent someone to help me. This random man named Tony noticed that I was struggling and he walked up to me and grabbed the back and we started walking. During our walk back to the apartment I noticed he kept asking me if he could take me out to dinner. But that he also kept mentioning that he was a man of God. He extended the offer to not only take me out to dinner, but to also give me a job working at his company and also from there help me find a place to stay.

I was so happy. I thought that finally a door had opened up. But the next day when I sought the address that he had given me, since he told me that is where his company was I realized that the number he gave me was fake and that his place of establishment was not his own.

The strange thing about it is that this man went out of his way to look me in the eyes and lie to me. That's why I say that I must be careful about the lecherous beasts and the vultures. The more that God cleans me up the brighter my anointing his and just like angels can see the light. So can demons and other creatures that I do know of and or am not fully aware of.

I met a lot more people in between but these were the main people that had the most impact on my life during the trip. I will have to say that God was looking out for me the entire time. I also have to say that I left with a worried heart and came back wrapped in Gods peace.

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