Thursday, January 29, 2015

The Few Out of The Many

I feel in a very poetic mood. I should be sleeping, but my mind is far from tired.
I feel like I have a million things to do, but only an hour to do them all in.

I am thankful for all of those who did not give up on me. For those who spoon-fed truth to me because (at the time) it was too much for me to digest. I am even thankful for those who continued to love me even from long distance. They were kind, patient, filled with joy and even more than that continued to love me when I did not have the strength nor courage to love myself.

When you meet someone who is willing to look you in the eyes and tell you the truth because they want you to have a peace within yourself, you should at least consider what they have to say.
When you meet someone who is willing to stand and fight beside you through your good, bad and ugly changes that is a relationship worth fighting to keep. You don't meet a lot of people who will readily sacrifice their time, heart and body to helping you, "get out of the hole."

In some cases you will meet people who, can only be there for a short term. Sometimes, they really do want to stay in your life and continue to encourage you and watch you grow in grace. But, maybe they were not built for that kind of pressure.

There are two things that I had to learn: 

1. Not everything is made for everyone
2. Not everyone will get the lesson as quickly as others will

So, now there is a new challenge. Not only must I be patient with myself, but now I am forced to be patient with other people. I can not expect everyone to be "baby Einsteins" but I also can not expect them to be no more intelligent than a rock. I had to take off my expectations and wait for them to show me who they are, their strengths, their weaknesses and their joys.

Patterns Of Things Undone

When you know that your life is not your own, you tend to think in a variety of perspectives that society will not understand. I rarely speak in public because I know that most people have a basis opinion about most things in life to begin with. Why waste my breath on those that will not listen? I know what it is like to be on both ends. I simple just don't like wasting my time.

I see a pattern of "things undone" in the lives of other people. I partly, feel that people have things in their lives that are undone because they are waiting for me to help them get organized. Yep, *sigh* I help people get their lives in order. I notice detailed patterns (of bad habits) , (etc) and I call them out with the intention of making them aware (or reminding them if they were not already aware) that they can not have a peaceful and or better life with their life out of order and unorganized.

It seems like I never meet people when they are prosperous and doing well in life. I always meet them right after something life altering has happen to them. Why couldn't I have met them when they were doing well in life, had everything organized and up and running in order? Why couldn't I have met them when they were are their best, loving life and getting things done? Why do I have to be the protector, adviser, navigator and motivator? It is a lot of stress on one person, especially if that person doesn't have a habit of being involved in the lives of others on a daily basis.

Please, don't get me wrong I enjoy "speaking life into others" but dang! All I'm around are people who are sick, broke, unorganized, depressed (etc) and it makes me think, were these wonderful people always like that? And if they were not, then why did I have to meet them now? Why could I have not met them back then? When they were living life, having fun...when they felt that the world was in their hands?

People think I'm joking when I tell them, I feel as if I have a duty. A duty that I can not run from or shake or even take a vacation from. The longer I wait or put it off, the more people who will need my attention. What for? I have no clue, because I'm just a lady that loves God and has a passion to help others. And that is all. I can not make money come out of my ears, or heal a sick body with a hug. No. I am not Jesus. But, I do have the love of God in me. And maybe that is what others are attracted too...

I am a firm believer that God can organize a life. Yet, sometimes I feel that he does not always snap his fingers and set thing in order because he is testing us. How much can we take before we break? And what do we need or what words need to be said in order to bring us back to life again?

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Welcome Home Love: Favorite Hobbies (1)

I am a writer. The majority of the time, I prefer writing instead of verbal communication. Why? Because most times when I speak people don't listen, so why waste my breath? If I write them a letter at least, I can get all my thoughts out of my head and from there the rest is up to them. If they read it, then cool. If not then, that's perfectly OKAY too. 

As long as it is out of my head, then I will sleep at night just fine.