Thursday, May 23, 2013

Transformation Purge: Heart of a Mad Scientist

I can't silence the "scientist" in me. I have tried many times. I always end up picking "her" back up.
I know that I could live a life without being analytical. But then I would be focused on being an entitled, spoiled, princess. That would only cause me more grief because I hate lying to myself and I hate being fake in my character.

If I don't like something/someone I just don't like them. If I play the princess role, I have to smile at people that I don't like. It is almost like having a hostess job (that's why its best to put distance between hostess positions).

I'm not someone that can hide my feelings easily. So, if something annoys me or bothers me it shows. Sometimes I express it (now, careful to express it out of love). Other times I just go away and write about it, because I don't want to be bothered with the drama that will pop up if I call them out on their bullshit.

I'm learning that not many people can take the truth, the way I'm starting to get better at doing. I'm also learning that even I have moments where the truth stings so bad, that I just have to runaway from it or sweep it under a rug. But, I'm learning not to do that. I'm learning to just face the pain.

Its like putting peroxide on an open wound. If you don't pour on the peroxide then the wound won't ever heal. So even though the liquid stings your flesh and brings you temporary pain, you still need that pain in order to heal.

That's the "trinity" aspect that I'm learning:

That even though we don't like pain, we still need pain to keep us humble and meek. Even though we don't like to hear truth, we still need truth to keep our egos from getting out of hand. If many had it their way they would rule the world. If everyone had their way and could rule the world then people still wouldn't be satisfied.

Why? Because someone would be jealous over how popular someone else was in ruling their portion of "the world" or jealous in the method that another person ruled the world. Humans are born to always want what someone else has. That is why we need Christ Jesus(Yeshua) to come into our lives and clean us up.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Welcome to Royalty: A Virtuous Woman

I took a break from dating, so that I could work on myself. What man of good quality wants to be with a woman that does not have her life in order?

In the past I thought that I had to be loud, in order to be noticed. I also thought that I had to act out of my character just to get a guy to stay in my life and "want" me. But what I discovered is that even though I did attract the men that I found to be "cute" or "sexy" at the time, by acting loud and out of my character; I also found those "cute" and "sexy" guys to be a whole lot of trouble.

Men are trouble, to any woman who is trying to live virtuously.

Why? because most men are driven by carnal desires and they lack self control. They also lack the mind of Christ. Any man that has the mind and walks in the mind of Christ would not thirst and hunger after a woman's body. That thirst and hunger after the body of a woman is called: Lusting.

And men and women do it.

But since I'm a woman and I date men, I can only talk about how men act toward me.

*A Virtuous Woman Is*
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considers a field, and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She girds her loins with strength, and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good: her candle goes not out by night. She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretches out her hand to the poor; yes, she reaches forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes fine linen, and sells it; and delivers girdles to the merchant. Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looks well to the ways of her household, and eats not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all. Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
As a queen through Christ living a virtuous life, I can no longer do the things that I use to do. You won't catch me out in the club every weekend(unless it is for modeling purposes to make money...) You won't catch me drinking until I black out.
I still have a lot of life lessons to learn in my life. But now I'm learning different lessons because I'm on a different track level, so to speak. Before my lessons were about living right and doing right. But now they are about hearing God and being obedient to his commands and following the path that he has for my life.
I'm not going to lie and say that it is easy to stay above mediocrity. Sometimes I get tired of being in my "castle of excellence" all by myself. I want to invite some of my old "party" friends up, so we can throw a party! party! party! But, the truth is I can't because if I do I might invite some unwanted attention aka: negative spirits.  
When you start living a virtuous life, God changes you in all areas of your life. You slowly stop curing, sense of entitlement diminishes, you walk with confidence, you speak with intelligence. You carry yourself as royalty, not by your own standards but by Gods. 
People think that I'm "snobby" because I don't act like a tacky loose woman. Men think that I'm "high maintenance" because I actually have something called: self respect.
When they try to spit their game or coax me into doing something that I know is wrong... I tell them NO and I give them a look that would rip the skin off a ghost. A man of God can recognize a woman of God. Light will recognize light. But also just because a man is a man of God does not necessarily mean that he walks with the mind of Christ.
That's the part that people forget. Just because people say that you are woman/man of God does not mean that you walk and are active in walking in the mind of Christ.
So you can praise God all you want, but if you have a rotten heart it won't do you any good.
But anyway...
I never expected to be a queen through Christ trying to live virtuously. I just thought I would learn about God and go back to church and call it a day... but God had something else in mind for me. He wants me to lead and in order for me to do that I have to live a life that is like Christ, so that I won't misrepresent him when I teach other young woman how they should live too. But only if they want to get closer to Gods unconditional love and truth.