Saturday, November 29, 2014

Do You Really Want To Be In A Relationship (part 2)

I don't think a woman should have to lower or hide her intelligence and strength just to make a man feel like a man. He should already be confident in who God made him and he should already have his life in order or be working really hard to get it in order. 

In the past, I put up with a variety of interesting men characters! 

I don't do a lot of socializing in real life. I tend to save my breath for people who actually want to make a change in their life and or learn something new. But, the behavior of men folk nowadays is so predictable that I don't find it fun anymore to even "play the game" anymore.

Do You Really Want To Be In A Relationship? (part 1)

So, far in my experiences I'm learning that the majority of people don't like to "address the issues" and or "talk about it." I use to be a person that just swept reality under the rug and expected it to just disappear or get better on its' own.

But, oh! how naive!

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

The Forever. The Always. The Evolving. (Part 1)

I'm in a different place. The months are moving by so fast, that I barely have time to even blow my nose before the next big "wtf" hits me. If another big "wtf" is about to hit me, at least let it be glamorous and fun. 
The job I had took a lot of my time and attention for about four and a half months. I'm not a big fan of getting up early in the morning, but I did because I knew that the money would help me support my modeling career. 

I love fashion, modeling, style and beauty. When there are opportunities for it I certainly want to be seen. I'm frustrated because I feel like I should be further along in life than I am. I feel like I should be on TV, have a record deal, and or be on the cover of one of the top magainzes in the world. 

Something has to change. 

My love life is wonderful! He treats me like a princess. He is very attentive, thoughtful and patient. Yet, there is something missing from my life. I miss the thrill and the passion behind setting up a shoot, or preparing to walk the runway. I was born to be infront of the camera, yet I'm always so far from it. 

I hate to be bored. If, I feel like my life is getting "stale" I do something, change my hair, do a new makeup style, get a new design on my nails etc just so I can stay free from the monotony that could be my life, if I don't make a conscious effort to fight for diversity. 

I watch shows like HouseofDVF and I think to myself, I hope those girls realize how blessed they are to have the opportunity to be around one of the top designers in the world. 

I'm still waiting for my "glory" moment, when everything just falls into place for my life. When I have a car, a house, a fun, stable permanent job and my modeling career is evolving. 

At this time in my life, I'm not looking to settle down and be a stay at home wife or mother. To those who love being a stay at home, that is wonderful and more power to those women. But, as for me, I want to travel, adventure and passion. I want to do the unthinkable and be challenged by the greatest. To win or lose would be an adventure in itself. I just want to move forward because I know that there is more to life for me. 

Reflection: Virginia (Life, Love and Christianity) (Part 2)

When you go from one extreme to the other, from not thinking that much about God to thinking and passionately sharing everything you know and learn about God with everyone who is willing to listen. 

You tend to look at yourself and everyone around you differently...

As I said in the first blog, this time last year I was praying to go home. The strange thing, that all my prayers did nothing because when God was ready for me to go home everything lined up perfectly... 

I tried to go home about fifteen different times, prior to actually leaving. 

So that is safe to say, you can pray all you want, but if what you ask for does not line up with the will of GOD, it will not happen. 

So, I learned to live realistically. No more hopeless romantic. No more giving people the benefit of the doubt. Everyone has an agenda. "Everyone lies."  

I use to think that if I loved enough, treated people with kindness and respect that good karma would always follow me. I made it my best effort to "live to be a blessing" only to have my love and efforts stepped on. 

So, if you ask me if I believe that a man and woman can love one another unconditionally. The answer is NO. Anytime you want someone to "be with you" you will always compromise some part of yourself to "keep" them. It is inevitable. 

When I became realistic about my walk with God, I started to feel more powerful. You see, in VA I had a lot of fun praising God. But I praised him from a fractured place. A place where, if I didn't focus my attention and time only on God I would have lost my mind. 

I use to be preachy the way most of the people I know are becoming. I use to tell people that God is so good. Well, since He is why don't you go find out just how GOOD GOD is? 

During that time, I tried to start a business that failed miserably. I started the business while I was in VA because I thought it would be a quick way to make enough money to pay my rent at the time. But, as soon as I started to get things going tragedy hit and the young man that introduced me to the business died of a blood clot to his heart. 

I never met the young man in real life, but we were pen pals since college. Always encouraging one another to be and do better in life. I never had a friend pass away. The fact that he was my friend opened my eyes to see just how cruel this world is. He left behind his little girl and a whole town of people who loved and respected him dearly. Bless his soul. He always tried to help when he could. 

He was an excellent listener.

Reflection: VA (Life, Love and Christianity) (Part 1)

Imagine if Mary Poppins was a warrior chick instead of a smiling, singing, umbrella flying nanny...

I'm not like Mary Poppins or Plain Jane.

This time last year, I was stuck in Virginia, praying that I would go home. It was one of the most traumatic experiences in my life. To be stuck somewhere, where you don't know anyone and where no one can give you the answers you seek. 

I reflect often because I never want to forget where I was, to where God has me now.