Friday, August 23, 2013

Somewhere I Belong: The Light At The End of The Tunnel


I haven't been able to get good sleep for the last three days. My back hurts. I feel like my rib cage got kicked in. My body aches all over, but there is still a smile on my face. God is too awesome not to praise.
 They finally place me where they thought I would be the best fit out of all the schools and daycares. I will be working with the pre-k class, possibly the K's and the first graders too. There is a lot to do, so I won't ever get bored. 

I haven't been able to eat like I should, because I have been so worried about finding a place to stay. Before, it was finding a job. Now that I have a job and even more opportunities for jobs are pouring in, I just need a place to put my stuff and rest my head at night. 

I'm really trying to hard to get things off the ground, the right way. There are many things that I could do, to get myself out of this situation but I know that they would be displeasing to God and they would probably bring a lot of unneeded drama in my life. Yes, I need money, but selling my soul to the devil or being disobedient to God is not worth it to me. I have come so far, from where I use to be spiritually. 

My boyfriend, his family and their church family have all been a really big help. I could not have gotten this far without their encouragement, patience and most of all love. 

See, my boyfriend was given Gods favor. He is wise, patient, kind, understanding, humble and meek, His gift of discernment is off the map and overall he is just a really awesome strong man of God. I don't normally put too much attention on men, because in the past I have been done so wrong by them that in my pain I was too broken to see their good qualities. But, I am whole in God. I am loved by Jesus Christ. I am whole by the Father, the son and the holy spirit. 

There have been so many tears on this journey. I pretty much cried every single day. When one thing was going good another thing was falling apart, but GOD! OH! BUT GOD! He turned it around for his glory! He sent his angels to wipe my tears, to comfort me to protect me

I don't know why God put my boyfriend and I together, but I do know that I feel safe and I feel more love than I could ever imagine. Not only from him, but from his loving parents, his bestfriend and his church family. He shared his world with me and his support team. Each time I have asked for his help he has always been there and in my prayers I asked God each time to give him back tenfold in blessings for what he has not only given to me, but also for what he has given to others.

I never expected to be here in the first place. I didn't think my walk with Christ would lead me here. But since, I have been here I have been able to make some awesome new friends, minister to new faces and pray over and with people. 

I can honestly say that I'am truly a warrior for Gods love and or a gladiator for Christ. Before, I would always talk about it, but now I am actually living the life of one. There are days when I am tired and all I want to do is just go hide in a cave, but whenever I feel that way my boyfriend shows up or sends me a text to put a smile on my face to help me get through. I am truly blessed to know this young man. I never thought it was possible for any man to care about me so much or even love me at all. 

So, I'm not exactly where I want to be yet. But I know that God is opening doors as I type this for me to get to where he needs me to be. I still want to model and sing! Those are two of my biggest passions. But more than that I'm praying for stability in general in my life. I'm so tired of moving around, getting dropped off here, needing someone to pick me up and take me there. I just can't wait to get my own car and have my own place. So I can finally start doing my own thing again. But, God is working. God is moving. And everything will happen on his time. Not mine. 

God needs me to be here, for what exact reason I don't know. But, I'm sure he will let me know in due time.            

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Somewhere I Belong: Something To live For (Week 3 day 2)

Sometimes when the tears are on the brink of falling, yet they do not, the only thing you can do is write. There are moments when I'm tempted to do something etremely out of my character and random just to get out of this "hole" that I'm in. But I know that if I open that door. There is a chance that God could take his hands off of me and I will no longer be under his protection. Right now, I'm not where I want to be. I need a job that pays all my bills and some, I need a new car and I need a house. Yet, even though I don't want those things right now I feel safe with all the new faces that I met. They don't know me very well, but they still extend their kindness.