Wednesday, October 23, 2013

New Heights: Rising of the Queen, Marriage & Reflections

The truth is that since I have been here, I have learned a lot more about friendships. Sometimes you meet people who truly care about your life and want to see you do well in life. In other cases you learn about people only to find that the only reason they are your friend is because they want to be "nosy" and have all the private details into your life. 

The sad thing is, that often times it is the people that you trust the most that end up stabbing you in the back or end up being more concerned about being "nosy" than about being a real friend. 

People change every single day, but how they change is what you have to look out for...

God called me to rise to a queen, many months ago, but I did not listen because I still wanted to do what I wanted to do. In that time it was told to me that if I let his person go, that I would have a car (a new car), but because I was being disobedient to the Will of God not only did I not get the car, but the friendship that I desperately tried to hold onto got worse and worse by the day. 

I realize now, that as I knew I would, that I have surpassed them in level. God had to cut me from their life because it was time for God to move me to the next level. It was a painful process, but it had to be done or else I would have been stuck trying to "save" them when it was clear that they did not want to be saved. They liked rolling around in their mediocrity. Hanging onto the past and then it hit me, the more I wished for them to come back into my life, the more I was just like them... 

When I was with them they had an ex wife that they continued to speak regardless of how I felt or what I thought. The question that I asked is, "how can you open a new door when you haven't closed the old one?" And that's because they didn't want to. When a man is still in love with his past it is impossible for him to see any blessing or new opportunity for growth in his own life. It was strange to me, how I was sent to stand beside him during his unexpected event, pray with and over him daily and yet, he still didn't get it. In order for you to go to new heights with God you have to cut off all the things that are not like him or all the people who are not trying to aspire to get closer to Gods' love. 

Everyone told him that he should do this, but he did not listen. And thus it made situation worse between he and I. I would have gladly been able to be friends, once I got over the emotions of the entire situation. But what I could not understand is how do you let your faith dip so low that you allow it to also change your character? When things are chaotic in your life that is when you need to get on your knees and pray to God every single day, read your word and fast and give your entire attention to God. Not playing video games and not talking to those who have no genuine interest in seeing you grow in your walk with Christ. 

Then you become indifferent and uncaring toward one of the people who actually cared that you even had a walk with Christ to being with.... wow. If that's what a "friend" is these days then I don't even want one. 

The other thing is loyalty... 

When he and I were doing good, then everyone seemed to be on board. Such a cute couple! So happy for you! But behind all the smiles and all the comments on fb, I really had more haters than ever before and sadly they were church going folks, always ready to help and always ready to praise God... sure your praise for God might be authentic but your friendship toward me is FAKE. 

There are a lot of things in this world that I are fake. Wigs, nails, eyelashes, etc but out of all the things that there are to be fake about, why be fake about the one serious thing... your walk with Christ? That's not a joke. It is not something to mess around with. 

I noticed that the majority of the young people I meet here seem to be stuck in this "mommy and daddy come to my rescue" mentality. They don't know how to get out there and do for themselves because their parents are always picking them up every time they fall and scrape their knee. That's why you have grown men almost 30 say things like, "I don't want the pressure" or "It is too much responsibility..." 

God has moved me very quickly. I told them that they could think of me as their "guardian angel" because once I saw them with my spiritual eyes and once I felt God elevating me to the next level, I could no longer pretend that I was happy with the way things were anyway. 

I saw him as so much more and he saw himself as average. Just because things go wrong in your life does not mean that you are still not a "kings kid." You still belong to God. You are still a child of God no matter what situation you find yourself in. 

But, what really did it for me and truly opened my eyes. Is that instead of him wanting to get closer to God for himself, he rejected the love of God in me and rejected everything that God was cleaning up and doing in my life... and that's when I knew that it was time to go. 

He made a choice to choose the world and all the worldly things over rising with me to get closer to GOD and to learn more about GOD. Yes, we could have been a very powerful couple through Christ, my god family thought so too. And those who were genuine and truly supported our relationship said the same thing. But... no. They chose to stay and fester in their old memories, in their old pains, in their old life and I was ready to step into something new.... 

I can't make any man rise to the level that I am at right now. I also know that God will take me further. A man has to make a conscious effort to want to get closer to God for himself. I thought by being in his life that he would be able to see God clean me up and to see how God strengthened. I thought that would inspire hi to seek God more for himself. But, while I was with him it only brought out the spirit of jealousy and envy. His arrogance and pride. It made me very sad... It hurt me very much... because I knew that, that wasn't really his true nature. But because he had no desire to fight against those negative spirits or feelings every thing fell apart...

I don't have any regrets about coming here, because everything that happen has lead me to the man that I am going to marry soon. Yes, there was a lot of pain and confusion but after I gave it all to GOD, and released it. Then GOD opened the door for me to have what HE (GOD) wanted me to have. 

I'll never forget the learning experience, but I certainly won't dwell on what could have been... To God be the glory.  

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