Revenge is not something I recommend people get into or even think about. The more you think about that negative spirit. The more you feed it. The more you bring it to life.
I wanted my ex boyfriend to suffer for what he did. For how he acted. For the promises he made that he did not keep. For his lack of care and concern for my suffering during that time. My loneliness and most of all my almost tragic downward spiral to a place called: emptiness.
He laughed while I cried. He ignored my cries for help. He threw everything away because he made a promise that he could not keep. I was in love. I didn't not expect to be. For, the first time in a very long time I thought I met a man who could match my spiritual strength level. We all fall short of a the glory...yes, that is true. But there are some of us that stay down, throw away always of Gods' lessons, blessings and gifts just so we can climb back up a ladder using our own strength. Then there are others of us, who stay down and wait for God to lift us back up again.
I know the difference between the two now.
The only solid reason I went to VA was because I had a ready job. It was all set. All I had to do was go at the right time. But instead I went a whole month ahead of schedule. I don't know if my relationship could have been save, had a waited but... I do know that I still would have met the same people. I never meet people for no reason.
There was a point when we did care about one another. There was a point when he was exactly the man that reflected the strength and love of God. There was a point when he was strong enough to have "my back" on the spiritual battlefield.
But... I do believe, that the timing was off. There were so many things out of order. I do believe that that he realized that he wasn't strong enough in his spirit to stand with me on the spiritual battlefield. Instead of him sticking it out and waiting to see if things got better, he gave up on me in the middle of one of the biggest transitions. I could have made things work in VA, not just for myself but for my family too. I would have been able to bless their lives by sending money back to them, to help pay bills, take care of the baby and make sure that everything stayed up to date and working properly.
But, when he gave up on me he didn't consider that it would not only affect me but my family to and that's the part that I wanted revenge for. I have faced worse hurt than what he gave and much worse cruelty, but to affect my family in the process and not care takes the cake for me.
I don't wish ill will on anyone, but I do pray that he learns to not treat the next woman he dates with disrespect nor cruelty. I also pray that he thinks about how his actions or lack thereof affect the lives of other people. Just as he makes promises to others and breaks them, he will find that others will do that to him.
You receive back, what you put out. I
It is not my place to judge his punishment. Maybe, he and his family think that he has gotten away with injustice and cruelty, but if it is in Gods' will for him to know suffering (the way I did) then so shall it be done.
Christians always want to pray for good things to happen to them when they of course do good, but no one wants to take responsibility for their actions when they do wrong. Chastisement comes in many forms. And I hope that they (those who know of or knew of the injustice) don't think that they are going to get away with being aware of the cruelty and the "situation" and standing around and doing nothing. "Its not our job to do anything..." said one Christian. Then you don't know your bible or God as well as you thought you did.
This is the last time I'm going to write about my adventures in VA. I'm starting a new chapter in my life, because I want the things that God has for me. I'm surprised that I haven't deleted my VA memories. Why do I keep them around? Because they remind that, when the devil used the man that I loved and cared about against me my heart broke, but I did not die.
There is still more to learn. There are still victories to celebrate.