My family really doesn't need me that much right now, anyway. My grandmother is taken care of. She has her little back. Food. A roof over of her head. It may not be her "dream" place but at least she has her independence. That is what she really wants to maintain.
The aunt that I lived with for some years, finally has made peace with the choice her daughter made. My aunt is a grandmother. I don't think that she could be any happier, at this point in her life. I never seen my aunt have such a soft side. When I grew up with her she was straight military (considering she was in the navy for who knows how long lol). Also, the mother daughter bond that she has with her daughter is so much closer. That is another thing that I prayed for, for my aunts life, outside of peace in her heart mind soul and spirit. But, like I said God can clean up anyone for his glory....
I need my boyfriend to know that I'm not a quitter. Sometimes it may look like, I'm about to "throw in the towel" but no matter how much I want to say "forget it all!" God always reminds me that this life is not my own and that there are many more of his children that need his love in me. I can't give up now, especially when God is using this life to be a blessing to other people. I may not have a lot of cash to bless people with. But I do have time, two ears to listen and a warm friendly smile that can out shine the sun. I don't have much to give nor offer except for the love of God in me, at this point in my life.
Anyone who knows me knows that I'm dedicated and loyal to the people that I allow to get past my "defense system." Classic example: my bestfriend. He was coming out of a bad time and no matter what he said or how horrible, hateful and nasty to me he was I still stuck by his side. I ultimately wanted to show him what the love of God can do, but before I could recognize that I had to ask God to clean up all the way and mold me into a woman that he can use only for his (God) glory.
And So it was.
When you care about someone you don't just leave them to struggle in the world alone, unless you see that they have no want or desire to help themselves. I don't give up on my team. If I can't encourage them properly then I go find a picture, scripture, etc that can. If I don't have the write words then I pray and ask God to fill my spirit with the right words to say.
I'm not a quitter. I don't give up on people, unless they give up on themselves. Yet, even then I still go up to bat for them because I don't like to see anyone miserable and suffering. Yes, I took some of the "beatings" for my bestfriend. He wouldn't be my bestfriend if I had not. He may not remember any of who I am nor what I stood for, but I pray that he remembers the love of God in me and that when he shares his testimony, he reminds people of that part to full extent because that's who God created me to be:
A love of life, song and people. Passionately on fire for Gods love.