Saturday, August 10, 2013

Somewhere I Belong: Truth, Beauty, Intelligence, Power

People have to know that I don't go around saying things that are not true. I tap into the gift of discernment on a regular basis, that's how I know, that I know, that I know. If, I tell you that you are a sweet person. It is because that is the type of spirit that you are projecting in that moment. It does not mean that you will always carry that type of spirit though. 

Some people get offended and say, "YOU Don't KNOW ME!!!" Screaming obscenities, tacky and ridiculous. I don't have to "know" anyone to know what kind of spirit is on them. But, you can only access that gift if you are in a connection with God. 

I have officially been here for a week and the only thing that has changed is that I have consistent and wonderful love in my life. My boyfriend has been very patient, understanding and super helpful. I would say that most people would not have given up on me by now. They would have assumed that because things are not happen fast enough, according to how they think things should go, that nothing is happening in my life at all. But that isn't true. God is working behind the scenes, setting things up and moving other things to the side. 

I have been on 3 main interviews. The idea was for me to come here and immediate start working at a daycare up here. But after I prayed, mediated for awhile. The conviction came and being honest was and still the best policy. I really do have a passion for children, but I think I would rather work with children at church. So, that way I can get more practice. I still believe that it is my calling to be a teaching, but I think It is my calling to be a Sunday School Teacher. If, all I had to do was teach about the bible I know that I would be happy with that. I already have lesson plans started. 

The people that I have met so far here, have been extremely warm and friendly. I haven't had any complaints nor hateful comments hurled my way. I do get some odd looks though. Like people just can't believe that I exist or something, but when God blesses you with the gift of stunning beauty, that is to be expected. 

The interviews I had yesterday, were good but somewhat disappointing, because the first one was in a house. I was all dressed up in all black attire, ready to meet a guy with a business suit on and a briefcase. Then I find a gentleman in sneakers and a t-shirt. *sigh* 

The second interview was "too much information" at once. I live to be honest, so if I feel a certain way I'm not going to bit my tongue. I know what something does not feel right. I'm very self aware of my emotions and how I impact my surroundings too. I adored the daycare. I was really hoping that I would fit there because the establishment is small. The teaching aspect would not be hard because they have all the lessons in a giant binder and all you have to do is read it or make copies of it and then find a way to teach what the lesson plan says. Very easy. Yet, when people talk to me like I'm a child or like I'm incompetent it makes me uneasy. They assume that just because I dress up and like to look nice daily, that I'm not going to be able to "do work" aka: "get my hands dirty." 

I need to meet people who are of the elite. People who value intelligence, beauty, wit, charm, organization and attention to detail. Where are the people who attend conventions, seminars etc? I want to be at the top where the best of the best run. If, that means I have to move to DC alone to get myself established then that's what I'm going to do. I don't have any money left. I used it all to get here and to get basic necessities, so I'm really going to need for God to open up doors for me to walk through. 

I'm not leaving VA until I accomplish something. I'm very determined to not go crawling back to my aunt for help. If worse comes to worse I will just join the military. I know it is my very last option, but I need to do something with my life. I can't just sit around and do nothing. It frustrates me to no end that I'm even in this situation to begin with. But I honestly and strongly belief that this is a test of my faith. That this whole thing is one big giant test and if I can stayed focused on God, I know that he will bring me out of it and upgrade my life to something better. 

I never had a chance to live a luxurious life so I do want that experience. I want to be financially stable for the rest of my life and never have to worry about where I'm going to get gas money or how I'm going to pay my phone bill or even if I'm going to eat that night. 

Apart of me wants to go do something "out of the way," but I know that it would come back to bite me in the ass some way or another. That's just how my life works. I'm strongly connected to God in the sense that I don't explain to a lot of people because they wouldn't understand. Even those who have strong walks with Christ still don't give me enough Credit for the connection that I have with God. So I don't even bring it up. They think that because I'm young, that I am not FULLY AWARE, but that is where their limitations start and my opportunities begin. 

I thank God for my boyfriend, because if it wasn't for him I probably would have lost my mind and given up on this walk all together. I know, what a cowardly thing to do. How weak of me to be dependent on anyone, right? But the truth is that I needed someone who could devote time to just me, someone who was (still is) stronger in their walk with Christ than I am. Someone who would encourage me to live a holy, virtuous life and be obedient to the Will of God. 

I did not think it was possible for any man of dating interest to be stronger than I spiritually. I'm baffled why God would send me a boyfriend, before a house, car or even a job. But that is exactly how the situation came to be. I'm more than happy with my boyfriend. I'm just not happy that I don't have a job nor a car (now) or my own place. God gave me a want, before he gave me a need. 

I find that odd. That's how I know that my boyfriend was sent to me to teach me something. I'm not exactly sure what that lesson is though. But, I do know that it is one that will transform and change my life in a mighty and powerful way. 

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