1. What is his relationship with God like? Does he even have a relationship with God? Does he put and keep God first in every decision that he makes?
2. How does he treat his mother? What is his relationship with his mother like? Does he respect her? What does he say about her when he is around her and what does he say when he is not around her?
3. What is attitude toward life like? Is he always looking at all the negative things in life? Does he complain when things don't go his way? Or does he pray and trust that God will fix it?
4. Is he standing as a leader? Is he kingdom minded? Does he love God? Does he seek to sow seeds of kindness and love wherever he goes? Is he committed, consistent, constant to(in) his walk with Christ?
I can't ask my husband to be all the things that I'm not. If I want him to be a strong leader then I have to be a strong leader to. Naturally some situations are debateable but for general purposes that's how it is.
I attend a women's leadership conference, entitled: Arise. And I learned a lot from other Christian women who were both single and married. It was so nice to see so many young married Christian women. It gave me hope, that God has someone out there for me too.
But then I started thinking... I keep saying that I want the "perfect man..." but am I the "perfect woman" that he is looking for? I had to get really, real with myself about answering that question, which wasn't impossible to do.
When came to the realization of my answer I realized that in my life I had made a lot of mistakes for why I wasn't getting things done, blaming other people for this and for that. When the truth of the situation was simple: It all has to do with me. Yes, people can play a role in situations, but how I reacted to those situations, what I said, what I did, the thoughts that popped into my mind played the biggest role.
Yes, my thoughts and how I reacted to those situations played the greatest roles. If I would have approached the situations with patience, the love of Christ in my heart then many of the pains that I went through more than likely could have been avoided.
If I would have taken the time to pray more and worry less. Then right now the person I love and care about the most would probably be a speaking terms. But, in my flesh I got mad. I was selfish. I wanted things "my way or the highway." I had a bad attidue and looked at the negative in everything. Always stressing. Always worrying. Have little next to no faith in God.
Why would any man want to marry that? A worrier. A nagger. A doubter? The answer is they wouldn't. If I am to be a good wife. An excellent helpmate. I have to walk in the love, peace and truth of God daily. Not just on the days when he makes me feel loved and "special." I have to put and keep God first no matter what situations that my husband and I go through. I have to put all my faith, truth, hope and confidence in God leaning on his word; continuing to be an example of the love of God so just in case my husband is not at his best and having an off day, he can look at me and be inspired, encouraged to keep fighting against the negative.
This world is hard enough, why make it more difficult by being selfish and mean?
The truth is, that all the things that I am fully aware of now. I was vaguely famililar with. Like I saw the movie title but I did not see the preview type of deal. So, i knew that I should be sweet, nice, king and show love. But I did not know how to walk in it properly. And when I tried to do it on my own I failed miserably. What was I missing?
Answer: The word of GOD.
It is easy to say that you love someone, but DO YOU REALLY LOVE SOMEONE the way the bible (the way GOD) says you should love someone?
Do you get upset and cut them out of your life when they say something you don't like?
If you do that's not showing love. And when I thought about that, I was like "wow! That's really opposite of how God says to love...."
Do you throw a tantrum whenever someone doesn't do what you say, when you want?
If you do that's not showing love either.
Do you talk about someone's behavior during one of their off days and blog it to the whole wide world, because you don't understand the situation and you are mad at them?
If you do (and I'm guilty of doing that, had to repent and apologize asap!) then that's not showing love.
God would never blog about all the mistakes that I did and all the times that I wasn't at my very best. I choose to write about those times because my life is a testimony and every major life change that I go through I want people to see what God taught, how God changed me and how he (God) worked it all out... In other words all the glory goes back to GOD!
But, God does not favor that type of behavior. And when I realized that I did those things I had to repent immediately and apologize. Then I had to change the way I think about writing. Writing should never be a tool to cut down or destroy someone else. It should be used to encourage, support and uplift someone else at all times.
So I had to get really serious about changing. And it started with asked God to "Renew in me a clean heart and the right spirit."
In the past I would ask God to do that, but I did not fully believe that he would. So, I rebuked the doubt, fear and uncertainty and I jumped head first into the pool of Gods' promises.
I want to be the most loving, caring, supportive, dedicated, kind, gentle, meek, patient, wise, humble wife that my husband will ever be married to. I want him to see the light and love of God shine through me every day no matter what situation that life throws my way. I want him to look at me and when he feels weak, know that he can come to me and I will help him (because I'm his helpmate), through prayer, reading the word (scriptures) find God in order for him to get back to being strong in the Lord again.
I want to be so rooted in the word of God, that God will fill me with the wisdom, strength, and love to help my husband deal with any and all situations that he life may throw at him.
I want to be supportive. But most of all I want to love my husband. I us to put, keep and love God with all our heart(s) together. I want us to pray, read the bible, go to bible study, be active members in church, minister, stand as leaders, teach and share the love of God together... with those who need it the most.
But before any of that can happen I have to allow God to get me straight and in order and focused. So when God sends my husband I will already be prepared. And he and I won't have to waste time having God to do too much "clean up" in our lives. And we can get started, together, on teaching and preaching the gospels all over the world (if that is what God leads us to do).
It is not impossible, because I have God on my side. And all things are possible with God on my team.