People ask me that question, all the time and to be honest after much reflection I really don't know exactly but I have a couple of reasons.
1. I grew up in a household of strong women. There was mostly abuse in the all the relationships that the women in my family were apart of. So, an example of what a good Christian marriage looks like was never in my memory bank.
2. Most of the men that I found a pattern of me dating were always the "nice guys" and I found that the nice guys never had much of a backbone. When other dudes would come up to me and try to get "boughty boughty" because they wanted my attention, the dude I was dating would just stand there and watch him grab on me or he would "run to the car." Haha, yep...
So, from those experiences I started to just stand up for myself.
I don't have any choice but to be aggressive because the men who come into my life are not strong enough to play the masculine "aggressive" role. They get a little splinter in their finger and turn into drama kings! *ugh*
Especially Christian Men: How is he going to be the head of the household, protect his wife and children when he is throwing a tantrum, being selfish and acting like a jerk? Nor can he be the king with the attitude and behavior of a joker. Always laughing because everything is so funny. Better to make a joke about it and sweep it under the rug than actually deal with the problem. And God wants me to submit to that? *UGH*
Then when the "nice guys" would start showing their true colors. I started to get pissed. Not only could not stand up for me, but they were always treating me like crap because they were too weak to stand up to the man who made them cower with their tail between their legs. Wow!
Thanks. So much for showing that you love me (insert sarcasm).
Most of the men I meet just don't have a backbone strong enough for me. They always claim that they can "handle me." But as soon as something goes wrong then they start throwing a tantrum... "I just want my space back..." DUDE! your a grown man and you are whining because you have to share your space. WOW. get real.
I'm sorry, but I'm just telling it like it is. Too weak, too immature. If I wanted to raise a boy into a man, I would just ask God to bless my womb with a son. But, since I'm not in a position to properly take care of children. I shouldn't be training and grown adult male how to be a man.
I mean dang my dead great great great great great, ancient bones grandpa has more backbone in his pinky then most of these guys out here! Its pathetic.
Every time they get into a bind, they always run to mommy and daddy to put a band-aid on it. Dude! Its life. Suck it up! Got a scrape on their knee and now they need a flinstones band-aid and a lollipop to make them feel better. Instead of them facing the issues head on they either:
1. Bury themselves into video games, work, food or hanging out with the boys.
2. Throw tantrums
3. Distance themselves entirely from the situation
What makes it even worse are meeting men who claim to be CHRISTIAN and flaunting around their bold faith, confidence and trust in God and then when one horrible thing happens all of that goes straight out the way. How are you going to be a KING, but you acting like a joker? DUDE get real!
That's why men don't like me because I tell me what the real is and I don't bite my tongue for anyone. Yes, I can be sweet but when it comes to how a real man should act (especially a Christian man) please don't get me started or we will be at that converstation all day and I will start PREACHING!
And of course other women always think its "no big deal" until it happens to them. What if you came home one day and your husband had his bags packed and was ready to walk out the door? Or he started hanging out with his home boys all the time?
None of the relationships that I have had, except one were that deep but the examples are still the same. The distance. The rejection. The confusion all lead to hurt. And if he was any of kind of man and really loved you, he would just talk to you about it. Or if there were any apologizing that needed to be done. He would just admit that he was a selfish jerk, apologize and move on. Not through a text message, but to your face. Like a real man should.
Too many boys trying to fill their daddies shoes way before their time. You don't even have chest hair yet and you trying to "run the show" BOY! Please get your life in check!
But... on the other side. I do have that hope. That God hears my prayers about what type of husband I want. Because the one thing that is an absolute requirement is for my husband to have a strong backbone. To be able to stand up for himself and for his loved ones.
I won't submit to a man who is a punk. If he is a punk then he will raise my sons to be punks too. And what good will that do on the spiritual battlefield? NONE