Thursday, January 2, 2014

Missing My Grandma: Welcome To The Party You Never Showed Up For

I feel very alone. I miss my grandmother very much, but each time I try to go back home something always happens to where I never can make it there. 

This is my situation: 

1. The person who brought me here abandon me. 
2. I'm stuck in a place where I don't really know anyone. 
3. I don't have any of my family nor friends here. 
4. I don't have a car to get to the places that I need to go. 
5. This is my first time being out on my own like this. 
6. I need a lot of support and encouragement
7. The person who brought me here stopped supporting and encouraging me. 

If you look at those 7 things, the first thing you might think is, "dang that's messed up!" Trust me every person that I share this part of my testimony with, says the same thing. There is no way around it. There is no way to put a pretty bow on it and make it look nice. 

But, what is worse is that the people who swear up and down that they love God, well they knew about them doing me dirty and did nothing about it. They sat back and watched them treat me bad. 

They laughed. They made jokes at my expense. The entire time while they were doing this, I was steadily praying for them, so that their situation could be made right. And lo' and behold not much longer after they were re-united with the love of their life, while I was losing mine. 

I tried to tell people in my new "Christian family" about what was going on and they would just sweep it under the rug and laugh it off like it was no big deal. They would have felt really bad if a suicidal spirit jumped on me and took me under and I ended up killing myself. But to God be the glory for giving me the strength to overcome. To God be the glory for sending "spiritual parents" to guide me to scriptures that were able to feed my spirit to keep me from being overtaken by negative spirits. 

When I tell you that the spiritual battlefield is real. 
I mean exactly what I say. 

How is it that the people you pray for, are the ones that turn their back against you? Why is it that once they are delivered from a situation that appeared to be hopeless they no longer think to care about your life? 

There is no one in this community who has a situation like mine. 
It is only by the grace and mercy of God that I am able to still fight for anything. 

They abandoned me during a very critical time when I needed their love and support the most. And now I hear that they are "happy" and doing a lot better than before. That is wonderful. I'm glad that things are finally starting to look up for them. But, I'm also sad that they don't seem to care nor acknowledge that what they did was wrong. Some would ask, "well have you acknowledged that what you did was wrong?" And the answer is yes. I know that I did not react to things perfectly, but I still made an effort. Not only did I ask God to give me the courage to apologize to their face, but when they were sick I also prayed for them, I wrote them a letter and I even congratulated them on getting a new job and going to school. But did they respond? No. 

If you ever want to know what cruelty looks like, this would be the best example. They receive none of my kindness. Its' strange that before when I was "doing the most" acting like a diva they received all of that! But, now that God has cleaned me up, focused my life, they don't want nothing to do with the cleaned up version of me. The version that they prayed God would shape me into. A more loving, kind and patient woman. 

Its Cruel to: invite someone to your city or community with promises to help them, knowing that they don't have any family in the area and then abandon them.  

The worst part is that everyone who claimed to be so Christian knew, but they did not care. "Put it in Gods' hands..." Yes, but God also gave you the power of influence so you can go to them and positive influence them to do the right thing. 

Some people were confused. Some people didn't know how I got here in the first place. So, I told them, and just like I knew they didn't have anything to say. "Why?" Because they know that what they did was wrong. Even complete strangers, atheists, Buddhists, etc  agree that they did me dirty. 

Yet, I'm finally in a place where I can type about this without anger nor bitterness behind my words. Why? Because I know that God is the ultimate judge and that if things aren't ever addressed on earth that they will be addressed before the throne of judgement. 

So either way, they will have to give an account for what they have done. But, not only them but all of us will. That's why I pushed so hard for, forgiveness. Because I know what time it is. We are in the end of the end of the end times and time is running out. The wrath of God will soon pour out over all the earth and those whose lives are not right, will receive it. At that point there will be nothing that anyone can do. 

I try to tell people, but they never listen until it is too late. 

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