You Are The Life of The (((PARTY)))

I have not been able to write in this blog in awhile.

Here are some things that are going on in my life, that I hope that someone out in the "real world" can understand...

Everyone wants to laugh (hee hee haa haa) when things are going great. It is always a fun time when the party is in motion. But, what happens when the party is over and it is time to clean up? 

How many people stick around to help you clean up the stinky beer rings on your table, floor and chairs? 

How many people stick around to help you clean up the throw up from too much drinking, the blood from the fights and organize your home back to the way it was? 

I refuse to let people come into MY LIFE and trash it with their insecurities, their failures, broken promises and lies. 

"Oh, I don't lie..." Really? Anyone who says they don't lie. Is a liar. Everyone tells a lie a some point in their life. But you should 

NEVER

EVER

EVER

EVER

EVER
LIE 

TO THE PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT

YOU

THE MOST

SO! You Want To Be A Leader???

I'm learning a lot about myself in this journey of "firsts." The only person that I can self reflect on is me. If, I want those around me change or have a more positive energy in their lives, then I have to be a source of positive energy, does that make sense? 

I know how to lead, but I don't know how to lead a team. Normally, when I put myself out there people just follow me or copy after what I want, but when I realize that they are following me then I take myself out of the spotlight and hide. 

I don't like people to copy off of me. I want everyone to be themselves and be original. But, since I'm called to reflect Christ, there is NO ME. It is only the fruit of the spirit of GOD that other people need to see me walking, talking and living in. 

Here are the fruits of the spirit: 

I think right now, I'm learning how to walk in love, peace and joy. See, I know how to lead when it comes to business, like getting a team college project done or doing a company team portfolio project! Hands down! I gotta it! Now I just have to transfer that same passionate spirit, to learning how to be about the Lords' business. 

Sometimes I let what is troubling me show on my face. In other words I don't really have a good poker face. haha When something isn't right in my spirit it will certainly show on my face! 

When people do me "dirty" and I KNOW that they did me dirty but they walk around like nothing ever happen, it will certainly show on my face. I don't like liars. I don't like cowards. 

With that said... I have to learn that everyone is at a different level in their spiritual walks. Some are on level one and others are on level 8. I also have to remember that there are also levels of maturity. As long as I stay grounded in the level of maturity that God has me at, then I know that others will eventually (after much prayer lol) rise to my level of commitment and dedication. I have learned to leave my "baggage outside the front door" before I go into choir rehearsal. I try not to bring any worries from the day into my praise and worship and or choir rehearsals. If, I do then I don't feel like my entire attention is on God. 

The 21 Day Fast Is Over: Come on God, lets go! Been here too long.

I'm ready to move on with my life. I have been here for 6 months and although, I have met some awesome people. I don't feel like I'm going to get much done here, for what I need to take care of. 
I want to go to a place where I can finally use my gifts to their maximum. I like opera and I like classical music. Those two combinations would probably bore most of the community here. 

I miss my grandmother. I miss being around the people that I can vibe with. With the people that I know love and care about me. Many here have been very kind, yes and I'm thankful for their kindness. But, its nothing like having your own family and friends to be around. A lot of these young men and women have known each other from high school or from when the church first got started. So, its awkward to still be in the group when he is not there. I feel like, an abandon pup, that lost its pack and had to tag along with another pack just to be taught how to survive etc...

I honestly, can't believe that I'm still here. I thought I would have either been home by now or moved to Alexandria or even out of the state. But, nope. I'm still here. 

I designated this journey as the: Journey of firsts, because much of what I have been exposed to and or done has been a first time experience. For example I just got done doing a 21 day D****** fast (*ugh* out of all the fasts in the bible it had to be that one, right? <insert sarcasm-why don't you pour some salt on my wounds while your at it. No better yet, just take the knife and stab me in the back in the same place where the wound is, yeah, that's more like it! It really hits the spot! More torture). 

But, that fast is over, so I'm going to make a video blog about all the things that happen to me during the fast and all the changes that I went through during it. 

Anyway: I'm in a poetic mood. I decided to put all of the poems I wrote this morning into this space, so they would all be in one location:

Revelations. Reflections. Words of Wisdom. Advice (part 1)

I seem to have the most to say between 11pm and about 6am in the morning. I don't know why those are the times that I want to talk the most. I'm different in that way. When everyone else is sleeping, I'm wide awake watching the world spin without seeing anything actually move, so to speak. 

If I couldn't write or type, I would probably die. Why do I say that? Because I don't connect much with what society thinks is cool nowadays. I don't even connect with what much of the "Christian community" is doing either. I'm in a category of my own. To understand me, you would have to suffer greatly and most of the young adults here, seem to still be children to me. They have mommies and daddies who kiss their boo boos and put band-aids on their scraped knees. 

We are adults now. Time for many of them to suck it up and walk bold for Christ. Leave the "nest" of security and go into ministry.

Forgiving "Judas" & Can Someone Else Get A Turn?

Changes. They are inevitable. You can be ready to make and be that change, all day, but if they (your family, friends, neighbors, brothers and sisters in Christ) are not ready to receive those changes in you, then the value of those changes have to be put on hold. 

Let me say this again. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes all the time, but the difference is that I self reflect, repent and then try to make the situation right. But, how can you make a situation right, if the other party is not willing to "hear" you out? 

You can't. So, that's when you put it and leave it in the hands of God. Something that I'm still learning how to do. I come from a background where I'm use to doing things for myself. I tend to be more of "lone" wolf. So to come to a community filled with so much love (for most of them the love is genuine) it really baffled me. 

Missing My Grandma: Welcome To The Party You Never Showed Up For

I feel very alone. I miss my grandmother very much, but each time I try to go back home something always happens to where I never can make it there. 

This is my situation: 

1. The person who brought me here abandon me. 

2. I'm stuck in a place where I don't really know anyone. 

3. I don't have any of my family nor friends here. 

4. I don't have a car to get to the places that I need to go. 

5. This is my first time being out on my own like this. 

6. I need a lot of support and encouragement

7. The person who brought me here stopped supporting and encouraging me. 

If you look at those 7 things, the first thing you might think is, "dang that's messed up!" Trust me every person that I share this part of my testimony with, says the same thing. There is no way around it. There is no way to put a pretty bow on it and make it look nice. 

But, what is worse is that the people who swear up and down that they love God, well they knew about them doing me dirty and did nothing about it. They sat back and watched them treat me bad. 

They laughed. They made jokes at my expense. The entire time while they were doing this, I was steadily praying for them, so that their situation could be made right. And lo' and behold not much longer after they were re-united with the love of their life, while I was losing mine. 

I tried to tell people in my new "Christian family" about what was going on and they would just sweep it under the rug and laugh it off like it was no big deal. They would have felt really bad if a suicidal spirit jumped on me and took me under and I ended up killing myself. But to God be the glory for giving me the strength to overcome. To God be the glory for sending "spiritual parents" to guide me to scriptures that were able to feed my spirit to keep me from being overtaken by negative spirits. 

When I tell you that the spiritual battlefield is real. 
I mean exactly what I say. 

Glory Be To God: Give Love To Get Love

I thank God for keeping me safe and for providing for me. Glory be to God for his mercies and grace over my life. I thank God for sending his only son to die on the cross for my sins. Without the obedience of his son and the sacrifice of God, I would not be able to have a connection with Abba Father.
                             
SO, here we are going to recap some of the most handsome and beautiful faces. God sent them to love me and to keep a smile on my face while on this journey. And I thank God for each and every one of them! And so, I dedicate this blog to their memory and to always loving them!

Hope you enjoy! I love you!
 

Beauty: Like A Double-edged Sword

I'm not one to lie or to bite my tongue. If I feel some type of way you will know because I like truth, even if it hurts. The given ability to endure during painful realizations or truths in life, is what makes me strong. I'm still here. I aint dead yet... I still have some fight left in me. And as long as I can fight, then I'm going to praise God will my heart, mind, soul, spirit and body! Praise God like I lost my mind.

I admit that this walk with Christ, is not a "walk in the park." There are days when I want to go back to my old way life. Back to the days when I felt like I was "big ballin!" Going to house parties every weekend, going to the club, having men buy me drinks and other material possessions. Whatever I wanted I could have and all I had to do was be cute and sexy. And it was mine. I still have that power, but it I chose to transform that power when I re-dedicated my life to servering God.

Yes, those days were fun. I was high on life and doing whatever I wanted to do. But, even those they may have been fun. They were also the most sloppiest and tackiest of moments in my life. But, God can transform anyone. From a slave into a Queen or King and that is what he did with me. There are still some rough edges, that God is chipping away.

It is crazy once you find a source that can fill you with intense and immense joy just from making a promise. Nothing in the world can do that, because everything in the world is temporary. People make promises everyday in the world but then they break them. Why? Because they don't care. But who does care? God. In all the mess that I have ever been in God has always opened a door for me to escape. I mean I technically should be dead right now, with all the dumb stuff I put myself in.

Even in this situation I'm in currently. It is only the mercies and grace of the Lord and joy from the holy spirit that is holding my broken heart, and sanity together. Glory be to God. Why? Because I never thought that someone who claimed to love, trust and have confidence in God could be so cruel. How do you go from talking about God, reading me scriptures and taking me to church every Sunday to not speaking to me at all? Wow, that would make anyone trying to establish a strong walk with God get discouraged and possibly backslide. But, even though they weren't walk in Truth, I chose to rise above. To go to a higher level. Not only walk in the Gods' truth, but his peace and love too. All levels are hard, because I can feel things getting easier. I trust that my breakthrough is around the corner. In the name of Jesus.
　

 

 

Christmas Eve & Christmas Day: Joy From The Holy Spirit (2)

I admit that I cried on Christmas Eve because the person who I had hope to hear from on that day, well they brought me here but they stopped caring about my life.

So, no text or call to say Merry Christmas. I sent them one but they didn't respond. And you know what, there comes a point where you just have to let people get "tired of being tired." But, when we mistreat Gods children please don't think we are going to get away with it. Moses, got mad at Gods people and hit the rock and all that time that he spent trying to get into the Promise land, all he got to do was see it. But he didn't get to go in all because he mistreated Gods people and was disobedient at the very end. But to God be the glory.
                                

Christmas Eve December 24, 2013
God blessed my life with a friend to hang out on that day. We ate fast good and watched a movie. We made jokes and talked about God. Its nice to hang out with other people who are just as passionate about God as you are.

Sometimes God will send you the people that you least expect to be the most comforting, encouraging or supportive to you. Its our choice whether we receive them as a blessing or not.


Christmas Day: December 25, 2013
I had hope that maybe they would text me and say "Merry Christmas" at the very least, since they didn't saying anything on my birthday. But they didn't do that either. They texted everyone else but not me. And you know what? "What goes around comes around" When other people start treating them the way they treat me, I hope my name and face pops into their skull. So they will realize just why they aren't in the place where they should be or why doors aren't opening fast enough for them.

You can't go around treating people, especially someone that loves you and cares about your soul salvation like crap and except God to just overflow your life with blessings. Even if you get one or two doors open, you are still going to reap the consequences of the negative seeds that you sowed. I know it, because I was on the starting and the receiving end of both situations.

Anyway, my Christmas actually turned out really awesome. Glory be to God. I got to hang out with a very loving woman of God. Who has a heart of passion and would give you the shirt off of her back if she had to. I was really depressed when she called me, but God always know just who to send. If he would have sent anyone else I would not have left my room, my depression was that deep. But, God is awesome. He knows us better than we do.

I got to meet all of her family and they are all very loving and super welcoming and kind. I felt a little bit out of place. I had never experienced so much love in my life. What I learned is that I know how to love others, but I don't know how to receive it. I also learned that the only time I give love is when someone is hurting.

At that point I felt my life take a turn. The family environment is something that I had always wanted in my own life. I never got a chance to fully experience that because God decided to take my mothers' life early and then my "dad" left my life too.

Yeah, the only part during the entire evening that got me was when all the couples were hugging and kissing and taking pictures with one another. That ol' feeling of loneliness started to creep back in. Life is cruel that way, the one thing that I want... to have someone to love, God places me right in the middle of other people being apart of a world that I have yet to plug into.

When I was in that world, I was so happy. But, I didn't seem to have much support. No one seemed to be really happy for me because at the time they were all single. Now that I'm single and they are "boo'd" up, no one cares about my pain.

I'm praying God moves me anyway or at least sends me back home though. I do thank God for sending his loving daughter into my life. He certainly equipped her to keep me "in line." *sigh* I'm just waiting for God to move me somewhere else. The people here have been very nice, but my pain is too great and living here is a constant reminder of the death of my child-like heart. Like I said before the only way I'm still breathing is because of joy from the holy spirit. Glory be to God.



 

God Wants To Bless His People: Maturity, Time To Rise

Maturity? It is not something that you can keep consciously avoiding. Especially if you are a Christian. We know right from wrong. We know that we are suppose to love our neighbors. We have a guide book, the Truth, the word of God that tells us what pleases God. Yet, even though we know what pleases God we still choose to do the opposite. We have to "rebellious" spirit to the curb in the name of Jesus. And get on one accord with what God says, so he can bless us. He wants to bless us.

Right now I'm in a place of peace. A place of complete connection and peace to God. I'm meeting new people through the start up of my business. I'm thinking like a winner. I'm learning to overcome. I'm chasing after my dreams. There are a lot of things that I want to accomplish between now and let's say 30. I do not want to be sitting around talking about the same ol' things that I am now when I reach that age.

I'm starting my own business. I'm working. I'm making new friends with professionals who are humble millionaires. Wow. They give. They support. They help. They speak life into people and that's really what many in the world need. A light in a dark place. A light of hope.

I'm learning that nothing is impossible with God on your side. Your situation may be unfavorable, but you have to look at what you do have, as oppose to what you don't have. You have to "work with whatcha got." Until God blesses you with something better.

I know that Greater is coming for me. I know that my dreams will come true. But more than my dreams coming true I know that one day (real soon, in the name of Jesus) I will be in a position to be a blessing to other people. I will be in a position to give someone a ride to church.

We need to sow seeds of kindness, during the "crushing" so that when we come out Victorious, we will have a good bountiful harvest to reap from for our celebration of our victory through Christ Jesus, who loved us before any man or women ever knew what love was. Glory be to God. Amen.

 

Love Like Christ: Missing You

Dear You,
                  
I can't explain all the changes that God is making in me, because even I don't really understand them. I have self reflected over this entire situation over and over and yet I still come to the same conclusion. That one, God is in control and two, I still and always will love you.

There is no excuse for how I acted and what I did. Although, I was honest in telling you that I'm a writer. When I write I feel free. It is the same way with my singing. You know how important me being able to sing is or at least I pray you do.

I came here thinking that we were going to be some kind of "bonnie and clyde" team. That things would move fast enough for us to finally get ourselves on our feet as individuals so we could help one another out. But, God had other plans...

When I saw that things were moving a little bit faster for me and not for you all I wanted to do is protect you. So, the money that I orignially had to go home I used to stay longer so that I could pray with you and stand by your side as you were starting to "go through the fire." I kept trying to intercede on your behalf, because I did not want to see you unhappy, miserable or sad in any way.

I thought if I asked God he would just put all your pain on me, open all new doors for you to walk through and then we could live happily ever. The end. But God had other plans...

I asked God to put your pain on me because I knew that I was strong enough to take it. But instead of doing that, he moved me away. So that only you can depend on him. It was a painful separation, since all I wanted was to help you and be there for you and stay by your side. But, the Will of God shall be done and obedience to his Will can not be denied, do you agree?

At the time I was still "fresh." In other words all the things that I know now I did not fully understand nor walk in then. Instead of giving everything over to God, I tried to take it on myself and in my flesh I hurt you and I failed at walking in the love of Christ. It hurt me just as equally to think about how I hurt you, as well as being seperated from you.

I miss you every day. I live about five minutes away from you, just in case you did not know. I always pray that you will stop by and visit me. I wonder if you have forgotten me or not.

I can not go back in the past and fix the things that I have said or done nor take them back. I had the chance to apologize to your face and even though I couldn't see your eyes I prayed silently that you understood. But, I could tell that you were still angry and that I was still hurt. I wanted so much to hug you and say "I'm sorry" I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I love you. I'm sorry. Over and over again, so that you would never forget how thankful I am to GOD for sending you to help me get closer to God.

If it had not been for you caring enough about me to help me, then I would not have been able to come to a place where I can get strong in my walk with Christ and learn more about the word of God and praise God as passionately as I do now.

I was stupid in love when I came here. I was set on taking care of you, because I'm happier when I get to take care of someone else. But when I stopped to think about it, I couldn't even take care of myself, so how could I help you? It killed me not to be able to help you as I wanted to. The more you pulled away, the more painful it was. I tried so hard to do my best to help you with what I had, but it did not seem to be enough for you. The more I loved you, the more violently you acted. Until one day you shut down on me all together. And when I needed you the most, you were nowhere to be found. When I needed you to pray with me you disappeared.

We went from praying with one another almost every night, talking about God, going to church together... to now we don't even speak. Like I said, I can't take back what I have done but I can learn from my mistakes and make sure that I do things differently next time. I'm always praying that God will send you back into my life, as I met you, fully trusting and confident in God, wise, humble, patient and kind... so that I can get a chance to love you the right way, clothed in my right mind, patient and fully walking in the love of Christ.

Agape Love is the only love that will out last all of this. The love of God is unconditional. Never changing. Constant and that is the only love that I ever want to share with you. And when I get that chance again I will hold in my arms and just thank God for who he is, for the second chance and for your life.  

 



The Love, Beauty and Power of GOD: A life of Adventure

I feel like a queen without her castle/kingdom. I feel like I took a journey away from my kingdom to go do business in another kingdom. I know that God has called me to do something great. I know that he is molding me for greater. Preparing me to be equipped and handle the absolute best that he has just for me. I'm ready to go to he next level and nothing and no one is going to stand in my way from getting what God has for me. I tried to include other people in my blessings, but then they got jealous and weak in their spirit and let the devil control them. I don't need any weaklings on my team. 

That's why I asked God to send me his strongest warriors. Not just the strongest, but the strongest of the strong. Each day is a spiritual battle and those who don't believe that are foolish. The enemy is constantly trying to put doubt in your mind or turn you away fro GOD. So you have to fight for your sanity! 

When God Sends You Love: Pictures, Reflections, Joyous memories

 I can not change who God is molding me to be. I rejected it and ran from his call more than I care to admit and now that I am finally ready to walk in Gods' truth, peace and unconditional love. I now must seek him wholeheartedly. I am not better than anyone else, just because I wear pearls on my head or dress up like I'm going to a military ball. Nope. I'm still the same Jalysa. That likes fried rice and watches dragonball Z. The only changes are the ones that God is making in me. He is cleaning me up for his glory and it is long overdue. Thank you Abba, Father for accepting me back into your grace.

The Love, The Strength, The "Light" of God In You

Her name is Lyite and before I came to VA I knew that she and I would be good friends. She saw the anointing and light in me before anyone else did. She encouraged me to seek after God.
                                     
And even when I came here, and he, the man I love, released me to the vultures and lecherous beasts of the world without an explaination. God gave her the strength to nurse me back to life...

I could not speak. I knew that I had a spirit of depression on me was so strong. I was suffocating in my own pain, drowning in my own sorrow. God, sent her at just the right time. He is always on time and thank God for sending her to rescue me that night or else I would not be alive to tell this story. Yes, that's how strong it was... strong enough to make me forget all about loving Gods people. Strong enough to make me forget about everything...

I knew that she was tired of listening to me speak about why he broke up with me. I wanted answers. I knew she had them, but she wouldn't tell me. Why? Because there was no answer to give. She knew that there was no anwer that she could give to make me feel better again. So she sat and listened to me, over and over asking the same questions and crying over the same conclusions of: I don' t know. All over again.

When people first meet me, they are so exicted to be in my life. But, once they find out that I am not superwoman and that I carry human qualities then they start to judge and criticize my life. I bleed red blood just like you or anyone else for that matter.

Even when I had a spirit of haughtiness on me she still was patient and still showed love. There were multiple times when she could have turned her back on me. But even when I was at my lowest of lows she still gave me a hug and told me that she loved me.

The first youth explosion was the first event that she and I were together in. My soul was still heavy from greif of feeling abandoned and empty and alone. Like my bestfriend had died... but I still praised and prayed to God with what was left of my heart. I felt so bad that I could not give God all of my heart, but it was still broken at that time.

The pastor did an altar call and she and I both went up there together. I poured out my entire heart that night before the altar. So much pain, so much confusion. I wanted to lay there and die. I was so tempted, because I couldn't understand why a man would go through all of that trouble, come visit me and help me if he did not intend to stay in my life... make all these promises. Even introduce me to your family and then dump on the side of the road like I don't mean anything... Then the worst part is that I had to live with him for a short time after. I had to live with his cold shoulder, rolling eyes and immaturity. I had to live with him being indifferent to my life and treating me like a puppy. When I was out in the world, drinking and cursing he thought I was beautiful. Told me that I had to go to church every single day, stop drinking and stop cursing and now that I am finally more cleaned up and truly seeking after God, he doesn't want anything to do with my life?

No one will ever know... how painful that entire situation was. And yet, I heard everyone tell me "get over it" "move on" and it took every fiber of my being not to really go back to my old, old, old ways.

But, even when some were against me she still was patient with me. We prayed together. Then on my own I prayed just for her and her situation. And it did not surprise me that her situation got so much better and mine got so much worse.

That's how that works, when I pray for other people things happen quickly in their life and they get what they need and want.

Then her time with me became less and less and I was forced to rely more on my blogs to help me through the "uncomfortable" situation.

Then there came a point when even she got tired of my pain and she told me the very same things that everyone else against me had been saying, "just move on." So, how would you feel if you were in a state where the only person that you trusted and thought had your back treated you like crap and then cut you off from their life?

But people never truly care about what you are going through until they are going throug the exact same thing.

I accepted her words and I did not hold a grudge against her, because I knew that she was at a different place. That God had used her to be a comfort in my life and now he was moving her away.

And I cried so much, because I needed someone to understand my pain, my loneliness, my fear... but even in my pain I told God thank you for fixing her situation and put a smile back on her face.

I never met someone, other than my god family, and grandmother, who had the courage to look me in the eyes and tell me the truth about my eyes. Not attacking my character but attacking the spirit of my character.

There was a point where the 3 of us he, her and I hung out. And it was so awkward, because he acted like nothing happen and everyone was trying to act like he didn't just break up with me.

It pissed me off. So I made it worse on purpose. If I'm going to feel uncomfortable then we all are going to feel uncomfortable. It wasn't the best way to go about it... and I can not change the past. But I did apologize to her for my behavior that night.

The thing about it is, that she doesn't know me from two cans of paint. She watched one or two of my videos. Saw a couple of my pictures and instantly we were friends. But, we were closer friends when he and I were together. But, now that he decided that my life wasn't worth protecting it appears that her attention has falter somewhat too... not only becaus of that though, but also because she has a ministry that she has to get started. And she is doing more work for God and spending time with her "family." When I see her and her family together. I light up because it reminds me that prayers really do work. But, I admit that a little piece of me dies because I did all that praying only to end up alone. I shouldn't think that way, but that is always the pattern for some reason.

Every man I meet, promises that they can handle me. The only difference between this situation and the others is that he said he was a Christian. I never dated a Christian before. I don't know why I thought that dating a Christian would be any different. But now I know that Christian, atheist, buddist it doesn't matter all men who don't truly have confidence and trust in God are the same.

Anyway, I thank God for using her to nurse my spirit back to health. I also thank God that he gave her the strength to match me during the times when my flesh was wildly out of control.

I honestly, don't know why I'm still in VA but every time I try to leave something happens. So, I told myself that I would wait a week and see what God had in store. I really like the area. I really like souls4real. I really like New Beginnings Christian Church. But what I don't like, is living in the same town with the man that use to pray with me and encourage me to seek God, but now doesn't even care if I'm alive or dead...

It hurts, but God is taking care of it...

 

 

Willfulness & Self Control: The Greatest Gift Given to Us

Is Gods love

Each person, has Gods love in them. Whether they access that love is a part of free will.

When you tap into that Love, you also have access to others who love the way you do.

The gift is powerful.

The love is great.

The connection is wrapped in Gods peace.

That no man, situation, lust of flesh can break. 

This body is not our own. We are only borrowing it while we are earth. The biggest problem I faced in the past is that I wanted to act in my own will and not Gods. During the times when I did, God showed me is wrath and also his grace. Yet, even when I went through because of disobedience God still showed that he loved me, by maintain a peace through the situation. 

God is everywhere, so pray everywhere. 

The one thing that I discovered is that self control is a huge issue, and it comes right before lust. How do you step into the burning lava of lust? By having lack of self control. Well what if there was a way that you could avoid that all together, by being so wrapped in Gods plans for your life and wrapped in Gods love that you do not even have the desire to lust, to steal? etc

The things that God puts in front of us do not necessarily belong to us, sometimes they are gifts that God gives to us, but tells us that we can only look at but not touch. Why can't we touch them? Because God knows that, there are times when our flesh gets weak and he does not want to taint the gift with our fleshly fingerprints. 

The one thing that I wanted them to understand is not to love me, Jalysa. But love, the love of God in me. Not possess it. Not try to control it. Not try to beat it down. Just simply care, appreciate and love. 

I feel hurt when people don't recognize Gods love in me, because that means that they don't keep God on their mind often. I have watched the changed. I have seen us grow. And the truth is: Prayer works. Yes! Yes! Yes! Praying in the right spirit gets your prayers answered. 

I do believe that God is molding me to be a wife someday, but I do not know who I will have to submit to. That is one of the biggest things that I face because I would like and hope that God makes it so that I submit to a man that is Strong in faith. 

On another note: 

People think that comfort is something that is owed to them. But even comfort is a gift from God. When we act spoiled, entitled we diminish the gifts that God give to us and what makes it even worse is that when God does give us those gifts we also do not treat them very well. For example, why would your parents give you a brand new car, if they knew that you did not take of the last one very well? 

Walk In Gods Complete Truth, Love and Peace

I'm not perfect. God is still working on me...

 

I always tell guys that, if they aren't going to live right and do right by me to leave me alone... because WOE! to the man who breaks this heart that does not belong to me, but belongs to God...

But they never listen...

It has always been that whenever a guy broke my heart that the following days something bad would happen to him. Whether it was going to happen anyway is the third variable that I have yet to figure out. But if it was going to happen some time in his life, once he broke my heart he invited the pain to enter into his life a lot faster than he expected.

I also tell guys that I'm very honest. I have asked God to help me work on being more subtle in honesty, but like everything else it is a process.

They never believe me, of course, then when I give them honesty they get defensive and feel offended. That's why people need to be very specific in what they ask God for.

I asked God that in his time to bless me with a gentle, respectfully honest husband, because I know that blunt raw honesty that is detached from human emotion is not really who I am at the core.

I guess you could say that in trying to heal from my past pain, that blunt/raw/detached honesty became somewhat like a shield from all the men who hurt me, spit on me, called me names and stepped all over the loving heart that God gave me.

The strange thing is that when men see me, they instantly want to possess me or somehow get angry at me for no reason. That's how I know that I'm dealing with a spirit on them. Those who know about spiritual warfare know exactly what I'm talking about...

How can you meet someone, and just hate them for no reason without even speaking to them or interacting with them at all? I always say that it is not that they hate me as person, but they hate that Gods love lives in me. Any man who hates the light and love of God in me is of the devil and those are the type of men that I aggressively spiritually "fight" against and physically ignore or stand up to. 

The truth is...

I enjoy being in a relationship, but not very men are strong enough to walk on this path of complete truth and love. See, because sometimes the truth is ugly, raw, gritty. Sometimes the truth does not always bend in my favor. But even when it does not I still embrace it and learn from it and then I move on with my life.

That's why I say that I have more respect for an honest "asshole" than a lying "nice" guy.

 

 

 

 

 

I would like to be a wife and mother, but I want to follow in the path that God has for me. I want to walk in Gods truth, love and complete peace.