***Love Is Art***
Many of the changes that occurred, I was not prepared for. This whole "go with the flow" thing never really worked for me until now. I like adventure, but I like organized adventure. But LIFE didn't care what I liked. I got thrown in the water and either had to swim or sink.
In the past, I wrote a lot about my relationships. I analyzed them until they were beaten black and blue because I wanted to make sure that I wasn't wasting my time. Imagine being in a relationship for awhile, but never having the relationship move forward or dissolve. It is a constant rotation of ordinary and everyday life, nothing ever changes for the better, only for the worse. But they don't want to let you go. They don't want anyone else to be with you, but they don't want to be with you either...
I'm glad to write that, that is a life that I won't have to endure in this season.
I had so much time to date the wrong man, that when the right man came I was unprepared.
Yet, even though he didn't know it, God had already prepared him for me.
As, I reflect... I think about all the break ups, the heartaches, the rejections. I think about all the analyzing that took place after each break up. Why doesn't he like me? Why doesn't he want me? What is wrong with me? What did I do? What did I say? Who do I have to be so he will like me?
I wish I was her? I wish I was someone else? I wish I had her life? I wish...I wish...I wish...
But, not anymore...
I don't have to change any part of who I am so that a man will love me, for who I am and not for who he wishes that I could be. I'm finally with a man that is strong enough to stand on his own. The problem pattern I found in previous relationships was that, none of the guys who thought they "loved" me had a backbone.
When my heart was full of love, I spent the majority of my time pouring into them. Trying to get them to see that they were worthy of love too. But, only God can help each of us find out who we are and what our purpose is in life.
When I was naughty, rebellious and fun, they flocked from afar just to "have fun." But when the fun was over things got real and I discovered that they (the only who claimed up and down to love me) could not handle it. It was too much pressure?
So, GOD created a man that was built for pressure, just for me.
A man that is strong, wise, humble, funny, patient and kind.
A man that is loyal, challenging yet loving.
No. Not perfect, but mature enough to apologize when he makes a mistake.
I outgrew the others who at one point in time so desperately wanted me.
They were too "weak." I needed a man with a warrior's spirit and God knew just who to send...