The following statements below are reoccurring thoughts about modeling, fashion and music.
I have to confess that although I enjoy modeling my heart belongs to music. God blessed me with a strong and beautiful voice and I rarely get to share it with anyone. If I don't sing. Then I die.I also get tired of people talking about how "skinny" I am. I even hear it when I go to the clubs and even other models say it to me too. You aren't that much bigger than I am, yet because you can fit into two fruit loops instead of one you seem to think that you are somehow better than me.
I also don't like it when big girls or full figured women say that I need to eat. I'm sorry that your big ass eats too much and you wish that you could have a flat stomach so that you can actually see your toes that's not my problem. Maybe if you paid more attention on YOU and your WEIGHT and less on me, you would start to love yourself the way I do.
It took me a long time to finally love my body and who I am as a young woman and I'm not going to let anyone and I DO MEAN ANYONE tear me down. I'm not like the typical bobblehead models in the industry that just blindly follow after the money without any regard to their morals. That's why modeling is so hard for me sometimes I'm too much of an intellectual. I see things that I don't agree with and it conflicts with who I am inside. But its a job. So I shut up and don't say anything. Do the job and get it over with and move on with life.
The more I get into the modeling industry the more I see that a lot of girls have their entire lives wrapped up into this world. When your focus is away from God that's when your life begins to spiral out of control. I refuse to let modeling or even music take me away from giving God the highest praise. I try to find ways to always make sure God is in everything I do and everywhere I go. So that's why I'm selective about the opportunities that I take on. Sometimes I get blindsided though...
I hear that I have the "TYPICAL" model look a lot, but although I have the frame for it I find that I'm far from the typical model. I just can't be one of those models that just blindly follows everything a person says just because they want to be "rich and famous." I think that's silly. Because if a tornado hits or Gods sends a flood to clean up this entire world no one is going to be thinking about how someone was walking or what someone was wearing or if someone fell on the runway or any of that...
I like to be apart of opportunities that have the power to change lives. Not just another number in a line waiting for that 15 seconds of fame. I want people to know that I'm more than just a pretty face. That I'm more than just a body with some pretty clothes on it. I'm always thankful for all the opportunities that God sends my way. I know that everything in my life I go through for a reason. It all connects to the big picture that God wants me to eventually see one day.
I do love to be seen, but if I'm not making a positive difference or being a blessing to someone else's life then I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. That's why singing is so important to me, because I know that through that I can connect to someone else and really make a difference.
What I learned is that it really is all about what the designer wants to see you in, if the designer doesn't think that you will represent their clothing well, then guess what sweety you aren't walking in that show. End of story.
You have to have a "thick skin" to be in the modeling/fashion industry because the people with the money, the designers, casting directors etc they will RIP YOUR HEART OUT and step on it if you don't match to what they want to see in their clothes and on their runway. They don't care if you need the money to pay your light bill because your lights are about to get cut off. They don't care if your child is in the hospital sick and you need the money to pay for their medical expenses. They don't care if you used your last $100.00 dollars in your savings just to make it to their casting. If you don't have what they are looking for, you aren't going to get picked. That's it. The end. All you can do is move on.