"Heavy is the head that wears the crown..."
Those lyrics were taken from a Katy Perry song.
I want to be perfect, just like Christ Jesus (Yeshua). I want to walk in love and in Gods truth every single day. I want to be obedient to the law and commands of God. I want God to use me all the time...
But I have to be realistic in my walk with Christ...
I'm not perfect. I will say things that hurt the feelings of others.
There will be times when I will forget who I am and where God has brought me from.
I will forget to pray at times.
I will oversleep and miss church service on Sunday.
I spent so much time trying to be perfect. I have to lead by example, right? But then when those who told me that I had to lead by example were the very ones that were throwing tantrums when I didn't do something they wanted or when I rejected their advances...
I had to stop and think... but they aren't perfect either?
The problem is that those who have a bold and holy righteous walk with Christ have a lot of responsibility on their shoulders. To walk Righteously? That is what the saints need to do in order to most affective. But doing so is a lot of sacrifice. Right now, I'm just trying to live an honest life. I'm not trying to be perfect, because I know that I still have some things that God has to help me get in order.
My first deal is to find a job and or establish a career.
I really like it hear in the DMV area. I know that if I knew more people and I live here for awhile I could get a lot done. But with the limited knowledge that I know of the place I can only do so much.
I may stay for longer than a week, as I feel that this is a spiritual journey one that is needed for me to walk into becoming a full fledged anointed, loving healing priestess carrying the love of God inside of me.
I also realized that I have to speak kind and encouraging words because somehow my presence has a strong impact on others. Some people get shy. Some people get nervous. Some people even get upset at the power behind my anointing... they see it, but I'm not always aware of it.
Sometimes I forget just how much power I have....
But there is already so much hate and greed in the world. I do not want to use the power that gave me to add more sickness into the world.
I haven't been that close to those who love me, because I have to get my heart, mind and spirit in the right place. I have been asking God to purge me of the darkness and pollution in my heart. It has been a dueling battle.
A part of me wants to go back to "having fun!" PARTY! PARTY!
The other side is ready to walk in Gods peace and be clothed in his wisdom and step into my position as a leader.
I know that I am capable of doing so much more than what I am doing right now. But I have to wait on God so that I can be sure that the steps I take are ordered in his perfect WILL, because whatever God has for me is great and wonderful and no man can take it away.