Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Honesty and the "Good Man" (What does he look like?)

I don't know what a "real man" looks like. I have an idea of what could be like though. I'm reflecting on this now because recently I have turned off two guys who claimed that they either wanted me to give them a chance or that they flat out had feelings for me.

I did not know what to do about that...

The truth is, that I'm a writer. It does not matter what the topic is, if the topic is strong on my heart then I'm going to write about it. I'm also going to write about it over and over and over until I feel at peace with whatever conclusion was presented to me afterward.

The writer in me is one of the parts that men don't like about me. They don't like it because there are times when I will write about them and expose them for who and what spirit is really on them at the time.

But in order for me to write about you, you have to really have impacted my life in some way. I don't just write about any ol' body...

Anyway... what I discovered is that I have never met a "real" or "good" man. I did not grow up with any positive male role models in my life, so I spent my time trying to figure out what a "real man" looked, sounded and acted like.

SO, what is a good man? What does one look and act like?

One thing is that a good man (a man worth the effort to be with) is honest, not only with himself but with other people. Even if that honesty hurts at times, he still shares it or received it because he knows that it pushes him closer to truth and thus closer to God.

I have more of an idea than I had five years ago. Also a good man doesn't want to throw things at nor hit me...

On top of that most of my experiences with males have been extremely negative. Abusive, so abusive like you wouldn't believe! So, I'm cautious when any man wants to "get to know me..." because that's how it started out in the past....

I'm asking God to clean me up, so that I don't run away men who are indeed good and have loving hearts the way I do. As I said before I recently lost two gentlemen who were particular interested in "getting to know me" because my force field/chain fence etc was too high for them to climb. They got frustrated because I would not be the "sweet" lady that they expected me to be. That's another reason why I tell people not to have any expectations whether about me or anyone because people change every single day.

And God is cleaning me up very quickly, for what exact purpose I am not sure. But soon, I will know...

Right now I'm at point in my life where I just want to be single, hanging out, meet new faces, drink, make money and dance.

If, God sent a man, that claimed he wanted to be with me I would have to pray about it extensively. But since I have yet to meet any man who can not only climb the wall of my intelligence, get past the forced field and still be a "nice guy" after it all. Then I don't really think much about it.

Just because I have an independent spirit and love doing my own thing does not mean I don't get lonely. I do miss being in a relationship. But like I said before the problem is getting started. Any man that is with me is going to have to be strong because I am on the battlefield in defense of Gods unconditional love, whether I want to always walk in that acceptance or not... it remains true.

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