But I wasn't always like that...
I'm still in the hole, but I feel as if I'm toward the end of the tunnel. I'm like a queen without a castle nor her people. And God wants to lead me back to the kingdom that he gave to me. But in order to get there I must be obedient, submit to his Will wholeheartedly.
I feel like I'm finally about to walk into the light and be presented with a better situation than I am in now.
I'm sleeping on a couch.
I barely have any food in the fridge.
I don't have any money
(because I spent it all in gas trying to get to interviews)
The car that I'm driving is stuck at the shop
And even if it were not I still couldn't drive it because the tags are expired
So I'm still in a hole.
The frustration mounts, because I know that I'm suppose to live a better life than this. Why couldn't I be born into money? Or why couldn't I be a "beyonce?" I should be in movies, on billboards, in magazines, runways, music videos, on TV, famous, rich, living the good life???!
Ha Ha Yeah, those are the questions that I found my mind asking God.
But only to have God not reply.
I have had a taste of the not so glamorous life, but now I have a taste of the glamorous life. I want to know what it feels like to walk into a store and not have to worry about budgeting and "pinching pennies." I want to know what it feels like to be able to bless someone else's life.
The thing is that just because I get money doesn't mean I'm going to be frivolous with it. That's the problem with young people today they always want to spend their money on things that won't matter 5 years from now. I had to learn that too, in the early years. There were times when I a lot of money. It was a roller coaster. I had a lot then I had none.
But when I had it, I did not use it wisely. I spent it on trying to get guys to like me. I spent it trying to keep with with the latest fashion trends. I took my friends out. I gave them what I had, even though I really knew that I didn't have it like that. And now that I'm broke, sleeping on a couch....
Where are my friends now?
What happen to OH, girl! I got your back!
Yeah, oh girl! I got your back but now I gotta go! That's what happen. Disappeared. Can't find anyone to help me out of the hole. That's why I call on God to supply all my needs. Every last one of them. That's why I keep God first, because when I was lower than the dirt, broke, hungry and needy he was the ONLY ONE who reached out his hand to lift me up.
I'm praying everyday for this walk in the tunnel to be over, so I can finally have something good happen in my life. Not so I can brag, but so that I can be in a position to bless other people. Especially those who don't have love in their life and really need a friend.