There are some forms of mediocrity that are more difficult to rise above than others, but when you come to an obstacle that you feel is too hard to climb. That's when you need to get those knee pads out and stay on your knees in prayer until you get your breakthrough. Thank you God for the breakthrough.
To God be the glory!
I should be asleep, but my mind is like a movie that never shuts off. Even when my eyes are closed the movie is still on. I have never been "normal." So accepting that has brought a lot of peace to my life.
I have to admit that I'm baffled but how things are turning out. I was stuck in a hole for what felt like almost two years. But God was waiting for me to make a move. I take a step on my own and God takes ten steps while holding my hand.
I don't deserve any of the kindness, nor love shown to me as of recently. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I don't use a lot of "tact" when I speak. I'm still learning how to express myself in a gentle yet, firm tone. I'm use to just throwing honesty around. Yet, what I learned is that the majority of people are 1. not built with "thick skin" and 2. are not ready to receive such honesty (even though that's what they claim that they want).
I'm also baffled by the young man that I date. He is certainly something special. The scientist in me can't find any categories that he fits in nor does he match any theories, nor data that I collected over the years of the behavior or man. It doesn't make sense, but in a good way...
I don't have to chase him down to hang out with me.
I don't have to ask him to call me.
I don't have to ask him to care about anything that I say or do.
He offers to help. Asks how I'm doing. Makes sure to be there when I need him in the best way that he can.
What is most important he has a support team that is just as kind and caring as he is. I haven't been introduced to anyone in his circle that does not love God and that does not have a heart of compassion.
It really is true that you become like the friends that you keep. If you are always hanging around people that smoke and drink then more than likely you will start to smoke and drink too. Unless you just have out of this world self control. But most people do not.
I'm ready to leave NC and "step in faith" to see where God will lead me. I feel like once I move I will be a lot more peace, happier, sweeter etc and things will just flow more smoothly for my life.
This is the second biggest decision I have made. The first being whether to go to college or not. The plan wasn't for me to attend college at all. I was going to get married. Have a baby or two and live happily ever in a cabin in the mountains or something. But God had other plans for my life...
When I look back and reflect I realize that most of my choices worked out for the best. Granted, they were tough or nearly uncomfortable at the time. But, I learned what was needed and I moved on.
The other thing about my boyfriend is that my writing does not scare him. In the past when I told guys that I liked that I was a writer. They thought I was joking about being able to write excessively. When I tell someone that I write all the time and every day. I mean, just that. It is a gift. So is the intelligence that comes with it.
When I tell people that I like honesty. I mean what I say. Even if it hurts me I still reflect on it until my heart feels at peace with the truth that it brings. But sometimes honesty doesn't bring any enlightened truth. It is just a reflection of someone's jealous heart. I have seen both sides.
Sometimes a person will say something that is true, like when people use to say that I was "selfish." All I did was think and care about myself. I didn't put others first because I didn't want to be bothered with what other people had to say nor what they thought. But, then when I needed a friend to talk to there was no one around. But God showed mercy and grace on my life and blessed me with a shoulder to lean on.
But after, re-establishing a dedicated walk with Christ, if someone were to say that I was selfish I would look at them strange. Now, when people attack my character I know that they are just projecting how they really feel about themselves onto me. I also know that their comments come from a jealous heart.
What I know, I only know in part. The rest that God has to give me. But people who are not CONNECTED (there is a difference between knowing of God and then knowing God...) to God would not understand the language of the spiritual realm. That's why I don't make it a habit to argue with non believers nor even Christians who claim to know and love God but don't have a want, thirst, desire to live a holy bold righteous life. A life pleasing to God.