I enjoy attending bible study, because it is the only real time, other than church when I get to be around others who are truly passionate about God the way I am.
But this time, instead of always being first to speak or always being the leader. I felt God telling me to sit back and observe. To be vigilant. Watchful. I did very little talking last night.
I have many revelations throughout the week, but the one that is most strongest is about forgiveness.
The only thing I want to do is apologize to him to his face. That's it. I just want things to be right between us. Even if he doesn't want to be my friend afterward that's okay but at least I got to apologize so the weight on my heart would not be so heavy.
That's all that pray for that God will send him back into my life so I can apologize and move on...
I will never understand why he chose to just turn his back on me and close the door to even a friendship, even after promising that he would be there for me and that we would still be friends....
You just don't treat people that way. Say one thing and then do another. I'm not perfect, but I would never turn my back on someone that I claimed to care about and love. Even if we were not in agreement on everything in life, so what? we are not always going to agree on everything. God made us unique individuals.
But at the core, to give up on someone that you claim to love and care about because you are jealous of them or you don't like what they said or how they responded or whatever... is childish and petty. I'm done with the foolishness.
I just want to apologize to his face, then go on my way because I know that God has greater and better things in store for me.
I love him very much. I thank God that he sent him into my life to bring me closer to him(GOD). I pray that he stays focused on GOD, only. And walk in the path that God predestined for him to walk. In the name of Christ Jesus. The son of the living God. Amen.