When I think about who God is cleaning me up to be I found see myself in this form:
Except I'm brown skin lol
But as a queen with a lot of responsibility, power and authority backed under my belt. That title and position is what God called me to a few months ago, but I was not ready to accept it.
I was so consumed in taking care of my bestfriend at the time and making sure that they were protected from the negative spirits that I knew were trying to attack them. Unfortunately they did not listen to me and lo an behold they found themselves in a hole and so did I for trying to help them and I missed out on the new car that God was going to bless me with... *sigh*
There are small parts of me that want to throw in the towel and say forget this. I really want to move on with my life. I want the things that God has for me. I know that somehow I'm suppose to start a ministry. It has been mentioned to me several times since being here, yet I have to be careful. When you do ministry work you are responsible for the souls of people.
For some reason I feel compelled to help people. To comfort them. To hold them in my arms. To sing to them. To pray with them. Teach them about the love of God and how wonderful and awesome God is. I feel like if I don't get a chance to share this passion for God my head is going to pop clean off my body!
I'm normally a "lone wolf." I normally stay to myself. If you don't bother me then I won't bother you, type of person. But, recently here I have been feeling like I need to be more active in church and in the community.
There is a message that the people need to hear and I know that God has birthed one in me to share, yet there are so many messages...
I have to pray, then I have to ask God to set up the right setting for the message to be heard in.
A small part of me feels like God is cleaning me up so fast, that even I can't keep up. I still want to go out dancing, live life being a young folk but I found that God has placed me in the environment that a wife/mother should be in and not in a "college party" environment that my flesh would like to be apart of.
Yeah, the environment I'm in is really not made for a single lady like myself. I'm suppose to be around other young folks who are single and ready to mingle like me... but I find that always surrounded, by families, couples, single mothers and children. All the time.
"Hey GOD, did you forget that I'm single and I want to mingle?" lol
No, I'm sure he has not...