Sunday, October 13, 2013

Reflection: The Shoes That Do Not Fit

I'm in a very reflective mood at the moment. I tend to think a lot. Its like a million sentences run through my mind daily and if I don't write them down when I am told then I will never get to sleep...

Right now I'm reflecting on passion levels and growth. I have been in VA for almost 3 solid months. I feel a calling to rise to a position of leadership. I feel as though it has been long overdue. And that anything or anyone who is not strong enough to ride the wave will get pulled under.

I notice that in any of the relationships that I had starting in my freshman year of college (before I had a serious walk with Christ) I was always being told that I'm "too aggressive" too "dramatic." Too passionate. What I'm realizing is that God is cleaning me up a lot faster than I or anyone else expected, for his glory. For what purpose? I do not know yet...

And the clean up (the changes that God is making in me at a faster rate) are confusing the lads who have shown much interest in me. They went from seeing me party and dance all night, to staying inside praying each night. They went from seeing me be quiet and shy to passionate and on fire for God. So, I can understand that it would throw them off a bit.

But those who see with their spiritual eyes, know that God is making great changes in me and in my life...

That's why I can not be with a man who can not match my passion for God nor a man who is not strong enough to protect the love of God in me. Many have entered into my life thinking that they would be my "hero." No, that spot is already taken by Christ Jesus and when they realized that I paid more attention to God and not them, they got jealous and started acting hateful and mean.

I'm always outgrowing the men that I date. Its like, wanting to keep a pair of shoes just because they are cute but knowing that you can't wear them because they are too small.

Its interesting... So, I have been praying for God to send my husband, because I want to know if he will be on my level or stronger than I. I want to know if he will be able to match my passion for God.


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