I'm still in shock at the events that have taken place so far.
I can't believe that I'm stuck in Woodbridge, Virginia. But, beyond that I still can't believe that he broke up with me at one of the most critical points in my life. Even now, he knows that I am away from my family and my loved ones and yet, he still hasn't reached out to say anything.
I'm not even upset or angry anymore about the whole thing. I'm just in disbelief. Like, how could you treat a person like that? No matter how horrible acting someone was to me, I still wouldn't boot them to the curb knowing that they didn't have any family around to support them.
How could he just give up on me when I needed his support the most? He wouldn't want someone to do that to him. No one should be treated that way.
I can't believe that I'm stuck out here with no family, in the middle of nowhere. I don't have a car to get anywhere with, I'm running out of food and I still have yet to receive my winter clothes. Job opportunities are flooding my inbox but because they are all in Arlington, Maryland, DC etc I can't get to them. I'm running out of money on my metro-card and my entire life is falling apart...
And the person who brought here and promised to stand by my side through all of this, well... he doesn't care that I'm sad, hurting, lonely, missing my family. wow... I can't believe this! And the worst part is NO ONE IS SAYING ANYTHING TO DEFEND ME! They smile in my face on a regular basis, they say how much they love JESUS and GOD, SO if they are so filled with the love of Jesus then why doesn't someone say something to him. They know this situation is MESSED UP! They wouldn't want to be in anything like this! But of course, people don't start caring until it happens to them. I like to see the good in everyone, but even Christians can be selfish.
Wow, I can't wait until I get out of this situation.
That's all I'm praying for. Because I WILL NEVER TRUST ANOTHER MAN AGAIN. Yes, I thank God for his life and for using him to ignite passion in my spirit and soul to get into the word. Yes, I thank God that he used him to get me on the right track to living a righteous life, to being move loving, praying more, leaning on God more. He was the one that brought me to his church in the first place. Told me that I would go to church every single Sunday and while we were together that is exactly what we did.
But, I'm disappointed at how we both allowed our flesh, other people and the devil separate what God put together. We were suppose to praise him while we were together! Thanking God for one another and for every opportunity to excel in life. And we got distracted from the purpose.
It is cruel to live in the same town, go to the same bible study, the same church, know the same people and not have him speak to me. Not a "hi!" Not a "hey! are you okay?" Nothing. Who treats people like that? How does a person claim to love God and then they treat someone indifferently? I reflected on how I acted. It was not godly. But, I repented. And even asked God to give me the courage to apologize to his face. I did. And I thought I would receive the same in return but....yeah.
So, all of those who say "make sure you point the finger at yourself" YOU ARE TOO LATE! I already have.
But, I do know one thing. That God doesn't like ugly. I know because in previous years when I mistreated someone that God placed in my life to love me, not long after bad things started to happen. I couldnt' find a job. My car started acting up. All kinds of drama that I could have avoided if I would have just knew how to rebuke my flesh and walk in love!
No, I don't wish for ill-will on anyone. Those are just examples. But, we reap what we sow. I know both ends of that too.
But, not to put all the blame on him it is my fault too. I read the word, but I was not active in walking in it. I got too excited and moved before Gods' timing.
But, I know that even though he abandon me during this transition that GOD is greater than all of this. And, all I have to do is wait on the Lord to deliver me from this. Forgiveness, is easy that's why I can write about this without a lot profanity and hate behind my words.
I was created to write. I don't run, nor hide, now cower from the truth of what I did and how they reacted to what I did. I admit that I messed up, but I sought forgiveness to his face. And he has yet to do that in my direction. I hope he doesn't think that a text message is a good way to apologize to someone. Because that is just as worse, as if he hadn't said it at all.
So, I'm praying, that we will get past all of this. Forgive one another wholeheartedly. Walk in a unified peace and receive the blessings that God has been waiting to give us, since we were separated. Glory be to GOD!
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