Thursday, January 23, 2014


I have been in Woodbridge Virginia for about 6 months and the only thing that has changed is: me. People seem to be envious of that. You would think that "Christians" those who go to church every Sunday, work in the church nursery, praise and worship God right beside me would be glad that I finally made the choice to let God take over my life. But no. They still hold grudges. They still have unpleasant things to say about me. The funny part is that they think that I don't know. But, I know as much as the Lord allows me to hear and to see. So, I do "know." 

Yet, I don't hate them. I don't wish them ill-will. I see them as children. Even most of the adults I see as children. Dependent and foolish acting, because they were not breastfed and the exact second, minute and or hour that they wanted to be fed. 

I finally recognized my purpose to a higher calling. I couldn't understand why anyone would give up on me during one the most critical moments in my life, but I realized the the truth of the matter of was and still is: Is that they were too weak to walk in this journey with me. This goes for anyone who gave up on me or existed my life or gave me cause to exist their life, because they stabbed me in the back. 

People say "if you are over it, then why do you still talk about it?" 
Well I will always talk about "it" because "it" is apart of my testimony. "It" is the reason why I made a choice to get very serious about God. "It" is the reason why I can even encourage others to seeking wholeheartedly after God in the first place. 

I have reached a level of maturity that even I can't understand. It seems like someone who has lived until their 80's or 90's should be carry this voice. In other words I have an "old soul" or at least that's what I heard a few people say to me a couple of times in this life. But, now, that voice of reason, that old soul, of experience and advice wants to emerge and I have no choice but to let it surface. 

I want to be accepted and liked. I want to have "friends" but this voice of reason separates me from the little "children." I could have torn the roof off of this community and caused a lot of turmoil and greif and then left it all in shambles. But, I chose not. Why? Because I love God. And if I claim to love God I also must do right by his people and love them too. 

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