Saturday, January 25, 2014

You're So Aggressive! (Warrior Mentality)

I use to hear in the past: "Jalysa you are too aggressive" You scare men away. So, I always thought "what's wrong with me?" "Why do all the guys I like runaway from me?" These were my thoughts before I knew who I was through Christ. The enemy had me at a very interesting point. My head was filled with doubts, fears and worries. I tried to change myself into everyone else, except who God wanted me to be. 

I also tried to change jokers into kings or princes. If, I would have known how much time and money (yes, I use to buy my guys all kinds of stuff too) that I would waste I would have thought twice about being so "caring" "loving" "understanding" and "sweet." 

This boldness didn't just happen over night. It took a couple of months to develop. When I got here I didn't need to be bold because the person who brought me here was already bold enough for both us at the time. They were the leader. I was confident in them leading me (so I sat quietly) because they were following God and they were helping me get on my feet. 

But, when they fell short (which we all do) that's when God called me to rise in his strength and boldness. I tried to fight the calling because I knew that his they saw that I was desiring to get stronger in the Lord more than they were that they would disconnect from my life and sure enough that's what happen...
The stronger I got in the Lord, the more they despised me. The hungry I became for the word of God the more they distance themselves from me. I tried to talk to everyone about it, but when you live in a town of "Surface Christians" (I don't want to help anyone because I don't want to get caught up in their "drama") that's the outcome you receive. No ONE and I mean NO ONE stood up for me nor said anything. 

People think I'm exaggerating when I say that I suffered, but I'm not. How would you like to go to a strange new land, only knowing one person and then have that one person that you knew and trusted and depended spit on your life while your trying to get on your feet, so to speak and then cut you out of their life like they never knew you? 

You would be heart broken too...... 

The first two months I was so happy, but then the last 3 months have been complete hell on earth. I tried everything to get them to understand where I was coming from, but they were too selfish and they did not care. Even now, when I post in the group me's that we both are in, they never offer to pray for my family (the family that they made a promise to by the way) nor they never encourage me at all. They act like I'm not even here. Like they don't see me. And even when I was in Church, they recognized that I was there and then they walked the other way. 

But, you know what I had to learn, that their guilt for what they did is going to eat them alive. If anything bad happens to me (God forbid) they are going to feel guilty for the rest of their life. They feel ashamed for what they did, but they aren't strong enough in their walk with Christ to ask God for courage and strength to make things right. 

They didn't care that I spent thanksgiving away from my family. My birthday and Christmas. They didn't even tell me happy birthday or Merry Christmas. None of those things. 

They brought me here but they aren't even man enough to take me home. So they would rather let me sit and suffer. 

A lot of people say, "you should be over that by now" but until I am physically removed from this environment it will always be in the back of my mind. I really want to give him a piece of my mind. Shut down his entire self esteem. If I were my old self I would have done that already. I would have made it so uncomfortable and awkward for them to even go to Church, that they would just stop going all together. And never go back again. To their own church. 

But, I'm not like that. Thank God for cutting that out of me a very long time ago. Instead I'm going to let God handle it. Every time something bad happens in their life, they will wonder why its happening. I will know why, but they probably won't. You don't do people dirty and then expect for life to just forget that you did that. I know both sides of the extremes so I know that "What comes around goes around" is very true. They might be laughing and being all jolly and social in their world, but sooner or later something will happen that will change their entire world forever. And they won't be able to stop it and they won't be able to fix it. They will just have to let it happen. 

See, after I made the choice to accept my calling. I decided to also prepare for unexpected things. I already know that they take who and what they have for granted and if they aren't careful they could lose it all. 

That's why I tell people "Better appreciate what you have and who you have in your life because one day you might wake up and they might be dead..." But of course people never listen to me until someone close to them dies and then they want to get serious about life. Normally when I meet people, it tends to mean that either 1. something is going to happen in that persons life where they are going to need the strength that God put in me. 2. God wants me to deliver them a message. 

I never knew exactly how this pattern formed until I asked God about it. Every time I meet someone I always ask God (now, that I'm closer to him that ever) to reveal to me what purpose I am to serve in their life and vice versa. 

As it stands, I think that they were just a temporary "body guard" until God called me to rise above them. After I sought God for myself and started to get in the word more, there level of faith in God was no longer strong enough to "guide and protect" me. Now, I'm in warrior mode and so the next man that God sends into my life needs to be just that a Warrior, Not just in speech (preaching the word) but actually out on the battlefield too. 

No comments:

Post a Comment