I understood that he needed to get his life in order. No one's life is perfect. We all fall short of the glory of God. But, nothing that I ever did in life rendered me to deserve what he did to me...
But first, why would you invite someone into your life when your life is not in order in the first place?
And then second (to point the finger back at me and take responsibility) why did I accept being in his life when I had somewhat of a clue that his life was not in order? I was happy. I was "in love" with who he portrayed himself to be. He played the role of a dedicated, committed Christian man of God, well. The worst part about it was that only one other person besides his parents knew about his true nature. But no one bothered to give me a "heads up." I guess they thought my being in his life would influence him to do right. But no, only God has that kind of power. On top of that if he doesn't choose to be a better man for himself, he will never be. He has to make the choice....
I knew that he lived with his parents, but I did not know that he was still talking/ in love with his ex wife. That was part of the problem right there.
So, why was I so upset:
1. He was still talking to his ex wife while he was dating me. And when I asked him to please consider how I would feel he told me that he wasn't going to stop talking to her and that I would either have to like it or get over it.
2. He was (probably still is) in love with his so called "bestfriend" who is clearly in love with someone else. She is promised to someone else and yet he still pines to be with her. I would advise her to cut her ties with him, if she wants to receive the blessings that God has for her and her future husband. Only the love of God can save him. On top of that he has to make a CHOICE to be a better man for himself. I saw so much potential in him to be great and do great things. And I was so excited, because I thought maybe God had blessed my life with a man of integrity. A "mighty man of God" but it was all an illusion to get me off track with my walk with God.
3. He promised my family that he would take care of me.
Then on top of him still talking to his ex wife, he lost his job and then he lost his mind. Then he broke up with me.
I was in a place where I did not know anyone, except for him. He had the car, so when he stopped helping me things got really difficult on my end.
He claimed that he loved me and that he cared about me, and that he needed to focus on getting closer to God. But the truth is that he lied. He used God as an excuse to break up with me instead of being a man and admitting that he didn't want to be with me.
People in the community thought that I was upset because of him breaking up with me. No, rejection is something that I have learned to accept in life. What made matters worse is that his "best-friend" the one he was/is in love with knew that he was doing me dirty and she didn't do anything to defend me. That's why I called her my "Judas" because she was also the one who would kiss me on the cheek every time (the ONLY ONE) she saw me.
I could not believe that I was in some jacked out love triangle. I was so hurt that he would offer to help me only to have me dragged all the way out to a strange new place without any family or friends around and then step all over my life. That's how I knew that the devil was working in that entire situation. The devil set all of that up to try and kill me. And him being too weak in his spirit to fight the devil off he allowed for the devil to use him to hurt me. I was so broken. I didn't know what to do. I tried to tell the community.
I tried to talk about it, but no one could understand. No one was listening. It was only by the grace and mercy of God that I was able to get through. The other part is that I think everyone KNEW that he did me dirty that's why they were so quick to help. I am very thankful for everyone who helped me and encouraged me. But, their kindness is not going to stop him from getting the spiritual spanking that he deserves.
The pattern I notice in my life is that God often sends me into someone's life as a warning. I don't know what destruction is going to befall his life. That is not my concern. My concern is that I forgive him. I was able to forgive his "best-friend." I'm glad about the doors that God is opening for her. Excited to hear great news from her!
So, now you know. The why behind the pain. The why behind the tears. Why it is hard to "get over." He stabbed me in the back after promising to have my back and then he disappeared out of my life during one of the most critical times when I needed a friend the most. So, even if he couldn't help me "get on my feet" at least he could have continued to encourage me in my walk with Christ.
What he did is inexcusable. Even after, he avoid me during church and pretended like I was not there. Then he stopped attending church for awhile. He broke up with me to get closer to God, right? No. He used God to break up with me. But God doesn't like ugly. He thinks that he is going to get away with"doing me dirty" but he is not. God has his number.
No matter how bad I acted I did not deserve to be treated that way. The least he could have done, as a man was offer to take me back home. But when he was asked to take me back home he lied and said that he didn't have any money. Then next week I found out that he went out to eat and hang out with his friends.
Not everyone who claims to be a Christian, also believes. And that's the part that you need belief, faith not just a title and a couple of Sundays of fellowship.
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