God wants me to rise to my position of leadership, and although my heart is still broken by the events that have recently surfaced I know that God will fix it according to his order and will for my life.
Sometimes the truth is not always what we want to hear, but it is what is best for us. I honestly and firmly believe that God can not bless me fully and abundantly if I am attached to anything that is not fully focused on him.
When I date, I tell men that I am "different" not to be funny, cute or coy. I am spiritually sensitive to everything and around anyone that I meet. So hurts some, to a little degree. Hurts me on a colossal magnitude. When my heart breaks, it takes forever to heal.
Thus, I am asking God to work quickly in fully healing my heart.
Right now I need to find a room to rent so that I can stay in the area and work and save money. The goal is to save enough money to get on my feet so that I can help my grandmother get into a new apartment at least by December if not before then. My grandmother has worked so hard to take care of me. She deserves to live in comfort and in peace for the rest of her years.
I learned to never be happy with anyone, but to carry your own happiness and joy of Christ on your own. Never share so much of yourself that you begin to lose and or change who you are.
For example: A lot of people tell me that I should not wear a lot of makeup or any at all. But I like wearing makeup because it is a way that I can express myself in the creative fashion.
I also like dressing up. IF you declare that you love, God and that you are a follower of Christ, you must not only walk, the walk and talk the talk but you also have to dress the part. God, gave me life. He gave me a supermodel like figure and I"m going show appreciation for the body that he gave me by looking nice daily.
I am back on the "market" and I am waiting for God to send my husband. I know that all struggle and the heartache that I am going through right now will just make me appreciate my husband that much more. Still, yet, I must be careful not to allow myself to get blinded by the idea of being in love. I must also keep God first, so that I can discern what my husband will need when the time comes.
The one thing that is constant and will be constant in my marriage is: Prayer. We will pray all the time, everyday, for whatever reason. I am getting stronger. I was not this strong in my walk with Christ when I was in NC. I spoke about my love of God, but now I am actually walking in my love of God.
And even though this situation that I'm in hurts me. Even though his indifference to my life brings tears to my face and a dagger to my heart I know that God will show up and show out on my behalf. Just as God gives, he can also take away. I still show love, no matter what. I have to constantly pray and ask God to fill me with his peace, patience and kindness. So that I do not say anything hateful. Granted there were times when I allowed my flesh to rise in despite of what I knew. I was so angry. But, immediately after I apologized.
The other thing is that I need to date a man who is on fire for the love of God. I need to be with a man that is strong and confident in God no matter what obstacle comes into his life. I'm a warrior for Gods love and I'm on the battlefield constantly. So, the man who I marry needs to be a warrior also. Ready to stomp out the devil at a seconds notice. Fearless.
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